Книга - Chloe

Chloe
Freya North


NEW on ebook for the first time with NEW author afterword.She wanted a man in her life. Now she has four.It was her godmother’s last wish…How could she possibly say no?When Chloë Cadwallader’s beloved godmother Jocelyn dies, she leaves her a letter instructing her to give up her job (rubbish) and her boyfriend (ditto) to travel the four countries of the United Kingdom during the four seasons of the year. Clutching a letter marked ‘Wales’, Chloë ventures to a farm deep in the Black Mountains where she comes across the best looking man she’s ever laid eyes on.And as the seasons unfold, so too does Chloë’s journey. From Abergavenny to St Ives, from the Giant’s Causeway to the shores of Loch Lomond, join her as she discovers love, lust, life – and, just possibly, a man for all seasons.









FREYA NORTH

Chloë













Mr and Mrs Andrews © Thomas Gainsborough/Getty Images




Copyright


This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)

First published in Great Britain by

William Heinemann 1997

Copyright © Freya North 1997

Afterword © Freya North 2012

Freya North asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

The author and publisher have made all reasonable efforts to contact copyright holders for permission, and any omissions or errors in the form of credit given will be corrected in future editions

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Source ISBN: 9780007462179

Ebook Edition © June 2012 ISBN: 9780007462186

Version: 2017-11-28

FIRST EDITION

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.


For my brother Daniel.

Love you everso.

Sis


Table of Contents

Title Page (#u428231c2-bf71-53f8-82a5-77beede15d02)

Copyright (#ua6a34818-b5fd-52fa-8259-1b12f164724f)

Dedication (#ubde5f622-1ad7-5652-9bdc-9e9dab25855d)

Prologue (#u6e9609d2-4f1f-5784-aa47-ff2c9ffde07b)

Chapter One (#uf790508f-9784-542c-ae1d-17aeacb27645)

Chapter Two (#u942a97e2-0f93-5333-8f25-f89ae0343709)

Chapter Three (#u2ec37a6c-3cfb-5906-852e-90e7ee8f482e)

Chapter Four (#ude7d93e1-7fe8-5feb-b6e7-cb35e517fc8b)

Chapter Five (#u240c4367-4cec-586f-b8ee-952ccdd7efed)

Chapter Six (#u3bf1b2b4-940e-556e-9234-b50eea8aae95)

Chapter Seven (#uc562846b-a3bf-5d91-a9b9-438249c2f4c0)

Chapter Eight (#u5861d7b6-88ec-5095-947f-21c4841015fb)

Chapter Nine (#ue5cf950c-2eab-599b-a597-55b620880642)

Chapter Ten (#u889ddd21-ede1-5bbb-9499-bb3262a81199)

Chapter Eleven (#uaf2abf9f-8b66-58a6-a54c-5c7986a854ad)

Chapter Twelve (#u3b11485d-386d-52d6-b598-2e1f7ab27b25)

Chapter Thirteen (#u362e6885-9fb3-557b-a92b-da9f74fc262f)

Chapter Fourteen (#u96c8164d-00f8-5fee-b5fc-84b57e30c2b8)

Chapter Fifteen (#ud1242f5b-9fbc-5792-b3c9-5381ec7c7b12)

Chapter Sixteen (#u33c4e976-8335-5a46-9b6f-d36a07321996)

Chapter Seventeen (#u591890f4-a84b-5eac-a5da-c3325917a836)

Chapter Eighteen (#u3a708c52-4a15-5a74-b1aa-ac395b62955d)

Chapter Nineteen (#u11fc8ae9-3146-5f35-9fef-7f320ce2c2ed)

Chapter Twenty (#uc17d70fe-ec8a-5367-9cc0-a7e8130e3814)

Chapter Twenty-One (#u796fd677-1934-5c41-86d4-920d5633c814)

Chapter Twenty-Two (#uf05a12e0-2391-5ed4-99f3-fcd3bf2d2fe3)

Chapter Twenty-Three (#u30305daf-5d21-51a7-ac7a-18a9ec0c0cda)

Chapter Twenty-Four (#u2c5e8971-740f-53a1-9101-bad585eb70b2)

Chapter Twenty-Five (#u7cd689c9-b434-5ee3-9356-bbcf95fd6278)

Chapter Twenty-Six (#u79a4c85f-f9c9-57e0-9dc0-a77f7c519617)

Chapter Twenty-Seven (#uc7d5765f-c80f-570b-b312-d6f5cf8c9236)

Chapter Twenty-Eight (#u4cb2781a-4d9a-510e-aec0-d855f9f043a0)

Chapter Twenty-Nine (#ucc016838-681e-5b3e-9e42-36440282e846)

Chapter Thirty (#ue83d9f44-20ca-5233-bce7-b313b83871aa)

Chapter Thirty-One (#ued374f53-4944-569c-884f-e5c166ac7c6b)

Chapter Thirty-Two (#uf8625c51-fe38-53ff-9516-59be11ff49f0)

Chapter Thirty-Three (#u68743352-ca13-5688-96b7-f752c980fc06)

Chapter Thirty-Four (#u4316d7ce-547e-5a3f-a894-4a0f2b7fda8b)

Chapter Thirty-Five (#u029db12b-62a0-5929-b01d-12e48e94a3f7)

Chapter Thirty-Six (#uc7e40496-6d6c-51a2-a920-8086cb88b5bb)

Chapter Thirty-Seven (#ued478ec4-2f4b-58b9-aa60-f0c3ec1351c0)

Chapter Thirty-Eight (#ua6c3f13e-459d-57c3-8835-913d11741ddc)

Chapter Thirty-Nine (#u46f0d0c2-8ae0-5ca0-bc43-195e11150054)

Chapter Forty (#u1095a281-e3b6-53df-bc57-298890d16fe5)

Chapter Forty-One (#u13e31852-a0b4-5ddb-8570-3581a777f73c)

Chapter Forty-Two (#u426f64a4-eb7b-5f44-b70c-aabc1f84d585)

Chapter Forty-Three (#ua4b066ea-ee0e-55e6-aad5-b93a562f0e01)

Chapter Forty-Four (#u00c45fa5-98fb-5621-bf63-d521b6cb4369)

Chapter Forty-Five (#u7115a5b7-7bb1-55b5-ad61-2fc5c7f2b964)

Chapter Forty-Six (#uaba3a0f4-3655-5e82-a9c5-bee3b184c2ef)

Chapter Forty-Seven (#ua9c09574-fc61-5201-8dc4-ef687d9a57d0)

Chapter Forty-Eight (#uc88ab3d0-95fe-583f-99c1-26515bc0005c)

Chapter Forty-Nine (#u6c8f47a3-ce81-5a25-bf2a-4d8db7d51443)

Chapter Fifty (#u84789fb7-e520-543b-84b0-0e9f7a4fa492)

Chapter Fifty-One (#u71fd3e98-d34d-5704-8a97-b1e909c45bb0)

Epilogue (#ud70aae46-1dc2-519c-a9cd-1caf56a0dfee)

Afterword (#u0977f02b-93e6-5263-8c0f-2b0c2e12bd91)

Read on for an extract of Rumours (#u2a226e41-8b40-526b-b955-e0a185e50f34)

About the Author (#u767a9b29-c7e6-5fa6-a4f8-a0ee122d6cca)

Acclaim for Freya North (#u17fd3c1e-9cad-59de-b1aa-3d8239d2af63)

Also by Freya North (#ufa0e32c3-6307-520c-83ee-b6c2ba7e7e41)

About the Publisher (#u90da6b0b-81e3-58df-a775-d2a64abd0b02)




PROLOGUE


Chloë dearest,

How very strange to write in life that which will be read on death!

