Книга - Kate & Alf

Kate & Alf
Carrie Stone


Kate loves Alf. And Alf loves Kate… Doesn’t he?Kate can’t wait for her long-term boyfriend Alf to propose. So he might be a bit of a control freak who’s obsessed with his career … and he also seems to have conveniently forgotten their two-year plan to get married, buy a bigger house and have children. But Kate’s sure that ring will be on her finger soon.When her thirty-second birthday ends in humiliating, proposal-less disaster, even Kate is left wondering if Alf really is The One. Then Alf’s friend, Marcus, needs a place to stay. With his dark eyes, easygoing manner and kind concern for Kate, Marcus is everything Alf is not - and it's not long before Kate begins to wonder if there’s more to life than diamonds.









Kate & Alf


CARRIE STONE






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HarperCollinsPublishers

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First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2015

Copyright © Carrie Stone 2015

Cover images © Shutterstock.com

Cover layout design © HarperColl‌insPublishers Ltd 2015

Cover design by Jane Harwood

Carrie Stone asserts the moral right

to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is

available from the British Library

This novel is entirely a work of fiction.

The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are

the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to

actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is

entirely coincidental.

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Digital eFirst: Automatically produced by Atomik ePublisher from Easypress.

Ebook Edition © January 2015 ISBN: 9780008123079

Version 2015-01-12


In memory of Johnny Battley & Terry Stone

Both of whom are now making the angels laugh.


Contents

Cover (#u0c7e9cfc-1a84-5ca8-9816-a8e70811d366)

Title Page (#u1fe62445-9f5e-5d1d-82b9-c1dba47c5249)

Copyright (#u7046b52c-d028-5336-8504-3620d11874f7)

Dedication (#u60a78ddf-f523-5304-a0f3-eac8d2c6d613)

Prologue (#ubc98fff6-1b94-54ce-aeab-57347cd61331)

Chapter 1 (#u512194b8-e070-5470-b8a4-741c239dcca1)

Chapter 2 (#u3f408144-c203-57e2-ba14-d6def26a9b5a)

Chapter 3 (#u412405cf-fcf7-5f95-8de9-543822b0bcce)

Chapter 4 (#ud7372992-4509-5f47-bc31-335008c0c4a6)

Chapter 5 (#ud8dc330a-9815-5b51-98e3-926a71d35142)

Chapter 6 (#u397a5330-f901-58ef-b53b-1e9785023a21)



Chapter 7 (#u1f455a80-95dd-5633-9091-9c28f84492e2)



Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)



Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)



Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)



Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)



Carrie Stone (#litres_trial_promo)



About HarperImpulse (#litres_trial_promo)



About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)




Prologue (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


Summer 2010

‘I don’t know what to do to make it better for you.’ Alf’s voice was uncertain as he gently stroked Kate’s hair whilst he held her in his arms – silently pained by the tremble of her body against his; her weeping as unnerving as the situation they’d found themselves in.

Sniffing back tears, she held up her leaden head and met his eyes. ‘There’s nothing you can do. It’s one of those things – I just need some time to heal, that’s all.’ Or so they’d told her. And it wasn’t as if it was the first time she’d dealt with loss. She should have been used to it by now – should have embraced it like the old friend it was steadily becoming.

She saw the love in his gaze, but it was reflected back at her behind a wall of despair and something else. Feeling her breath catch in her throat, she at once felt guilty. Grief. It was grief in his eyes. She’d been so wrapped up in her own emotions that she hadn’t stopped to really consider how he’d been feeling.

Alf propped himself up on one elbow, his arm sinking into the duck-feather pillow. He stared at the wall, considering options for a moment. He’d never been good at talking about feelings; he was better at taking the lead in other ways. Yet, how was he supposed to act?

He felt thrown off kilter – the panic and underlying turmoil that he’d been feeling at the news only a couple of weeks previously had now been replaced with anguish and guilt. The only way forward was to support Kate in the way he knew best.

‘We could have a day out somewhere if you’d like? You know – take your mind off things. What about taking a drive somewhere?’ He drew a figure of eight across her lips and felt relieved as she formed a wobbly smile. ‘Come on – it’ll be fun!’

They both knew it wouldn’t be, but he couldn’t stay home and watch her fall apart any more than he’d had to endure already. He’d had enough of feeling helpless; it was hurting him to see her like this.

Wiping a crumbling piece of tissue across her reddened eyes, Kate nodded – knowing that she had to make an effort in some way – as much for Alf as for herself. ‘Okay. Sure.’ Slowly disentangling herself from his embrace, she sat up, brushing a piece of wet hair from her cheek and forcing a brighter smile. ‘I won’t take too long to get ready. Why don’t you make us some tea?’

He leaned forward, kissing her shoulder before getting out of bed and stretching. ‘Okay, babe. Go get ready and I’ll prepare us some breakfast.’

Like a reticent child, she eyed the bathroom door along the hallway, relieved as Alf pulled on his jogging bottoms and padded down the stairs.

It wasn’t like we’d planned for a baby anyway, she told herself. She’d been telling herself that a lot in the last two days. Besides, neither of them had been particularly sure if it was the right time to bring a child into the world. Yet, on an unexpected level, she’d been so excited – full of amazement and wonder at the little life growing inside her. Even if was only for six weeks. They’d barely had time to bond before nature had decided to intervene….

She felt her eyes brimming with tears once again and mentally willed herself to be strong. Wrapping her dressing gown around her, she couldn’t help but feel lightened as she heard the crashing of plates from the downstairs kitchen followed by loud cursing.

In that moment she knew she’d get through it because she had Alf to help her; the Alf that couldn’t even boil an egg and was now attempting to tackle a Full English. Just for her. He was always there – her rock and port of call.

She trusted that together they’d weather anything.

It was just a matter of healing. And time.




Chapter 1 (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


Spring 2014

Kate smoothed the delicate layers of cream chiffon over her hips and carefully adjusted her jewelled, scooped neckline, allowing a subtle hint of her ample cleavage. She stood back, admiring herself in the mirror. She hardly recognised the woman staring back at her. Her usually nondescript mid-length hair had been expertly coloured a dark auburn and styled into gentle waves, framing her oval face. Her large eyes, although still their matt dark-blue colour, were sparkling with anticipation. The shimmer of the smoky eye-shadow that she’d been rallied into purchasing really did give her a mysteriously exotic edge. Long, slightly undefined but tanned legs stretched from beneath her knee-length hemline. She’d taken Megan’s advice to try a tinted moisturiser and the results were hard to miss; her usually pale skin had a soft, warm glow. She’d forgotten that she, Kate Wilson, could look quite so glamorous.

She felt a harsh realisation wash through her. Where had this Kate been hiding? Where had the carefree, independent and fashion-conscious Kate disappeared to? The girl she’d been before had slowly and unwittingly morphed into sensible, average Kate over the past couple of years. Kate the care-home worker and Kate the home-maker. In a moment of fleeting clarity she realised she’d shamefully got too comfortable, too safe, too conditioned. She had slipped into a stagnant routine and somewhere along the line, playfulness and fun had flown out of the window.

Quickly shaking off the melancholy, she selected a pair of sparkling drop earrings from the trinket box lying open on her bedside cabinet. Tonight was her night: an evening to shine and be lavished with attention from those closest to her. She’d been daydreaming of this party for three weeks – since finding out that Alf had planned something. It seemed like an age since she’d truly been the focus of any sort of celebration and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this excited about an evening out. It wasn’t for lack of offers, but simply put partying, heavy drinking and impromptu fun seemed to have disappeared somewhere amongst the long working hours and many nights in together. Even the odd nights out with friends at their local pub seemed to lack the sparkle they’d once had. Three glasses of wine and a bag of salt- and-vinegar crisps in a wooden booth at The Red Lion could hardly be considered as living it up…

With a pang of regret, Kate realised she missed this – the chance to get really dressed up and the rush of adrenalin at the prospect of letting her hair down and dancing the night away in unfamiliar surroundings. Tonight she was determined that aside from looking both womanly and – dare she think it – rather sexy, she was going to enjoy herself immensely. It was her thirty-second birthday after all….

Alf burst into the bedroom wearing nothing but navy socks and red boxer shorts that had seen better days. His protruding belly, complete with a dark, wiry hair trail wobbled gently as he scratched his neck and took in the scene before him. He stood transfixed, one eyebrow raised.

‘Wow! You look amazing.’ His eyes swept up and down her body, lingering on her legs and Kate suddenly felt a little self-conscious. It was such a far cry from her regular jeans, top and pumps combination and she knew Alf must be thinking the same as her – why didn’t she look like this more often…? And why on earth didn’t she?

Feeling guilty, she giggled. ‘Thanks! I thought I’d make a bit of an effort. I’m pleased you like it…I might have to start wearing dresses and heavier make-up on a daily basis from now on if that’s the reaction I’m going to get from you.’

He shook his head dismissively. ‘No babe, you always look nice. No need to go changing yourself. You’re lovely as you are.’

There was a hint of weariness in his tone and she couldn’t help pondering on why he was being so temperamental of late. Feeling a slight wave of the familiar hysteria that had been creeping up on her in the past months, she grabbed a small pot of bronze nail varnish from her top drawer, trying to block the niggling relationship concerns that were sweeping through her.

Alf was already turning away and opening the wardrobe, seeming not to notice the sudden anxiety surrounding her.

‘We need to get going soon, though.’ Pulling a dark-blue shirt from its hanger, he held it up briefly, before pushing his arm through the sleeve. ‘The others are expecting us at eight o’clock.’ Grabbing a pair of jeans and slinging them over his shoulder, he walked out of the room – failing to see Kate’s questioning glance.

She turned back towards the mirror. The woman staring back at her had lost some of the excited air of moments before. ‘Okay, snap out of it,’ she told herself sternly, noticing that her curls were beginning to drop a little. ‘You’re a team. He’s just stressed with work. He loves you. You love him. You’re creating problems that aren’t there.’ She gazed into her reflection with determination. ‘Besides, tonight is the night.’

Remembering the freshly chipped nail polish on her index finger, she sat down on the bed and unscrewed the lid of the bottle. Dipping the small brush into the liquid, she carefully touched up her nail, the distraction helping her to feel slightly calmer.

Minutes later, Alf strode back into the room with a grin, smelling heavily of the expensive aftershave she’d bought him for special occasions. Her stomach danced as she inhaled the woody scent and all at once her mood was lifted back to a blissful place. It was definitely the night.

Replacing the brush into the small pot, Kate stood up from the bed and reached for her perfume bottle, spritzing herself lavishly and feeling even more optimistic as Alf selected his favourite sports jacket from the wardrobe, placing it on a chair.

He looked her up and down again as he looped a black belt through his trousers and fastened it a notch too tightly. ‘Are you almost ready, babe?’ he asked, bending over to retrieve his polished black shoes from the stand.

‘Yes, but I just need a couple of minutes to let this varnish dry.’ She waved her finger in the air, watching as he tied his shoelaces – noticing with alarm that his head of thick chestnut-brown hair had thinned drastically at the front. She could see the light reflecting off his scalp in places where the coverage was so sparse. When had that happened? Could it be linked to stress?

She sat back down on the bed, failing to notice as the loosely capped bottle of nail polish was jerked onto its side with the vibration of the movement. He still looks dashing, she thought to herself with conviction. Sure, he was greying quite heavily at the temples, and yes, he’d developed a slight paunch – but not only was he thirty-seven years old, he was also her Alf, the one that had stood by her side through thick and thin for the last seven years. And, hopefully, depending on tonight’s outcome – he would be making an even longer-lasting commitment. Her stomach flipped with nervous energy and she felt herself growing hot.

Finishing tying his laces, Alf stood upright and picked up his jacket. He glanced at Kate’s uncharacte‌ristically made-up face and noticed a blush spreading underneath the heavy foundation on her cheeks. ‘Are you okay? You look flushed?’

Caught off-guard, Kate jumped up, smoothing down her dress and reaching for her clutch bag with her right hand. ‘Fine,’ she said hurriedly, looking at her right hand as a sticky substance filmed a layer across the skin. ‘What on earth…?’ she stared down in alarm at the bronze paint covering her palm and fingers, her eyes immediately darting to the bed and her dress.

‘Oh, God! It’s all over your dress.’ Stating the obvious, Alf’s stare was fixed upon the unmissable bronze smear on the delicate cream chiffon.

He looked on helplessly as Kate’s expression changed to horror; a wave of both panic and exasperation taking hold of her. ‘No, no, no, no…!’ She hastily grabbed a used make-up wipe and tried to erase the seeping bronze stain. It was a futile attempt. The sticky mess had already formed an inch-wide stain on the material, obvious for all to see. ‘Oh goodness, it’s ruined, it’ll never come out.’ Unable to control her deflation, she felt the buildup behind her eyes and tried desperately to hold her head upwards, fluttering her eyelids in an attempt to stop the threatening tears from streaming into her eye make-up. ‘What am I going to do?’

Realising the gravity of the situation and knowing that it couldn’t have happened at a worse moment, Alf stepped forward and placed his arms around her. ‘Come on, it’s not the end of the world. You look gorgeous in whatever you wear.’ He gently wiped a small tear from under her eye. ‘Get changed into something else – we’ll get you another dress to replace this one next week.’

She wanted to argue that next week was too late – her special moment was tonight –but she refrained. Aware of the ticking clock, she slipped off the beautiful dress that had made her feel so glamorous and exceptional and walked across to her wardrobe. Not having indulged in luxurious or unnecessary purchases over the past year, she knew her alternative options were limited. It was either her faithful black shift dress – worn countless times and a little faded, one of the many dresses she no longer fitted since going up a dress size, or the asymmetrical green party dress she’d bought last Christmas that made her resemble a billowing tree. She deliberated for a few seconds before plucking the black dress from its hanger. It would have to do.

Stepping into it and pulling it up, she struggled to fasten the awkwardly angled rear zip. ‘Can you zip me up, please?’

With one swift motion, Alf fastened the rear zipper and Kate’s body was snugly embraced in the black material. She walked across to the free-standing mirror. It didn’t look bad. Just, well… a bit plain.

