Книга - Until You Loved Me

Until You Loved Me
Brenda Novak


Sometimes starting over means finding everything you've been missing…After catching her fiance cheating – with another man – straight-laced, workaholic Ellie Fisher liberates her wild side just long enough to indulge in a passionate one-night stand with a tall, dark stranger she never quite catches the name of. Embarrassed by her recklessness, she hopes never to see him again…until a pregnancy test turns positive.Professional football player, Hudson King has always been cautious around women. But this one seemed different – so disinterested in his celebrity and genuinely interested in him. But when Ellie tracks him down, claiming she's carrying his baby, he's stunned.But after growing up as an orphan, he'll do anything to stay involved in his child's life, so he urges Ellie to move to Silver Springs, where they can co-parent. Hudson has a lot of love to give, certainly enough for his child, and when their initial spark reignites, perhaps for Ellie, too…







New York Times bestselling author Brenda Novak returns to Silver Springs

Sometimes starting over means finding everything you’ve been missing...

After catching her fiancé cheating—with another man—usually straitlaced, workaholic scientist Ellie Fisher liberates her wild side just long enough to indulge in a passionate one-night stand with a tall, dark stranger she meets at a trendy Miami bar. Embarrassed by her recklessness, she ducks out the following morning without learning the guy’s full name, something that shouldn’t have been a problem...until a pregnancy test turns positive.

Being a professional football player, Hudson King has always been cautious around women. But this one had been different—so disinterested in his celebrity, so convincingly into him. When Ellie tracks him down, claiming she’s carrying his baby, he’s stunned. And more than a little betrayed.

But after growing up as an orphan, he’ll do anything to stay involved in his child’s life, so he urges Ellie to move to Silver Springs, where they can co-parent. Hudson has a lot of love to give, certainly enough for his child, and when their initial spark reignites, perhaps for Ellie, too...


Praise for the novels of New York Times bestselling author Brenda Novak

“Once you visit Silver Springs, you’ll never want to leave.”

—Robyn Carr, #1 New York Times bestselling author

“Brenda Novak is always a joy to read.”

—Debbie Macomber, #1 New York Times bestselling author

“Brenda Novak doesn’t just write fabulous stories, she writes keepers.”

—Susan Mallery, #1 New York Times bestselling author

“The author deftly integrates topics such as coming to terms with one’s past and the importance of forgiveness into another beautifully crafted, exceptionally poignant love story.”

—Library Journal on Discovering You

“This Heart of Mine had such beautiful details that it captured my full attention—and had me sniffling and smiling while waiting to board my plane.”

—First for Women

“Another engrossing addition to Novak’s addictive series.”

—Library Journal on This Heart of Mine (starred review)

“With great sensitivity and an exquisite flair for characterization, Novak explores the ideas of redemption, forgiveness, and the healing power of love. This Heart of Mine is a potently emotional, powerfully life-affirming contemporary romance.”

—Booklist (starred review)

Booklist voted This Heart of Mine one of their Top 10 Romances in 2015.


Until You Loved Me

Brenda Novak







Dear Reader (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63),

Welcome to Silver Springs, population 5,000! I love writing this new series, mostly because I enjoy working with wounded heroes, and the boys ranch at the edge of my fictional Southern California town (located about ninety minutes northwest of Los Angeles) supplies many of those. Hudson King, the hero of this novel, was abandoned the day he was born—in Bel Air, of all places, one of the richest areas in the state. No one can say who left him or why, but his fortunes have changed dramatically over the years. He’s no longer an unwanted orphan. As one of the most gifted quarterbacks in the NFL, he’s achieved what most men can only dream about. He has everything. Almost. He still craves answers, has to find the person or people who left him to die all those years ago so he can learn why. Problem is...what he finds out makes him wish he’d never solved the mystery. Good thing he has just the person to stand in his corner with scientist Ellie Fisher...

I love to hear from my readers. If you’re on Facebook, you can find me at www.Facebook.com/brendanovakauthor (https://www.Facebook.com/brendanovakauthor). You might even be interested in joining my online book group, which consists of over 6,000 book fanatics! We have so many fun things going on—group T-shirts and sweatshirts, personalized and autographed bookmarks, monthly “professional reader boxes,” a birthday program, an annual “in person” event, a commemorative pin for anyone who’s read more than fifty Novak novels, and more! You can learn all about it on my website (www.brendanovak.com (http://www.brendanovak.com)). Just click on the Book Group page (which is where you can also find the link to sign up). And while you’re there, be sure to add your name to my mailing list. I’d love to be able to notify you of sales, new books and other news.

To happily-ever-after...

Brenda Novak


To my husband, who’s listened and offered feedback as I’ve read every single one of the sixty novels I’ve written aloud to him. (Sometimes he’s heard them two or three times!) That’s what a real hero is like.


Contents

Cover (#u5d9f38ea-6cda-521b-81fe-810afb465095)

Back Cover Text (#u44c05c03-2ebf-5773-a520-ee1c5d7fb8e7)

Praise (#u18ac9046-42e4-55eb-b8bf-2c98add4aac0)

Title Page (#u3d1b33ff-9e6b-5f48-a20e-bc2f3acaf7ab)

Dear Reader (#u4b5e3a07-5ee1-556c-84e4-55f4b118a6e6)

Dedication (#u69331dac-8359-59dd-bfe8-460158c57dff)

Prologue (#u8529cf63-a8eb-579b-836f-f1f69d881078)

Chapter 1 (#u9855ba6c-9156-5853-9eda-cc62d4cc39a5)

Chapter 2 (#ucaadc431-2bcf-587d-8b34-06c7c06e123f)

Chapter 3 (#u3c6c0dcf-0e5e-5f5c-a6ec-0ceaaa28337c)

Chapter 4 (#u6549402f-70de-518b-8c2d-d4e5b4f3657a)

Chapter 5 (#udbf6ab32-5da3-5a85-a329-a6fbbba8cfda)

Chapter 6 (#u8435059f-66fe-542d-a071-ca82b4b5d1c5)

Chapter 7 (#u843c043b-b245-5b66-a33d-3bafe8fc000c)

Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)

Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)


Prologue (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

Wincing against the glare of the sun that slanted through his front windshield, the man drove slowly through Bel Air, California. There was so much money in this area. He couldn’t even afford to pay the rent on his dumpy one-bedroom apartment and yet these people owned estates that sprawled over half an acre. Didn’t seem fair.

The baby he’d put in the seat next to him—only a few hours old and wrapped in a tattered blanket—began to squirm. It wasn’t in a carrier; he didn’t own one. He wasn’t about to spend good money on something he wouldn’t need.

“Don’t you cry,” he muttered under his breath. “Don’t you dare cry.” He couldn’t tolerate that sound—it was like nails scraping down a chalkboard. He had to get rid of the child before it started to make noise. Noise would draw too much attention.

He’d intended to take it to the far corner house. He’d been to that mansion twice before and thought the woman who lived there might be empathetic enough to take in an abandoned baby. But the needy infant was already waking up, so he pulled over immediately, looked both ways on the quiet summer street and grabbed the squirming bundle.

It took only a few seconds to stash the newborn under the closest privacy hedge. He didn’t dare go any closer to the house surrounded by that hedge, couldn’t waste the time or he’d risk being seen. The neighborhood was quiet in midafternoon, but there were always service people coming and going...

He heard the baby start to fuss, which only made him move faster. After jumping back into his vehicle, he took off.


1 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

Thirty-two years later

“You look miserable.”

Ellie Fisher forced a smile for her oldest friend. “What? No, I’m not miserable at all!” She had to shout over the music pulsing through the air and reverberating off the walls and ceiling. She’d never understood why, in a place designed for singles to meet and become acquainted, the music had to be so loud. A hundred twenty decibels made it almost impossible to have a conversation and had to be damaging their hearing, but she didn’t say that. She knew how Amy, her friend since early childhood, and Amy’s friend Leslie, whom she’d just met tonight, would react. Besides, after the emotional trauma she’d been through in the past week, she wouldn’t have felt much better anywhere else. “I’m having a great time!”

Amy pursed her lips. “Sure you are.”

After being inseparable in grade school, she and Amy had grown apart in middle school and taken very different paths. Amy had been the stereotypical cheerleader—popular, outgoing and fun—and had opted for cosmetology school instead of college. She now worked at an expensive hair boutique in Brickell, a neighborhood in downtown Miami. Ellie had never received the same amount of attention, especially from boys, but until recently she hadn’t cared about that. She’d always preferred her studies to parties, had been her high school valedictorian and was accepted into Yale, where she’d done her undergraduate as well as postgraduate work. Since leaving school, she’d been determined to overcome the immunology challenges associated with finding a cure for diabetes—her favorite aunt had lost a leg to the dreaded disease—and now she worked at one of the foremost research facilities in the world, which just happened to be here in Miami, where she’d been born. But thanks to that early bond, she and Amy would always be friends. Ellie had never been more grateful for her than during the past week, since Amy was the one who’d been there when Ellie’s world fell apart.

“It’s true.” Ellie glanced from Amy to Leslie as if to say “Here we are, sitting at a tiny table in one of South Beach’s most popular nightclubs. What’s not to love?”

Amy rolled her eyes. “I know you too well to believe that. But I’m not letting you cut out early, so don’t start checking the time on your phone. I’ve invited a couple of friends to come and meet you, remember?”

Ellie remembered, but Amy hadn’t mentioned any names. Ellie got the impression it was because she didn’t know which friend would show up—that she’d simply gone through her male clients and other contacts and invited anyone who might be available. “I wasn’t checking the time,” Ellie said.

Amy scowled. “I saw you!”

“I was looking to see if my parents texted me! They should’ve arrived in Paris by now.” Ellie wished she’d gone with them, but by the time her life had imploded, they’d had their travel plans in place, and it’d been too late to get a plane ticket. They’d be teaching in France for the next year, though. Once she finished the clinical trials she was working on, she hoped to fly over and meet up with them. Now that she wouldn’t be going on her honeymoon, she had enough vacation days to stay for three weeks. Surely visiting Paris would provide a better distraction. Hanging out with Amy didn’t seem to be helping.

“Your parents will be fine,” Amy said. “You need to loosen up, have a few drinks and start dancing. Forget about everything, including that bastard Don and the man he cheated on you with.”

Ellie didn’t think she could get drunk enough to forget about Don. Three days ago, she’d caught him in bed with Leonardo Stubner, a member of the administration staff where they worked. She’d have to face them both—as she had on Wednesday, Thursday and today—when she returned to the Banting Diabetes Center on Monday. And that wasn’t the worst of it. Since her shocking discovery, he and Leo had come out of the closet and declared their love for each other, adding another level of humiliation to her suffering by making it all public. Half of their coworkers felt so sorry about the pressure they’d been under to hide their sexuality that they were praising them for having the courage to finally make “the big reveal.” The other half, those who were critical of their deception, didn’t dare speak out for fear of being accused of being unsympathetic, homophobic or both. One way or the other, almost everyone she knew was talking about Ellie and her situation and forming an opinion.

After hearing what Amy had just said, Leslie leaned forward, finally showing a spark of interest in Ellie. “Your fiancé cheated on you with another man?”

Ellie squirmed under Leslie’s horrified regard. When Amy had said they were taking Ellie out to get her mind off a broken engagement, Leslie had barely reacted. But the circumstances of her failed relationship made Ellie that much more pathetic. When Ellie caught her fiancé with his “best friend,” whom he’d known since college—Don was the one who got Leo hired at the BDC—she’d also come face-to-face with the realization that all the “golfing” trips the two had taken since she and Don started dating hadn’t been as innocent as she’d been led to believe.

The one man who’d told her he wanted to spend forever with her hadn’t really been attracted to her in the first place. He’d been using her as a cover so he wouldn’t become estranged from his ultrareligious parents.

That hurt more than her lost dream of having a family.

But the fact that she was ill at ease in a nightclub wasn’t Don’s fault. She’d never felt comfortable in large groups, didn’t consider herself particularly adept at the kind of social interaction they required. She’d been too devoted to getting her PhD in biomedical engineering—and following that with a postdoctoral fellowship at the BDC, where she’d met Don, a fellow scientist—to have much time for clubbing, so she’d had little experience.