I hope sincerely that there will not have been too many tears – and that my funeral wishes were carried out to a ‘t’ (especially the jazz and champagne).

Over the last few years I was haunted regularly by images of my nearest and not so dearest swooping down and picking at the bones of my just dead self; fighting over the fleshiest morsels and leaving nothing but offal for the rest and best of you. I decided therefore – quite some time ago, I might add – to cut myself up into sizeable portions and divide my spoils amongst those deep and constant in my affections.

For you, C, my dearest indeed, I leave anything of velvet in my cupboard. I leave you The Brooch which I know you have coveted since you were tiny. It goes to you because I want you to have a little part of me – and it is my eternal hope that you will carry something of me deep within, as much as on your lapel.

And for you, dear C, I leave this map. There are four more and you will find them all. Wales first, then Ireland, Scotland and finally England. Trust me.

There is also a sum of money which will see you on your way and pay for train tickets and postcards. It will enable you to give up that lousy job and hopefully give you the independence to rid yourself of that awful boyfriend – you are much too good for the former and far too precious for the latter.

I am sending you on a voyage, dearest one, in the hope that, once you are quite travelled out, you might find a small patch that you can at last call Home.

I have great hopes for you.

Keep me in mind, my duck.

Jocelyn.




ONE


‘Heavens,’ Chloë Cadwallader declares for the third time. Concentrating very hard on the red wine stain on the carpet, she twiddles with a lively lock of auburn hair which springs back over her right eye just as soon as she tucks it behind her ear.

‘Heavens,’ she says, heaving out the ‘h’, ‘I can’t do that.’

Fingering The Brooch, she looks solemnly from letter to map and back again. Jocelyn’s handwriting and the map of the United Kingdom are at once familiar and yet somehow foreign and suddenly illegible. Chloë is aware that she knows the shapes but their meaning is now strangely elusive and forgotten.

‘I cannot do it.’

An envelope marked ‘Wales’ lies unopened and alluring on her knees. She takes it to her nose and inhales with eyes closed tight, hoping that she might detect Jocelyn’s trademark Mitsuko scent. Though the faintest whisper would suffice, the envelope, alas, smells of nothing.

‘Can I?’

Chloë crosses her living-room and flicks on the light, for the ready-to-break storm outside has plunged the December lunch-time into premature darkness. Venturing cautiously over to the window, she pins the brooch to her jumper. Though the shadowy reflection offered by the pane blurs her own features, it captures the glint of the brooch. Chloë knows its intricate course of serpentines and twists off by heart. A tear smudges her sight but she squeezes her finger into the corner of her eye and pushes the tear to the back of her mind.

‘Heavens,’ she mutters, ‘what on earth am I meant to do?’

The United Kingdom looms from the page; beautiful and conspiring. Wales first. Ireland next. Then Scotland. Finally, England. Clockwise and magnetic. What to do? What to do. What are you going to do? What would you do?

After quite some time, in which Chloë continued to consult heaven and earth to no avail (Jocelyn must be up there somewhere!), she kissed the brooch quickly and glanced at the envelope marked ‘Wales’; still unopened. Taking it to her nose once more but again in vain, she decided to give it to Mr and Mrs Andrews for safe keeping until she felt braver, until she knew what to do with it. And with her job (lousy), and with her boyfriend (awful). Chloë knew that Jocelyn would have approved for it was she who had introduced her to Gainsborough’s charming couple. Locked as they were within the fabric of a rather good framed facsimile, they had been good friends to Chloë for many years and now, with Jocelyn gone, they were her confidantes and advisers too. Immeasurably important for a timid girl, currently a little lonely and low, whose friends are few and whose family are far and distant anyway. Slotting the envelope in the gap which had appeared over the years between frame and print, Chloë was amused that it rested between the Andrews’s feet, with Mr A’s gun and dog protecting it further. She gazed at Mrs Andrews’s pale blue frock and regarded two concert tickets nestling by the corn stooks in the bottom right corner.

‘What would you do,’ she implored of the couple, ‘if you were me? What should I do?’

‘Sink me, girl!’ Mr Andrews chastised melodiously. ‘You have to ask?’

‘Of course I have to ask,’ Chloë said somewhat incredulously.

‘Go,’ laughed Mrs Andrews, ‘away!’

‘Away?’ Chloë gasped. ‘Do you really think so?’

‘To – The – Concert,’ spelt Mrs Andrews kindly and to Chloë’s relief.

‘I do so love Beethoven,’ Chloë reasoned, ‘but Brett can’t make it. Working late. Or something.’

‘Even better!’ exclaimed Mr Andrews. ‘He’d only fidget.’

‘Awful!’ Mrs Andrews declared, with deference to Jocelyn.

‘Rid yourself,’ agreed Mr Andrews likewise. ‘After all, if you can make it across London, you can certainly make it across country.’

With a glance at her watch and a slight bow to her intimates, who sent her on her way with their blessing, Chloë finally grabbed her coat, thrust both tickets into her pocket and locked the door on Islington. She’d open the envelope marked ‘Wales’ later. She’d decide what to do. Later. Hopefully.

A lovely man, of chiselled jaw and open smile, saved Chloë from an ignominious tumble down the escalator. He allowed her to hang on to his arm and swamp him with mumbled gratitude as she caught her breath and searched hard for composure. He swept away her apologies and said ‘Not at all’ to her profuse thanks. His was the other platform but Chloë found herself catching her breath again as he laid a hand on each shoulder and steadied her in the direction of hers. He was rather lovely. And he was so not Brett.

As the tube trundled south, Chloë thought back to first meeting Brett on the underground. Stuck in a tunnel. She had watched him twist and tut after five minutes, and heard him swear impressively after ten. As quarter of an hour approached, he had elicited her name and a giggle and, after much hastily heartfelt pleading, a dinner date for the next night too. I must be mad! Chloë had thought with just a little pride too and hardly able to wait to tell Jocelyn. Jocelyn, who of course had not yet met Brett, clapped her hands and thought it sounded marvellous. She and Chloë then sat down once again to watch Brief Encounter.

Oh, that the encounter had been brief; just the fancy dinner and perhaps one or two other non-committal dates. But Chloë had never met anyone like Brett, this busy man who worked in the City and who pinched the bridge of his nose while exclaiming he was so stressed out. He was an impressive decade older. He was joined at the hip to a mobile phone. He had a loft apartment in the Docklands and a ‘mega pressure’ job with late nights and great perks.

‘You’re not my usual type,’ he had warned Chloë as if she should be grateful. And, for a while, she was. So busy and big and yet he’d chosen her. Without, it seemed, the need to know much about her; but a desire, it soon transpired, for her to know everything about him.

She was a captive audience then.

She was deaf ears now. Brett’s ego had increased with his girth and his manners had collapsed with the stock market.

What on earth are you doing, Chloë? You seem ingenuous and good and inherently incompatible with this man!

I suppose.

So?

Habit?

They’re there to be broken.

But what if? Just give Brett up? What if there’s never anyone else?

Stuck in a tunnel.

Chloë gave the extra ticket to a bespectacled young man clutching a violin case like a lover. He was rendered speechless but grasped her hand in sublime appreciation, despite such a gesture causing him to rescue the slipping case with a grimace and a curiously raised knee.

As she strolled to peruse the craft exhibits in the foyer, the map of the United Kingdom loomed ever larger in her mind’s eye. Such a map had superimposed itself on to whatever Chloë’s eyes fell on during the journey to the South Bank. Wales was now magnified, aerially almost; the contours of imagined hills and valleys smiling up at her while a choir of rugby players and miners filled her ears and her heart momentarily. Squinting at some particularly delicate titanium jewellery, she held a pair of luminescent earrings to her ears.