Standing next to her, Alf nodded in gratification, a beaming smile lighting up his face. ‘Now that is the Kate that I know and love. You look lovely. Much better than that fussy cream thing.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘This is much more you. Simple, classy and understated.’

Looking at him quizzically, Kate didn’t say anything. She couldn’t help but notice that his sparkling eyes and happy demeanour at her appearance were genuine. She felt herself rile ever so slightly. His words were not those of dishonest encouragement to make her feel better – they were words spoken from the heart. Unsure how to feel about it, she tried to quickly dismiss the thought. Simple? What was that supposed to mean?

‘Okay, well this looks fine – so I guess we can get going. There’s no point me crying over a dress on my birthday, is there?’

‘Exactly, babe. It’s a special night anyway – you won’t even be thinking about the dress once we’re out and celebrating.’ A hint of a smile played on his lips and intuitively Kate knew what he was referring to. Her pulse quickened.

Alf picked up his wallet and slipped it into his pocket. ‘Right, let’s make a move, then.’

Re-touching her eyeliner in a final attempt to look as good as she possibly could, she picked up her clutch bag and switched off the bedroom light.

Two years she’d waited. It was just as they’d agreed. Two years in order to allow enough time for travel, the house renovations and, of course, Alf’s career advances. It had passed so quickly – much quicker than she’d expected. It seemed almost yesterday that they’d had the conversation – she could still recall the moment she’d blurted out her feelings. It had been minutes before they’d left the house for her monumental thirtieth birthday dinner. He’d been surprised; she remembered the shock on his face. But then he’d hugged her and explained his reasons for not asking sooner. They’d talked about it for what seemed like hours, but it was, in fact, probably only minutes. Two years is what he’d said and she’d remained silent on the matter ever since, not wanting to push him.

And now, tonight – two years later, on her thirty-second birthday – if Alf was true to his word, Kate was about to fulfil her deepest wish – accepting his engagement proposal. Her heart fluttered at the thought.

She was more than ready to become Mrs Alf Stafford.

Alf drove eagerly out of their suburban housing estate as Kate gazed quietly out of the passenger window, scanning the rows of identical red-brick terraced houses. She’d never given much thought to their mid-terrace property until lately. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy living in Ramsley Way – they’d bought the rendered white two-bed home six years previously and had been more than happy living there. Yet, looking at the mass of similar houses, she realised she was yearning to become more individual. They’d never planned to live there long term. It was supposed to be a starter home, but that idea had seemed to have fallen by the wayside…

She noticed that the detached pointed-roof house that sat on the corner of Worthington Road had recently been renovated. Its fresh coat of white exterior paint, potted shrubs either side of the green door and new sweeping brick driveway made her spirits lift even further. She’d been fixated on that particular property for some time now. It seemed so grandiose in comparison to their own home. It was idyllic – the type of marital home that she hoped to one day share with Alf and their children.

‘What are you smiling at?’ Alf asked, glancing sideways.

Kate grinned excitedly. ‘I’m just happy – it’s not often a girl gets to celebrate turning thirty-two with a handsome man by her side.’ She rubbed her hand on his leg and returned to looking out of the window.

Alf smiled at the comment and stared ahead. His spirits were high, but he hoped Megan hadn’t taken it upon herself to interfere and let Kate know the finer details of the surprise he’d planned. Their close friendship puzzled him. Kate’s ways were so different from those of the showy and attention-seeking Megan. She wasn’t anything but troublesome in his opinion – always filling Kate’s head with silly ideas and notions of riches and glamour. Kate was gentle, grounded; it bothered him that Megan couldn’t appreciate that.

‘So, am I allowed to know where we are going?’ Kate asked with a sparkle of anticipation in her eyes.

Alf grinned, feeling himself swelling with pride. Arranging surprises wasn’t his forte, but even he had surpassed his own expectations with what he’d organised. He was certain Kate was going to be impressed with the thought behind his idea.

Tapping his nose cheekily, he narrowly missed the left turn needed for the venue and just managed to pull the car onto a verge before hitting the A road ahead. Kate reached out for the dashboard to brace herself as the car came to a sharp, abrupt stop.

‘Sorry – I should have taken a left back there.’ Putting the car into reverse gear, he cursed under his breath as he waited for the traffic to ease to make his U-turn.

Trying to hide her mild confusion, she remained silent. She had been so certain that they’d been going to the small country pub venue she’d discreetly found bookmarked on his laptop. It hadn’t helped that Megan had remained uncharacte‌ristically tight-lipped on the subject. Yet it made sense; the country pub was the typical type of event venue that Alf would go for. It looked cosy, quaint and welcoming. She’d already envisioned herself walking into the pretty beamed entrance to the cheers of her nearest and dearest. Perhaps a DJ playing in the corner…

Why then, was Alf heading in the direction of a nearby town? She tried to think rationally – could the venue have been changed at the last moment? She felt her stomach flutter with nerves and was relieved she’d opted for her trusty black dress – thankful that she wouldn’t be dealing with unsightly sweat marks.

She was so looking forward to seeing who’d be there. Familiar faces danced through her mind and she mentally made a note of who she wanted to spend time catching up with. She didn’t often get to see those closest to her, what with her long working hours at Oak Park Care Home, especially over the past nine months since she’d taken on more responsibility. She wanted to make the most of it. Thinking of work made her mind drift to Vivian, one of the residents. She hadn’t been looking her perky self of late and Kate was a little worried that there was more to it than was meeting the eye.

‘I hope you’re ready for some fun tonight’ Alf said, suddenly animated and fiddling with his top shirt button. He stole a sideward glance at Kate and was happy to see her radiant expression. These days it was rare these days to see her being spirited about life. It hadn’t gone unnoticed, either, that she’d seemed distracted over the past month and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He was hoping the evening would be the key to bringing her back out of her shell.

They’d been driving through country lanes for a while when Kate observed that the car was slowing just as Alf hit the right-side indicator. Her stomach somersaulted. She recognised the road that they were heading into. Pearmont Manor Road. Pearmont Manor was one of the area’s most exclusive wedding venues. She’d only seen the stately home in various magazine articles, but its breathtaking exterior surrounded by exquisite landscaped greenery had provided a backdrop for stunning photographic memories. Remembering the various interior event rooms, her heart skipped a beat.

Surely not? Hardly able to contain her nerves and excitement she swallowed back a squeak.

‘Everything okay?’ Alf asked, eyeing her in amusement as the car smoothly made its approach into the wide tree-lined road. Pearmont Manor growing bigger on the left side of them as they travelled parallel to it.

Kate suppressed a grin and tried to calm her racing heart. Never in her wildest dreams would she have thought Alf would arrange something so special. She wanted to fling her arms around him and kiss him passionately – but it would have to wait. Soon she could do as she wished – hopefully in front of their guests whilst Alf was down on one knee. Just the thought made her giddy and lightheaded.

The car slowed as the Pearmont entrance came into view. ‘Here we are,’ Alf said, clicking his left indicator. As the last of the tall hedging bushes and conifers cleared, the full magnificence of the stately home made it presence known, causing both of them to inhale sharply – for completely different reasons. The car shuddered and stalled as Alf fumbled with the ignition.

‘Oh, sorry, wrong entrance. This isn’t the one.’ With a panicked stance, he flicked off his indicator and quickly restarted the engine. Feeling Kate’s confused stare burning into him, he tried not to let his tension show. He was well aware that the mishap could well have set him on a fast track to failure.

‘It’s not?’ Kate asked, trying to keep her voice steady as the car gradually picked up pace and the Manor slowly faded behind them. Was there another entrance around the back? It was, after all, a very big venue. There was undoubtedly more than one entrance, she told herself. Trees and conifers clouded her view as the road narrowed in front of them. Minutes seemed to pass before the car slowed for a second time and Alf once again flicked on the left indicator.

Kate clenched her fists in anxiety as the hedging cleared once again and a sign came into view. She could see the word ‘Pearmont’ and relief washed over her. Thank goodness, another entrance.

‘We’re here’ Alf said, slightly dubious and wondering if he’d chosen correctly after all. What if she hated it?

The car approached a paved entrance and turned slowly left onto a gravel driveway. Kate looked up at the large sign that had given her fresh hope only moments earlier and tried not to gasp as Alf’s hand squeezed hers encouragingly.

Pulling the car to a stop he switched off the engine and gently kissed her hand, pushing aside his doubts and beginning to feel more zealous.

‘Welcome to Pearmont Greyhound Stadium, babe.’

He broke into an excited grin; one that made Kate’s heart plummet to even further depths, for she could see it was no humorous joke on his part – only genuine enthusiasm.

‘You’re probably wondering why I chose here?’ He looked at her intently and squeezed her knee. ‘I thought it’d be special to recapture our first date seven years ago – except this time I’m going to make it an unforgettable night.’

Kate, lost for words, struggled to contain tears, the disappointment and dismay hitting her with full force. This was not what she’d been expecting. Not at all.

‘Say something…?’ Alf said quietly, growing more and more concerned. He knew Kate well enough to know when she was shocked. But her face was telling him that it wasn’t a happy shock. ‘Look, I know it’s not the Manor next door. I made a wrong turn back there. This stadium is really nice, though. I know you’ll love it – even though it’s not the one where we first met….’ He tailed off, suddenly edgy.

Looking into his squinting eyes in the dimming evening light, Kate caught his worried expression. She took a deep breath, forcing a light, reassuring tone to her voice. ‘I’m just a little taken aback – it’s not what I expected, that’s all.’ She bit down on her lip, wondering what to say. ‘It’s a lovely idea, though, so thoughtful.’ She was lying, but what more could she do? She felt a lump in her throat and tried to swallow it down.

‘You understand the relevance, right? I thought it’d be special. And fun. I thought you’d be excited about it.’ Alf sounded a little dejected and defensive. He fiddled with his seatbelt awkwardly.

Leaning forward, Kate gently kissed him on the lips, silencing him. She pulled back slowly, noticing that his air of excitement had evaporated. He looked forlorn. She grabbed his arm and linked hers through hers, trying to be upbeat.

‘Of course it’ll be fun. We’re together and it’s my birthday. I know tonight is going to be special, so let’s just go inside and enjoy it.’

Pushing aside the mental images of Pearmont Manor and her dashed hopes, she allowed Alf to lead her towards the entrance of the stadium, with a heavy heart and only one remaining thought. He was the man that she dearly loved, spent every available moment with and had been by her side for over seven years…

So how could he have got it so very very wrong?




Chapter 2 (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


‘You could have at least warned me,’ Kate whispered, retouching her eye make-up in the bright lighting of the ladies’ toilet. She watched as Megan – who was standing against the hand dryer – shrugged her shoulders uncomfortably and lowered her gaze.

‘I’m so sorry, Kate – if Alf hadn’t made me promise then I would have. But he was so taken with the idea and I knew how disappointed you’d probably be, but truthfully, Kate – it wasn’t my place to warn you.’

‘But didn’t you try to change his mind?’ Kate asked, exasperated. Megan knew her better than anyone – surely she should have intervened in some way?

Tossing her chocolate-brown, wavy hair to one side, Megan sighed. She had known from the moment Alf had sent her the email of his proposed venue that Kate would be less than enthused. Annoyed at his suggestion, for a fleeting moment she had wondered whether to call him on the internal switchboard and suggest meeting in the staff canteen of the large corporate insurance brokers they both worked for; but she’d decided against it. Alf had made it painfully clear over the years that he didn’t value her input or appreciate her outgoing personality. She was certain he wouldn’t want to listen to her concerns. Besides, she’d already caught wind of a potentially bigger revelation that was sure to rock Kate’s world if it transpired. The venue was the least of her worries.

‘You know as well as I do that if I’d tried to change his mind, he’d have dismissed me without giving it a second thought.’ She gave Kate a wry smile. ‘Anyway, part of me hoped that you’d be so bowled over with the romance behind the idea that you’d forgive him for the awful choice.’

Kate sighed. She knew Megan was right. Alf wasn’t one to be swayed once he’d set his heart on something – least of all by a woman he didn’t favour. Megan did have a point – the gesture behind his idea was romantic.

She could hardly believe that seven years had passed – it seemed like a lifetime ago that Megan had persuaded her to attend her summer works’ do. It certainly wasn’t the place she’d wanted to spend her evening, yet events beyond her control had led to her finding herself at a dog stadium in an unfamiliar town.

It just so happened that she’d been parted from Megan and the other colleagues in a flurry of visitors placing their bets, and a kind, dark-haired man with a slightly crooked smile had asked if she was okay. From the moment she locked eyes with Alf, she’d had a sixth-sense feeling he was going to be in her life forever. And here she was, tearing apart his romantic gesture because she’d expected something more to her taste.

Glancing into the mirror Megan quickly applied a fresh coat of the clear liquid gloss to her full lips. She’d never been a big fan of too much make-up, but then she’d never really needed it. Satisfied with her appearance, she picked up her purse and tried steering the conversation in a new direction.

‘I still can’t believe you spilt nail varnish over your dress. Honestly Kate, you are the clumsiest woman on earth. You have got to get that dress dry-cleaned or something. It’s too stunning to waste.’

Kate nodded grimly. ‘Yes, I was gutted, but then Alf did make a comment that he preferred me in this dress, which was a bit strange. He said I looked more understated and simple.’

Spinning around with her forehead furrowed questioningly, Megan tried not to let her disdain be too obvious. ‘Understated? Simple? Are you serious? You looked absolutely gorgeous in that dress.’ She shook her head in disgust. ‘What is wrong with him? Dearie me, Kate, it seems he’d like to keep you as dull as dishwater.’

Staring at Megan incredulously, Kate angrily picked up her clutch bag. ‘Wow, thanks for that – that’s really cheered me up! Nice to know I’m as dull as dishwater.’

Despite the tension, Megan laughed lightly. ‘Don’t over-react – you know what I’m referring to. I’ve told you countless times you need to get more of a life and when I saw you in that cream dress, it just reminded me of well, you, the real you….’ She squeezed Kate’s arm gently, noticing a shadow pass across her friend’s face. ‘I just want to see you happy again, you know that.’