She shouldn’t have let Amy drag her here, she decided as she gazed around. But maybe one of Amy’s friends would show up and make her feel like less of a loser. Nothing else had worked since Don’s betrayal, so she forced herself to hold out hope. If she didn’t make some effort to recover and move on, even if it resulted in only a very short rebound relationship, she’d die an old maid, as her grandmother would’ve put it. That had never seemed more of a possibility than now. Her thirtieth birthday loomed ahead, but instead of planning her wedding, as she’d anticipated, she’d be doing all she could to continue her research while bumping into her ex-fiancé and his lover on a daily basis.

A man from across the room came toward them. With his sandy-colored hair swept up off his forehead, he was attractive in a frat-boy way—well built and preppy, which was a look she found attractive.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked.

Frat Boy immediately singled out Amy—not that Ellie could blame him. Dressed in a short, tight-fitting black dress, six-inch stilettos and smoky makeup with bright red lipstick, Amy oozed sex appeal. So did Leslie, for that matter. Due mainly to Amy’s insistence, even Ellie had had a complete makeover and was dressed in a similar fashion, except her dress was white and dipped low in the back instead of the front—the only concession Amy would allow Ellie’s natural modesty.

“You need to get laid. That’s what you need,” her friend had said when she’d balked at wearing the skimpy lingerie she had on under her dress or complained about the height of the heels Amy had pressed on her. If someone did ask her to dance, she’d probably turn an ankle, which was hardly conducive to hooking up later. Then her first Brazilian would definitely not be worth the shocking pain.

Amy looked Frat Boy up and down before widening her smile. “Sure. It’ll save me the trouble of searching for you when I’m ready to leave.”

He obviously liked that response. Ellie had to admit it was evocative. She almost brought up the notes app on her phone so she could jot it down—except she was fairly certain that line wouldn’t come off so smoothly if she ever attempted to use it. Flirting sounded silly coming from her. She loved sarcasm, had always traded put-downs with her father, but she doubted that talent would impress other men.

With some effort because of the throng of people who filled the club, the man located a chair and dragged it over before introducing himself as Manny. He made small talk for a few minutes. Then he waved over his friend, a shorter, stockier version of himself, who’d been getting drinks at the bar.

Manny explained that they were both commercial real estate agents with a local firm and introduced his friend as Nick. Nick focused on Leslie, since Manny already had dibs on Amy, making Ellie the third wheel she’d expect to be in a situation like that. She tried to contribute to the conversation but found herself peeking at her phone when Amy wasn’t looking. Not only was she uncomfortable, she was bored. But if she tried to get a taxi, Amy would remind her of the “friends” who were coming to meet her.

As the two couples got up to dance, leaving Ellie alone at the table, she let out a long sigh and flagged down a waitress. “Bring me three shots of vodka,” she said.

Maybe if she forced herself to get buzzed, the rest of the night would pass in a merciful blur. The alcohol wasn’t good for her liver. As a scientist, she couldn’t help acknowledging that. But as far as she was concerned, it was vital for her poor aching heart.

* * *

Hudson King loved women, probably even more than most men did, but he didn’t trust them. He’d gotten his name from the intersection of Hudson and King, two streets in Los Angeles’s exclusive Bel Air community, where he’d been abandoned and hidden under a privacy hedge as a newborn, so he figured he’d come by that lack of trust honestly. If he couldn’t rely on his own mother to nurture and protect him when he was completely helpless, well...that didn’t start him off on the most secure path. Even once he’d been found, hungry, cold and near death, screaming at the top of his lungs, his life hadn’t improved for quite some time.

Of course, he’d been such an angry and unruly kid, he was undoubtedly to blame for some of the hurdles he’d faced growing up. He’d made things more difficult than they had to be. He’d had more than one foster family make that clear—before sending him back to the orphanage.

Fortunately, with his foster days long behind him, he’d buried most of the anger that had caused him to act out. Or maybe he just controlled it better these days. Some people claimed he played football with a chip on his shoulder—that his upbringing contributed to the toughness and determination he displayed on the field—and that could be true. Sometimes it felt as if he did have a demon driving him when he was out there, making him push himself as far as possible. Perhaps he was trying to prove that he did matter, that he was important, that he had something to contribute. Several sports commentators had made the suggestion, but whether those commentators had any idea what they were talking about, Hudson couldn’t say. He refused to go to a psychologist, didn’t see the point. No one could change the past.

Either way, once he was sent to high school at New Horizons Boys Ranch in Silver Springs, California, where it became apparent that he could throw a football, his fortunes had changed. After that, he was named First Team All American in college. Now, as starting quarterback for the Los Angeles Devils, he’d been named MVP once, played in the pro bowl three years running and had a Super Bowl ring on his finger. In other words, he had everything a man could want—a successful career, more money than he could spend and more attention than he knew what to do with.

Not that he enjoyed the attention. For the most part, he considered fame a drawback. Being in the spotlight proved to some of the families who’d decided he was too hard to handle that he might’ve been worth the effort. But it made his little problem with women that much worse. How could he trust them when they had all that incentive to target and mislead him? Getting involved with the wrong girl could result in false accusations of rape or physical abuse, lies about his personal life or other unwelcome publicity, even an intentional effort to get pregnant in the hopes of scoring a big payday. He’d seen that sort of thing happen too many times with other professional athletes, which was why he typically avoided the party scene. He wasn’t stupid enough to fall into that trap.

So, as he sat back and accepted his second drink at Envy in South Beach, he had to ask himself why he’d let his new sports agent, Teague Upton, talk him into coming to a club. He supposed it was the fact that Teague’s younger brother, Devon, was with them, making it two votes in favor to his one opposed. Still, he could’ve nixed the outing. These days, he usually got his way when he demanded it. But since his former agent had retired, Hudson had recently signed with Teague, and Teague lived in Miami and was proud of the city and eager to show him around. Besides, the game Hudson had flown in for didn’t take place until Sunday, so boredom was a factor. Since Bruiser, his closest friend on the team, wasn’t arriving until tomorrow due to a family commitment, and the rest of the Devils were going to a strip club tonight, loneliness played a role, too—not that Hudson would ever admit it. He was the guy perceived as “having it all.” Why destroy such a pleasant illusion? Being that guy was certainly an improvement over the unwanted burden he’d been as a child.

Besides, the owner of Envy had been very accommodating. Because Hudson didn’t want to be signing autographs all night, the club owner had made arrangements with Teague to let them in through the back and had provided them with a private booth in the far corner, where it was so dark it’d be tough to recognize anyone. From his vantage point, Hudson couldn’t see the entire dance floor—and only a small part of the lighted bar—but he could observe most of what was happening, at least in the immediate vicinity. That trumped hanging out alone in his hotel room, even if the skimpy dresses and curvy bodies of the women created a certain amount of sexual frustration he had little hope of satisfying. The strip club would’ve been far worse...

“Hudson, did you hear me?”

Hudson lowered the hurricane he’d ordered so he could respond to Teague’s younger brother. Teague himself had already found a woman to his liking and was hanging out with her closer to the bar. “What’d you say?”

“What do you think of that little hottie?” Devon jerked his head toward a buxom blonde gyrating against some skinny, well-dressed dude.

“Not bad,” Hudson said. But he wasn’t all that impressed by the blonde. He was far more intrigued by the woman he’d been surreptitiously watching since he arrived. Slender, with black hair swept up and away from an oval face, she wasn’t as pretty as some of the other women he’d seen tonight, but she wasn’t nearly as plastic, either. She seemed oddly wholesome, given the setting. The poise with which she held herself told him she deserved more attention than she was receiving. At times, she even seemed slightly bewildered, as if she didn’t understand all the frenetic activity around her, let alone thrive on it. She’d just ordered three shots and downed them all—without anyone cheering her on or clapping to encourage her, which wasn’t how most party girls did it. Then, while her friends were still off dancing, she’d gotten rid of the evidence and ordered something that looked like a peach margarita.

“Man, I’d like to get me some of that,” Devon was saying about the blonde.

“Go talk to her.” Hudson hoped to be left alone, so he could study the mystery woman at the table nearby without interruption or distraction.

“Can I tell her I’m with you?” Since Devon laughed as he spoke, Hudson knew he was joking, but he made his position clear, anyway.

“No. Don’t tell anyone I’m here. That would mean I’d have to leave, and I’m enjoying myself at the moment.”

“You are? You didn’t even want to come.”

“I’m glad I did.”

“You’re not doing anything except having a drink...”

At least he was having a drink around other people, could have some fun vicariously. “That’s good enough,” he said. “For now.”

“Man, you could change that so easily. All you’d have to do is crook your finger, and you could have any woman in here.”

Probably not any woman, but more than his fair share. That was part of the problem. Hudson never knew if the women he met were interested in him or his celebrity. “Fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Devon’s expression said he was far from convinced. “Are you kidding me, man? I’d give anything to be you. I’d have a different model in my bed every night.”

Hudson didn’t live that way. He hadn’t slept with anyone since his girlfriend broke up with him nearly two years ago. He hadn’t planned on remaining celibate for such an extended period; he just hadn’t found anyone to replace Melody. Not only did he prefer to avoid certain risks, like getting scammed, he didn’t believe it was ethical to set someone up for disappointment. People like him, who struggled to fall in love, should come with a warning label. That was the reason he and Melody had gone their separate ways after seven years. She’d come to the conclusion that he’d never be willing to hand over his heart—could never trust enough to let go of it—and she wasn’t interested in anything less. She wanted to marry, settle down and have a family.

He respected her for cutting him off and had realized since then that she was right. He’d stuck with her as long as he had because she was comfortable and safe, not because he felt any great passion.

Still, it was difficult not to call her, especially when he needed the comfort, softness and sexual release a woman could provide. Only his desire to protect her from getting hurt again, since the breakup had been so hard on her, kept him from relapsing.

“I refuse to be that big a fool,” he told Devon.

Teague’s little brother leaned closer. “What’d you say?”

“Nothing.” Devon wouldn’t understand Hudson’s reluctance to churn through women even if he tried to explain it. Part of it was Devon’s age. At twenty-four, nothing sounded better than sex with as many girls as possible. Hudson had felt the same way eight years ago. Only his peculiar background, and that trust issue, had kept him from acting on his baser impulses. Also, he’d achieved early success through college football at UCLA and already had something to protect when he was twenty-four.

“So why don’t you approach her?” Hudson pressed, gesturing toward the blonde.

Devon took another sip of his drink. “Think I should?”

The song had ended and she was walking off toward a table on her own. “What do you have to lose? She might shut you down, but then you’ll move on to someone else, right?”

Freshly empowered, Devon put down his glass and slid out of the booth. “Good point. Okay. Here I go.”

As soon as he left, Hudson donned the sunglasses he kept in his shirt pocket—he was already wearing a ball cap—and called over the waitress.

Fortunately, she was so busy she barely looked at him, so the disguise seemed unnecessary, but he wasn’t taking any chances.

“What can I get for you?”

“That woman over there—what’s she drinking?” He pointed at the lone figure he found so intriguing. He didn’t have to worry about her seeing the gesture, since she had yet to look over at him.

The waitress cast a glance in the direction he’d indicated. “I’d guess a peach margarita.”

Just as he’d thought. “She needs a fresh one. Will you take care of it?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.” He handed her a twenty. “Keep the change.”


2 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

When the waitress brought Ellie another drink and explained that a gentleman in a booth not too far away had sent it, she almost refused it, especially when she twisted around and saw that he was wearing sunglasses. What kind of guy was so clueless or affected that he wore sunglasses in a dimly lit bar, especially at nighttime?

She found that behavior slightly ridiculous, but what she could see of the rest of him was appealing. A snug-fitting T-shirt revealed broad shoulders, a solid chest and well-muscled biceps. He seemed tall, even though he was sitting down, and his face wasn’t unattractive. Matter of fact, she liked the square shape of his jaw and the strength of his chin. Don had a weak chin, now that she thought of it—not that she meant to. This guy looked like someone who might be in the military, a pleasant association since she’d always admired the men and women who fought to keep America free.

Besides, she’d come here to take her mind off her troubles, hadn’t she? It wasn’t as if her girlfriends were doing much to help. Every time they came back to the table to check on her, the two men they’d met would drag them off again.

So, after taking the drink from the waitress, she lifted it high to show her gratitude to the man who’d purchased it for her. If some stranger wearing sunglasses in a bar wanted to buy her a drink, let him, she told herself. At least she was starting to relax, to enjoy herself. No doubt the alcohol could take full credit for that. She still felt like crying whenever she thought of Don. But she wouldn’t think of Don. Like everyone else here at Envy, she’d lose herself in the strobe lights, the music and this fresh margarita.