‘A voyage!’ She tested the word to herself and found it astonishingly tasty. She crossed over to inspect some batik waistcoats but was utterly distracted by the fact that she could not remember when Christopher Columbus had embarked on his travels. She forsook enamel brooches for a browse around the bookshop, said ‘Ah! fourteen ninety-two!’ out loud and found herself buying a copy of On the Black Hill against her better judgement.

‘Never read any Chatwin,’ she explained to a totally disinterested sales assistant, ‘and I might be going to Wales, you see. Soon. Ish.’ Before she left the shop, however, she spied an illustrated copy of Gulliver’s Travels and paid for it at a different till.

Feeling somewhat bolstered that she had made some preparation, however rudimentary, for her possible voyage, Chloë devoted the last ten minutes before the concert to a stand of the most beautiful ceramics she had ever seen. Glazed on the outside in a lustrous charcoal pewter; within, they sang out in vivid cerulean swirled into eddies and streams of shimmering turquoise. The pots trumpeted rhythm and energy, calling out to be touched and listened to. Though Chloë had an eye for craft and the like, hitherto it had never stopped her in her tracks. Somewhere in the recesses of her rational self, she could half hear the final bell, and yet she was compelled to visit each urn in turn, to place her face as close as possible. To experience and to remember.

And that was William Coombes’s first sight of Chloë; her tresses of burnished copper whispering over the surface of his pots in her bid to get as near as she could to their very fabric. He saw her face fleetingly and her spattering of freckles reminded him at once of a glaze he had favoured some years before.

Lusty Red.

Watching her hurry to the stalls he caught a drift of her perfume, a glance of her neck, a shot of light from her brooch, a snippet of the orchestra tuning to an ‘e’. His senses were accosted and he stood still, in silence, appreciating it, absorbed.

‘Who was she, sniffing my pots?’ he asked the invigilator with a quick shake of his head to return him to the present.

‘She wasn’t just sniffing, she was humming right down into them – with eyes closed and all!’

Intrigued, William ventured over to his largest urn and, with a fleeting but self-conscious recce, hummed into its opening.

It hummed with him. The softest of echoes. He hadn’t realized.




TWO


As British Rail whisked him away from the capital, westward ho, William thought of the humming girl with the freckles set against a porcelain complexion. Gazing through the window at the monochrome winter landscape rushing past, he sipped absentmindedly at tasteless brown liquid that could be tea or there again coffee and remembered again her russet curls vivid against the grey of his glaze. At once he had an idea for a vessel and sketched it quickly on a scrap of paper spied on the neighbouring seat. Something fairly slender but subtly curving, smothered with terra sigillata, the rich slip he would then burnish until it shone almost wet. And oh! how the vessel would resonate when hummed into.

Damn. He scrunched the polystyrene cup viciously, digging his nails in deep, satisfyingly. Damn, damn it. Should he have waited until the concert had ended? He unwrapped a Mars bar. And if he had? What if she didn’t want to be spoken to?

What if she did?

Was his interest fired merely because his pots had kindled hers? Or did it have nothing to do with ceramics at all?

The chocolate was more sickly than childhood memory suggested so he wedged it, half eaten, in between the crushed polystyrene.

It may have been but a fleeting glance yet he burned now for what he had seen. As Dorset became Devon, he sat back and allowed a day-dream to take off. It was good for it both confronted and satisfied long dormant lust and hunger. However, as Devon became Cornwall, reality hindered its development and, resigned, William forced himself to unravel the fantasy, to work through and quash it in the harsh, prosaic winter light that streamed in through the windows from the sea.

And yet the freckles that were a shade lighter than the hair, and the eyes of mahogany that were two shades darker, swept in and out of his reasoning and accosted his groin, stirring it into an embarrassing but pleasurable stiffness concealed only by yesterday’s newspaper laid conspiringly over his lap.

As the train juddered to a standstill at Penzance, he ground a halt to his dreaming, banished the lust and persuaded his cock to quieten down and soften up. The humming girl was spurned; for there on the platform, plain in the plain light of the December day, stood the reason for such meanderings to remain infeasible, for such desires to be exiled: Morwenna.

The fantasy was over at once.

There had been a time, thought William as he dropped his holdall into the boot of her Fiat, when Morwenna Saxby had been his fantasy incarnate. Fifteen years his senior, her age and experience had made her a compelling and attractive proposition when they had met five years earlier. He was then a twenty-four-year-old potter with his first studio; she was a divorcee, seductive and smouldering, set on rectifying the limitations previously imposed by her puritan and lacklustre ex-spouse. She had appointed herself at once teacher and agent. She secured William commissions and took thirty per cent of the proceeds. She also explained to him, painstakingly, the ins and outs of the G-spot and the female orgasm until he knew the route off by heart.

William stole a look at her now as she settled herself into the driving seat and hated himself for wishing that her ear met her neck in the way the humming girl’s did. Morwenna was undoubtedly attractive but this was diluted by the regular reassurance that she now required.

‘Bags and wrinkles,’ she would sigh.

‘But I like wrinkly old bags!’ he would gently chide back, his irritation masked. She loathed her body generally succumbing to gravity, but he did not mind all that much.

I’m a potter. Surface beauty is defined by the underlying anchor of structure.

Exactly.

For all the small talk that was wrung out in the car on the journey north from Penzance to Zennor, they may as well have driven in silence. As they were friendly and polite, so too were they distant and withdrawn; their differences as marked as those between the south and north coasts of Cornwall. Their words, for the most part, were empty, the silences in between loaded.

William looked out over the brittle gorse to the sea, today grey and flat. He often judged his mood by the ocean and found they usually corresponded.

His cottage was now in sight and he was hopeful of making it there before a dinner invitation was offered. There would be little in his fridge but he would much rather go hungry. Lurching and rolling up the pocked and rutted track to William’s cottage, Morwenna spoke to him via the rear-view mirror and he answered her eyes accordingly.

‘Supper? Later? Eightish? Knowing you, your fridge’ll be bare.’

‘Probably. But d’you mind if I don’t?’ he said carefully. ‘You know what London does to me!’

‘Mind! Me!’ she started. ‘Suit yourself, my boy!’

William placed a hand on her leg because it seemed he ought to, and kissed her cheek likewise, lightly and without looking. He gathered his gear and walked towards his cottage. Without turning around he raised his hand in a motionless, emotionless wave. Morwenna read it as a halt.

She drove back to Penzance, stopping at the cliffs near Wicca to gaze at the horizon and gulp down the fortifying air.

‘Damn it!’ she said aloud, her voice swallowed by the wind. ‘I forgot to tell him that the Bay Tree Bistro want to commission a whole service. A hundred and eighty pieces. Nice little earner. And for William, too, of course. God forbid it will be too late. Keep him sweet a while longer. Just until it’s finished.’

She flexed her fingers which had started to ache in the chill of the air. She rued the fact that her knuckles looked bony, large, and she wondered why the nail beds were so purple. The sea looked ominous and dark. She shuddered and returned to her car, driving to Penzance with the radio on loud so that she could not hear herself think about William.

Well Chloë? Have you gone yet?

It’s raining, has been for days.

You’re still in Islington.

I’m still here.

Chloë munched a mince pie thoughtfully in front of Mr and Mrs Andrews. ‘Wales’ nestled unopened at Mr Andrews’s feet, remaining but a daunting concept in a forsaken corner of Chloë’s mind. She felt tempted to open the envelope but sticky fingers were today’s good excuse not to. Good King Wenceslas looked out from the small transistor radio on Chloë’s bedside table. She hummed with him, distractedly. Her first Christmas without Jocelyn was looming.