Kate’s expression softened. ‘I know that. But I am happy – Alf makes me happy. Plus it’s my birthday and he has another surprise up his sleeve… I can feel it.’ Her eyes sparkled in excitement.

Megan wanted to believe Kate’s convincing words, but she knew her friend too well. She’d noticed a vast change in her over the last year and couldn’t help but refer back to the passing comments Kate had made about Alf on various occasions. Whether she realised it or not, she’d been disclosing a side of her partner that Megan saw in its true colour – insecurity. As well as Kate’s growing introversion, Alf seemed to be projecting all of his own issues onto Kate. It wasn’t a healthy situation.

Wisely ignoring the reference to Alf having another surprise for the evening, Megan smoothed down her tight blue bodycon dress and turned towards the door. She knew full well that Kate had quietly set her hopes on Alf proposing, given their two-year deadline. But her intuition was telling her otherwise. Anyway, if the office gossip that had filtered down from management was true, Alf would have other life decisions to concentrate on. She only hoped that Kate wasn’t going to be too devastated if she didn’t get the proposal she was expecting.

‘Right then, enough talking – let’s get out there and get you enjoying your party.’

Kate followed, feeling more enthusiastic. She could already hear the beat of a song she favoured in the background and she’d noticed so many familiar faces she couldn’t wait to catch up with.

‘Oh, just one last thing. Did you decide on the colour theme? Or was that Alf too?’

Megan looked around and pulled a face in distaste. ‘Do you really need to ask that? I tried to suggest pink, white and silver, but he was having none of it.’

Kate smiled; she’d thought as much. Pink, white and silver would have been so much better. She stepped into the hallway, allowing the heavy bathroom door to swing shut behind her. They both giggled at the green ‘Happy 32nd Birthday’ banner that had been stuck wonkily on the overhead beam and walked towards the venue room.

Alf watched from across the room as Kate’s face lit up at something one of her friends had said. She threw her hands up in a mock shock and broke into a wide grin. She looked so animated. Luminous. He was pleased the venue had paid off. For a moment when they arrived, from the expression on her face, he thought he’d screwed things up, but she’d soon cheered up. The red and green balloons had been a good idea, too. Not pink, white and silver, as Megan had suggested. He knew Kate better than anyone and she wasn’t one of these fluffy women who needed pink things in their life. She’d seemed pleased with the decorations, commenting on them as they walked towards the private-event room he’d arranged. He could have easily gone for the country pub venue but this idea was better – he hoped it had reminded her of his unique and creative side. He wasn’t a dull person and yet that’s exactly how he’d felt lately – grey. He was sure he wasn’t the only one feeling it – it was good to see Kate looking happy again.

‘Alright, mate.’ Josh, Alf’s colleague, interrupted his observation. ‘Great party.’ He took a swig of his bottled cider. ‘I’ve just been chatting with Walshy over there about how hot Megan looks tonight.’

‘Wouldn’t know about that, mate. Loud-mouthed, arrogant women don’t do it for me. She’s got a great face and figure – I’ll give her that much. Shame about the personality.’ Alf glanced at the willowy Megan standing next to Kate and tucking her thick, wavy hair to one side. There was no denying that she was stunning. Yet he couldn’t help but dislike her influence over Kate.

Josh grinned mischievously. He was known in Alf’s department as the ‘wind-up merchant’ and was all too aware of the stand-off between Alf and Megan. He’d already been over to Megan and tried his luck tonight, but to no avail. She was also being uncharacte‌ristically tight-lipped.

‘Who’s the woman in the polka-dot dress by the window?’ Josh asked, nodding his head towards a short, slim blonde in sky-scraping heels.

‘Jo – Kate’s friend, and she’s married. Got three kids. It’s a no-go mate.’ Alf drained his pint of beer and excused himself, drawn to the laughter and shrieking from where Kate stood surrounded by their mutual friends.

Kate took another gulp of her rosé wine and wiped a tear of laughter from beneath her eye. She saw Alf approaching with a grin on his face. He’d loosened his shirt buttons and she noticed he looked relaxed and happy. ‘We were just laughing about the old days. Do you remember that time we got lost on our weekend break in Wales and they had to send the rescue team out. Then Ian ended up breaking his little toe after the ram chased him?’

Alf laughed. ‘He’s always said his toe has never been the same since. The funny thing is, he already had a sixth toe to start with.’ Giggles erupted around him as he looked down at his empty glass. ‘I’m just going to get a top-up.’

‘I’ll come with you.’ Linking her arm through his, Kate turned to Alf. ‘I’m having the best night. Thank you so much for arranging this.’ It was true. The music, the people, the wine. It might not have been what she’d expected but the past couple of hours had been a blast.

‘There’s more to come yet.’ Alf whispered, leaning in to kiss her gently on the lips.

Kate felt her stomach somersault. She couldn’t imagine a happier ending to the evening than Alf proposing. It was certainly going to be a memory for the future. She tried to contain her excitement as another thought popped into her head.

‘Oh, before I forget. All that reminiscing about our weekend break to Wales made me remember the artistic retreat I was going to do. I think I’m going to look into it again.’

Alf stopped in his tracks. ‘Artistic retreat? But I thought you’d given up with your art?’

Kate noticed the edge of tension in his voice and felt her enthusiasm falter. She walked slowly ahead of him. ‘Well, I know it’s been a long time, but painting used to make me so happy. Remembering it made me feel excited again.’

‘It’s up to you – you do as you please, but I very much doubt considering you haven’t held a brush in eight years that you’ll pick up where you left off.’ They’d reached the bar and Alf turned to catch the attention of the waiter.

‘I wasn’t expecting to pick up where I left off.’ Kate retorted, wounded. She noticed that Alf’s body language had changed; he was standing stiffly against the bar, agitatedly drumming his knuckles. ‘Just forget I said anything, okay?’

He swiftly placed his order with the barman and turned to look at her with a confused look in his eyes. ‘I didn’t mean it like that, darling. I just meant – don’t expect to have the big opportunities that you once had with it. Things change. Your life is different now.’

Kate felt herself shrinking inside. She was well aware that in the past she’d thrown away a good opportunity to make a name for herself in the art world, but she’d never regretted it. She thought Alf had understood that – hadn’t he?

‘I know, and I didn’t mean about doing it professionally. I just meant I might look into the retreat again and take it up as a hobby. A creative outlet. That’s all.’

She felt her hair being tugged gently and instantly span around to see a tipsy Megan behind her. ‘Hey doll, are you okay?’

Megan smiled and held up her wine glass, not noticing as the liquid spilled over the edges onto the carpet. ‘I was coming to get you for a boogie. I’ve asked the DJ to play our song.’

Kate caught Alf’s cold stare in Megan’s direction and felt it wise to keep the pair as far apart as possible. Following the exchange she’d just had with Alf, his happier mood had clearly vanished. The waiter finished pouring a fresh glass of wine and handed it to her.

She smiled at her friend encouragingly. ‘I’d love to. Go and get us a good spot by the DJ stand and I’ll be right over.’

Megan followed Kate’s orders, but not before singing the song loudly as she brushed purposefully – if not a little drunkenly, past Alf.

‘And you call that sorry excuse of a drunken woman a sensible friend?’ Alf smirked as Megan was barely out of earshot.

‘She’s just a little tipsy, that’s all. Why don’t you come and have a dance after, too? Let’s bust out some moves together on the dance floor,’ Kate replied lightly, doing her best impression of a dancing robot. The wine she’d drunk was squashing any inhibitions.

Alf’s face lightened and he laughed, grabbing her waist. ‘I’ll hold you to that. It’s been a while since the world has seen my running man.’ Smiling, Kate led him towards the makeshift dance floor just as Rihanna came over the speakers.

‘It’s your song,’ Alf said, visibly relieved at having an excuse to return to the boys. ‘You’d better get over to Miss Tipsy and do your dance together. Just don’t be there all night.’ He watched as Kate sashayed her way over to where Megan was already doing her best Rihanna impersonation and shook his head in disbelief.

It was almost eleven o’clock and Alf knew his time had come. He stepped up onto the small stage just as the DJ cut the music. The heavy tap on the microphone sent a high-pitched shrill sound through the room, causing everyone to wince and still their chatter and dancing. His eyes immediately found Kate amongst the crowd, looking at him flushed and bewildered. She was a little drunk but still as luminous as she had been all evening. He only hoped his final surprise would be one to make her smile with even more happiness. He’d thought about it for a while – uncertain if it was the right thing to do….but his mind had been made up. He was confident it would bring her happiness in a way that he knew she craved.

‘Ladies and gents,’ he began. ‘Firstly, I’d like to thank you for sharing this special evening with us and I’d especially like to ask you all to raise your glasses to my Kate. Thirty-two years old. Happy birthday, babe.’ He raised his pint of beer and the guests followed suit.

Kate found herself surrounded by loud cheers and applause, momentarily forgetting the fluttering of nervous energy that was coursing through her in shock waves. This was it. The very moment she’d been waiting for.

Alf’s amplified voice cut through the crowd. ‘Furthermore, some of you may be wondering why I’m on this stage and why I’m about to ask my darling Kate to join me.’ With a shy smile he beckoned her with his hand and Kate watched as the crowd parted before her. Various hands nudged her forward and she was propelled towards him.

Taking a wobbly step onto the low-level stage, her legs were shaking with nerves. The guests were once again applauding and cheering. Looking out at the room of smiling faces before her, her stomach did a flip as Alf took her hand in his and squeezed it. She gazed into his smiling eyes and saw the Alf she’d always known and loved. The Alf she’d spent the biggest part of her life with.

‘Kate, you know how much I love you. I wanted tonight to be a special evening and one to remember. I hope in some way I’ve achieved that. However, there is a reason I’ve asked you up here and that reason is – there’s something special I want to give you.’ Taking a small, blue-leather box from his pocket, Alf nervously held it in his outstretched hand.

‘For you, Kate. Open it.’

Heart pounding so fast it felt like it would burst from her chest, Kate carefully reached out and accepted the box – not daring to breathe as the intense headiness of excitement and nerves swept her up in a whirlwind. It was every bit as magical as she’d hoped for. Silence surrounded her as everyone waited with baited breath.

Gingerly preparing to open it, she bit down on her lip to stop herself from screaming with elation. Vaguely aware of the entrance door opening and closing beside her, her fingers trembled as she slowly flipped back the leather-bound lid.

She let out a gasp. Nestled softly in a layer of cream silk was a perfectly round, shiny and shimmering disk. A single word was etched clearly onto its surface. Before she had a chance to utter the muffled gasp that was forming in the back of her throat, a box was thrust onto the stage by her feet.

Alf bent down and quickly removed the lid, at the same time swiftly collecting the box’s contents in his arms and thrusting it towards Kate. A gasp of surprise swept around the room.

‘In keeping with the theme.’ He winked at the guests. ‘I wanted to get you something that I know you would love and would also be an incentive for us both to take up walking more often.’ The crowd tittered at his joke in surprised amusement.

The tiny Cavalier King Charles spaniel puppy gave a timid squeak as Alf placed him gently onto Kate’s chest. Kate stood shell-shocked, looking at the puppy in a daze of misunderstanding.

‘Kate, meet Sam – our new puppy.’

As a warm, acidic liquid poured out of little Sam and spread across Kate’s chest and down her dress, she swallowed back the ball of disappointment lodging itself in her throat. She managed a quick, trembling smile before being unable to hold back any longer. Meeting Megan’s sympathetic eyes in the crowd, she burst into tears.

This was most definitely not the ending to her night that she had been anticipating.




Chapter 3 (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


Easing her small hatchback car into the only spot remaining in the Oak Park Care Home parking, Kate wondered how long it would be until the heavens opened. The Monday morning grey sky conveniently reflected her mood – she’d barely been able to sleep through Alf’s snoring and the puppy’s continual whimpering. Her body felt limp and she could hardly keep her eyes open.

Noting the time on her dashboard, she grabbed her well-worn shoulder bag and the Tupperware tub of birthday cake she’d brought for the residents and dashed towards the entrance – aware that she was already ten minutes late.

Oak Park director, Walter Steinbach, was discussing a matter with the reception staff as Kate tried to inconspicuously hurry past him. Not an easy task, given that all care staff were expected to wear the unflattering fuchsia-pink top and pants uniform that did little to enhance her mood or figure.

‘You’re late,’ Steinbach barked, in the voice usually reserved for non-compliant and unruly kindergarten visitors.

And you’re still alive? Kate felt like snapping back at him. With his hollowing facial features and the sparse few hairs that remained on his head, it was often said he was more ancient than the care home itself. It was just as well he rarely made an appearance.

‘Sorry, Mr Steinbach’ she found herself saying, ignoring his eagle-eyed stare of disapproval as it followed her towards the staff room. Only fellow care-worker Tina was in the staff room as she strode over to her locker to place her belongings and swap her trainers for comfy pumps. Kate exhaled, relieved that it wasn’t anyone else from the team. The last thing she felt like undergoing was in-depth questioning.

‘Morning, good weekend?’ Tina asked, pouring herself a coffee.

‘Yes, fine thanks.’ She closed her locker and readjusted her name plate on the front of her top. ‘Best get a move on. I’ve already had Steinbach on my case.’ Sighing, she opened the door and hurriedly made her way up to the East Wing.

‘Morning, Hilda.’ She tapped gently against the door, awaiting her usual instruction from the other side. Nothing came.

‘Hilda – can you hear me? Is it okay for me to come in?’ Kate asked for a second time, impatient. A faint, desperate rasping could be heard in response and she felt her pulse quickening anxiously as she quickly pushed open the door. ‘Hilda?’

What if this time it was genuine?

Hilda was propped up in bed, wide-eyed and pointing rapidly to her throat whilst continuing with the awful grating sound from her windpipe. Acting immediately, Kate grabbed a nearby glass of water and tilted back Hilda’s small head, instructing her to drink. After just a couple of sips, Hilda’s breathing returned to normal and she cleared her throat.

‘Thank you so much, dear Kate. I was afraid for a moment there that I was about to take my last breath.’ Hilda said in her usual crisp, clear voice. ‘It was a bluebottle, you see.’