* * *

The woman didn’t seem to recognize him. She gave him a smile that said “Thanks, but I’m not interested.”

Hudson wasn’t used to that reaction. Maybe he’d underestimated the power of a pair of sunglasses. Right now his Ray-Bans seemed to be acting a little like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak.

Or was it possible that she did realize who he was but simply didn’t care for football players?

Either way, now that he’d seen her more clearly, he was interested in engaging her again. She was pretty and had an abundance of creamy skin to go with that rich, dark hair.

As soon as she finished her drink, he sent over another one—which she sent back without a moment’s hesitation. He could hear her explaining to the waitress that, while she was grateful, she’d had enough. Something about not being irresponsible, which confirmed his first impression. She wasn’t the typical clubber.

When she turned and waved—her way of being polite, thanking him in spite of her refusal to accept the drink—he waved back. Surely, once she got a good look, she’d recognize him. Usually buying a drink for a girl meant she’d be on his lap by now.

This one merely returned to watching the dance floor.

Hudson didn’t want to venture out of the booth, but he did want to talk to this woman, and she wasn’t coming to him. Even more intrigued, simply because she didn’t seem excited about meeting him, he hauled himself out of the booth and eyed her as he approached her table.

Since he came mostly from behind, he startled her when he folded himself into the chair closest to hers. Now she’ll figure out who I am, he told himself. But it was apparent that she had no clue when she introduced herself as Ellie and asked for his name.

Did he have to reveal who he was? He liked blending in for a change. Liked being no different than anyone else. He considered making up a fake identity but couldn’t bring himself to go that far. “Hudson.” He felt certain that would rip away his anonymity—his name wasn’t common—but it didn’t seem to change anything.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” she asked.

She wasn’t being coy. She really didn’t care if he joined her or not. He could tell. “Looked like you could use some company. That’s all.”

She thought that over for a moment, then nodded as if she agreed. “I guess I could. Beats sitting here alone, in any case.” She extended her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same here,” he said as they shook.

“Do you live in Miami?”

He wondered if she was being facetious. Could this be for real? Everyone knew he played for Los Angeles, so chances were slim that he’d live clear across the country. But after studying her expression, he decided his first assessment had been correct. She had no idea who he was. “No. Just visiting,” he said. “You?”

“Born and raised in Doral. Now I rent a house in Cooper City.”

“Which is...”

“A suburb not too far from here.”

He gestured at her empty glass. “You turned away my drink. It’s not too late if you’re regretting that decision.”

“No. Alcohol is so unhealthy. I’ve had enough.”

“Isn’t a little alcohol supposed to be good for you?”

He was teasing, but she took him seriously. “You mean red wine. They say that, but you’re killing brain cells in order to help your heart. Doesn’t make a lot of sense. If you’re exercising and eating right, you’re better off without it.”

He held the hurricane he’d brought over loosely in one hand. Since he was into health and fitness himself—he had to be if he wanted to remain at his physical peak—her words didn’t fall as flat as they might have. He was used to hearing cautions like that from his various trainers. “What are you, some sort of doctor?”

“Scientist, but I specialize in immunology, so I have a solid understanding of how the body works.” She tucked a strand of hair that’d fallen from her messy bun behind one ear. “How long will you be in town?”

“A few days.”

“Are you here for work or play?”

“Um, I came to play,” he said, which was technically true. He just didn’t add that play for him was work.

“Have you ever been here before?”

“Couple of times.” He spoke dismissively, hoping to minimize the fact that he came here every two or three years to play the Dolphins.

“And? How do you like it?”

“It’s nice.” He took in her innocent-looking eyes and wide, expressive mouth. He found her attractive in a girl-next-door way. “To be honest, now that I’ve met you, I’m starting to like it even better,” he said with a grin that came naturally to him for a change. He hadn’t had an encounter like this—one that didn’t begin with some fawning statement about his looks, football ability or fame—in quite some time. The normalcy this woman offered felt like a life preserver, one he could grab to save himself from drowning in a sea of cynicism.

When her gaze cut to the dance floor, as if she might panic and go find her friends, he thought he’d come on too strong. But then the tension in her body eased. “After the week I’ve had, that’s good to hear. Even if you are wearing sunglasses.”

“Excuse me?”

She leaned closer. “Isn’t it a little dark for those?”

He nearly laughed when it registered that she was embarrassed for him. “My eyes are sensitive to the strobe lights.” That was the only outright lie he’d told her so far, and it wasn’t a big one—nothing she could get too angry about if or when she learned who he was.

“Oh. I guess that makes sense, then.”

Afraid her friends would return and recognize him, he checked the dance floor himself.

Luckily, he saw nothing to suggest impending discovery. “What was so terrible about your week?” he asked.

“Nothing I care to discuss,” she replied promptly.

“Is that why you were knocking back those shots? You’re trying to forget?”

Her expression filled with chagrin. “You saw that?”

“I found it a bit curious that you were doing it alone when it’s more fun with the support of a group.”

She shrugged. “Desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.”

He liked the delicate curve of her neck and her small, slender hands, which were devoid of the fake nails so many women wore, suggesting she possessed a certain practicality. “That bad, huh?”

“That bad.”

Stretching out his legs, he crossed them at the ankles. “Won’t you give me a hint about what went wrong? Did you lose your job? Get some bad news?”

The darkness of his sunglasses made it difficult for him to determine the color of her eyes, but he admired the thick fringe of lashes that showcased them. He was almost certain they were blue...

“I wish that’s all it was,” she said.

“What could be worse?” He hoped he wasn’t putting his foot in his mouth, that she hadn’t recently been diagnosed with cancer or some other disease. He’d feel foolish for pushing the issue then. But he figured that couldn’t be it. She’d said it was worse than “getting bad news.”

“I caught my fiancé in bed with another man.”

He froze with his drink halfway to his lips. “You did say man...”

“Yes. His ‘best friend’ from college. Apparently they’ve been together for some time.”

He put down his drink. “Wow. That sucks.”

“You have no idea. Speaking of sucking, what I saw will forever be etched on my brain.”

Hudson grimaced. He was no homophobe. As far as he was concerned, people had a right to live as they saw fit. He’d be the first person to fight for that. He just found nothing appealing about having sex with another man, so the image she’d created in his mind made him cringe. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like another drink?”

“I’m sure. I didn’t really come to drink. Well, I guess I did. But only because I was looking for some sort of diversion. I’m tired of seeing the whole incident over and over in my head.”

He considered asking her to dance. That would be a diversion, wouldn’t it? He craved some excuse to put his hands on her. It’d been so long since he’d held a woman against him—and this one seemed different, refreshing.

He didn’t dare take the risk of exposing his identity, however. At six foot five, his height was enough to draw attention. Once someone really looked at him, the jig would be up in spite of the dark glasses.

“The music’s so loud in here. Why don’t we go out and walk along the water, where we can talk?” he asked.

He’d probably made his move too soon, but he didn’t have a lot of time. If her friends didn’t come back, his would...

She seemed uncertain, so he lifted his hands to indicate that he hadn’t meant to put any pressure on her. “Or, provided you’re willing, I could get your number and take you out tomorrow night.” If it came to that, Teague could arrange for some private place where they could dine without being gawked at or interrupted.

She checked the time on her phone. “It’s only eleven-thirty.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t think they’re going to show.”

He felt his eyebrows go up. “Who?”

“My friend’s been expecting a few others to join us.”

“So...”

“I’ll take that walk with you,” she said. “Otherwise, I could be sitting here for another two hours.”

“Great.” Maybe that wasn’t the most exuberant response he’d ever received, but a yes was a yes. He stood and offered her his hand, and felt his pulse spike with hope the second her fingers curled through his.

* * *

The moon hung low in the sky, so big and full it appeared to sit on the water. Ellie thought it could almost be mistaken for another planet. “That has to be the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen,” she said to Hudson, tugging on his hand to get him to stop long enough to let her stand and gaze at it.

“It’s gorgeous, all right,” he murmured, but he wasn’t looking at the moon. He was staring at her. She’d had his undivided attention ever since they left the club. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he was having quite an effect on her. Now that he’d removed his sunglasses and she could see his whole face, she had to admit that he wasn’t only large and well built but also stunningly attractive. She’d never had a more handsome man take an interest in her.

“Did you know that our moon is unique in the whole solar system?” she asked.

His gaze moved down to her lips before returning to her eyes. “No. What’s unique about it?”

He wasn’t thinking about the moon; she could tell. He was thinking about touching her, kissing her. That possibility made her heart race and her knees go weak, which was crazy. She’d just been totally eviscerated, in an emotional sense, by Don. And yet...the warmth of Hudson’s hand, the glint of his teeth when he gave her that sexy grin of his and the deep timbre of his voice seemed to bury all that pain and disappointment—and make her feel like she was flying.

She swallowed hard before continuing. “It’s disproportionately large, for one thing. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t have sufficient gravity to hold the Earth steady on its orbital axis. That’s what keeps our climate relatively stable.”

“Interesting,” he said as his hand slid up her arm.

Ellie felt goose bumps break out on her skin. “And it didn’t form from leftover clouds of dust and gas, like most other moons,” she added breathlessly. “Astronomers believe there was a-another planet that collided with Earth nearly four billion years ago.”

His hand climbed higher. “Is that so?”

“Fortunately—” she cleared her throat “—it was just a glancing blow, or the Earth would’ve been destroyed.”

“How tragic.”

“Instead, the collision ripped off a huge chunk of the Earth’s crust, which began to orbit around us.”

“Eventually becoming our moon.”

“Yes.” She tried to keep her eyes on the huge white disk they were discussing. She was afraid she’d lose the small grip she still had on reality if she looked up into his face. They’d been walking along the beach, shoes off, for over two hours, talking about anything and everything except the mundane details of their lives. As they left the club, they’d agreed to forgo the usual small talk. Since they lived across the country from each other and would probably never meet again, there didn’t seem to be any point. But Hudson’s physical appeal and the excitement she was feeling were difficult to ignore.

“You know a lot about everything—except TV, sports, movies and any other part of popular culture,” he teased.

She opened her mouth to defend herself, but he was right. She was always involved in a book or an experiment. Anyway, she didn’t get the chance to say anything. He blocked out the moon by moving in front of it. Then his head came down and his mouth very gently met hers.

Ellie told herself to step back. She didn’t even know this man. But the conversation they’d had for the past two hours had been so easy and companionable. And the way he made her feel! She’d never had such an immediate, visceral reaction to anyone.

A tremor of excitement rolled from her head to her toes as his big hands moved up her back, pressing her against him as he parted her lips.

Ellie heard a groan—and realized the sound had come from her. She’d never been kissed quite so well. He wasn’t overpowering her, wasn’t forcing his tongue down her throat. He was tasting her and inviting her to taste him, with such expertise she felt she could trust him to treat her just as she wanted to be treated.

Before long, her head was spinning, and she couldn’t blame it on the shots she’d downed at the bar. She’d sobered up quite a bit since they left. She got the impression that Hudson had been biding his time, waiting until she was capable of knowing what she wanted and what she didn’t. She respected him for that. But his kiss was as intoxicating as any liquor, maybe more so.

* * *

When Ellie woke up, she knew exactly where she was. She just couldn’t explain the behavior that had led to finding herself in Hudson’s bed. It was so out of character.

She held her breath, listening to the steady sound of his. He was still asleep, thank God. Not only had they made love three times, they’d slept in each other’s arms. Why? Sure, she’d been hurt by Don’s pretense and, when she’d texted Amy to tell her she’d met someone and would find her own way home, Amy had jokingly responded that she deserved a little revenge sex. From a birth control angle, she’d been prepared for it. Leslie had shoved a fistful of condoms in her purse—and in Amy’s purse, too—before they’d arrived at the club. But the hours Ellie had spent with Hudson weren’t about her broken engagement. After he kissed her that first time, she hadn’t thought of Don once. Hudson had obliterated him...and everything else. She’d never been tempted to describe someone she knew personally as virile—that wasn’t a word that came to mind very often—but it fit Hudson. He was so perfect in every regard that there were moments she suspected Amy had set her up.

Maybe she had, Ellie thought, as she went over the sequence of events in her mind. Maybe Ellie would return to her regular life and learn that one of Amy’s friends had shown up, after all. Hudson. And that he’d only pretended to believe she was a complete stranger as a favor to Amy, to help rebuild Ellie’s self-esteem and teach her there were other men, other options.