Is she at peace? she wondered as she sponged crumbs from a chest of drawers with her finger.

Couldn’t she have waited a while longer? she rued as she wiped her finger along the picture frame and winced at the streak of dust that confronted her.

Just one more Christmas? she lamented, sinking down on to her lumpy mattress and tracing a new route across the cracks on the ceiling.

Oh the joys of renting! she cursed, desperate for Jocelyn to advise her to move, dear girl.

Where to?

Ha! Knowing Jocelyn, bloody Wales or Ireland, Scotland even.

What to do. Where to go.

And when.

Why should Chloë procrastinate so? Shouldn’t she leap at such an opportunity? Not only is this the chance to rid herself of lousy job and awful boyfriend in one fell swoop, she is also being given the means to find her feet, her future and her fate. But the envelope marked ‘Wales’ remains unopened; Chloë has returned from another depleting day at work and Brett’s arrival is imminent.

If her treasured godmother’s death less than a month before had fractured Chloë’s life, then her last will and testament had thrown her world into quandary. In Chloë’s twenty-six years, there had been few decisions to make yet here she was being guided and goaded by a dead woman to make two that were potentially momentous. Retrieving a framed photograph of Brett, Chloë tapped his chest sternly.

‘Jocelyn never liked you much,’ she told him while he grinned back at her, suave and vain. She pushed her thumb over his face until it was covered completely. ‘And I never actively sought her approval because deep down I think I knew there was little that warranted it.’

Chloë kept her thumb over the photograph and drummed the fingers of her free hand against the armrest of the chair. Though now headless, Brett’s stance, with hands on hips and one knee cocked, spoke reams of his arrogance and vanity. She smacked her hand flat over the photograph so that only a palm tree and an innocuous tuft of hair peeped through. She ceased her finger thrumming and stared straight ahead at nothing at all and thereby deep into the very nub of the matter. Chloë placed the photograph frame face down on top of the television and flicked aimlessly through the channels. Santa Claus met her on every one and Chloë was thankful that she did not have satellite.

Knowing that Brett could swagger in at any moment, brandishing his infuriating trademark ‘Ciao’, produced little spurts of adrenalin which made her pace about and fiddle with things that could well have been left just so.

The curtains are hanging fine, Chloë; there is no fluff on that cushion. The pictures are dead straight.

Poor girl, she’s tried twice before to sever her dealings with Brett. The first time, she located him on his mobile phone but fumbled over her words so badly that she ended up apologizing: ‘Oh nothing, it’s nothing, I’m just being daft.’ The second time, Brett beat her to it, yet while he was flourishing his final ‘ciao’s, Chloë found herself pleading for another go.

‘The thing to do,’ Chloë said to Mrs Andrews, ‘is not to mince my words.’

‘Precisely,’ her confidante encouraged, ‘straight to the point. Plain English. No beating about the bush. And no metaphors!’

Brett has arrived and he fills the doorway with his frame, his bulky silhouette backlit from the light in the communal hall.

‘Ciao!’

‘Quick, close the door – it’s bitter!’ says Chloë a little too cheerily.

‘What a day, I’m so stressed out,’ he growls, slumping into the chair and up-ending the photograph frame so that he can admire himself, tanned and in Jamaica, in December and in Islington. ‘What a frig of a day.’

He kicks off his shoes, stretching his legs out, imposing on Chloë’s space, spouting a soliloquy peppered, as usual, with ‘I’ and ‘me’.

‘What’s cookin’? I’m starvin’.’ Chloë hates the way he drops his ‘g’s. She fiddles with picture frames and finds fluff on cushions. He checks the messages on his mobile phone. Something inside Chloë is burning and welling. It’s Jocelyn. It’s Mrs Andrews. ‘Look at him,’ they seem to be spurring Chloë, ‘the repugnant lump!’

‘Brett,’ Chloë hears her voice suddenly escape the safety of things left unsaid, ‘I have something to tell you. There’s something I need to say.’

‘Yeah?’ he twists his toes and burps under his breath.

‘You know bread?’ Chloë starts, shaking down a few locks of her hair to hide behind.

‘Huh?’ He regards her suspiciously, curling his lip. ‘Bread?’

‘Mm!’ she agrees, tucking the curls temporarily behind her ears. ‘Once it’s stale, it can never truly be revived. Not even if it was once quite tasty.’

‘I’m bloody star-vin’,’ Brett snaps, caressing his belly which rumbles like the thunder slowly etching its way across his brow. ‘Are you tellin’ me that’s all there is? Bread that’s gone off?’

‘That’s what it is. Was,’ Chloë reasons, suddenly radiant, ‘and well past its sell-by date.’

It was only when Chloë heard the communal door bang downstairs that she allowed herself to sink into the chair and shake uncontrollably. After a while she picked up the photograph frame and chuckled; laughing out loud until tears of mirth oozed from the corners of her eyes and her ribs creaked for mercy.

I did it!

‘Mrs A, I did it! I really, actually, did.’

‘You did indeed, dear. Metaphors and all.’

Carefully, Chloë removed the photograph and tore it methodically into strips which she then twisted and coaxed into an origami star – a skill she learnt many years before not knowing quite when it would have its use. She contemplated the spiky form and rotated it, catching a little bit of Brett’s hand here, a nose and half a mouth there; an elbow, part of a tennis shoe, a palm frond. Capped teeth.

In the ball of my hand, let alone under my thumb!

‘Bye-bye,’ she sang, tipping the origami from hand to hand. ‘The first time I ever stood up to you was ultimately the last too!’ She listens to the silence and loves the peace it promises. ‘Were you that “awful”?’ she whispers at Brett’s faceted face. ‘Yes, I suppose you were.’ Chloë went over to the window, peering intensely up at the ink-navy sky wishing for a star. ‘Bossy,’ she clarified, holding the origami star aloft and catching a glance of Brett’s mouth; ‘tactless,’ she shuddered, ‘chauvinistic, too.’ She crossed to the mirror and sprung ringlets of her hair through her fingers, remembering how Brett had referred to it, when wet, as ‘positively pubic’. Well Chloë, he’s losing his!

She settled snugly into the armchair and contemplated the fractured photograph once more. ‘You were but a cheap processed oaf,’ she said, proud of the pun, ‘and I think, actually, I’d rather enjoy something more wholesome and nourishing now.’ With that, she tossed the splintered, diminished image of Brett deftly into the waste-paper basket.

Just the ‘lousy’ job now, Chloë; time to free yourself from the self-obsessed shackles of the lowly paid and not very good inner London Polyversity where you’ve shouldered the role of student-communication-liaison-welfare-officer for four thankless years. Think of it! No more students-in-need, the Sins that frequently run amok in the already cramped Islington studio you’ve been renting.

Chloë’s flat was presently overrun by an eighteen-year-old first-year anorexic, a second-year suicidal with girlfriend trouble and a third-year in the throes of a pre-finals breakdown. They littered her flat and demanded round-the-clock counselling and unrestricted access to fridge (apart from the anorexic) and telephone (often simultaneously). Demanding indeed, with pay and praise as paltry as they were.

Finally, on a turbulent December afternoon just a day away from the end of term, bolstered by Jocelyn’s legacy and inspired by the map of the United Kingdom, Chloë has decided to resign. She has her eye on a moment to savour and worries that if she procrastinates, or changes into something more becoming, the moment would be lost. Then Lent term would be mercilessly upon her. And Wales would remain unopened. Wales would be forgotten. Closed.

She could not possibly insult Jocelyn so.

And there is no law against handing in one’s notice wearing jeans and trainers that should be restricted to solitary evenings safely inside.