Relieved, Kate thought to herself that she really must be out of sorts to fall for Hypochondriac Hilda’s latest stunt. ‘A bluebottle?’ She glanced at the little lady now lying angelically in her blue nightgown, her straight, grey, pixie-cut hair sticking up awkwardly in places.

Clearly recovered and bright as a daisy, Hilda threw back her floral duvet and shuffled her weight to the edge of the bed, gripping Kate’s hand as she struggled to stand.

‘Yes, it’s been in here the whole night buzzing away, keeping me awake. It was only as I heard you on the stairs and was about to call out that it flew into my mouth!’

Helping Hilda walk the short distance to the en suite, Kate returned to the dresser, selecting Hilda’s ‘Monday’ outfit.

‘Goodness, that’s terrible, Hilda. Especially as it’s the third time this has happened. What with the bumble bee and the spider last month…’

A small sigh came from above the washbasin, where Hilda was gently soaping her face with a flannel. ‘I know, dear. I am beginning to wonder if the Lord has other plans for me. Don’t forget the cockroach, either. It’s only a matter of time before those eggs it laid in my ear canal begin to hatch.’

Kate smiled broadly for the first time that day.

Hilda was patting her frail frame dry with a small towel as the first of the questions came unexpectedly. ‘So, dear Kate, you’re ever so quiet and we all know that it was your surprise party this weekend. Don’t keep me in suspense. Anything special happen, dear?’ she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

Kate blushed and inwardly grimaced.

By the time she had helped Hilda to dress and guide her walking frame to the breakfast room to join the already nearly full tables, she had divulged the highlights of her weekend. She wasn’t one for lying – it wasn’t in her nature – but instead of focusing on the main disappointment, she instead concentrated on the few special markers. Namely, her new puppy, Sam, who she’d already grown to adore.

Just as she was about to continue her round, she smiled weakly as she saw a squat, rounded woman with flame-red hair approaching. Her heart sank a little. Fellow care- worker Tasha lived up to her Scottish reputation and fiery hair. She also had such a loose mouth Kate was in no doubt that the details of her party would be wormed out of her and circulated around the entire home before the first spoonful of porridge was even served.

‘Morning, luv, you look tired. I heard you were late – and Steinbach’s on the prowl today.’

Kate averted her glance from the care rota on the wall. She still had three residents to attend to for the breakfast shift. ‘Morning! I know, it was just my luck that he caught me on the way in.’

Tasha angled her body and discreetly took her electronic cigarette from her pocket and faced the wall, inhaling deeply. ‘So how’d it go? Did he propose? Where’s the ring – come on let’s have a look!’ Using her free hand, she reached out for Kate’s.

Feebly holding her own ringless hand out, Kate waved it in front of Tasha, trying to hide her embarrassment. ‘No proposal, unfortunately, but it was such a lovely party. I had a great time – Alf really did go to town on the thought behind it. Plus he got me a puppy.’

Tasha spluttered on her electronic cigarette vapour. ‘He got you a puppy? What the blooming hell did you want a puppy for?’ She looked at Kate with an incredulous expression.

Kate felt her face flush with heat and hoped her cheeks weren’t burning a bright- crimson colour. ‘Oh, he’s very cute. We’ve called him Sam. I happen to feel it was a lovely gesture. Alf’s already commented how much more of a family home it feels now we’ve got Sam – and I have to say I agree.’

Tasha replaced her cigarette in her pocket and raised an eyebrow mockingly. ‘Well, I suppose it’s good practice for you – all those pisses and shits you’ll be cleaning up will be great preparation for when you decide to have your own wee ‘un.’

Flinching at her choice of words, Kate raised a warning eyebrow as Steinbach appeared on the far side of the room. ‘Best get back to work. I don’t want to be caught out a second time today.’

Grateful to Steinbach for the reprieve, Kate felt her heart aching as Tasha’s words echoed in her mind. She mounted the stairs towards Alan’s room and tried not to allow the recurring agony she’d desperately spent the past twenty-four hours squashing. It had been four years since the miscarriage; four years without either of them really acknowledging the elephant in the room that lurked silently between them – the prospect of future children and the loss of the child they had created. Sure, Alf had made the odd reference to the future with a family of their own. But gifting her a puppy? Was this his way of trying to pacify her quiet need for something more? She couldn’t help but torment herself with the underlying reasons of his gift choice.

She’d tried to share her concern with Megan – although rather cryptically and indirectly, for it seemed no one, even Alf, was truly aware of how the miscarriage still affected her. Yet Megan hadn’t questioned his motives in the same way that she had… her friend’s theory was set upon the puppy being a tactical distraction to delay the proposal further.

Internally, she couldn’t find much peace around the answer. Alf had never been of a manipulative nature…Surely he hadn’t assumed that a puppy could replace her deeper yearning for a child?

Taking a deep breath, she reached the top of the staircase and turned right into the corridor, determined to stop the negative thoughts and concentrate on the notion that his heart had been in the right place when he’d considered the puppy as something she would love. It was of little consequence that he hadn’t given a second thought to the fact that both of them worked and a puppy needed constant attention…

‘Ah, there she is, the very woman I was hoping to see on this fine Monday morning.’ Alan stood tall and wide in the doorframe wearing a cream tweed woollen suit and brandishing a shiny silver pocket watch in her direction.

‘Morning, Alan.’ Kate smiled, always happy to see the man who transported her to a flamboyant and well-mannered bygone time. Despite nearing eighty-eight, he was as able-bodied and fit as any man half his age.

Picking up his copy of The Times from his sideboard, he gently closed the door behind him.

‘There isn’t anything much I need assistance with this morning, Kate, yet I would be honoured if you’d accompany me on the short journey to the breakfast lounge.’

‘Of course.’

Walking carefully beside Kate, Alan felt compelled to ask. ‘I couldn’t help observing the frown on that beautiful face of yours as you approached. Is something rather the matter?’

Never being one to pry and more likely to discuss quantum physics than one’s personal life, Alan’s question caught Kate off-guard. Was she really emitting such a distracted energy that even Alan had needed to comment on it?

Trying to lighten her mood, she shyly brushed a stray hair from her face and gave a nervous giggle. ‘I had a bit of an unexpected turn of events this weekend, if I’m honest. Not exactly panning out the way I had thought it would. The result was that my partner gifted me with a puppy. It’s the cutest little thing, but I guess I’m a bit worried about how I’ll cope. What with working all day and it being left to its own devices…’

Alan nodded silently, considering Kate’s predicament. He wasn’t a man of many words when it came to relationships, especially since living out the last seventeen years of his life as a widow at Oak Park. Yet he’d heard a thing or two along the grapevine about Kate’s partnership. Her admission didn’t sit well with him. He’d been expecting to hear news of a marriage proposal. At least, that’s what the women had been discussing at dinner last night.

‘Why don’t you allow me to have a word with Mr Steinbach. We’re at a loss for animal companionship here and I’m sure I’d not only be speaking for myself when I say we’d welcome a puppy amongst our ranks. Your daily shift ends at four – I’m more than certain we can find a way to keep the little chappie entertained and out of trouble whilst you work.’

Kate felt an overwhelming surge of relief and gratitude as she looked up into Alan’s smoky grey eyes in surprise. ‘Oh Alan, would you really do that for me?’

‘Well, I can’t make any promises – you know how stiff Steinbach can be at times. But I’m certain if anyone can, it’s me that can convince the old fellow.’ He winked at Kate.

Reaching the breakfast room, Alan promised to inform Kate as soon as he’d had a chance to speak with Steinbach.

Vivian took another generous sip from her can of Guinness and looked at the clock on the wall of her sitting room. Kate was running late. Not that she minded; she rarely bothered with the breakfast round – she’d never been able to stomach a morsel of food before eleven anyway. But today was special – their Kate was likely to be full of beans about her proposal. They couldn’t wait to hear the full details. They only hoped things had gone as she’d expected and Alf hadn’t let her down.

‘I bet you it’s Hypo Hilda’s fault – probably got a case of incurable warts to moan about.’

Lillian chuckled at her friend’s comment, fidgeting nervously with the buttons on her cardigan and ignoring the gentle grumbling sounds from her stomach.

‘Oh, I do wish she’d hurry up, Viv – I ain’t half hungry.’

A knock at the door caused them both to smile in excitement. ‘Come in, love, we’re all ready for you.’

Kate opened the door in a flurry and swept into the room briskly, clutching the Tupperware box of birthday cake to her chest. ‘Morning, ladies. Sorry I’m late. Alan asked me to walk him down to the breakfast lounge and then I got caught up with Hilda – she had a fit and choked on her boiled egg.’

‘Good riddance, I say’ Vivian piped up, eyes immediately scanning Kate’s ring finger and noticing its lack of sparkle.

‘Viv, you mustn’t talk like that!’ Lillian scolded. ‘It could be you next.’

‘Over my dead body’ Vivian retorted, taking another generous gulp of Guinness.

Turning her attention to Kate, Lillian quickly took in her harassed appearance and tell-tale lack of engagement ring. She stole a glance at Vivian, who pursed her lips ever so slightly in disappointment. It was just as they’d feared.

‘So how was the party? Did you have a nice time? We’d like to hear all about it. Come and sit down,’ Vivian said tactfully, patting the spare seat they’d purposely prepared for Kate’s arrival.

Looking into the kindly eyes of her two best friends and charges at the care home, Kate felt her façade crumble even before she’d sat herself in the comfortable chair they’d set out especially for her. ‘Oh, Viv, Lil – I feel so stupid…’

Hiccupping through tears, for the first time in twenty-four hours Kate could finally open up about her feelings on the matter.

Vivian and Lillian sat quietly as they listened in silent compassion to young Kate’s dilemma. Neither commented or tutted in the usual way they would behave towards the other residents, because for both of them Kate was like the daughter they’d never had. And both of them could feel the disappointment and pain in each word.

Only when Kate finished spluttering through her tears about her confusion on the whole matter did Lillian finally pipe up.

‘Let me tell you a story, darling, about my second husband Bobbi….’

It was then that Kate grinned. She’d heard the story countless times. Bobbi was the second of five husbands that Lillian had worked her way through. She happened to also know that Bobbi was the only one who had failed to propose to Lillian for a whole year before Lillian took matters into her own hands.

She had a feeling it was time to pay more attention…




Chapter 4 (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


Sinking back against the cream leather sofa cushions, Kate’s eyes swept around the small living room of the house she shared with Alf. Its soft pastel-green walls had once seemed so welcoming and relaxing, yet now the paint was marked and scuffed in places. The ash wood furniture no longer looked fitting – it appeared bulky and dated. Even the imitation flowers that when new had often been mistaken for being real, had faded with age. She sat up straighter, noticing that the laminated flooring was uneven and bubbled in places – most likely through water damage at some point. She looked down at Sam as he whimpered loudly, readjusting himself in the nook of Kate’s arm.

‘It’s okay, sweetie, I’m not going anywhere.’

Sam gently closed his eyes again and Kate relaxed back into place. The house was in silence, save for the ticking of the wall clock. It was a rarity that she could just sit in complete stillness; her day had been long and demanding, not to mention emotionally exhausting. For once she was grateful that Alf was working late. She’d even decided that she didn’t have the energy to prepare dinner and would be suggesting a takeaway as soon as he arrived home.

Yet the room decoration unsettled her. How long had they been living in ignorance? It seemed astonishing to her that she hadn’t noticed the grubbiness and lack of warmth in the room previously. Granted, they hadn’t decorated properly in four years, but it was still a shock to her to realise that things had become so neglected.

Is that what had happened to their relationship too? She couldn’t get away from the overbearing thoughts that had been playing on her mind since the party. It had helped a little to chat with Vivian and Lil, but on reflection, they’d not really provided any answers; they’d only listened to her. She knew that she should have opened up to Alf yesterday; he’d been concerned by her lack of talkativeness and expressed it on more than one occasion, but they’d both been enthralled with the puppy and she’d feigned a hangover every time he looked at her questioningly.

She didn’t have the energy for the discussion that they needed to have. There were so many things floating around in her head, but she needed first to access her true feelings. She’d been so fixated on the proposal that she’d failed to pay attention to the niggling doubts that had been creeping into her emotions of late. She knew deep inside that all these months of focusing on an engagement was simply a way of getting some sort of commitment from Alf. A commitment that he hadn’t given her in another respect; that of discussing trying for another baby together at some point. She’d been convincing herself that if he was ready to marry her, then a baby was sure to follow…

She hadn’t been ready to acknowledge her subconscious need for a family before now, but things had come to a head inside of her since the party. She’d been deluding herself for so long; she desperately wanted a child. Yet, what if by the time they began trying, she couldn’t have any more children? She was thirty-two… the clock was already beginning to tick fast….

There was no doubt that she loved Alf more than anything, but everything about their situation was an indicator of them not being as on top of things as they could have been. Their relationship was dulled and in desperate need of repair. Why hadn’t either of them noticed it sooner? Addressed it sooner?

Sam’s eyes flew open and his small head lifted instantaneously as Alf’s footsteps could be heard on the gravel outside the street door. His body tensed and he whimpered softly, looking at Kate for reassurance.

With a start, she glanced at the clock, wondering why Alf was home earlier than he’d said – then realised with dismay that she’d spent almost an hour lost in her thoughts.

The street door closed gently and Kate heard a thud as something heavy hit the wooden laminate flooring in the hallway.

‘Hi babe, I’m in here.’ Remaining on the sofa, she made no move to get up.

Alf pushed the half-glass door open and smiled at Kate as he took off his black suit jacket. ‘Hey, darling. You look relaxed.’ He walked over to kiss her, loosening his pink tie as he bent down and placed a peck on her forehead. ‘Why’s the place in silence?’ He ruffled Sam’s fur. ‘Hello, mate. Hope you’re behaving for your mum.’

‘Yes, he’s been good,’ Kate replied with a yawn as Alf flopped down in the armchair opposite, kicking off his shoes as he did so. She watched as he picked up the TV remote and pressed the standby button. The room was flooded with sound, making her wince.