If that was the case, she’d certainly fallen for it—not that she found that very flattering. Either way, though, she was encouraged. He’d charmed her to the point that she’d forgotten how pathetic her real life was and just...lived in the moment. There was something to be said for that. The whole night had been magical, including the time they’d spent on the beach. Once, when she tossed her shoes aside and darted into the surf, he’d followed and plucked her out with one arm to save her from a particularly large wave. After that, the water had crashed into him. Somehow, he’d remained steady in spite of that. Then, soaked to his thighs, he’d carried her out, and they’d fallen onto the sand, laughing.

Smiling at the memory, she raised her head. Sure enough, she’d spent the night with the handsome stranger from the bar. He was only inches away, covered by a sheet, but she knew he was naked underneath. How had she let it go that far? When he said he’d kept her out too late and offered to call a cab, she’d agreed. It was only after the taxi arrived, and he’d pressed her up against the car and kissed her for the second time—a deep, openmouthed kiss—that things went a little crazy. As with the first kiss, her head had started to spin and her heart had started to pound. But instead of letting him pull away, she’d grown bolder. When he’d finally opened the door to put her in the back seat, she’d been so hungry for more that she’d pulled him in with her. And instead of giving the driver her address, she’d whispered to Hudson that she wanted to know what it felt like to have sex with a man who truly desired her. A man who wasn’t attracted to someone else. And he’d immediately barked out the name of his hotel.

Ten minutes later, they were hurrying to his room like randy teenagers making sure they left nothing unexplored on prom night. But Ellie hadn’t been invited to prom. She’d established too much of a reputation as a bookworm by then, and that wasn’t the sort of girl who got many dates. So she felt she owed herself the experience. And as reckless as her behavior had been, she couldn’t bring herself to regret being with him. She’d never been shallow. To her mind, Don, with his narrow shoulders and weak chin, proved that. But Hudson... Wow! His body was a work of art—strong, sinewy and ideally proportioned.

She couldn’t help glancing down to where she knew she’d find other parts that were decidedly impressive. Even in that regard, he was far superior to anyone she’d ever known.

A fresh wave of heat flowed through her as she remembered how masterfully he’d taken charge of her body. He’d quickly found all her most sensitive parts, adapted to every sound or movement she made—read her easily—and made her vibrate with pleasure.

She covered her mouth at the memory of how she’d cried out at her first climax. She was embarrassed by that, and by the way she’d climbed on top of him later.

She had to get out of here, she decided. She didn’t want to face him. Before last night, she’d had sex with only two other men, both of whom had been long-term boyfriends, not strangers. So the question remained—how had she stepped outside her overly cautious, preoccupied-with-other-things self and let go like that? Made love with such wanton abandon?

She had no idea, but she couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t discovered how good connecting with a man she highly desired could be.

Ellie was afraid she’d wake Hudson as she slipped out of bed. It had to be morning. But with the drapes closed to block out incoming light and the alarm clock turned away from the bed, she couldn’t tell.

Thankfully, Hudson didn’t even stir.

As soon as she could move freely, without fear of bumping into him or causing the bed to shake, she hurried to pull on the skimpy white dress that lay in a small heap on the floor. While she was now glad of the Brazilian Amy had forced her to get—and the lingerie—she hated having nothing modest to put on. Anyone who saw her leaving such an expensive hotel would probably assume she was a high-priced hooker.

At least Amy would be proud that she’d quit being so conservative, that she’d actually cut loose...

She tried to take solace in that as she jotted her phone number on the pad by the phone. She thought Hudson might want to see her again. He’d seemed to have a good time, too. But after pausing to take one final look at him—the well-muscled arm flung out across a pillow, the tousle of dark curls against the white of the linens and those big, broad shoulders—she went back, quietly tore off the paper and shoved it in her purse. She didn’t want to risk having him not call. She’d been through too much, and it was still too recent. Besides, he lived across the country, so there was no reason to take the risk. It wasn’t as if what they’d started here could really go anywhere.

Last night had been a grand and memorable adventure.

She was going to leave it at that.


3 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

The constant buzzing of his phone, vibrating from the pocket of his discarded pants, woke Hudson. He lifted his head so he could turn the alarm clock around to face him before dropping back onto the pillow. It was after noon. How had he slept so late? He was usually an early riser, couldn’t lie in past seven or eight even if he wanted to.

Only after he’d had a few seconds to regain full consciousness did he remember that he’d had a woman with him last night—a sweet, smart woman who’d made him laugh on the beach and given him a wild ride in bed afterward. That was why he’d been able to sleep so late. He hadn’t sacked out until almost dawn—and only after significant physical exertion. That workout had been the good kind, too, the kind he’d been craving for some time, which had to be why he’d scarcely moved since. Satisfaction. At last.

He reached out, searching for Ellie’s warm body next to him. Maybe the fun didn’t have to be over, he thought. But she wasn’t there.

His phone stopped vibrating as he shoved himself into a sitting position and squinted to see in the dark room. He had a suite at the Four Seasons, so the fact that she wasn’t in the bedroom didn’t necessarily mean she was gone. She could be in one of the bathrooms or the dining or living area.

He didn’t hear any noise, however—nothing to indicate he had company.

Why would she leave so soon? Without even giving him her number or pinning him down on when he might be interested in getting together again?

“Ellie?” he called.

No answer.

He got up and pulled on his boxers before opening the drapes to let in the sun. Then he walked through the whole suite.

As he’d begun to suspect, it was empty. And her clothes and purse weren’t anywhere to be found.

Had she gone out to get them some breakfast?

Hudson would’ve been happy to order room service if she’d told him she was hungry...

If she had stepped out for food, she might’ve left him a note to say she’d be back. He checked the desk, but there was nothing on the pad by the phone.

Returning to the bed, he held the pillow she’d used to his nose. He could smell her perfume. That was the only trace left of her.

His phone started to vibrate again. Disappointed that the woman he’d met and liked had walked out on him without so much as a goodbye—when she knew he still had a day or two in Miami—he picked up his pants and dug his phone out of the front pocket. As he did, he felt a small burst of hope and thought maybe she was calling. Until he remembered that she didn’t know who he was. They hadn’t exchanged numbers; they hadn’t even exchanged last names!

Before she left, she could’ve gotten his phone out of his pants and called herself to capture his number. He’d had other women help themselves. But it would have been locked since he hadn’t used it recently. Besides, she didn’t seem the type. If he was being honest, that was partly why he’d been attracted to her. She wasn’t as aggressive as some of the other women he’d met since launching his career. So he wasn’t surprised to find that his caller was just Teague.

With a sigh, he hit the talk button. “’Lo?”

“There you are!” Teague said. “Jeez, I’ve called you at least ten times. Where the heck have you been?”

“What do you mean, where have I been? I was up late. I’ve been sleeping. Why? What’s the emergency?”

“No emergency. Just checking in. I was afraid you were unhappy when you left last night. I would’ve left with you if you’d told me you were going. I tried texting you, but after that cryptic message you sent me—‘Leaving, see you tomorrow’—I got nothing.”

“I didn’t expect you to leave the club. I was having a good time without you.” The last thing he’d wanted was for Teague to catch up with him and ruin his fun. In addition to his fear of being recognized, that was why he’d made up an excuse to Ellie that they needed to slip out the back and only texted Teague once he was safely away. Otherwise, he knew his agent would have come running.

Crazy thing was, there were a million reasons last night shouldn’t have happened the way it did. And yet everything had worked out.

He’d never forget the moment Ellie pulled him into that cab. It had taken her so long to warm up to him that he hadn’t expected it. He’d spent several hours, both before and after that, with a woman who had no clue he was a professional athlete, let alone the starting quarterback for the Los Angeles Devils. And just as he’d suspected, taking his celebrity out of the mix had made their interaction so much more genuine. For once, he could be confident that the person he was with had no ulterior motives, that she honestly liked him for him.

“You were having fun?” Teague said in surprise. “Sitting in that booth alone? No, we shouldn’t have left you. We knew you weren’t that big on—”

“Teague!” he broke in.

“What?”

“I left with someone, brought her here to the hotel.”

There was a slight pause. “You did? How? I didn’t even see you talk to anyone.”

“Well, you weren’t watching me the whole night.”

“You were in that damn booth every time I checked.”

“There was a woman by the name of Ellie sitting nearby. We hit it off.”

“Just like that?”

“Not quite as fast as it sounds, but yeah.”

“She a football fan?”

“Don’t know. She didn’t recognize me. That’s what made it so enjoyable.”

Teague grunted as if he was struggling to process that. “You didn’t tell her who you were?”

“No.”

“And she couldn’t figure it out for herself?”

Hudson could hear the skepticism. He remembered feeling the same disbelief at first—waiting for her to put two and two together. “Guess not. She doesn’t watch sports. Which isn’t too big a shock, I suppose. She’s a scientist.”

“Interesting. I feel a lot better, then. Glad you had a great time.”

He did have a great time, and then he’d slept like a baby, something he’d been unable to do for months. He’d been too worried about Aaron Stapleton, one of the boys he mentored at New Horizons Boys Ranch, the behavior-focused boarding school he’d attended himself from his sophomore to senior year. The kid had been diagnosed with bladder cancer six months ago and was going through a second round of chemo, which made him deathly ill, and he didn’t have any parental support. Hudson was terrified that the treatments wouldn’t be as effective as they needed to be, that he’d lose the one person he’d felt he could trust with a big piece of his heart.

But he didn’t want to obsess about that while he was in Miami. He’d be home soon—in time for Aaron’s next appointment. “I’m glad I met her,” he said.

“So...where is she now?” Teague asked. “If you’re talking this openly, she must not be close by...”

He crossed over to the window and peered at the ground twenty-two stories below. He thought maybe he’d see her getting into a cab, but none of the people he could make out were wearing that killer white dress. “She’s gone—left before I woke up.”

“Well, that’s good!”

“Good?” he echoed, surprised by the relief in his agent’s voice.

“At least you didn’t have to come up with a way to get rid of her or face any awkward goodbyes.”

“I guess.” He supposed that was lucky, since he wasn’t looking for anything permanent.

He’d gotten what he wanted, he told himself. He’d had an incredible encounter with a woman he was really attracted to, and it had led to some of the best sex of his life. Even better, he’d done it all anonymously, so there’d be no blowback, no upsetting recriminations for not falling in love, no requests for money or other favors, no unexpected information about his love life showing up in the press. He hadn’t even had to give Ellie his autograph.

He should have been relieved, happy, ready to move forward from here.

So...why was he hoping she’d come back?

* * *

Ellie sat at a sidewalk café not far from where she’d been shopping and pushed her new sunglasses higher on her nose. After getting home and showering, she’d gone to the Shops at Mary Brickell Village and purchased quite a few clothes, including a black sheath cocktail dress, since she didn’t own one, some more lingerie—she’d gone a little crazy there, considering the prices—and a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses. She wasn’t sure why she was reacting to her night with Hudson by going on a shopping spree. Sleeping with him had been too self-indulgent already! But he’d made her feel so attractive and desirable that she was still running wild and free. Staying busy kept her from thinking too much about her actions. So there was that. And now that the wedding was off, she wouldn’t have to help her parents finance the reception or pay for her honeymoon to the Seychelles (Don didn’t have the savings, which meant she was carrying the financial burden). Although the venue had already been booked and she’d lost a couple thousand dollars in deposits when she canceled, that was only a fraction of what the whole thing would’ve cost, so she’d still have extra money to play with.

She counted the bags she had with her—she’d brought them into the restaurant so she wouldn’t have to walk all the way to her car—and felt a moment’s panic. Maybe she’d spent too much...

No. She refused to regret what she’d done today, any more than last night. She might as well start enjoying life. She wasn’t getting any younger, and now that she wasn’t getting married, either, she had only herself to please.

Should she go to the Seychelles without Don?

She’d been looking forward to seeing that part of the world.

She imagined what it might be like to spend two weeks on the islands by herself. If she could find another man like Hudson, it would be worth the time and money—

“There you are.”

At the sound of Amy’s voice, Ellie turned to see her friend weaving through the tables as she came onto the patio. Ellie was relieved she hadn’t brought Leslie. She hadn’t cared for Leslie all that much.

“Whoa! Look at you!” Amy stopped to gape at the evidence of how Ellie had spent her day. “I see you’ve been having fun.”

“Other than the stuff you convinced me to buy for last night, I haven’t been shopping in ages. I was too busy saving up for the wedding. But now...I figured I might as well splurge.”