‘But Chloë, the students need you – you’re their lifeline. If it’s a rise you want, we could, at a stretch, offer you one per cent over three years?’

Chloë is surrounded by lino and melamine, strip lighting and orange plastic chairs. They are chipped and unsteady. Rain courses relentlessly down the steel-framed windows. A small puddle is forming on the flaking grey window-sill. It is unbelievably drab and depressing and Chloë feels all the more resolute for it. She rejects the pay rise and leaves guilt firmly in the room when she closes the door quietly behind her.

Well, if Chloë Cadwallader is not to be a student-communication-liaison-welfare-officer, with a boyfriend called Brett and a rented studio in Islington, what is she to be?

On Christmas Eve, she has absolutely no idea. And now there is no Jocelyn to turn to for advice. And yet, was not her godmother still overseeing Chloë’s education and welfare with as much concern and motivation during her death as she had during her life? Was not her legacy precisely that there was no better place for Chloë to start in the worldwide scheme of things than in the great British Isles?

‘Europe,’ Jocelyn had once said to Chloë, ‘is enthralling, the United States vast. Africa is captivating, Asia a jewel. Australasia is glorious and fiendishly far away but Britain, Britain is the garden of the world with secrets of joy lurking in every tiny nook.’

Jocelyn’s bequest was that her god-daughter should discover and share those secrets. Who knows what she might find. And where. How exciting and what an opportunity. Grab it! Go! Have you gone yet?

Christmas Eve in Islington. Chloë has pinned Jocelyn’s map above her bed and as she gazes at the four countries, she decides that now is the time to greet Wales. With Mr Andrews’s encouragement, she extends a tentative hand out towards the envelope. But she stops midway and wonders if it is all a little too far-fetched. So Jocelyn had deemed Chloë’s job deplorable and had thought Brett loathsome, but was a voyage to the distant corners of the United Kingdom really the answer? Was it a logical solution? Was it necessary?

Was it even sensible?

(‘People who are forever sensible are interminably dull, Chloë sweet. As drab as a black brolly in Islington.’)

Was it a good idea? Realistically?

‘I’ve quit job and jilted the boyf – won’t that do?’ Chloë says aloud with just a touch of a whine to her voice. ‘What if I just move away from Islington – say, try Putney? How about I look for a job in a nice private firm – market research or something? Mr Andrews, please advise!’

Mr Andrews, however, remains silent, his grin stony and fixed. And Chloë suspects that there is little point consulting Mrs Andrews who appears, on Christmas Eve, the sort of lady who would not speak unless spoken to but might, with a giggle and a glance, sing a little ditty if cajoled and flattered.

Chloë does not want entertaining, she wants someone to tell her what to do. She can no longer reach out to Jocelyn and seek her advice.

And yet it is Jocelyn’s advice that is in dispute today.

Wales, still enveloped beyond reach, is yet tantalizingly close.

‘I’ll start packing tomorrow,’ Chloë says decisively.

Mr Andrews cocks his rifle approvingly, Mrs Andrews giggles.




THREE


William bundled the contents of the holdall into his washing-machine, retrieving his toothbrush and razor at the last minute. He waited patiently for the whir and clicks to commence and then watched the water trickle shyly over the laundry. Satisfied that the cycle was under way (it only ever seemed to start under paternal encouragement) he confirmed that there was indeed nothing in the fridge and left the kitchen for his studio.

The studio was a stone’s throw from the kitchen, which was itself a pebble’s roll from everywhere else; there being neither corridors nor landings at William’s cottage. Incongruously called Peregrine’s Gully, the cottage was compact and thickset. It reminded William of an Exmoor pony; essentially native, ruggedly pretty and inherently suited to its environment. It sat, small and brave, in a gentle acre meadow of its own, flanked on one side by a scar of gorse, on the other by the poor land petering out to the cliff edge. Local sheep often gazed longingly at the grass on the inside of William’s fence and while he was not averse to a visit and a polite nibble, a bellow from Barbara invariably saw them off.

Barbara was a goat who had sauntered in through a gap in the fence soon after William had arrived at Peregrine’s Gully. He had shooed her and chased her and smacked her rump with a slipper but she had stood her ground, twitched her beard and fixed her yellow eyes on him, lovingly and unrelentingly. He had growled at her, he had waved wooden implements at her and he had ignored her, but still she stayed, nibbling the edges of the grass in a dainty and ingenuous manner. None of the farmers claimed her and a notice in the local paper brought no one. So she was invited, begrudgingly at first, to stay. William called her Barbara after her bleat.

Barbara adored him; following at his heels whilst he pottered around the garden, standing for hours with her forelegs just inside the studio door while he worked, looking up at him conversationally when he sat to eat in the kitchen, staring alongside him at the washing machine as he coaxed it to work. Barbara gave the postman short shrift and frequently chased cars down the drive or stood defiant, stamping, right in the middle as they approached. She loathed Morwenna. In the early days, she trod on her, chewed her clothing and defecated as close to her as she could. Now, she just glowered at her witheringly or ignored her entirely whilst making eyes at William. Invariably, Morwenna brought carrot butts and lettuce ends as a peace offering, sometimes even ginger-nuts as a bribe, but these placated Barbara only temporarily.

It was the windows at Peregrine’s Gully that had decided William to rent the property. They had good deep sills affording place and space to his ceramics, and provided some respite from the invasive winter chill. Of the two small bedrooms upstairs, he slept in the one which looked out to the cliffs and onward to the sea. It contained only a bed, a tea chest for a bedside table and the incongruous chintzy curtains that had come with the cottage. The other room, however, was stuffed with the stuff of bedrooms: guitars, books, an enormous mirror framed by driftwood for which he had exchanged a nicely glazed set of mugs, an oversize whisky bottle half full of small change, two chests of deep drawers stuffed full of thick jumpers, and a Victorian oak cupboard he had bought for a song wherein the rest of his clothes were housed. Such items, essentials or paraphernalia, were banned from his bedroom for it was the bare white walls, the uninterrupted run of floorboards, which provided him with the empty canvas, the armature, for new works to take root in the fertile hours of daybreak.

Downstairs, the front door opened directly into the sitting-room but William only ever used the craftsmen’s entrance at the rear of the cottage. Consequently a thick Turkish rug bought at great expense and inconvenience whilst backpacking some years ago, hung down from door frame to floor. The back wall was papered with books which sat crammed on bookshelves William had built by hand, leaving a gap of just an inch between tallest book and ceiling, and between bottom shelf and floor. He was not bothered about any alphabetical or thematic ordering but arranged the volumes according to height and the spines’ aesthetic appeal. Viewed from the other end of the room, the books rose and fell in a sinuous sequence, rather like organ pipes or ordnance survey contours. Between the rug-door and the book-wall, a large hand-built terracotta pot four foot tall sat fat, proud and burnished to perfection. To the side of it, a selection of umbrellas and walking sticks, whose provenances were long forgotten, were propped precariously. The rest of the room was taken up by two incredibly easy chairs bought at auction and in serious need of reupholstering, and a stout Scandinavian wood-burning stove. Still warm, despite William’s three-day absence. It ought to be – it cost William almost as much as he made last year.

His studio was his haven and his true home; the fact that the cottage was included in the rent was merely an added bonus. Built by a contemporary of Bernard Leach, it had been designed with no other purpose than to be a room conducive to the making of pottery. There were two anterooms, one for glazes and one being the damp room where ongoing pots could rest. The main room housed William’s wheel at one end, an immensely long trestle table and a high, plaster-topped console on which clay could be kneaded and wedged in preparation. Shelves ran around two walls carrying finished pieces, experiments, failures, stimulus material such as skulls and pebbles, and a wealth of books on ceramics. The building was designed to allow its craftsman unparalleled access to the views outside, thus the other two walls were predominantly windows. Facing the trestle table at which William usually stood and worked, the windows reached from ceiling to floor and provided an inspiring panorama across the garden to the moors; the windows in the wall by the wheel were lower so that a potter throwing could still see where land became air and the great sea started. The roof itself was essentially one big skylight. The studio was never cold for the kiln at the far corner kept it cosy.