‘It’s weird coming home and seeing you sat in here. Usually you’re off doing a thousand things,’ he joked, lowering the volume of the TV a little. ‘Did you have a good day? Hangover wore off?’

Kate nodded and stood up, placing Sam on the floor. ‘I just had a demanding day with Hilda.’ She noticed Alf’s attention had been caught by something on the TV. ‘I was thinking we could get a Chinese takeaway? I don’t fancy cooking.’

Alf shrugged. ‘Sure, whatever you fancy. I’m easily pleased.’ He didn’t look away from the screen.

‘Okay, I’ll go and ring them. I’ll just order the usual.’ She walked into the hallway to pick up the handset, immediately noticing the large sports holdall at the foot of the stairs.

‘Er, Alf, what’s this bag?’

Alf’s head appeared around the doorway and she noticed by the dark circles under his eyes that he looked as tired as she felt. ‘Oh – I forgot about that. It’s Marcus’. He suddenly looked sheepish. ‘I had a call from him out of the blue this morning. He’s split up with his missus and moved back down from Leeds.’

Kate rubbed her face in confusion and sighed. ‘Marcus? Is he the one that you grew up with?’ What was Alf doing with his bag?

‘Yes, he’s stuck for a place to stay, you see. So I told him he could crash here for a few days.’

‘Are you serious? You’re only just telling me this now?’ Kate replied, her voice rising and suddenly irate. She shook her head in disbelief.

‘Calm down. He’s not a bad fella – you’ll really like him. I didn’t know what else to do. He’s in a right state. It wasn’t until after I spoke to you that he dropped off his stuff at my office. I didn’t expect him to actually take me up on the offer.’

‘Fine, whatever.’ Kate shrugged, defeated. She really didn’t have the energy for an argument. Ignoring Alf’s glare, she sighed and walked over to the hallway dresser, scrabbling around in the messy drawer to find the Chinese take-away menu.

‘Don’t be like that – it’s only for a few days. Besides, I told him it’s best to come first thing tomorrow. He’s made arrangements to stay with his sister tonight. What with her four kids and the brother-in-law that doesn’t like him – he won’t be welcome there any longer.’

‘Look, it’s fine,’ Kate snapped, picking up the phone handset and punching in the take-away number. ‘I’ll get the spare room sorted.’ She heard the line starting to ring and was grateful for the distraction.

She turned her back toward Alf, silently seething. Did they not have enough of their own unsaid issues without those of a childhood friend?

Alf watched as Kate picked at her food, barely lifting the fork to her lips. He’d tried endlessly to make light conversation, but she’d shot him down with one-word answers. He was tired of the tension. Even Sam seemed to have picked up that something wasn’t right and was wisely tucked away in the corner of his box.

He reached for another prawn ball and dipped it into the sweet and sour sauce, taking a bite. ‘Can I have your water chestnuts?’ he asked, pointing his fork to Kate’s plate. ‘I know you don’t like them.’

Kate looked up with a troubled expression. ‘Sure.’ She stabbed her fork into the visible chestnuts and using her knife, scraped them off onto the side of Alf’s plate. ‘I do like them, but I’m not very hungry tonight.’

‘I can see that. You’ve barely touched your food. Is everything okay?’ Concerned, he set down his cutlery and looked straight at her. ‘This isn’t about Marcus staying is it? Because if so I can always tell him that plans have changed.’

She was quick to answer. ‘No, don’t do that. It’s fine for Marcus to stay – besides I’ve already put clean bedding in the spare room now.’ She met his eyes. ‘I just feel tired, that’s all.’

‘Okay, as long as you’re sure.’ He reached across to squeeze her hand. ‘You look shattered, though – and you must be if you’re imagining that you do actually like water chestnuts.’ His smile ceased as Kate snatched away her hand.

‘Why do you always think you know everything about me?’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘Yes, I do like water chestnuts and I have done so for a long time.’ She stood up from the table, taking her plate with her and walked to the dustbin. ‘Clearly you haven’t been paying attention.’

‘There’s no need to snap at me, Kate. And, for the record, I do know a great deal about you. In case you haven’t noticed we’ve spent the last seven years living together.’

Scraping her food off the china plate angrily into the dustbin, Kate didn’t rise to his remark. It was on the tip of her tongue to point out that she had very much noticed they’d spent nearly the last decade living together. And that was the problem. Was it ever going to be anything more than just two people living together, like two flatmates? Was there ever going to be any real mention of a family or proper future together?

‘Like I said, I’m tired. I think I’ll have an early night.’ She rinsed her plate under the tap, before plunging it into the bowl of soapy dishwater. ‘Just leave everything in the sink. I’ll do it in the morning.’

Alf took a sip of water to stop himself from saying something he’d regret. Replacing his glass on the table, he picked up a napkin and dabbed at his mouth. Kate was already walking out of the kitchen. ‘Okay. Good night.’

He heard her walk slowly up the stairs and found that his own appetite was suddenly waning. She was behaving oddly out of character and had been ever since the party. It was true that they rarely had big nights out any more, but surely her surliness couldn’t still be attributed to the aftereffects of alcohol? Alf felt there was something more to it.

Picking up the remainder of food on the table, he began to clear away. Had the puppy been a mistake? Was that why she was being odd? He couldn’t imagine his sweet, lovable Kate being angry at him for giving her something she’d always hinted at. She loved animals, she was always the first one to reach out and show attention to anything with a fluffy tail. Why would she be constantly fussing over Sam if he was unwanted? It couldn’t be the puppy?

Josh’s comment also came to the forefront of Alf’s mind. Walking into the office that morning, he hadn’t been surprised to hear about the party amongst the weekend gossip, but he had been surprised when Josh had said they’d all thought for a moment there that he was going to propose. He’d scoffed at the idea, momentarily stunned that his gesture had come across that way. Josh had said it was the small box that did it and his words preceding the puppy.

Part of him now wished he hadn’t taken the advice of the kindly dog breeder, Evon. She’d been so overawed with his idea of presenting the puppy as a birthday gift that she’d insisted on contributing the name-tag. In hindsight, perhaps he should have just put the tag on the puppy and instead presented the puppy first. Yet Evon had told him she’d made the tag look presentable in a nice box and it would be more of a surprise for Kate to see the tag first. He couldn’t argue with that. Kate’s face had been a picture. Not to mention the tears of joy she’d shed when he’d placed the puppy in her arms. For a moment he’d been distracted and horrified when he’d noticed the pee all over her party dress, but she’d quickly reassured him with a kiss and a smile…

No, he was pretty certain that Kate hadn’t misconstrued the box as a proposal. She knew him too well. If and when he did propose, it would never be done in front of an audience. She’d know that. He’d want it to be special and private. Besides, they’d agreed to give it a few years yet. They’d had a long chat on her 30th birthday – both of them feeling it would be better to wait a while until their work and financial situations were more stable. She hadn’t even mentioned the idea of engagement or marriage since.

He knew from experience that when a woman was getting itchy feet about an idea, there would be unmissable hints. Kate hadn’t done any of that. She’d seemed happy enough with the way things were and she surely would have mentioned it if there were any problems he wasn’t aware of…. So what else could it be?

He was stumped.

Kate pulled the heavy, patterned duvet up further until it covered her ears. The disruptive sounds from the television could still be heard wafting their way up the staircase and through the landing into the bedroom. She could just about make out Alf’s loud snores from the sofa, amongst the din.

Sniffling into her pillow, she closed her eyes and exhaled – trying to concentrate on nothingness and let her wandering mind rest. Her body was exhausted and she could barely move. Yet her head was a whirlwind of activity.

Suddenly remembering her morning alarm, she reached toward her bedside table and begrudgingly set the timer to 5.30am. Her early-morning starts at Oak Park had never been a problem for her before. She’d always loved her job – the residents, especially Vivian and Lil, were like family to her. However, for the past couple of weeks she’d been contemplating her future an awful lot. Even before the party, when she’d been so sure that Alf would propose, she’d wondered how married life would change their routines and life together. Now, with a strong and urgent feeling that all wasn’t right with their relationship, she was beginning to wonder if she truly was happy with other parts of her life.

Snuggling back under the cover, she thought about Lillian’s story and drastic measures to prompt her second husband into marrying her. If only she had it within herself to be as proactive and bold. But she knew that wasn’t the answer. It wasn’t even about engagement or marriage… It was about their lack of communication and the unsaid things that lay between them. The crossed wires and dashed hopes.

The simple truth of the matter was that she wanted Alf to want her and only her, to think of her as the future mother of his children and his forever life partner. She didn’t want to have to influence his decision in asking her to marry him. Wasn’t his love for her true self, flaws and all, enough to warrant that?

As she drifted into a fitful sleep, a small voice in her head wondered whether his reluctance to move forward together was because his love for her wasn’t great enough. Ignoring it, she concentrated on happy memories until the voice became so faint it could no longer be heard.

‘Turn the alarm off, babe.’

Alf’s sleepy voice caused Kate’s eyes to fly open of their own accord – her mind taking a few moments longer to process the situation. She felt his heavy arm draped across her body and, turning her head ever so slightly to the left, his face so close to her she could feel his heaving, rhythmic breathing against her neck.

She disentangled herself from the duvet, only half covering her body, and pressed the silence button on the clock. The beeping tune immediately ceased and Alf’s heavy breathing became more insistent. Not wanting to wake him again, Kate tiptoed toward the bedroom door, reaching for her dressing gown on the hook as she passed. Wrapping it tightly around her, she carefully closed the door behind her and made her way downstairs.

Despite being early spring, dawn had yet to break and darkness loomed in at her from the kitchen windows. She turned on the under-cabinet lights and filled the kettle.

Placing herself at the dining table, she heard the excited whimper of a sleepy Sam as he padded out of his dog bed with a vigorous wagging of his tail. Picking him up, she noted that he’d managed to wee on the special absorbent pad that Alf must have left out for him the previous evening. She smiled, pleased that the effort had paid off.

‘Good morning, sweetie. What a good boy you are for peeing on the pad.’ She allowed him to lick her chin with his over-enthusiastic tongue. The kettle began to boil and Kate yawned, wishing that she could forgo her usual morning routine and instead, with a click of her fingers, be ready for work.

‘Wishful thinking, huh, Sam?’

The puppy tilted his head from left to right, as if pondering her question. She smiled tiredly, placing him gently on the floor.

A soft tapping sound, coming from the hallway, made her jump. Unsure if she’d imagined it, she stood rooted to the spot, senses on high alert. A second tap, this time slightly louder, emanated once again into the kitchen. Sam’s tiny body tensed, his attention fixed beyond the kitchen door, into the darkened hallway. Kate noticed him quivering with fear. ‘Shhh, it’s okay. It’s just a noise.’ She bent down, picked the puppy up and walked into the hallway.

Through the slim, coloured, leaded-glass panels in their heavy, dark-wood street door, Kate could just about make out the silhouette of a person. She watched as the silhouette leaned in closer and tapped once again at the glass. Sam began to yap wildly; a piercing, high-pitched sound.

‘Hello?’ she called out, stepping closer to the door and putting the safety catch on.

A strong, husky voice came back at her. ‘Alf? It’s Marcus, mate.’

‘Hang on.’

Trying to calm a noisy, wriggling Sam, Kate one-handedly removed the safety catch and unlocked the top bolt, opening the door.

As the door flew open with the force of the wind, she flicked on the hallway light, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the stark brightness.

She stared at the man on her doorstep, all at once feeling self-conscious of her flannelette ensemble and tired appearance. His messy, dark hair, with its hint of a curl crawling down onto his forehead, framed an olive-toned face with the most perfectly symmetrical features she’d ever seen.

He stuck out his hand toward her – long, thin fingers and tanned, soft skin. ‘You must be Kate. I’m so sorry for arriving at this ungodly hour. I was going to wait in the car, but I saw the kitchen light come on and assumed Alf was up.’

Unable to remove her eyes from his startling face, she limply shook his hand, aware of a sudden rush of heat travelling up her neck and towards her face. She struggled to find the right words as a cloud fogged her mind.

A loud creak on the stairs broke her gaze and she automatically spun her head to the right, seeing Alf standing on the landing above.

‘Marcus, you’re early, mate. Come on in.’

Kate watched quietly as Alf speedily descended the stairs and reached out to pat his friend on the back with a smile and friendly welcome, ushering him into the hallway.

‘And I see you’ve met my Kate,’ he said, placing a morning kiss on her cheek as she met his eyes with an apologetic glance for her behaviour the previous night. He rubbed her shoulder in quiet acknowledgement before leading the way to the kitchen. ‘Let’s go through to here and we’ll do you some coffee.’

Marcus followed, but not before glancing at Kate with his piercing green eyes, like a bottomless pool of bright-emerald liquid contained by the thickest and most luscious dark eyelashes she’d come across on a man. Something about the way he looked at her, as if he could see into her very soul, unnerved her.

Trying to shake off her unease, she followed behind them, taking in the athletic, toned frame of her guest and the smooth, sun-kissed skin at the base of his neck, peeking out from his shirt collar. She silently hoped Marcus’s arrival wouldn’t complicate matters further.

It was the last thing she needed, on top of everything else.




Chapter 5 (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


‘Physically he sounds like my ideal man.’ Megan joked, hardly believing her ears. She carried on walking through the city toward St Mary’s Axe, adjusting the volume on her mobile hands-free unit to drown out the nearby cabbie tooting his horn. ‘Interesting that he has Spanish heritage. I thought you said he was Alf’s friend from school?’

Kate was sitting in the Oak Park staff canteen, mobile glued to her ear, excitedly trying to relay her news about Marcus to Meg in hushed tones. Tasha was eyeing her suspiciously from the far corner, hidden behind a magazine she’d already read the previous day.

‘Yes, he’s Alf’s friend from school. What’s that got to do with him being half Spanish?’ Kate asked confused. She dismissed the comment. ‘So, there’s me rushing around this morning trying to get the dog sorted, the washing up done and ready for work – all whilst Alf and him are having a catch-up – when he looks at me with genuine concern and tells me he’s got the day spare, so looking after Sam and doing the dishes is the least he can do to help. Honestly, Megan, he seems too good to be true. Even Alf looked surprised.’