“Those are some great brands.” She took her seat across from Ellie. Amy had called several times to talk about last night. Rather than answer her friend’s questions over the phone, she’d simply invited Amy to join her for an early dinner. Amy’s salon was close to the restaurant, so it was convenient, and meeting up allowed Ellie to postpone returning home, where she’d have to face her regular life.

“Are those new sunglasses?” Amy asked.

“Yeah. How do you like them?”

“They’re stylish. You look amazing.”

“Thanks.”

A waitress came to greet them and ask for their drink order.

“So...what happened last night?” Amy asked once they were alone. “I assumed you were joking when you texted me about leaving with someone, but I went by your place on my way home, and you weren’t there. Kind of scared me, to tell you the truth. I was afraid I’d contributed to something that put you in a tricky spot—or worse.”

When Ellie felt herself blush, Amy’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What? Don’t tell me you did go home with someone!”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Some guy at the bar.”

“Some guy? You don’t know his name?”

“Hudson.” Ellie watched carefully for Amy’s reaction. “Does that ring a bell?”

There was no recognition. Either Amy was the best actress in the world, or she wasn’t behind Hudson’s picking up Ellie. “No. Why would it?”

“I thought maybe he was a friend of yours.”

“I’ve never met anyone by that name.”

“Then it happened naturally.” Ellie found that hard to believe. There’d been prettier girls at the club. Ones with more curves, too—and gregarious personalities. Why hadn’t Hudson chosen one of them?

Amy’s smile spread wide. “Tell me about it!”

Ellie waited until their server had returned with their water and they’d placed their dinner order. Then she explained how Hudson had bought her a drink, joined her at the table and asked her to go for a walk.

“You went out on the beach with him.”

“For a couple of hours. I thought that should be safe. There weren’t a lot of people around that time of night, but I could’ve gotten someone’s attention if anything felt...off.”

“You must’ve felt safe.”

She remembered how he’d saved her from a tumble beneath the inky black waves. “Completely.”

“So then you agreed to go home with him?”

“After a couple of hours we wound up at his hotel. And it wasn’t just any hotel, either. He must be a high-powered businessman or someone else with money, because he had the most luxurious suite I’ve ever seen. I’ve never stayed in a place like that. There were these expensive perfumed soaps, you know? I almost put them in my purse. I doubt he would’ve noticed since it was obvious he hadn’t even been in the extra bathroom.”

“You should’ve done it.”

“Probably. Anyway, the towels were thicker than any I’ve ever felt, and there were monogrammed robes with slippers in the closet. It was pretty impressive.”

“Wow. So he was good-looking and rich.”

“Yes. And he had other assets, too.”

Gripping the sides of the table, Amy leaned forward. “Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about? You didn’t actually sleep with him, did you?”

Ellie felt her face heat even more.

“You did?” Amy gasped.

She nodded. “And it was absolutely incredible.”

Amy’s jaw dropped as she fell back in her seat. “I can’t believe it. So he was normal? Didn’t do anything that made him seem weird or made you uncomfortable?”

“No. I’ve never been touched like that. It was the best night of my life.”

“Wow!” Amy leaned forward again. “Going home with a stranger doesn’t always work out so well. I hope you understand that.”

“Good thing. Otherwise, I’d go clubbing every night.”

“I’ve never seen you like this,” she said with a laugh.

“I’ve never been like this.”

“It was that good.”

“Better than good. But I don’t have a lot of experience. So maybe it was just better than Don.” She stopped for a second, remembering her boyfriend before Don, and changed her mind. “No. Anyone would think that was about the best sex can be.”

Amy acted as if she didn’t know what to say. “You could knock me over with a feather right now.”

“I was shocked myself. I never dreamed I was capable of being that reckless.”

“Speaking of reckless...” She lowered her voice. “Please tell me you used protection.”

Ellie glanced around to make sure no one was listening. “Of course. We used the condoms Leslie shoved in my purse.”

“Condoms...plural?”

Ellie cleared her throat. “He, uh, recovered quickly.”

“Whoa. Okay, but...he didn’t have any birth control of his own?”

“None. We would’ve had to stop and buy some if Leslie hadn’t given me those, so it worked out perfectly.”

“And here I thought it was more of a joke when she gave us those. I certainly didn’t use the ones she shoved in my purse, but she got a kick out of making you blush. She told me she’s never met anyone who can still turn red over things like that.” She clasped her hands together on the table. “But back to your...experience last night. What man goes to a club and picks up a girl without having any condoms?”

A man wearing sunglasses, which was also odd, but she didn’t mention that part. “He’s traveling. I guess he didn’t expect to need birth control while he was here.”

“That makes him seem even better. Obviously he wasn’t cruising the club just hoping to get laid.” Her expression turned pouty. “I wish I could’ve at least caught a glimpse of him.”

“You didn’t see us because we slipped out the back.”

“Why would you do that?”

She shrugged. “He said it was too crowded in front.”

“And no one tried to stop you?”

“He’s pretty tall and imposing, and he moves with...authority. I don’t think there are too many people who’d dare get in his way.”

“There are guys who get paid to do that. They’re called bouncers, remember? You can’t walk out the back of a club.”

“I’m not sure what to tell you. Hudson spoke to some guy, and the big man guarding the back door let us out.”

“Hudson, huh?” Amy pulled out her smartphone. “Hudson who? Let’s see if we can find him on social media.”

“I don’t know his last name.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Why not?”

“We weren’t focused on that sort of thing.”

“Isn’t that basic?”

“It is, but...” Almost as soon as they’d walked out of Envy, they’d agreed not to talk about their families or their work, the two things most people droned on and on about when they first became acquainted. It seemed a little strange now, although it hadn’t then.

“But what?”

“He said he was tired of repeating all the same stuff, and you know me—I’ve never been much for small talk. In this case, there didn’t seem to be any point in going through the motions. He’d already told me he wouldn’t be in town for long. We both knew we weren’t starting a relationship, that once he left, we’d probably never see each other again. That changes your expectations.”

“You said you spent two hours on the beach.”

“We did.”

“You must’ve talked about something!”

“We talked about philosophy, politics, religion. Even certain mysterious phenomena he saw on a TV program last week where they used satellites to spot odd structures on earth.”

“You talked about philosophy, politics, religion and science?”

“Yeah. You know, how the universe was created, and the fact that Venus was a sister planet to Earth at one time and might’ve fostered life before a runaway greenhouse effect turned it into an oven. Whether we’re looking at something similar on Earth.”

She shook her head. “Only you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? It was fine. We agreed on politics and religion.”

“You told him you believe in evolution.”

“Of course! I told him the evidence for it is staggering.”

“Like I said, only you.” She laughed as she moved so the waitress could deliver their salads. “Even drunk, you’re talking about heavy subjects, risky subjects or subjects most other people don’t know much about.”

“He knew plenty.” Ellie had been surprised that Hudson was so intelligent. Not because she was arrogant about her own IQ. She just didn’t think it was all that common for one man to have so much going for him.

A text came in. Her parents were safely in Paris, said they were jet-lagged but would check in later. Relieved to know they were okay, because it stabilized her world after a crazy twenty-four hours, Ellie was about to put away her phone and start on her salad when she got another text—this one from Don.

Hey, I was wondering if tonight would be a good time to come by and get the rest of my things.

She stared down at those words. They seemed so impersonal, the kind of thing he’d say to any old friend. Only four days ago, this was the man she’d been planning to marry, to spend the rest of her life with. And now he was coming to get his CDs, his sweater, his cat, who’d been living at her house since they typically spent more time there, and a few pans he’d left. Her life had changed so abruptly and so completely.

“What is it?” Amy asked.

Attempting to mask her frown, Ellie glanced up. “Nothing.”

“Come on. What is it? You were so happy a second ago.”

“Don. He’d like to come by tonight.”

Amy took a drink of water. “What for?”

“I have some of his things.”

“Are you going to let him?”

“Why not?”

Amy blinked in surprise. “Last I heard you didn’t want to see him. You said it was hard enough to run into him at work. But since you have no choice about that, why not put his stuff in your trunk and let him get it at the lab?”

“Because I can’t put his cat in my trunk.”

“He’s taking Lulu?”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

“You love that cat!”

“So does he.”

“That’s cruel.”

“It is what it is. And why put it off? I might as well let him come tonight,” she said and texted him her response. That’s fine. I’ll be home after seven.

“You don’t think he’ll bring Leo...”

“He could. I doubt he’s looking forward to facing me alone.”

“He’d better not bring him.” Amy stuffed a forkful of lettuce in her mouth and spoke around it. “I’m shocked you haven’t destroyed what you have of his, to tell you the truth—except for Lulu, of course. Lulu’s a great cat. You should keep her on principle.”

Ellie hadn’t even considered damaging his property or keeping his cat. She’d been too brokenhearted to be angry or vengeful. Would that come next? She’d lost something that was important to her—she still cared about Don, after all—and anger was part of the grieving process. But thanks to Hudson, she thought she might be able to skip that step. What she’d done last night, going to his hotel room, was impulsive and foolish, and yet she’d experienced emotions and sensations she’d never felt as strongly before. Those few hours in his arms had shown her that losing Don might not be the end of the world.

She’d never be Mrs. Donald White. She wouldn’t be seeing Hudson again, either. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t something else out there for her—and maybe it was even better than the life she’d planned.

She slid her phone back in her purse and picked up her fork. “Somehow I’ll get through this.”


4 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

“Did you like that?” Teague asked as they drove back from the Everglades tour he’d insisted they take.

“Loved it.” In an effort to be convincing, Hudson spoke with more enthusiasm than usual. His new agent had been doing his best to show him a good time. Hudson wanted Teague to feel he’d succeeded, but he hadn’t been very interested in the sightseeing they’d done today. He hadn’t been very interested in anything—not since Ellie left. He knew it was a strange reaction on his part, but he felt he might’ve lost something he should’ve taken a closer look at. She was so different from anyone else he’d dated—from anyone he’d ever met.

He suppressed a grin as he remembered the enthusiasm that had filled her voice when she talked about the moon. He’d never met anyone who viewed the universe and everything in it with such wonder. She didn’t know what small talk was. If the subject wasn’t meaningful in some way, she had no interest in it, and nothing seemed to be off-limits. He’d never had a woman probe his religious and political beliefs so thoroughly, not on a first encounter.

That could’ve been offensive, but he hadn’t been put off because she’d approached his opinions, especially on those subjects, with the respect and objectivity of a scholar, someone who was willing to take in new information and view things from a fresh perspective. He found nothing objectionable about that; he’d actually enjoyed the depth of their conversation.

She was questing and so damn smart—and yet she knew next to nothing about popular culture. Like the fact that he played professional football. His picture was on TV several times a week, especially during football season. His mug also appeared in practically every article written about the Los Angeles Devils. He’d feel guilty about not revealing himself if that weren’t the case. But with so much exposure, he figured she’d stood more than a fair chance of recognizing him. The truth was readily apparent to almost everyone else. He couldn’t walk through a restaurant without being stopped for an autograph.

Actually, maybe he should have felt a little bad for keeping his mouth shut on that subject. She wasn’t like most people. She’d admitted she didn’t watch much TV other than the Science Channel and knew next to nothing about sports. She hadn’t even argued when he’d teased her about not keeping up with the latest movies, musicians or fashion trends. While she could tell him a great many details about humanoid fossils that were being excavated in South Africa or why the body’s immune system responded to certain toxins or bacteria the way it did, she couldn’t tell him which actors or movies had won an Oscar last year.

“What should we do tonight?” Teague asked. “Want to go back to Envy?”

Would Ellie return to the club? Hudson doubted it. She wasn’t any more enamored with the bar scene than he was, wouldn’t have been there in the first place if not for her friends. She’d told him they’d insisted she go because they thought it would get her mind off her broken engagement.

Besides, if she wanted to see him, she knew where he was staying. Truth be told, he was hoping she’d come back. “No.”

“Why not, man?”

“I need to rest up for the game tomorrow.”

“Gotcha. That’s probably wise. Let’s hope it’s not true what they say...”

The salacious smile Teague shot him finally caught Hudson’s undivided attention. “About what?”

He started laughing. “Women weakening legs.”

“Even if we lose, last night was worth it,” he muttered.

“Wow. Never dreamed I’d hear something like that come out of your mouth. You care more about winning than any athlete I know.”

“Everyone cares about winning.”

“Maybe you should’ve gotten her number.”