That afternoon, as the veiled December sun fizzled out over the sea to drop down beyond the horizon and hide until noon the next day, William prepared some vivid blue slip and checked on his pieces in the damp room. His mind was elsewhere and yet nowhere at all. Momentarily it flitted across Morwenna before going on a little excursion to London and the humming girl, where it stayed a rueful while to be brought back to the present by Barbara’s insistent bleat. William found it was quite dark and he sat on the steps of the studio tugging the goat’s ear and asking her what he should do. Her eyes glinted luminous, unnerving even, so he smacked her rump and scratched her beard before heading off for Morwenna’s, driven as he was purely by his groin. Driving guilt to a far-flung corner of his conscience.

‘Hungry, were you?’ Morwenna fought to contain her delight. A hundred and eighty pieces for the Bay Tree Bistro looked promising, as did an orgasm or two.

‘Not really – well, not hungry for food,’ qualified William with an overdone lascivious wink. He had always mixed up her money-look with her lust-look and she was so obviously wearing one of them now. Unfortunately, he could not decipher which for both incorporated moistened, parted lips and a slight glaze to the eye. He strode over and kissed her deeply, allowing his hand to travel expertly if routinely over her torso. He ran her pony-tail through his hands and looked at her face. Behind her smile he saw that her eyes were quite flat. Or were those £-signs, superimposed cartoon-like over them?

‘Morwenna,’ he said in as much of a drawl as he could muster convincingly, stepping towards her and kissing her as persuasively as he could.

And so they made rather unsatisfactory love. William’s eyes were slammed shut throughout while Morwenna’s were fixed on the lampshade, waiting for a climax that never came and was not worth simulating. Afterwards, they thanked each other politely, assuring that it had been good for them, how was it for you.

You shouldn’t have to ask, thought Morwenna as she rose and went for her dressing-gown.

You shouldn’t have to pull your stomach in like that, thought William as he watched her.

‘Stay?’ she asked, hugging her dressing-gown about her, quite keen for him to go.

‘Not tonight,’ William replied, as lightly as he could.

As Morwenna sipped at very sweet cocoa, she beckoned her cat to her lap. William, William. She gazed at the wallpaper without seeing its pattern. William Coombes was her lover and her livelihood; thirty per cent was thirty per cent after all, and his burgeoning reputation had seen his prices rise healthily. As much as she loved him, and love him she did, she loved the idea of him more.

She had held the reins and guided William through an exhilarating run of discovery from which she had benefited too. Multiple orgasms and thirty per cent. Now they were on a downward slalom heading nowhere fast. The reins were gone from her hands and yet she could not remember letting them slip. Who held them now? Not William, for sure. The shift of power was now squarely with him and yet he was using it quietly to ride away from her.

It was the creeping indifference she could not abide. His proclamations of affection were dwindling and empty and, as she confronted the truth with only her cat on her lap for comfort, she knew that he made them because he knew it was what she wanted to hear. Tracing a large vein threatening at her calf, Morwenna admitted silently with forlorn resignation that William was no longer in love with her. Her cat fixed his yellow eyes on her, his pupils expanding as he swallowed her in to his unnerving gaze. What could she do but acknowledge out loud that William simply no longer loved her? They had grown apart because he had grown up and she had grown old. She had also witnessed his growing disaffection with Saxby Ceramics.

‘But Morn,’ he had said under his breath once or twice, ‘I actually want to make the pots I want to make. Not made to order, made to measure, made to be dishwasher safe and microwave proof.’

‘You will, you will. Once you’re up and running,’ she had said lightly. But she could not deny that his career as a potter was now establishing itself and that his preferred frugal lifestyle could most certainly be maintained by the sale of a one-off studio piece every now and then.

‘Oh well,’ she said out loud in the plaguing silence of her room, ‘I still have you and you love me unconditionally, don’t you puss? You give me a hundred per cent, never mind thirty!’ The tabby kneaded her lap in enthusiastic camaraderie before absent-mindedly springing his claws, driving them deep into Morwenna’s thigh. She gasped with the shock and the hurt of it, hurling the animal off her lap, rubbing her thigh hard. The cat slunk reproachfully to the window-sill where he knocked over a photograph of William and gazed defiantly away from her.

‘You and him both.’

William arrived back at Peregrine’s Gully at midnight. He felt wretched because he knew he had used Morwenna, and thereby abused her. He cursed his conscience for having returned only when his testosterone had levelled. He cursed testosterone. The humming girl was far from his mind, as was the echoing urn in a river of red. Going to the side of the cottage, he went directly to the studio. Barbara, a little bleary, was none the less delighted to see him and chewed her cud thoughtfully as he fetched a block of terracotta clay and began to knead and wedge it. Pulling it towards him and then thrusting it away, he worked the clay until the wetness had gone and a cross section revealed no air pockets, just a smooth dark red-brown slab. Good enough to eat. My, he was starving. It was gone one in the morning and he was cold; the hunger that he had used as a pretext to Morwenna now gnawed at his stomach and his soul.




FOUR


Though Chloë’s entire effects would have taken but a couple of hours to pack, it really did not seem an appropriate activity for Christmas Day. It could wait. Tomorrow, perhaps; Boxing Day after all. The easiest way for Chloë to block out the lack of Jocelyn was to travel backwards and pore over memories of Christmases past. Yuletide celebrations at her godmother’s had been peppered with good cheer and sumptuous refreshments, and peopled by the most colourful of souls. Chloë customarily took a place in the background, happily overshadowed by the mosaic of eccentricities that surrounded her. She was oddly comfortable with her shyness when at Jocelyn’s, surrounded by a host of fantastic characters scattered liberally through the house. There was the white witch, the man with the panama and the macaw, the Russian with the balalaika, the ageing French actress. But best of all, the septuagenarians, Peregrine and Jasper; made up to the nines and immaculately coiffured. (‘We’re the real Queens of England, we should be on the telly at three, don’t you think?’) Some called her Cadwallader, the white witch absent-mindedly called her Cleo, Peregrine and Jasper called her ‘Clodders’ as they had since she was small. She did not mind at all.

Chloë would watch with awe as Jocelyn swirled around her guests, distributing drink and food, compliments and witticisms with grace laced with abandon. Eyes dark with kohl bought in Petra, enviable cheekbones dusted with rouge from Paris and nut-brown skin bathed in Mitsuko, Jocelyn breezed about enveloped in velvet or swathed in chiffon, bejewelled extravagantly, bestowing on all her immense gift of effortless hospitality. Everyone was swept along on the tide of her countenance. Every so often and without making a scene, she would swoop down beside Chloë, usually squeezing next to her on the armchair to lavish kisses and furtive winks and nudges; ‘I’m Jocelyn jostling!’ she would pip in her ear. Chloë felt treasured indeed.

Mr and Mrs Andrews had been there too, ensconced in Notting Hill, in Jocelyn’s glorious house. With pride of place over a faux-Elizabethan fireplace, they looked benevolently down on all from the gilt-edged confines of their elegant world. Of course, it was not the original – yet nor was it a standard print such as Chloë’s. Jocelyn had commissioned hers from a young Chilean painter whom she had befriended on a coffee appreciation trip to South America in the seventies. She had brought Carlos back to London, sat him in the Tate and National Galleries, the Courtauld Institute and the Wallace Collection until he had quite mastered the Masters before sending him to Paris where she had an old friend who had known Matisse. Two years later, he enjoyed the first of many sell-out one-man shows. Now New York had him and he dressed in Gaultier and had a boyfriend called Claude whom he called ‘Clode’.