Megan was stopped in her tracks as a heavy-set gentlemen in a well-cut charcoal suit barged straight into her, dismantling her hands-free ear piece. Without so much as a backward glance he continued on his way, leaving her seething in the middle of the busy side street. ‘So rude!’ she exclaimed loudly, catching the attention of three nearby city workers. She fumbled with her earpiece. ‘Sorry Kate, an ignorant bastard just bumped into me without so much as an apology.’

Grinning into her mobile and sensing her friend’s anger, Kate waited for the rustling sound to die down before she continued speaking. ‘Yes, so it might not be so bad having him around the house for a few days after all. I could get used to this.’

Megan raised her eyebrows as she took a sip of the frappuccino she was holding in her other hand. The last person she’d expected to receive a lunchtime call from was a giddy and excitable Kate; especially since it was about a man that wasn’t Alf. Marcus had certainly made an impression.

At first she’d been shocked to hear that Kate still hadn’t broached the subject of marriage with Alf. She’d seen the look on Kate’s face at the party when he’d presented the puppy – she’d felt her friend’s disappointment and wanted to run to the stage to hug her. Instead she’d had to make do with giving her a pep talk in the ladies’ loo straight after.

Furthermore, she’d heard the office gossip – everyone present at the party had also thought that Alf was about to ask for Kate’s hand in marriage. It had incensed her to discover that he had been surprised by this. In addition to the weekend’s drama, hearing that Alf had since invited his friend to stay with them had made her despair for Kate.

Yet Kate’s energy was infectious. She sounded animated. Megan sincerely hoped that she wasn’t setting herself up for a fall. She’d sensed, from Kate’s lack of contact since the party, that she’d been mulling over things. It was typical of her to retreat from the world when she was confused. It was her way of dealing with things. She only hoped that having this Marcus around for a few days would be a benefit. She knew how vulnerable Kate could be at times.

‘What are you doing tonight? I might have to pop over and inspect Marcus. See if he really is as hot as you’re suggesting.’ She took another sip of frappuccino. ‘Besides, I can worm all of the necessary information out of him so we can make a proper analysis.’

Kate laughed, an odd squeak as her heart pounded in her chest and her mouth suddenly felt dry. ‘I can’t tonight. It’s the monthly staff meeting. I won’t be home until late.’ She narrowed her eyes, hoping that the lie wasn’t too obvious in her slightly strangled voice tone. Tasha was now hovering beside her at the sink and she caught the woman eyeing her curiously.

Megan was about to answer at the same time as spotting a colleague approaching her, pointing rapidly to his wristwatch. ‘For goodness sake, I’m going to have to go, Kate. I can’t leave the office for five minutes without someone chasing me for something. I’ll call you later, okay?’

Without waiting for Kate to reply, she cut the call, all thoughts of Kate and Marcus instantly forgotten.

Pushing back her chair from the dining table, Vivian bade farewell to the others at the table and made her way slowly back to her ground-floor apartment. As she passed the grandfather clock in the main corridor, she was surprised to see she’d spent far longer taking her lunch than she’d allowed for.

Tutting to herself, she tried to hurry her steps, faintly aware of a strong pulling sensation in the upper left region of her chest.

‘Are you okay, Viv?’ Kate called out, spotting her friend at the far end of the corridor. She noticed Vivian’s greying pallor even from a distance. Placing the arch file of paperwork she’d been preparing to deal with under the nearby reception desk, she headed towards her.

Vivian’s smile was cut short and she clasped her hand to her chest as another excruciating sensation took hold. ‘Hello, love’. Her well-lined face scrunched itself into clear discomfort and she swayed unsteadily on her feet. She struggled to speak. ‘Goodness me – I’ve got heartburn ever so bad today.’

Kate quickly and tactfully drew up a chair from the nearby visitors’ area. ‘Have a quick sit-down till it passes,’ she suggested, carrying the chair closer and gently helping to lower Vivian’s large frame into the flimsy plastic.

‘Don’t mind me. I’ll be as right as rain in a moment. Bet it was that bloody fish pie. I’ve a good mind to put a complaint in to the kitchen again.’

‘Oh dear, I bet the kitchen staff will be pleased.’ Kate giggled, noticing that Viv’s hands were steadying from their shakes. She felt relieved. ‘Shall I get you a glass of water?’

Waving her away in irritation, Vivian pulled herself up, her long, pleated navy skirt hitching itself higher on one side of her hip. ‘I’m alright now. It was my fault for rushing. I’ve got visitors coming you see…’ She winked at Kate.

‘Ah, visitors.’ Kate nodded with a knowing smile.

It was often remarked upon by new members of staff that many of Vivian’s visitors brought gifts of Guinness and cigarettes. She herself had once wondered why the guests to her room were often a constant and steady stream. However, she’d quickly got to discover why Vivian’s nickname was Tea Cup Viv and why the guests were often laden down with the alcoholic beverage of choice. ‘How many have you got today, then?’ she asked, noticing that the colour was coming back into Vivian’s cheeks.

‘Two. A mother and a daughter. Let’s hope I can work my usual magic.’ She chuckled and then suddenly looked seriously at Kate. ‘You ought to have one, you know. It might help?’

Kate felt her face flush. She loved Viv dearly, but she still couldn’t get her head around the idea of someone being able to read the future. It was an absurd and indigestible theory. And all from a cup containing the dregs of tea leaves?

Wrinkling her nose, Kate tried to think of a suitable response. Although her curiosity was piqued, she felt scared at the prospect. She trusted Vivian and knew she’d never dupe her into anything, for her heart was pure gold. But what if the predictions that were made did have some vestige of truth behind them? It was hard to consider that possibility, but then why did so many clients return to Vivian time and again?

‘Don’t look so frightened, love, there’s no need to fear anything. You’re clearly not ready yet. So forget I suggested anything.’

Kate stared into the distance, considering her words.

‘Go on, shoo now. We’ve both got work to do.’ Vivian was already waving goodbye and heading down the corridor before she had a chance to answer.

She looked on as Vivian rounded the corner and disappeared from view. She really was a bold character, much like Kate’s Aunt Evie had been. In many ways, perhaps that’s why she’d held Viv so dearly in her heart since her first few days at the Care Home eight years ago. She was like the nurturing mother figure she so desperately craved and had lost – twice over.

‘Right, where’d I put those files again?’ Kate muttered to herself, picking up the chair she’d placed in the middle of the corridor and setting it back in its rightful place. She scanned the corridor until her eyes rested on the reception desk and all at once she remembered.

Hastily walking across to retrieve the files, her eyes flittered over the grandfather clock and her stomach gave an involuntary lurch. Only two hours left of her shift and she’d be going home… and seeing Marcus.

Megan finished typing up the job description she’d spent the afternoon preparing and glanced at her mobile that lay discreetly beside her Rolodex. No calls from Jonnie. On one hand she was relieved, as no news was good news. But on the other, she couldn’t help but worry – it had been four days now and the knot of tension in her stomach was beginning to grow with every passing hour. It seemed silly after so many years to still experience the same conflicting emotions as always. She’d come to the conclusion it was a lesson ingrained and experience had taught her that no slip-up was the same as another. Yes, they followed the same pattern – it was, after all, a vicious cycle. Yet the devastation over the years had only seemed to worsen. If that was at all possible.

Her office phone shrilled loudly, disturbing her thought process. She recognized the caller display immediately – TopTen Recruitment. Rolling her eyes, she picked up the handset.

‘Good afternoon, Hamilton Insurance Brokers. HR Department.’

‘Hi, Megan, it’s Kaley over at TopTen.’

‘Hi, Kaley,’ she tried to sound enthusiastic, even though Kaley was her least- favourite consultant to deal with. ‘What have you got for me?’

Picking up her pen and turning the page on her jotter pad, she listened patiently as Kaley’s monotone voice rattled off the qualities of various potential candidates. It was a full five minutes later before she ended the call, feeling as if she’d been drained of all life force by the dull conversation. Glancing down at the notes she’d made on her pad, she realised that her mind wasn’t in the right mode for candidate selection. She could barely make sense of what she’d written.

Her mobile flashed suddenly and she felt her stomach lurch. Despite being set to silent tone, her brother’s name flashed across the screen. Grateful as ever for having her own office, albeit a small one, she slid the slider across the screen, a sickening feeling sweeping through her.

‘Jonnie?’

‘Sis…Can you come and get m…me?’ She noticed the unmistakable slur in his voice.

‘Where are you?’

‘Sss… Sss… Sid’s h-house.’

‘You’ve been drinking’ she accused, immediately regretting it. Ten years of the same pattern and yet she’d made the crucial mistake of pointing out the obvious, opening up a door for a tidal wave of denial and abuse.

‘Oh, for God… God’s sake. I haven’t been drinking. I… I haven’t touched a drink. Fucking always accu…accusing me of drinking. You nasty bitch.’ He spat the last word with such force that she held the phone away from her.

He continued with his rant. ‘I just wanted to… to see you. But no, you al-always think th-think the worst of me. Accu… accusing me all the time.’

Feeling sick to her stomach at the rising agitation in his voice and his abusive language, Megan took a deep breath to calm herself. She knew from experience that there was no way she’d be able to help him at this point. It would be a fruitless effort, with him directing his anger at her. It was better to distance herself and be thankful that at least he was still alive. He would undoubtedly begin to sober up within the next day or so.

‘I have to go, Jonnie. I’m at work.’

She cut the call with shaking hands. Even though she’d been through similar conversations countless times, the process always affected her emotionally.

‘At least he’s safe at Sid’s,’ she muttered to herself, thankful that he hadn’t been calling from a police station or hospital, as he had on many an occasion. Megan ignored the once again flashing screen of her mobile, turning the handset face down. She knew that if she ignored the calls for long enough, he’d eventually stop calling.

What saddened her about the situation was that it wasn’t directly his fault. Growing up with their alcoholic mother hadn’t been the best precedent to begin with. The difference was that their mother, to an extent, had been a ‘functioning alcoholic’. Whilst she hadn’t provided the same level of care that some of Megan’s friends’ parents displayed, she had managed to hold down a job and take care of the basic needs of her two children, single-handedly.

Having to learn to be highly responsible from a young age, Megan had automatically taken on most of the caring duties for her younger brother. It was she who ensured he was properly washed and fed. And it was she who eventually took over the role of guardian to Jonnie when, as soon as she turned eighteen, their own mother scarpered off to Scotland with her on-and-off boyfriend.

Jonnie had never really stood a chance. He was just thirteen when their mother had left and, despite Megan’s best efforts, the impact had obviously been too great. By the time Jonnie reached twenty, he’d already been in and out of prison for minor offences and began to drink heavily. It was heartbreaking to see her younger brother destroying himself. Especially as he’d been doing so well for the past three months – even securing himself a job at the local builders’ merchant.

Megan sighed as her PC monitor dulled and a screensaver took its place. Maybe, just maybe, once Jonnie sobered up, he’d get back on track and finally seek the help she so frequently and desperately tried to convince him that he needed…

She tapped her mouse and brought the PC back to life. Reluctant as she was, she had to get on with her work.

Kate re-dusted the rolling pin with a handful of plain flour and continued to work on the pastry she was rolling out. It had been an unexpected disappointment to arrive home the previous evening and find the house empty – she’d had hopes of getting to know more about her mystery guest, Marcus. It wasn’t often she come across men so beautiful and especially one who was going to be staying under her own roof!

Instead, she’d found herself greeting Alf a lot earlier than usual, thanks to an out-of-city local meeting he’d attended. Without waiting for her to ask, he’d explained that Marcus had been commissioned to cover a last-minute story for a national newspaper. Given his circumstances he’d jumped at the chance and headed back up North for the overnight stay. For a moment she’d been disconcerted, until Alf had swiftly followed up that he’d be returning to stay with them the next day.

As a consequence, her best-laid plans for an evening in Marcus’s presence instead gave way to a rather sombre affair, especially after Alf had spent most of it recounting the details of his client meeting. Part of her had wanted to tell him that she didn’t give a hoot about professional indemnity insurance aimed specifically at engineers and architects, and neither did she care that the chief executive was a ‘smarmy git’. However, she’d feigned considerable interest and calmly nodded in all the right places. Only when Alf finally seemed satisfied that he’d exhausted the topic, did Kate dare to bring up the subject that had been niggling at her.

Still raw from the proposal disappointment and without having the distraction of Marcus, she’d felt bold enough to raise the matter of the house being in need of redecoration. On some inner level, the uncomfortable association with the house’s neglected appearance reflecting their relationship was eating away at her. And she had wanted to remedy the situation, especially as she still hadn’t found the courage to broach the real reason for their issues…

Unfortunately, raising the subject of the house had done nothing but leave her feeling dejected. She’d immediately deduced from Alf’s quick glance around the room and nonplussed attitude to her suggestion, that he didn’t feel it absolutely necessary. Although she could have easily argued her case – and she was in no doubt that he’d have told her to go ahead if it was what she really wanted – his lack of initial enthusiasm disappointed her. She felt it was an omen of things to come.

A sharp tap on the front door caught her attention, breaking her thoughts. Sam, who had been sitting quietly by Kate’s feet, ran cautiously to the safety of his corner box as she dusted off her floured hands on a nearby tea towel. Walking into the hallway, she could vaguely make out the distorted sight of a man leaning against the glass. Her spirits lifted a little. She had high hopes for the evening ahead and was welcoming the much-needed presence of Marcus to distract her from her current relationship situation. The guilty part of her conscience did wonder why Marcus was striking such a chord within her – she’d never felt such felt such a bubble of excitement at the idea of spending time with a man who wasn’t Alf. Yet she pushed the self-reproach aside and told herself it was simply a diversion from her own mounting concerns, especially the fundamental issue of her problems with Alf.

Ignoring the thudding in her chest and her quickened breathing, she hastily opened the door.