“Maybe so.” Too bad she hadn’t given him the chance. He wasn’t hiding that because of his ego. He just didn’t feel like going into it. He was tired of making the effort to be social and couldn’t wait to retreat into the hotel.

“You’re up for contract next year, so...make sure you kick some Dolphin ass tomorrow. Okay, bud?”

Hudson didn’t want to be reminded of his upcoming contract negotiations, didn’t want to let what could happen get inside his head. It was one thing to play football with focus and purpose, another to play scared. Perhaps he was being superstitious, but he believed playing scared would get him hurt, and once he got hurt, he wouldn’t be worth a damn—to anyone. It was football that had given him a life; he knew where he’d be without it. “Right. I’ll be sure to do that.”

As Teague pulled in to the hotel, Hudson gestured toward the valet section under the portico. “You can drop me there.”

Teague checked the time on his expensive watch. “It’s only seven. Don’t you want me to come in with you? The restaurant here’s good. We could grab a bite to eat before you turn in for the night.”

“No, thanks. I’ll order room service.” A long soak in the jetted tub would help calm his mind and his body. The longer he remained in the league, the more banged up he became. The trick was not to let the aches and pains stop him from giving his best performance in every single game.

“Okay. I’ll send up a bottle of wine.”

“Don’t bother. I won’t be drinking tonight, either. But I appreciate the thought.”

Teague leaned forward to look up at Hudson as he got out. “Everything okay?”

Hudson rested one hand on the top of the car. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. Thanks for taking me out today. I’ll see you after the game tomorrow.”

“Hey, wait a sec. You seem...I don’t know, kind of remote.”

“Stop worrying,” he said and shut the door. He’d told Teague he was fine, and he was. Sure, he was a little lonely, but he could be lonely in a crowd. He’d never been like everyone else, never had the close connections parents and siblings provided.

His team was his family, he told himself. Except eventually, they all went home to their real families.

Maybe it had been a mistake to bring Ellie to his hotel. Being with her had assuaged that deep ache, and since she’d left, he felt the isolation more acutely than ever.

* * *

Leo was with Don, all right. Ellie could see him from her front window. He was sitting in the passenger seat of her ex-fiancé’s Chevy Volt when Don pulled into her drive at exactly seven o’clock.

“Punctual as ever.” She liked that he was never late, but that was about all she liked these days. She’d hoped he’d have the courtesy to show up alone. Having Leo there, watching this exchange, made her feel they were both laughing at her. You believed he loved you? Really?

Don didn’t approach the house right away. He sat in the car talking to Leo as though he wasn’t looking forward to confronting her.

Once he got out, she whispered, “You can do this,” to encourage herself and stooped to pick up Lulu, who’d just finished her dinner. The breakup had been difficult enough. Losing Lulu made it worse. Ellie had adopted Don’s pet as her pet, too. But he’d never part with Lulu. Not only was the cat a British Shorthair, one of the most expensive breeds in the world, she’d been a Christmas gift to Don from his mother two years ago. Ellie had no right to keep her, wasn’t even going to ask. She was just glad he hadn’t come into the relationship with kids. If she felt this destroyed over an animal, she could only imagine how she’d feel if she had to say goodbye to a child.

Warning herself not to allow this encounter to turn into an argument—what was the point of angry recriminations at this juncture?—she mustered as much dignity as she could and opened the door.

“Hey.” He wore a collared shirt, plaid shorts and sandals. He’d always been neat and clean and stylish. But he’d had someone other than Amy, who normally cut his hair, dye it black two days ago. Ellie thought he looked a little ridiculous, given the pale, almost-translucent shade of his skin and all those freckles.

Maybe Leo liked the new look.

She wished she could give Don a nonchalant hello, wished she could act as though he hadn’t hurt her so badly, but she couldn’t speak around the lump suddenly clogging her throat. So much for the mental exercises and clichés she’d employed to prepare for this moment. Time heals all wounds. This, too, shall pass. Everything happens for a reason. If we were meant to be together, we’d still be together. She couldn’t gain any perspective on their breakup; it was too soon.

Doing her best to imitate a polite smile, since she couldn’t conjure up a genuine one, she handed him his cat.

“Thanks for taking care of Lulu. You’ve been really kind to her.”

Ellie had been kind to him, too. Loved him. Trusted him. Planned to spend the rest of her life with him. The scent of his cologne brought back memories of curling up next to him on the couch while they watched a movie, hugging him before he had to leave, sidling closer at work just to catch a whiff.

Afraid he’d realize she was battling tears, she bent to pick up the box of his things she’d put by the door, which included Lulu’s feeding dish and cat toys. There was also a big sack of kitty litter she’d purchased so Lulu would have what she needed at both houses.

“Here, let me get that,” Don said about the box. “Just a sec. I’ll take Lulu out first.”

Ordinarily, she would’ve followed him when he went to the car so he wouldn’t have to return to the house. But she refused to approach Leo, who, on Thursday, had confided to Mary Jane Deets, a fellow scientist at the BDC, how distasteful Don had found it to sleep with her. How difficult it had been for both men to keep up the charade of friendship when she was the one who got to sleep with Don most nights.

Ellie wished Mary Jane had never mentioned that conversation. The last thing she wanted to hear was that making love to her had been an unpleasant chore. Sex required so much trust... She didn’t easily expose her body or her most sensitive and private self, which was why what she’d done last night had been so earth-shattering. Only because she didn’t know Hudson and would never see him again had she been able to let herself go.

The memory of his hands on her body helped her hold herself together. She had her own naughty secret. She wouldn’t be gauche enough to confide what she’d done to anyone at work, so Don would never hear about it. But she’d enjoyed making love with Hudson far more than she’d ever enjoyed making love with her ex. So what if Don had left her bed and returned to Leo’s? So what if they’d mocked her and laughed or said nasty things about how revolting it had been for him to touch her?

Fortunately, she managed to clear the lump from her throat by the time he came back.

“Thanks for gathering up all this stuff for me,” he said.

“No problem,” she responded. What other choice did she have? She wasn’t about to let him back in her house.

He looked as though he had something more to say but wasn’t sure how. So he took the box and stepped off the stoop.

Grateful she’d escaped with so little interaction, she started to close the door but paused when she heard her name.

“Leo and I would like you to know that we both feel terrible about how everything...you know...went down,” Don said.

In the first place, that was a terrible pun. In the second, she didn’t believe they felt bad. They both had places of their own and yet she’d caught them in her bed, simply because it was closer to work, more convenient for their tryst. That showed no respect, no concern for her at all. And now? They acted relieved, even happy that she’d provided the impetus for them both to come out. To be their true selves.

Everyone deserved that right. She had no problem with same-sex relationships; it was being used that bothered her. She felt duped, cheated. “Okay,” she said. “Good luck to both of you.”

“I mean it,” he insisted. “You’re a nice person. I know that.”

Of course he did. That was why he’d felt so comfortable taking advantage of her. He knew she wasn’t nearly as experienced when it came to romantic relationships as most other women her age. He’d preyed on that innocence and, somehow, she’d missed the obvious. “Thank you.”

He seemed surprised that he wasn’t eliciting more of a fight from her. There were so many things she wanted to say—and rightfully could say. But getting ugly wouldn’t change anything. Why make it possible for him to excuse his actions by claiming she was a bitch?

“I should’ve told you I was confused,” he added.

She tried to hold her silence but couldn’t let that go. “You weren’t confused. You just didn’t want your family to find out that you were really in love with Leo.”

“I was confused about how to handle it,” he clarified. “You don’t understand how much pressure I was under to be something I’m not. At least try to understand that we were both victims.”

Maybe that was true. As nice as his family was in so many ways, they had no business making him feel he was any less because of his sexual preferences. But she hadn’t been a victim until he told her he loved her and asked her to be his wife. As far as she was concerned, this situation could’ve had one less victim if only he’d been honest with her. “You told me more than once that you’d like a family,” she said.

He seemed startled by the change in subject. “I do!”

“Is that why you did it?” she asked. “Were you waiting for me to pump out a couple of kids before you revealed the truth?”

His eyebrows, dyed black like his hair, drew together. “No! How can you even think that?”

“Maybe because of the other lies you told me.” And practically speaking, while a plan like that was reprehensible and totally unfair to her, it was a much less expensive way to have children than paying for a surrogate...

“I knew how much my parents would like you,” he said.

“Your parents,” she repeated. Wouldn’t this have been the time to suggest he’d cared about her, at least a little?

“My whole family,” he clarified.

The lump in her throat returned. Part of her desire to cry came from the usual hurt, but that wasn’t all of it. Despite their faults, she especially loved his parents, had welcomed them into her heart. “I’ll miss everyone,” she admitted.

“That’s the thing. You don’t have to miss them. I’m hoping we can remain friends.”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m capable of that, Don. Not for a while, anyway.”

“Take a couple of weeks, then. But you could still be part of my life, of my family’s lives. To be honest, I think it would really help them accept Leo if they didn’t have to give you up at the same time. My mom’s having a big birthday party on the twenty-first. Why don’t you join us like you normally would? We’ll all three go together and explain that...that you understand the pressure I was under and sympathize with what I was going through, and—”

“You want me to help smooth things over with your folks?” she broke in, stunned. “Help them accept Leo?”

He didn’t get a chance to answer before she rolled her eyes in disgust. “Unbelievable,” she said and closed the door.

* * *

“Hey, man, don’t beat yourself up. We’ll get ’em next time.”

Hudson could barely keep from snarling as his left guard rested a ham-like hand on his shoulder before leaving the locker room. Will Hart, or Bruiser, as they called him, was a nice guy and had quickly become Hudson’s best friend since joining the team last spring. But Hudson wasn’t in the mood to hear any placating bullshit. He’d played the worst game of his life, had thrown not one but two interceptions and faltered in the red zone when he should’ve been able to convert. Although he’d had a few bright spots—one was when he’d scored on a thirty-six-yard keeper, putting the Devils on top for a short time—that last interception had sealed their fate. They’d been favored to win by fourteen points and would have if their quarterback hadn’t screwed up so badly.

A loud clang resounded in the now-empty room as he let his head fall back against the metal lockers. Why hadn’t he taken the sack? If he hadn’t tried to extend the play, to make something out of nothing, they might’ve won. He should never have thrown that last ball. He should’ve gone down and relied on his defense to ride out the final two minutes—a point the ESPN sports announcer had just made when she interviewed him, and she was right.

He could imagine what all the pundits would be saying in the next week. They’d question whether he’d been injured on the Dolphins’ first blitz, when he took such a hard hit from lineman Hap Palmer. Whether, after ten years in the game, he was losing his edge. Whether he’d become a detriment to his team.

Lifting the sweat-soaked Devils T-shirt he wore under his pads while he played, he peeled back his football pants to stare down at the bruise forming on his hip. That hit had been hard, but he couldn’t blame the injury for his poor performance. During the game, he’d had so much adrenaline pouring through him he’d barely felt the pain.

He regretted that was no longer the case. His hip felt like it was on fire.

“Fuck,” he muttered, leaning forward and hanging his head. Not only was he upset by his performance, he was worried. When he hadn’t been able to get hold of Aaron before the game, he’d called Aiyana Turner, the woman in charge of the boys ranch in Silver Springs. She’d told him Aaron wasn’t doing well, that he couldn’t keep any food down and was back in the hospital. She’d been scared—he could hear it in her voice—and that had scared him.

Would the news be even worse now?

He was afraid to find out, but he pulled his cell phone from his gym bag and called her, anyway. “Hey. How is he?”

“Better.”

The pain in his hip eased a bit as he drew in a deep, hopeful breath. “Yeah?”

“They’ve got him on an IV to make sure he’s getting the fluids he needs.” Aaron, like Hudson, didn’t have any parents, at least not reliable ones; Aaron had a mother in a halfway house somewhere. Aiyana did her best to look after him, the way she’d tried to look after Hudson when he’d been at New Horizons. With nearly three hundred students at the school, however, many of whom came from tragic situations—and eight boys she’d officially adopted over the years—one person could do only so much. That was the reason Hudson had finally purchased a home on the edge of Silver Springs three months ago, even though he already owned a place in LA—so during his off-seasons, he could mentor the boys at the ranch who needed someone most.

“Bet he loves having another needle in his arm,” he said. The poor kid had been through so much...

“So far, I’ve convinced him not to tear it out,” she said.

“Stubborn as he is, I’m sure that hasn’t been easy.”