But he came to Jocelyn’s funeral, and wept alone and at length before disappearing.

As Chloë gazed at her own Mr and Mrs Andrews, she wondered what would happen to Jocelyn’s. There, Señora Andrews sometimes appeared to be winking and wasn’t there just a drift of something positively libertine about Señor Andrews?

Chloë decided if she visited the house, she would see if she could take the painting home. But where was home to be? Wales? Ireland? Scotland, perhaps? Wasn’t home just a concept? Was it attainable? Really?

Because it would not have crossed their minds to call her, Chloë rang her parents just before the Queen’s Speech to thank them for their perfunctory cheque. Two time zones away, they were just on their way out to cocktails with the Withrington-Smiths before a bash at Bunty and Jimbo’s so could it be brief? Yes, yes, Merry Christmas to you too, Chloë. Mother sends fondest! Must fly, bye!

Owen and Torica Cadwallader: definitive ex-pats. Dictionary perfect and, as such, worthy of lengthy description or dissection in book, film or anthropological study. They whooped it up overseas, ricocheting around their vapid colonial existence; loving every minute, every year of it. Chloë had been born to them in Hong Kong and was to be their only child (a daughter – shame) who, at six years old and with a relocation to Saudi pending, had been shipped back to England to fumble her way through boarding school and other rites of passage. Had it not been for Jocelyn, she would have been quite alone. ‘Far too far to fly’ being her parents’ dictum and excuse, Chloë rarely saw them. Perhaps once every three years or so, for a day or so. If that. This year they had flown in for the state opening of Parliament but Jocelyn’s funeral two months later was ‘far too far to fly – we’ll send flowers’ – which they did, only on the wrong day.

And yet Jocelyn remained forever discreet; she never judged them, never spoke badly about them and never colluded with Chloë who had expressed a brave indifference from a tender age anyway. Jocelyn’s sympathy and support, though unspoken and unasked for, were abundant and comforting. The unequivocal, unconditional love and respect that she lavished on Chloë made her want for nothing. Why pine for parents she did not know when she had a godparent the calibre of Jocelyn? For her part, Jocelyn had a daughter without the trials of pregnancy, labour or a husband. She had this wonderful god-daughter merely because her brother had captained Owen’s rugger team at Oxford.

Chloë thought herself very lucky. While other parents came up to school en masse and took their daughters out for cream teas in Marlborough, Jocelyn descended by Aston Martin twice a term to whisk away Chloë, and any friends she chose, for magical interludes and picnics on the Downs replete with champagne, smoked salmon and chocolate liqueurs. She helped smuggle plenty of the latter back to school: the very stuff of midnight feasts, bribery and blackmail. Once, when the weather had not been kind, the picnic was taken indoors at Badborough Court, a meandering country seat near Devizes owned by an old friend of Jocelyn’s (didn’t Lord Badborough kiss her for ages!).

Jocelyn wrote weekly, came to parents’ evenings, sports days and school plays. When Chloë’s maths teacher chastised Jocelyn over Chloë’s general apathy and incompetence, the visits and the picnics and the chocolate truffles became more frequent. Not as a bribe, but as support.

‘I’m not surprised your mind wanders off in maths, it’s insufferably boring,’ Jocelyn had said over shandy at a pub near Avebury. ‘But just think, if you pass your O level you’ll never, ever, have to do maths again! And just think, if you pass your O level you can turn your back on mental arithmetic and formulae and daft equations, to add things up on your fingers forever more! That’s why we’ve got ten of them after all!’

Chloë gained a ‘B’ for her maths O level and has used her fingers to count ever since.

It was watching the Queen’s Speech on the television (Chloë remained upstanding with sherry and a mince pie) that decided her what to do.

‘Velvet, Your Majesty!’ she cooed with reverence and gratitude. ‘Jocelyn said I may have “anything of velvet” so I shall go directly and have my pick. First, though,’ she announced, ‘I shall pack!’

Chloë, her belongings and Mr and Mrs Andrews crossed London for Notting Hill by taxi and her sudden Christmas cheer ensured an extravagant tip on top of the seasonally quadrupled fare. Chloë grinned and waved at the familiar front door; darkly glossed hunter green, brass fittings gleaming. Hullo, hullo, hullo, she chanted, skipping up the wide steps two at a time. She had her own set of keys, of course she did. But the locks had been changed, of course they had. Feeling tearful and bewildered, she sat down on the front steps, surrounded by bags that were suddenly too heavy and bulky, wondering what to do. She thought of all the velvet items inside that were now rightfully hers, she wondered about the Chilean Mr and Mrs Andrews hoping they were still where they should be, presiding over matters in the drawing-room. Her own Mr and Mrs Andrews were too cold and cross to talk. Or was that her? She hoped nothing had been removed or even moved inside the house and yet how could she check? With her bottom numbing against the cold stone, and her lower lip jutting in bewilderment tinged with self-pity, she felt at once trapped and yet barred. Christmas Day was closing around her. It was cold.

Wales, suddenly, did not seem a good idea at all.

‘Wales,’ declared Peregrine, flinging his arm out in a roughly westerly direction, ‘is an absolutely splendid idea!’

‘Good old Jocelyn Jo!’ agreed Jasper, thrusting a mug of mulled wine into Chloë’s chilled hands.

Jasper and Peregrine had found her, huddled and sleepy, on their return from a promenade along the Serpentine. Their keys fitted the locks on Jocelyn’s door perfectly for it was they who had had them changed. Jocelyn had left the house to them on that very condition: ‘To prevent my nearest and not so dearest trespassing and traipsing through.’ So Chloë had been rescued and was once again ensconced in a familiar armchair, looked down upon by the benevolent, if surreptitiously Latin, smiles of Mr and Mrs Andrews.

‘Your phone,’ said Jasper, ‘is perpetually engaged. We’ve been trying you for yonks.’

‘If the Sins weren’t using it,’ Chloë explained, ‘I left it off the hook. Knowing that it would never again be Jocelyn, I can’t bear to hear it ring.’

Chloë cradled a chipped cup that she knew well and nibbled biscuits from the lucky dip of Jocelyn’s old Foxes’ tin. Wardrobes full of velvet were just up the stairs and off the landing, and there would undoubtedly be a bottle of Mitsuko in the bathroom, one in the bedroom. And yet it seemed strange to be there, half asleep, freezing cold, sitting amongst all the familiar accoutrements and smells but with no Jocelyn.

‘They say that people inhabit their places, their things, long after they’re gone – but I can’t find Jocelyn anywhere here,’ Chloë mumbled, her nose running on to Peregrine’s Hermès scarf. Jasper topped up the mulled wine and laid a slender, perfectly manicured hand on the top of her head.

‘We couldn’t find her either, poppet, not at first. But in drifts and droves she returned and now we chat away to her frequently, don’t we, P? I hated it here at first, didn’t I, dear? I found it so empty – and yet everything was in its place; all should have been comfortingly familiar, but it was alien and cold. And then, a few days on, I opened a kitchen drawer and found a shopping list scrawled by Jocelyn on the back of an envelope. It matched entirely the items currently in the larder. Suddenly I was quite warm and Jocelyn was here once more.’