The sight that greeted her wasn’t what she was expecting…




Chapter 6 (#u5c8b1489-5e57-5756-8aab-a2db1026aba5)


‘Jonnie…?’ Kate once again impatiently shook the shoulder of the slumping bulk of Megan’s brother on her doorstep. ‘Jonnie, get up.’ She heard the wariness in her own voice and tried to keep calm, despite her escalating sense of dread. Jonnie was refusing to stir and, aside from a gentle snort that assured her he was still breathing, he remained a dead weight half-propped against the doorframe. ‘Can you hear me? Please get up,’ she urged, knowing it was a fruitless request.

Upon opening the door and looking forward to greeting Marcus, she’d been dumbfounded to see a dishevelled and foul-smelling Jonnie instead. He’d barely managed to stay standing long enough to utter her name, before collapsing into a heap at her feet.

Panic suddenly shot to her core and Kate felt momentarily at a loss as to what to do. Thankfully, Alf wasn’t due home for another hour – she couldn’t begin to imagine his reaction at finding a drunken, passed-out Jonnie on their doorstep. It didn’t bear thinking about. Alf had never attempted to be compassionate or understanding of the situation with Megan’s brother, despite Kate’s gentle persuasion and subtle hints about the childhood he’d endured. It was no use, often falling on deaf ears. Part of her wondered if Alf’s refusal and inability to understand could be attributed to the fact that he’d had a relatively straightforward childhood. How does anyone know about tragedy and loss unless they themselves have experienced it first-hand?

The stories of Jonnie’s alcoholic behaviour had only been told as references to Megan’s predicament; never had they directly involved Kate herself – until now. She was without doubt that Alf would be livid if he arrived home now.

Trying to calm her anxiety, she thought of her options and decided that the best course of action was to call Megan. Pushing the door to, she ran into the kitchen and hastily grabbed her mobile from the counter, dialling Megan’s number and walking quickly back into the hallway. Kate’s heart sank as the call immediately went to voicemail. Glancing at the time on her phone display she knew it was highly likely that Megan was on the tube. It would be at least twenty minutes before Kate could reach her.

‘What the hell? Mate? Are you okay?’ she heard a male voice outside the door. Marcus. Her heart sank a notch further. This was not how she’d envisioned her evening in the slightest. Goodness knows what Marcus would think – not to mention that he’d undoubtedly tell Alf. Kate rushed to the door, dreading a showdown if Jonnie chose that moment to regain his senses. Forgetting pleasantries, she jumped to Jonnie’s defence.

‘Marcus, it’s okay. I know him’ she said hurriedly, immediately noticing the shocked expression on his face. She also noticed that he looked exhausted, his olive skin pasty and his normally sparkling green eyes lacklustre.

‘What’s happened? Are you okay?’ he asked in concern, reaching out for her arm.

She waved him away gently and kindly, feeling a strange relief that at least she wouldn’t have to deal with the situation alone. ‘I’m fine. Nothing untoward has happened.’ She gestured to Jonnie and tried to explain quickly, aware of the ticking clock and Alf’s imminent arrival home. ‘He’s my friend’s brother and he has a problem with drink. I thought it was you, so I opened the door and he passed out on the doorstep.’

‘Shall we get him inside?’ Marcus asked, putting down his overnight holdall and pushing the street door open as wide as it would allow. He bent down to hoist up the guy, who looked to be slightly younger than himself.

Kate considered this for a split second, before shaking her head. ‘Actually, I think it’s better if we get him to his own home.’ She wondered if he had a key somewhere. ‘You check his pockets for a door key, I’ll quickly lock up here – if you don’t mind helping me?’

Marcus looked slightly surprised, but quickly nodded his reassurance. ‘If that’s what you think is best’ he said, noticing that she sounded harassed. He quietly wondered what Alf was going to make of the situation.

Kate had already rushed back into the kitchen to turn off the steak she’d been braising for the pie. Between switching off the hob and grabbing her handbag from the dining chair, she locked the back door and tried Megan’s mobile once again. Voicemail.

As she reached the door again, she saw that Marcus had put his holdall in the hallway and was attempting to stand up a drunken and ever-so-quietly-slurring Jonnie. A set of keys dangled from his left hand. ‘Ready?’

‘Oh, that’s a relief, he’s got his keys on him,’ she said, really meaning it. Taking her car fob from the hallway bureau she unlocked her car, thankfully only metres away, and proceeded to help Marcus practically drag Jonnie to the rear of the small Renault. Positioning him on the back seat took some manoeuvring, but they eventually managed it.

‘Don’t worry, it’s not too far a drive. About ten minutes from here and hopefully my friend Megan will be home by the time we get there. She works in the City,’ Kate explained, grateful that Marcus had automatically opened the front passenger door and settled himself in the seat. She hadn’t taken it for granted that he would accompany her, but she gave silent thanks, wondering how she’d have managed to get Jonnie out of the car alone otherwise.

She got into the driver’s side and started the engine.

‘Is this a regular thing, then?’ Marcus asked, looking sideways at Kate and noticing a small patch of dried flour on her cheek. Her skin was flushed and he considered her slightly shaking hands gripping the steering wheel as a sign of her unease.

‘Well, for as long as I can remember he’s had a problem with the drink. But he’s never turned up at ours before. I can’t think why he would either, to be honest.’ It was true. Why ever would he knock at her door?

They heard a groan from the back seat and Marcus looked over his shoulder at the fully grown man, head flopping onto his chest and dribbling from the mouth. Instead of disgust, he felt pity.

‘Drink destroys people,’ he said at the same moment as Kate briefly glanced in his direction. She couldn’t be sure but she thought she caught a shadow of sadness pass across his face.

Feeling responsible for the unexpected drama that had welcomed Marcus home – not to mention the change in his mood – and eager to change the subject, aware that Jonnie could awaken at any moment and overhear their conversation, she forced a smile.

‘So how was your business trip? Alf told me you went to do an interview up North.’

Marcus nodded his head tiredly. ‘Yes, I happen to know the editor and they’d been let down by another journalist at the last moment. So he called me in instead.’ He glanced out of the window, thinking about the irony of the trip and how he’d almost been tempted to stay up North.

‘Will you be doing the same work here, then?’ Kate asked, curious. Alf, never one to elaborate, had only filled her in briefly on Marcus’s situation – that he’d split with his fiancée in Leeds and returned to his roots to start afresh. Usually she would have pressed for more details, but knowing that Marcus was coming back to stay with them, she’d thought it wiser to get the story from the horse’s mouth.

‘Yes, hopefully – well, I have a few things already in the pipeline and then there’s my book….’ he tailed off, shrugging his shoulders. ‘I’ve almost finished the final draft – I’m hoping something will come of it.’

Kate indicated left, turning into the side road that led directly to Megan’s end of terrace that she shared with her brother. ‘You’ve written a book?’ She was impressed. ‘What’s it about?’

Marcus smiled at the sudden enthusiasm in her voice. He liked the way she glanced at him with genuine and pleasant surprise. ‘Well, it’s fiction but the main character is loosely based on my grandfather. He’s had an extraordinary amount of adventure in his years. I thought it’d make for interesting reading.’

He noticed they were slowing to a stop and Kate reached for the hand brake, pulling it up gently. ‘That’s doubly impressive. Not only have you have written a book, you’ve based it on your granddad. He must be rather proud.’

Marcus grinned, wondering silently how his grandfather would react when he revealed that he’d chosen him as the main subject of his newest ‘project’.

‘He doesn’t know yet.’

Kate raised her eyebrows in surprise. ‘Well, I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic – provided you’ve not included too many of his personal secrets.’

A splutter, followed by a loud sneeze came from the back seat. Jonnie groaned loudly and Kate and Marcus both reacted quickly, their conversation instantly dismissed as she turned off the engine and Marcus undid his seatbelt.

‘Let’s get him inside as fast as possible. It will be better than if he wakes up – in case he starts being abusive.’ Kate began getting out of the car, grabbing her mobile and dialling Megan’s number one last time. She could tell from the lack of lights in the half brick and rendered property that Megan wasn’t yet home. The call went straight to voicemail.

Marcus was already pulling an incoherent but now semi-awake Jonnie from the back seat.

‘Come on, mate, let’s get you inside.’

Thankfully, Jonnie seemed to have gained the use of his legs and stumbled out of the car, eyeing Marcus through squinting eyes with an aggressive look on his face.

Kate took control of the situation, sensing that Jonnie would react badly to a stranger giving him orders once he became more aware. She gestured with her eyes from Marcus to the passenger door, nodding her head and hoping he’d understand that it’d be better for him to wait in the car. He did. Except he refused to get into the car, choosing instead to stand beside it, just in case Kate needed assistance.

Kate ushered a staggering Jonnie to the blue street door and opened it, breathing a sigh of relief as he walked straight into the house, without so much as a word or backward glance. Stumbling to the nearest armchair he collapsed into it, his eyes closing again.

Without wasting time, Kate put his set of keys onto the sideboard and hurried out of the house, closing the door behind her with an overwhelming sense of relief. There wasn’t any need to stay a moment longer than necessary.

‘That was quick.’ Marcus commented in surprise as she came up the paved concrete path towards him.

‘I know, he passed out on the chair as soon as we got in.’ Kate walked straight to the driver’s side and got into the car, Marcus following suit. She couldn’t help but glance at the overhead digital time display with a cautious expression. ‘Oh goodness, it’s six-thirty already. Alf will be home soon.’

Marcus heard the distinct tone of anxiety in her voice and looked at her quizzically. ‘Are you worried about Alf coming home?’

Regretting her words, Kate started up the engine and shook her head slowly. ‘No. It’s not that.’ She considered how best to put across her worries. ‘It’s just that Alf’s always found fault with my friend Megan, despite us being friends since childhood. If he finds out about Jonnie…’ She exhaled slowly, pushing her head back against the headrest. ‘Well, it’ll just probably cause an argument between me and him and I don’t want that. Not tonight.’

‘I see.’

Marcus considered what Kate was saying. The last few months of his relationship with Linzie had been especially hard – her wayward friends playing a vital part in the numerous arguments and eventual disintegration. Yet the reasons had been very different to the situation Kate was in.

Despite only knowing Kate for the briefest of time, she’d given him the impression of a kind-hearted person – even her job suggested that. Plus he’d seen the way she’d fussed over Alf – not to mention himself, a practical stranger to her – before going to work the previous day. He vaguely remembered from past conversations with Alf that she had no family, having lost her parents at a young age. Something about this touched him deeply. It seemed she was wise in not wanting to cause unnecessary disharmony with Alf. Although he did wonder what Megan was like, for easy-going Alf to not like her…

‘I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation and of course if you’d prefer to be honest with Alf that’s fine…’ Kate began.

‘Look, I won’t say anything about this to Alf unless you choose to mention it. Okay?’

Kate felt her shoulders relax and her grip on the steering wheel loosened slightly. She smiled and tried not to exhale too heavily. ‘Thanks, Marcus. If Alf is home, then of course I’ll tell him where we have been.’ She hoped this wasn’t the case. ‘But if not, it’s probably best for the moment that he doesn’t know…’

Letting her voice trail off, she concentrated on the road ahead. The evening hadn’t started at all how she’d hoped and yet despite the circumstances she’d come to experience another side to Marcus that confirmed her initial gut feeling. He seemed to be of that rare variety of men – both aesthetically pleasing and a generous, considerate person to match.

She quietly wondered why his fiancée had let him slip away.

‘That was delicious.’ Alf commented, pushing his empty plate away from him. He’d been pleasantly surprised to arrive home – albeit a bit later than he’d planned – to find that Kate had prepared his favourite meal. She also seemed to be in high spirits.

Marcus nodded his agreement. ‘Really lovely, Kate. If you continue to cook like this, I might not ever want to leave.’

Earlier calamity forgotten and thankful that telling Alf had been averted, Kate grinned from one man to the other.

‘I guess we might have to buy a bigger house then, Alf,’ she joked, meeting Alf’s eyes and waiting for his reaction.

‘I thought you wanted to re-decorate this one?’ he replied, his tone more serious. He’d toyed with the idea since their discussion yesterday and he was beginning to think she was perhaps right. The rooms did seem rather tired…

Kate shifted in her seat, aware that Marcus was looking at them both with interest. ‘Well, yes we can decorate.’ She nodded her head slowly. ‘Or maybe we could just buy something else instead?’ she ventured, feeling braver now that there was another person to witness the discussion.

‘You want to move?’ Alf asked, surprised. He seemed to consider the idea for a split second then shrugged his shoulders dismissively. ‘I don’t see there’s any point yet; we’re happy enough here, aren’t we?’

Kate bit down on her bottom lip, stopping herself from instantly retorting something she’d later regret. She tried to not show her frustration. Instead she stood up and began to collect their empty dinner plates. ‘If you say so, Alf,’ she muttered quietly.

Marcus, sensing that the atmosphere had changed, avoided looking at either party and instead helpfully picked up the used cutlery and glasses, taking them over to the sink.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Alf snapped in annoyance. ‘So you’re not happy?’ He knew something was bothering her, but he couldn’t understand why she was being so awkward. And of all the times to do it, why create a tension in front of Marcus?

Surprised at Alf’s tone and not caring that Marcus was present, Kate let the silence linger for a moment before she responded crossly.

‘It doesn’t matter what I suggest, you always seem to cut me down.’ Clattering the plates against the worktop in frustration, she avoided turning around through fear of both men seeing her suddenly teary eyes. She knew she wasn’t being entirely fair on Alf, but she couldn’t help herself.

Alf stood up, glancing in Marcus’s direction and shook his head scornfully. He didn’t want to get into a fight when there were clearly deeper things to be discussed. It wasn’t like Kate to be like this. ‘I’m not going to argue with you, Kate, but I can’t seem to win lately either. If you want to decorate I’ve said that’s fine. Do what you want. But I’m not moving on a whim.’

Kate remained silent, staring out of the window into the narrow back garden as Alf opened the fridge for a can of beer and, handing one to Marcus, suggested they retreat into the living room.

‘That’s if Kate doesn’t need help here?’ Marcus offered, stealing a sideways glance at her and noticing how she managed a small shake of the head at him.

‘I’m okay, thanks. I’m going to tidy here and go up to bed and read.’

‘So you’re not going to join us?’ Alf asked, his tone suggesting that he felt she should.