“No. But we can talk later. He’s sitting right here, asking for the phone.”

“You’re at the hospital?”

“Yeah. I had some things to do earlier, but I came back around three.”

“Okay. Let me hear what he has to say.”

Aaron didn’t bother with hello. “Seriously, man? Two interceptions? What happened?”

The relief Hudson felt at the pique in Aaron’s voice—irritation he wouldn’t feel if he was too sick—put the loss, and his own poor performance, into perspective. Maybe the kid really was doing better. “Had a bad game, dude.”

“I saw that. I hope you know you owe me twenty bucks.”

Hudson straightened. “I do? Why?”

“I bet a friend the Devils were going to win, damn it!”

“Watch your language.” Although he wasn’t upset by a few curse words—he said and heard worse on a daily basis—he was the kid’s mentor.

He couldn’t inject any real sternness in his voice, though.

“Damn? You think that’s a swear word?” Aaron asked.

Perhaps he was being a little ridiculous, but he had to send the right signals. “It is a swear word. And Aiyana’s sitting there, too.”

“She doesn’t care.”

“Yes, she does. Show some respect. You shouldn’t be betting on games in the first place.”

“Why not?” he demanded.

“Because you’re not old enough to gamble!”

“But I may not live until my seventeenth birthday!”

Those words pulled Hudson back to reality, helped check his emotions. Aaron sounded better today, but what would tomorrow bring? “Don’t say that. You’re going to be fine.”

“Chances are I won’t be fine. You need to be prepared.”

“I’m not listening to that.”

“Just because you don’t want to face it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Sometimes I think you’re more afraid of death than I am.”

Hudson wasn’t afraid of his own death, but he was afraid of Aaron’s. He was more than afraid; he was terrified. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“If you say so. Anyway, about that twenty bucks...”

“Forget it. I’m not paying that.”

“Why not? You’re loaded.”

Hudson had to smile. “Gambling often means losing. You need to learn what that’s like so you’ll think twice about doing it again.”

“I wouldn’t have to know that if you’d been yourself out there today. I still don’t understand how you let the game get away from you. What was going through your mind when you threw that last pass, man? What did you think you were going to be able to do while you were falling backward?”

He’d been trying to take control of something—trying too hard, in retrospect—because he couldn’t control what was happening to Aaron, couldn’t even be with him when the boy needed to go to the hospital. “We all have bad days.”

“Yeah, well, give me a heads-up when you’re out of sync next time so I can bet on the opposite team, will ya?”

Hudson promised himself he’d never self-destruct in another game, especially one Aaron was watching. The boy needed something to smile about. Instead of giving him that, he’d panicked and let fear undermine his concentration. “You’ll never get a call like that from me, because it’s not going to happen again.”

“Good. So when will you be home?”

“Team’s flying out tonight at eleven-fifteen.” They had a chartered flight via one of the major airlines, with the Boeing 757 reconfigured to contain half as many seats as usual. It even had eighteen beds to fit the large bodies typical of football players, plus massage therapists, big-screen TVs for gaming and a smorgasbord of food catered by a local restaurant.

But since they’d lost, the mood on this evening’s flight would be subdued. Hudson wasn’t looking forward to spending five hours cooped up in a plane with his teammates, especially since he was to blame for today’s loss.

“Hey, are you going to get showered? The bus is waiting.” Bruiser was back, all six feet eight inches and 370 pounds of him. No one else would dare try to roust Hudson. The fact that Hudson had done his interviews before he’d even taken off his uniform told them he was in no mood to be bothered.

“Be there in ten,” he muttered.

Bruiser looked as though he was tempted to stay until Hudson proved his words by heading for the showers, but he didn’t. After giving him a skeptical once-over, he left.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Aaron asked on the phone.

Hudson returned to the conversation. “Yeah. I’ll come by the hospital.”

“No need. They’re going to release me.”

“When?”

“Tonight. Doctor said so. I’m gonna be okay, Hudson. For now, anyway. So quit fretting like a little girl. It was just a bad reaction to the meds.”

Chuckling at the “little girl” comment and ignoring the “for now,” Hudson finally stood up and pulled off his shirt. “Then I’ll come see you at New Horizons.”

“Will you be up for the drive?”

The town of Silver Springs, population five thousand, was between ninety minutes and two hours northwest of LA, but once he broke free from the big-city traffic, the drive wasn’t too bad. Hudson made it often. Ojai, where the hospital was located, wasn’t much farther—if, for some reason, Aaron wasn’t released as planned. “’Course I will.”

“Maybe you should stay in the city and get some rest. You were hit pretty hard at the start of the game. I saw how slow you got up. And you don’t have a lot of time to recover. You’ve got the 49ers next weekend.”

Fortunately, that game was at home. The travel during the season was the biggest nuisance of Hudson’s job. “I’ll be fine,” he said and believed that would be the case, as long as Aaron was, too.

After saying goodbye, he hung up and hurried over to the showers.

When he eventually boarded the bus, Hudson was mildly surprised that so many of his teammates made an effort to rally behind him. Once he’d returned from his interviews, they’d given him space, quietly showered, dressed and left the locker room, allowing him time to cope with his frustration and disappointment. But now they were offering their support.

“Anyone can have a bad game... No loss is due strictly to one guy... Hey, it’s a team effort... We’ll get our groove back... That was just four quarters. We still got plenty of season ahead of us... Don’t worry about today, man. Next time, huh?”

As Hudson nodded at each encouragement, he promised himself he’d never let them down again.


5 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

The next seven weeks were every bit as difficult as Ellie had feared. Initially, Don had been penitent enough to smile or try to speak to her as a friend might when they passed in the halls or had to interact at work, but he quickly grew resentful that she wasn’t doing more to help his family adapt to his new lifestyle. Apparently they were still having a problem with his sexual orientation or they didn’t like Leo or something. But Ellie wasn’t trying to subvert him. She didn’t feel it was her place to get involved. She had her own problems, was struggling to get over the rejection and adjust to a very different future than the one she’d planned.

Sadly, Don and Leo didn’t see it that way. They shot her pouty, sullen looks whenever they were in the same meeting together, and they were in a lot of meetings since the entire staff gathered often to go over recent progress, set current priorities and discuss the merits of outside projects. Others in the room could feel the tension between them and would shift nervously—or worse, begin to whisper. Ellie always felt as though they were talking about her, because they probably were. Poor Dr. Fisher. Can you imagine what it would be like to find your fiancé in bed with another man?

To make matters worse, with her parents away, she had nothing to do in the evenings. She was used to spending most of her leisure time with Don, Don’s family or his cat (if he was “golfing” with Leo), and now all those people, as well as his pet, were out of her life. Although Amy invited her to go clubbing almost every weekend, so far she’d refused. She’d enjoyed that night at Envy—probably too much—but she wasn’t looking for a repeat. She wasn’t really the kind of person who did things like that, and she didn’t want to leave herself vulnerable to what could go wrong if something similar were to happen again. She knew she was unlikely to enjoy another fairy-tale ending like the last one.

Instead, she tried to ignore the emptiness of her personal life by chasing her dream of finding a safe and reliable method to protect transplanted insulin-producing islet cells, so no one else would have to suffer the way her aunt had. As it stood now, without harsh immunosuppressant drugs, the immune system saw the cells as foreign and destroyed them. Finding a way around that was important if transplantation was ever to become a routine solution for diabetics.

So she told herself she didn’t mind spending longer and longer hours at the lab. Not only did the challenge keep her focused, it gave her a purpose.

But on a Saturday evening at the end of October, she hit a wall. Too exhausted to continue, she forced herself to knock off at six. She was planning to treat herself to a grilled cheese sandwich and some chocolate-chip cookies while watching the first season of Outlander. Diane DeVry, who headed up the fund-raising entity that supported the BDC, had brought in the first two seasons to share with her. And if Outlander didn’t “sweep her away” as Diane promised it would, she had several medical journals she’d been meaning to read.

Content with her plans, she almost didn’t answer the phone when Amy called as she was driving home. She was afraid her friend would once again try to press her into going to a club, and she wasn’t interested.

She let it ring four times before she knocked over her purse trying to catch the call. She figured she’d be a fool to alienate Amy. Amy was the only friend she had left—other than her colleagues at the BDC, almost all of whom had families they went home to at night, worked the same crazy hours she did or sided with Don.

She turned into the driveway of her rental house as she answered.

“What are you doing tonight?” Amy asked.

Ellie thought it was terribly nice of her friend to continue to reach out. She probably would’ve given up by now were she in Amy’s shoes. But Amy was far more persistent than she was. Thank goodness. Even if she didn’t see Amy often, hearing from her brought Ellie some comfort. “You wouldn’t approve,” she said.

“You’re still at work.”

She pressed the button that activated her garage door. “It isn’t quite as bad as that. Just got home.”

“Wonderful. At least you can’t tell me you’re too busy saving the world to go out tonight.”

“I don’t want to go to a club, Amy.”

“I was going to suggest a movie.”

“You’d miss dressing up for Halloween to go to a movie?”

“I’ll celebrate Halloween tomorrow night. Since it’s on a Sunday, this is kind of a weird year, anyway.”

“Then how about an Outlander marathon at my place?”

“You have Outlander?”

“Someone at work lent it to me, promised I’d like it.”

“I’ve seen a few episodes and I’ve been meaning to watch the rest. It’s impossible not to fall in love with the actor who plays James Fraser.”

“That should be safe, then. I can’t get hurt by a fictional character, right? Why don’t you come over?”

A slight pause indicated that Amy was still trying to decide. “Do you have any food?”

“I’ll soon have homemade chocolate-chip cookies.”

“I’m in.”

Ellie laughed. If Amy joined her tonight, she wouldn’t be able to bail out and study, but she figured that was okay. She needed to at least try to stop her world from shrinking down to work and only work. “Great. What time will you get here?”

“Give me an hour.”

“See you then.”

Ellie turned off the engine, lowered the garage door and released her seat belt. Before she could go in, she needed to gather up everything that’d spilled onto the passenger seat when she knocked over her purse.

She picked up the pretty business card case her parents had given her when she landed her job at the BDC, as well as her keys to the lab, some lip gloss, a condom she had left over from the night she’d gone to Envy—she wasn’t sure why she was keeping that—and a couple of tampons.

After a quick search between the seat and the console to check that she’d gotten everything, she was about to step out of the car when the purpose for those tampons registered. She hadn’t used any feminine hygiene products in a while. Wasn’t she due for a period?

She remained in her car as she counted back the days. Her last period was...before Don had broken up with her! Could that be true?

No! Or...maybe.

Her heart began to thump. Yes, it was true. She was late. And not by a mere few days. Her period had just ended when she caught Don in her bed with Leo. Perhaps she would’ve noticed that it had been a long time had she not been so caught up in trying to adjust to the radical changes in her life...

But...what did late mean? It wasn’t so unusual, was it? Lots of things could cause a delay. Stress was one of them. Stress could wreak havoc on a body.

Except...it had never wreaked any havoc on hers. Not to the point that she’d skipped a period. She’d always been regular—so regular that she never paid much attention to her cycle. That part of her life was something she dealt with automatically. It wasn’t as though she ever got cramps or a headache or anything else that made menstruating more than a minor annoyance.

But seven weeks! That was a significant delay, which hinted at a problem beyond stress.

“Oh, God.” She broke into a cold sweat as the possibility of a pregnancy loomed in her mind.

She brought up the calendar on her smartphone. She’d learned about Don’s affair with Leo on September 7. The hair appointment she’d had that same day confirmed that she couldn’t have confused the date. She was staring at the notation for the appointment right now. Afterward, instead of heading straight back to the lab, she’d swung by her place to put a roast and some vegetables in the slow cooker. She’d thought it would be a nice surprise for Don if she had a hot meal ready when they got off work. But she’d come home to see Leo’s car in her driveway. If it had been Don’s car, she probably would’ve entered the condo calling out his name. Finding him here would’ve been unusual, since he was supposed to be at work, but not as unusual as seeing Leo’s vehicle. So, wondering what was going on, she’d entered without making any noise. A sickening unease in the pit of her stomach suggested she was about to find something she wouldn’t like, and that had proven true. Only moments after entering, she’d heard moaning—coming from her bedroom.

She cringed at the memory of how she’d slipped down the hall. Although she didn’t want to recall what she’d seen when she opened the door, it was that shocking incident that made it impossible to forget or confuse the date.

But...was she sure she hadn’t had a period since?