‘And for me,’ said Peregrine, coaxing the Hermès scarf from Chloë’s clutches to replace it with a damask handkerchief from Dunhill, ‘for me it was when I spied one slipper under the Lloyd Loom chair in her bedroom – you remember those pointy, turn-up-toe Indian things she had? It caught me quite unawares – it was only when, a day or so later, I found the other one lurking behind the laundry basket that I could smile. In fact, I had a right old chuckle – it was as if she had just that moment kicked them off prior to springing into bed with a magazine, a brandy and the telephone!’

‘But,’ sighed Chloë who had begun to thaw, ‘I miss her. And it hurts, it pulls – here,’ she explained, pressing both hands above her breasts. Peregrine and Jasper cocked their heads and donned gentle half-smiles.

‘She’ll never really be gone, you know,’ said Peregrine, cuddling up to her comfortingly in the armchair.

‘You’ll see her again, Clodders old thing. I bet you anything she’ll be in Wales!’

‘Ooh! And Ireland!’ cooed Peregrine, rolling his ‘r’s and jigging his head.

‘Scotland,’ philosophized Jasper, looking vaguely northwards.

‘And good old Blighty!’ declared Peregrine, gesticulating expansively and inadvertently clonking Chloë’s nose in the process.

‘In fact,’ said Jasper standing up and lolling with a certain swagger against the fireplace; one knee cocked, one hand in a pocket, the other draped aesthetically over the mantel, ‘you’ll see her quite often – in you!’

Chloë looked at Jasper gratefully. And then she looked at him in quite a different light. She stifled giggles.

‘You’re Mr Andrews!’ she exclaimed, looking from him to the painting above his head.

‘Gracious duck!’ whooped Peregrine. ‘You are! To a ‘t’! What is it, Clodders? Is it the pose or the poise?’

‘It’s both,’ she declared, delighted.

Jasper moved not one inch, if anything he lifted his chin a little higher and dropped his eyelids fractionally.

‘Then I suggest, my dearest Peregrine, that you don a divine sky-blue frock and sit demurely at my side! For if I am indeed Mr A, you can be no other than my devoted Mrs A!’

‘Velvet!’ proclaimed a suddenly lucid Chloë having picked herself up from a fit of giggles on the Persian rug.

‘Blue satin!’ sang Peregrine, tears of mirth streaming down his face. He looked at Chloë slyly. ‘Race you!’ he hollered before diving for the door and the stairs beyond.

Because she was at least forty-five years younger than him, Chloë reached Jocelyn’s bedroom first and flung open the cupboard doors with the grandest of gestures that would have done her late godmother proud. Peregrine and Chloë, and a wheezing Jasper just behind, looked in awe at the sparkle and drape of the cupboard’s contents. There were yards of silk, watered, raw and crushed; swathes of satin, duchesse, brocaded and ruched; there was velvet and devore velvet; plain taffeta and moire; there was suede that was butter soft and cashmere that was softer than air. A superior collection of handmade shoes was hidden from view in their soft fabric sacks.

The three of them stood in silent reverence and gazed on. Jocelyn was amongst them once more. Chloë slithered into a dark green velvet dress that was far too long but it didn’t matter. Jasper zipped her up and placed a lattice of jet around her neck while she scooped up her hair and he fixed it with a bejewelled pin.

‘Divine,’ he whispered, ‘so Rossetti! So Burne-Jones!’

‘Do you think I could have it altered to fit? Do you think I should?’

‘I think you should! Jocelyn decreed it in her will, girl. No use just having “anything of velvet” – what good is velvet if it is not to be worn? I’ll do it for you, being the accomplished seamstress that I am. Gracious, Peregrine!’

Peregrine stood before them, resplendent in washed blue silk, one hand on his hips, the other raised affectedly above his head.

‘It fits like a glove!’ he declared, his voice saturated with pride heavily laced with outrage. Though it was decidedly odd seeing a man of grandfathering age wearing her godmother’s dress, Chloë had to concede that it fitted perfectly, suiting him and complementing his demeanour utterly.

‘I like it!’ she enthused after a momentary assessment.

‘I love it!’ boomed Jasper, twirling Peregrine around. ‘Shall we take more mulled wine and then play rummy?’

Jasper insisted on hanging Chloë’s Mr and Mrs Andrews at the opposite end of the room to their Chilean doppelgängers.

‘We could play Spot the Difference,’ he declared, balanced on a Chippendale chair with a hammer between his knees and a picture hook pursed between his lips.

‘Her shoes for starters,’ said Peregrine, still befrocked, his nose inches from the frame, squinting through Jocelyn’s reading glasses. Then he whipped them off and stared at Chloë in alarm.

‘Gracious, Clodders! You haven’t even opened it! Look, Jaspot – it’s pristine. Not even the teeniest peek!’ He removed the envelope marked ‘Wales’ from the frame and handed it to Jasper who held it aloft as if about to light the Olympic flame – or Jocelyn’s chandelier at any rate. He looked at Chloë sternly and his left eyebrow left his forehead.

‘Why ever not, girl?’

Chloë shuffled. Though she felt uncomfortable at being challenged, she felt more uneasy with the envelope suddenly out of reach. Jasper’s eyebrow remained aloft.

‘There just didn’t seem to be a right time, ladies,’ she said. ‘I held it often; I sniffed at it and held it up to the light. Its contents just seem so, I don’t know – portentous.’

Approving Chloë’s vocabulary, Jasper allowed his eyebrow back down to earth.

‘I was,’ furthered Chloë, ‘all on my own. In Islington, after all.’

This secured a bow from Jasper and a long nod from Peregrine who said ‘Islington. Why, of course’ very softly.

‘What say you,’ said Jasper cautiously, proffering Chloë the letter like a ring on a velvet cushion, ‘that we open it now? You’re in Notting Hill after all. With us. And the Andrewsiz. Looked over by You-know-who. Safe hands all.’

Chloë took the envelope and held it to her nose, her eyes on Jasper but seeing far beyond him.

Is it there? Is it Mitsuko? Do you know, I think so.

‘Mitsuko?’ asks Peregrine. Chloë nods. She turns the envelope over and wriggles her little finger into one corner. The rip, though a mere centimetre or so, is deafening. She takes her little finger to the other corner and winces as the tearing of paper screeches out.

‘Bugger,’ she mutters under her breath but unmistakably. ‘Would you? For me?’

Jasper takes the envelope and slits it open with one deft movement. He passes it to Peregrine who slides the contents out with deliberation and grace. He offers them to Chloë but she must come forward to accept.

‘Go on,’ he whispers, ‘for us.’

‘For Jocelyn,’ says Jasper.

‘OK,’ says Chloë.

There are two pages. A letter, and a map of Wales that appears to have been filched from a road atlas. In black ballpoint pen, an arrow shoots inland and south, to a red asterisk marked ‘Here!’ Handing the map to Jasper, Chloë skims through the letter seeing the words without reading them, reading names without knowing where or who – or indeed whether a who or a where.

Peregrine’s chin is tucked over her shoulder. He smells faintly of chocolate gingers and Christmas.

‘Jasp!’ he says once he has read it right through. ‘Three guesses where she’s going!’ Jasper hands the map back to Chloë and closes his eyes with a measured twitch of his aquiline nose.

‘Three guesses,’ says Peregrine again, nudging Chloë with a wink.

‘And if I am correct in just one?’ Jasper asks, eyes still closed, nostrils slightly flared.

‘Oh Gracious Lordy, always a deal to be struck. Nothing’s ever unconditional with the old tart!’ Peregrine is pleasantly exasperated. ‘If you’re right in one, I’ll make it worth your while. There!’

Jasper opens his eyes and smiles – benevolently at Chloë, somewhat lasciviously at Peregrine.

‘Gin Trap. I bet my bottom dollar. It’ll be the Gin Trap.’





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