Before she could answer, Marcus, clearly feeling awkward, cut in and tried to lighten the atmosphere. ‘Oh, go on, Kate, unless your book is more interesting than me. Besides, I’m intrigued about your art now that you’ve mentioned you used to paint.’

Knowing he’d unwittingly chosen a sore subject, Kate forced herself to smile at him and with a reluctant nod of the head she agreed. ‘Okay, let me tidy in here and I’ll join you both with a glass of wine.’

She didn’t notice Alf’s approving gaze – instead she felt relieved as they left her washing the dishes in the kitchen and the volume on the television in the adjoining room rose to an unbearable level. She needed something to distract her mind from the hundreds of burning questions that were once again floating around in her head.

It was time to face the facts. Alf clearly wasn’t yet ready for marriage; that much he’d proved the previous weekend. Neither was he interested in babies – for that subject had also been avoided for as long as she could remember. To add to that, he’d barely shown enthusiasm for her suggestion of re-decorating and he’d just more or less outright dismissed the idea of moving. So where did that leave their relationship?

Far from feeling as if they’d reached a comfortable plateau, Kate instead felt that they were both treading quicksand.

It wasn’t a welcome experience. She exhaled sadly and began to rinse the dishes – knowing that her own reluctance to speak up was partly to blame.




Chapter 7 (#ulink_3479e8c1-3dc2-5f98-a981-6e962c5c6fba)


‘Honestly, though, Kate, thank you so much for bringing him home. Given the state I found him in… well…’ Megan paused for a moment, reminded of the image of Jonnie face down on the carpet in a pile of his own vomit. ‘I’m just thankful that he chose to come to you. Heaven only knows where he’d have ended up if he hadn’t.’

Megan had been dismayed to see the number of missed calls from her friend the previous evening. It had been an unwelcome surprise after an already exhausting experience of getting stuck on the Underground for close to two hours. The lack of ventilation, frustrated fellow passengers and the fact that she’d been forced to stand for most of the journey now seemed like a blessing in disguise. Finding out that Jonnie had made a nuisance of himself by going to Kate’s wasn’t something she would have had the strength to deal with. Especially after being called into the last-minute management meeting at work and told of the restructuring plan that was to affect the entire staff force at Hamilton’s.

‘It’s just a shame he slipped up. He was doing so well,’ Kate said, feeling sympathetic at the weariness in Megan’s voice. ‘I still can’t understand why he came here, though? Did he mention anything to you today?’

Relieved that she wasn’t having the conversation face to face, Megan nodded into her house phone. ‘Yes, he did; he said he locked himself out of Sid’s and you were the closest place he could think to go to.’ It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the entire truth.

‘Oh, okay, I thought it might have been more than that. I’m just pleased that Alf wasn’t home – he wouldn’t have been happy.’

Megan agreed. Having Alf involved in the situation would have made things exceedingly complicated. Besides, she wasn’t sure that, given her current state, she would have been able to hold back on the news she’d discovered at the meeting, directly affecting him. She tried to put the thought aside.

Just like Kate, she had been baffled as to why her brother had ventured to her friend’s house. Rather than pressing him for answers straight away, she’d waited until late morning, when a grey and pallid Jonnie had arisen from his slumber and – then sober – apologised profusely. She’d heard it all before, but with no desire to head down the well-trodden path of lecturing him, she’d instead asked why he’d gone to Kate’s. She’d been startled by his response. It seemed that in his incoherent stupor, after locking himself out of Sid’s and being ‘abandoned’ by Megan in her refusal to answer his calls, the only person he could think of who would understand his situation was Kate.

With lowered eyes and stilted words, he’d consciously tried to explain to Megan that he had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He’d been struggling with feelings of rejection and emotional neglect. Given that he knew Kate had no real family to speak of, he’d hoped to find a kindred spirit in her. After all, she’d made references on numerous occasions in the past to the fact that she, too, had felt empty. He thought she’d understand and maybe have some answers.

It had pained Megan to hear of her brother’s troubled feelings, but she was grateful that he’d passed out before he’d had a chance to open up to Kate. She knew her friend well and although she’d have done everything within her power to help Jonnie, Kate would have also been torn apart at revisiting the emotions associated with her parents’ and aunt’s death. She’d spent so long trying to make peace with everything and the emotions would have undoubtedly opened old wounds. It wasn’t a subject Megan wanted Jonnie to raise again – and she’d warned him of this, explaining that Kate had her own issues she was struggling with, without the extra burden of his, too.

Sidetracked by her thoughts, Megan realised she hadn’t been paying attention to Kate’s chattering. She caught the end of a sentence about visiting Tea Cup Viv for a reading and made what she hoped was the right reassuring response.

‘Great. So you’re going to have one, too, then?’ her friend asked in surprise. Without waiting for Megan’s response, she carried on enthusiastically. ‘I’ll tell Viv. I don’t want to do it alone; I’d prefer to have you there. You know – just in case. And it’ll be so interesting to see what she gets for you, too.’

Trying to sound enthusiastic, Megan said she’d look forward to it – with no real intention of undertaking anything of the sort. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in psychic abilities it just didn’t interest her. She had no desire to know anything about the future – she was much more content living day by day.

Kate knew this too, which was why she’d been a little taken aback at Megan’s keenness. She’d expected her friend to instantly dismiss the suggestion. She herself had been toying with the idea for most of the morning; gradually she’d come to the conclusion that she needed answers and although she didn’t really believe in it, perhaps it would offer some. She was at a loss as to what more she could do. Short of sitting down and having the frank conversation with Alf that was needed, she first wanted some guidance from somewhere – and if Viv could give that in some small way, then why not?

The previous evening, although it seemed to improve as the hours passed and the wine flowed, had left her once again wondering where their relationship was headed. Things, perhaps, wouldn’t have been so questionable if Marcus hadn’t raised the subject of travelling and holidays. She’d been more than surprised when Alf had piped up with the unlikelihood of them taking a long-distance trip in the foreseeable future. She vaguely recalled the words ‘workload’, ‘financial restraints’ and ‘priorities’ being bandied around by him, but the entire time she’d stayed silent, solemnly wondering why her input on the matter hadn’t been requested. Only when Marcus had looked at her for confirmation had she managed to mutely nod her head in agreement, not wanting to cause another quarrel in front of their guest.

Kate couldn’t understand what had happened to their plans to spend two weeks road- tripping around California. Alf had seemed so eager to discuss the trip at the start of the year and they’d even looked into excursions. It was now only spring – so when had his change of heart taken place?

So many uncertainties seemed to be dancing around inside her and she knew it wouldn’t be beneficial to open up to Alf unless she could make some sense of their meaning first. Besides, the idea of talking to him about things and not hearing the response she wanted to hear, terrified her. She’d lost so many people in her life already. What if there was a possibility that Alf didn’t want the same things as her for the future? The devastation that rippled through her at the very idea wasn’t an emotion that she even wanted to acknowledge. The fear of being alone once again, of someone she desperately loved leaving her, was too overwhelming a thought to consider.

So she needed to be prepared first within herself. Just in case….

She tried to pay attention as Megan’s voice boomed excitedly down the phone, telling her about an opening party of an exclusive cocktail venue in the City. As her eyes flitted towards the large staffroom clock, she was dismayed to find that her lunch hour was rapidly drawing to an end.

‘I’ll let you know if Shilpa can get me an extra free entry for opening night – it’s going to be a ticketed event. I think you’ll enjoy it.’

Kate groaned. ‘Oh, I don’t know, Megan, it doesn’t really sound like my scene…’ she tailed off, wondering why Megan was extending her the invite. Shilpa was usually her partner in crime for these sorts of things.

Megan cut her off before she could protest further. ‘Kate, you’ve been moaning that you want to dress up and go out more lately. This is your chance. You need to let your hair down – de-stress. Come on, it’ll be fun.’

It didn’t take long for Megan’s words to have an effect. Kate knew it was true – since her birthday party, she’d once again gotten lost in a swamp of insecurities and forgotten the glamour and zest for life that she’d briefly rediscovered. She thought of the new cream-chiffon dress, still marked with nail varnish and banished to the back of her wardrobe. Hadn’t Alf promised to replace it? In a split second she’d made up her mind.

‘Okay, you’re right. Count me in. I need a girlie night out.’

Megan whooped in delight and promised to speak to Shilpa.

Saying goodbye, Kate ended the call on her mobile, pleased with her decision and allowing herself to feel excited at the thought of a fun night out. Getting up to put her empty egg-and-cress sandwich carton in the canteen bin, another thought occurred to her…

Maybe, just maybe, she had found an answer to her worries after all. Perhaps that was the key to understanding her future with Alf. Maybe she just needed to make herself happy again – get back to appreciating who she was and enjoying life again. Otherwise, how could Alf even begin to try to fix things?

Alf stirred a generously heaped spoonful of sugar into his mug of coffee. Although the narrow staff kitchen was spacious enough to accommodate two long lunch benches and at least twenty people, he couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between Jeanette from credit control and Bea, the personal assistant to the director of the international division.

‘So the rumours were true, then?’ Jeanette was saying with dismay, replacing a carton of milk in the shared fridge.

‘I think the accounts department will be safe,’ Bea replied reassuringly. ‘It’s mostly the various broking teams and schemes that will be scaled down. Plus a management restructure.’

‘I hope you’re right, Bea. At my age I’m not likely to be getting another job soon in this current climate.’

Alf glanced at Jeanette as she picked up her mug of tea from the countertop and she lowered her voice as she caught his gaze. Pretending he didn’t notice, he picked up his own mug of coffee and made his way back to his desk, a leaden feeling in his stomach. He’d suspected something was amiss, but had naively assumed it was most likely to do with the upcoming salary appraisals being fixed at inflation rate. Despite hoping for an increase, he’d already decided that if he convinced Kate in foregoing any big travel plans, they wouldn’t need to worry if the raise didn’t happen.

Sitting down at his desk, Alf felt shaken up. He’d worked solidly over the past two years to secure his current role as head of the PI Scheme for Engineering and so many sacrifices had been made as a result, financially and emotionally. His career investment was only just beginning to pay off – he was on his way to peaking. Yet overhearing the conversation had confirmed the hushed gossip that had been making waves all around the department for the last two days. He knew that quiet, straight-laced Bea wasn’t the type to involve herself in rumours. Besides, she had direct access to her director, Andy’s, inbox. If anyone was going to be aware of developments on a management level, it was Bea.

Setting his mug down next to piles of paper that were swamping his desk, Alf avoided getting caught up in his team’s current discussion on Indian food versus Chinese food. His mind was abuzz with new worries. Given that the scheme was a success with him at the helm, and considering the further plans in the pipeline to establish Hamilton’s as the leading broker in the engineering industry, he was doubtful that his position was unsafe. Yet there was no guarantee. It was crushing to think that his hard work could possibly amount to nothing. For the first time in a long time, he felt powerless.

Kate was another growing concern. He was sure he wasn’t imagining it, but she’d been acting off with him for the past couple of weeks now. It wasn’t just her emotional distance that he’d noticed; it was her attitude. One moment she was complaining about decorating, the next talking about selling – he couldn’t fathom out the problem. It wouldn’t have been so hard to talk things over if Marcus had moved out by now; as it was, he was still with them. Alf was beginning to regret ever suggesting the idea. It was made worse by the fact that he’d quietly raised the issue with Kate, who’d jumped to Marcus’s defence and insisted he was welcome to remain a lodger for as long as necessary. Given her already stilted attitude toward him, he thought it best to reluctantly agree.

Although Alf enjoyed his friend’s company, the set-up was beginning to wear thin – he hoped it wouldn’t be too much longer before Marcus left.

Blowing out a sigh, he wondered why life had suddenly become so complicated. Things had seemed quite rosy not even a month ago. And now, well, he felt as though everything had shifted in unexpected ways – yet he wasn’t quite able to pinpoint exactly why.

A new email flagged with a high-priority symbol flashed into his inbox; opening it, he stared at the short note and attachment. A request for the third-quarter pipeline figures. His heart sank. It would take the remainder of the afternoon and well into early evening to get the figures prepared. He’d promised Kate he’d be home on time, hoping to take her to their favourite Italian restaurant and get to the bottom of whatever was bothering her – without Marcus’s presence. However, considering the gossip he’d just overheard, a surge of anxiety forced him into necessary action. The idea of leaving on time and rectifying things with Kate would have to be put on hold.

Pushing his relationship concerns aside, Alf opened the attachment and concentrated on the numbers dancing in front of him. He was prepared to do whatever it took to secure his position. Surely Kate would understand and support that. After all, it was of benefit to them both.

‘This is amazing.’ Marcus said excitedly, studying a small, soft watercolour canvas of a pastel dragonfly. ‘Why isn’t it hanging on the wall instead of being tucked away up there in the loft?’

Kate blushed. It had been a long time since she’d seen her own work and now, in the bright light of the living room, she was awed by the beauty of some of the canvases that surrounded her. It was incredible to think that she had been the one to bring them to life. The thought was almost incomprehensible.

‘I don’t know,’ Kate answered honestly, sitting down on the corner recliner and studying a larger canvas of an Indian elephant adorned in traditional festival jhools. ‘I guess after my aunt died, my inspiration dried up.’ She glanced wistfully at the artwork propped up around her. ‘It was as if my art died with her.’

Marcus sat down on the floor, facing her with his full attention. Encouraged by his empathetic silence and seeing the compassion in his bright-green eyes, she carried on instead of withdrawing.

‘She was everything to me. I don’t remember my parents – I was only two years old when they died in the accident and she took me in, having no kids of her own. She’d often tell me stories about Mum and Dad; she made sure they were a constant feature of my life, despite them not being here…’ Kate looked up with a melancholic smile. ‘But, really, if I’m honest, she was what I considered my mum. She was the only mum I knew, the only family I had.’ Wiping a small tear from the corner of her eye, Kate tried to fight the sadness that was engulfing her. ‘I was all she had, too. Her and my mum’s parents had died early, too. Ironic, really.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Maybe there is some truth in life patterns repeating themselves down the generations.’





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