Positive. She’d gone off the Pill two months earlier because she’d started to suffer from nausea and headaches and her doctor had recommended stopping it, at least for a while. She and Don had been using condoms since then. But they hadn’t been together in that way for at least two weeks before she found him with Leo—well before her last period. She and Don had both been too intent on separate projects at work.

The only man she’d slept with after that was...Hudson.

Although her phone was going off again, she couldn’t bring herself to even reach into her purse. She sat there, frozen in terror, scarcely breathing as she stared blankly at the bare wood studs of the garage walls. Surely, after everything she’d been through, she wasn’t carrying a child. That wouldn’t be fair. She’d slept with only three men in her life, and she was nearly thirty! And she’d had just that one one-night stand. Even then she’d used birth control. Hudson had worn one of the condoms Leslie had given her every time.

She was shaking as she withdrew her phone so she could access the internet. “How reliable are condoms?” she typed into Google and nibbled on her bottom lip while waiting for the links to appear. One website said that “male condoms” were “82–98 percent” effective. Another rated their effectiveness at 85 percent.

“Eighty-five,” she mumbled, feeling shell-shocked. Eighty-five meant there was still a significant chance of pregnancy. Why didn’t more people talk about the failures? Why did everyone act as though a condom was sufficient?

Her phone rang while she held it, startling her since she was already so jumpy. Amy. The call she’d missed had also come from Amy. No doubt her friend couldn’t understand why she wasn’t picking up; they’d just talked.

Closing her eyes, Ellie leaned against the headrest as she answered. “Hello?” she said, but the word came out so softly, so breathy, she wasn’t sure Amy could hear her.

Amy paused before responding. “Hello?” she said, far more stridently than before. “Ellie? Is that you?”

“Yes, I’m here,” Ellie replied, but she was holding her stomach with one hand.

“I was going to ask if you’d like me to pick up some takeout on my way over. But...you sound strange. Is something wrong?”

Ellie considered lying. She wanted to lie—to herself, too. But what good would it do to hide from the truth? She was too practical for that. If she was pregnant, a swollen belly would soon make it apparent to everyone. “Yes.”

“Did you say yes?” she squawked.

“I—I’m afraid I’m about to throw up.”

“Why? What’s wrong? Do you think you might have the flu?”

“No. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? You’re scaring me!”

“Could you bring a pregnancy test when you come?”

“A what?”

Ellie couldn’t repeat the request. She was beginning to hyperventilate, needed to focus on slowing her breathing. That’s it. Calm down. In and out. Everything will be okay...somehow.

Fortunately, Amy caught on, even though Ellie couldn’t clarify at the moment. “Holy shit! Did you say what I think you said?”

“Yeah, I did. Can you get one?”

“Of course. I’m on my way over right now.”


6 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

Hudson was as busy as always during football season. He had two flights a week, some longer than others depending on their schedule, regular team practices, meetings with the coaches and managers, periodic medical checkups and physical therapy to keep his body patched up so he could make it through the season. And then there was interview after interview with the sports media, photography sessions for his various endorsements—even a commercial for a new sports drink—and numerous appearances for charity. He also spent hours watching game film so he could be prepared for whatever opponent he’d face next. That didn’t leave him with a lot of free time, but he returned to Silver Springs as often as his schedule permitted, even if he could steal away only for a night and a day.

Fortunately, the doctors had adjusted Aaron’s treatment. The new chemicals weren’t as hard on his system, so he seemed okay for the time being. The more stable Aaron became, the better Hudson felt, and that seemed to be reflected in his game. Since Miami, the Devils hadn’t lost. Hudson couldn’t take all the credit. Some of his teammates had really stepped up—his front line in particular. They hadn’t allowed more than a handful of sacks in the past six weeks. But he was having a good personal season, too, and felt they might have another shot at the Super Bowl.

“So this is the new abode?”

Hudson had just let Bruiser in through the front door of his home in Silver Springs. Like Hudson and the rest of the team, for the most part Bruiser lived in LA, and he had a wife and two-year-old kid. But his wife had taken their little girl to visit her mother in New York and was gone for a few days, so Bruiser had accompanied Hudson from LA. Bruiser had expressed an interest in getting involved in the type of mentoring Hudson was doing at New Horizons, so first thing Monday morning, Hudson was taking him over to the school. They’d be addressing the student body and encouraging the boys to put in the work necessary to fulfill their dreams. He and Bruiser were even planning to show up at football practice later in the day and help the coaches by running a few drills.

“Not bad, huh?” Hudson said as he tossed his keys on the granite counter.

Bruiser frowned as he took in the wooden floors, the high ceilings, the wainscoting and the ceiling fan in the expansive living room of the ranch house. Hudson hadn’t bought the most expensive property in the area, but homes in the Ojai Valley weren’t cheap, especially when they sat on chunks of land the size of this one. He needed the space to protect his privacy. He’d spent nearly $9.5 million for this fifteen-acre, 10,663 square-foot, four-bedroom, five-bath home with its accompanying view of the surrounding Topatopa Mountains.

“You could afford a lot better,” Bruiser teased.

Hudson winked. “I love it here. You will, too. That’s why I’ve asked the real estate agent who sold me this to show you some properties while you’re in town.”

Bruiser put down his duffel bag. “You went to the trouble, did you?”

Hudson slapped his broad back. “I did, brother. We’re meeting her tomorrow.”

Bruiser fingered the Fu Manchu mustache he’d grown this season; he’d said he wouldn’t shave it off until they won the Super Bowl. “Not sure my wife’s gonna be willing to move out here. I told you that.”

“We’ll see,” he responded as if he wasn’t worried in the least.

His friend’s eyebrows rose. “You think you can convince her?”

“I do. Jacqueline’s a real softy. Once she meets some of the boys and realizes what a difference you could make in their lives, she’ll be all for spending the off-season here, at least for the next couple of years, until you have another baby or Brianne starts school.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged, relenting as easily as ever. Hudson had never met a nicer guy—not that he’d ever want to take Bruiser on when Bruiser was mad. Hudson had seen his friend pushed to that point only once, when a player from the opposing team nearly broke Hudson’s leg with a late hit. Bruiser went after the dude, and it was all the refs could do to pull him off. From that day forward, everyone in the NFL knew that no one messed with Hudson if Bruiser was around to guard him. Hudson was Bruiser’s quarterback, the man he defended, and he took that seriously. That was part of the reason they were doing so well this season. Hudson had been safe in the pocket, and that had resulted in a high percentage of completions.

“So...you got a beer?” Bruiser asked.

Maggie, the housekeeper Hudson had hired when he bought the house, kept the place clean and well-stocked. She lived in the guesthouse at the back corner of the property and made sure the gardeners did their job and the house was ready whenever Hudson decided to come home. Once he arrived, she stayed in her own place unless he was there for an extended visit and needed help with meals or laundry. He paid her a monthly salary whether she did much work at the main house or not, so she didn’t mind that he preferred his privacy to having her wait on him. “I’ve got a fridge filled with Bud Light, Heineken, Sam Adams, you name it,” he said. “Want to play a game of pool after we grab a cold one?”

“Only if you’re ready to get your ass kicked.”

Hudson grinned. He and Bruiser had never played before. Bruiser hadn’t been on the team that long. They’d just grown close very quickly. And Hudson didn’t have a table at his LA house. “Any chance you’d be willing to put your money where your mouth is?”

He could see Bruiser contemplating the possibilities. “Come on,” Hudson said. “You’re a betting man.”

“Yeah, but I’d never bet against you,” Bruiser finally grumbled, his expression leery.

“Too bad. I suck at pool,” Hudson said and proved it by losing twice in a row.

“Shit,” Bruiser drawled. “I should’ve taken that bet. I could be fleecing you right now.”

Hudson rested his pool cue on the ground. “I’ll give you another chance. We could play a third game. Put a thousand bucks on it.”

Bruiser seemed tempted, then narrowed his eyes. “You think you’re clever, don’t you? Forget it. You’re not sharking me.”

Once Hudson started laughing, he almost couldn’t stop—especially when Bruiser beat him a third time. “You weren’t sharking me,” his friend complained. “You do suck at pool. You’re just damn good at mind games!”

Hudson cocked his head. “We could bet on a fourth match...”

“You little shit!” Although it took some effort, and they were both breathing heavily from the exertion of wrestling by the time it was over, Bruiser eventually managed to heft Hudson over one massive shoulder and carry him through the open doors of the game room to the patio beyond, where he proceeded to throw him in the pool.

“You were only able to do that because I let you,” Hudson called out, laughing and wiping the water from his face as he surfaced.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m getting another beer.” With a careless gesture, Bruiser went back inside. But he returned with a towel as well as two beers and sat on a nearby chair while Hudson dried off.

“It’s nice out here,” Bruiser said, gazing at the gold and lavender hues of the fading sun. “I could get used to this.”

“Quiet, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Glad we have a bye this week. I like getting away from the city, especially midseason, when we’re so busy. Sometimes, with all the traffic and the noise—everyone blathering on about their opinions, the phone ringing and the TV rattling the walls—it feels as if I can’t hear myself think. But this...this is almost as though we put LA on pause.”

Hudson dropped onto a lounge chair not far away. With an average high of eighty degrees in October, the weather was fairly mild in Silver Springs. But the temperature was dropping as night came on, and he was wet. Trying to conserve his body heat, he rubbed his head vigorously to dry his hair. He didn’t want to catch a cold, but he also didn’t want to go in. He, too, was enjoying sitting outdoors and watching the sunset. “You’re not getting tired of the game, are you?” he asked.

“I could never get tired of the game,” Bruiser replied. “But all the stuff that goes with it? Yeah. And I don’t have to do half the shit you do. Don’t know how you keep your sanity.”

After wrapping the towel around his shoulders, Hudson popped the top off the beer Bruiser had brought out for him. “Other than New Horizons, work’s all I’ve got. I prefer to stay busy.”

Bruiser rested his elbows on his spread knees. “Any word from that private detective you hired a few weeks ago?”

Hudson wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about this, wasn’t sure why he’d ever confided in Bruiser about it. He was so conflicted about the whole thing, he hadn’t told anyone else, and it’d taken him years to make the decision. He’d been hoping Bruiser would talk him out of it, he supposed, show him how useless it was. But his friend hadn’t even tried. He’d been as hopeful as Hudson was sometimes tempted to be—and quietly supportive, like always.

“Not yet,” Hudson said. “I might call him off, to be honest. Drop the whole thing.”

“Why? You searched and searched the internet for the ideal guy. He has all those great reviews on his website, right? What can it hurt to let him do his job? See what he finds?”

“Chances are he won’t find anything. The police never could.”

“Then you’ll have to live with the past, but at least you tried.”

“What if it goes the other way? What if he solves it, comes up with an answer?”

Leaning back, Bruiser crossed his ankles. “You don’t have to act on the information unless you choose to.”

Hudson took a long pull on his beer. “Will I be able to stop myself? Sometimes it’s safer not to know.”

“The reality can’t be any worse than what you’re imagining.”

“Who says? It could be like Pandora’s box—better not to open it.” That was what had kept him from searching before. “Even if I track down whoever abandoned me, what will I say? ‘Thanks for nothing’? And because of my fame—and money—how will I know they’re being sincere if they say they’d like to be part of my life? I’m at the peak of my career. Almost everyone wants a piece of me.” But not always for the right reasons. That was why he missed the woman he’d met at Envy. He’d tried dating since but had been disappointed by his options. The brief flashes of attraction he’d experienced had been with women who hadn’t come off as half as honest.

Bruiser’s dark eyes blazed. “You have plenty to offer without the money and without the fame,” he said as if he was angry Hudson would suggest otherwise.

“Maybe so. But we’re talking about someone who left me to die under a hedge. What do you expect that type of person will want? Help paying the bills? A new car? Or connecting on a meaningful level?”

“Listen, I’m the last guy who’d ever want to see you get hurt.”

Hudson grimaced. “I’m not saying I could get hurt, exactly.”

“Oh, cut the macho bullshit,” Bruiser said, waving him off. “It’s me you’re talking to. What you’re after could be devastating, and I know it. That’s what you’re afraid of. Well, it’s my job to protect you, and that doesn’t disappear once we’re off the field. You’re like a brother to me. But you need to know what this PI might be able to tell you. You’ve needed to know for a long time—maybe always—to answer all the questions in your mind and put your issues to rest.”

Hudson challenged him with a pointed glance. “My issues?”

Unrepentant, Bruiser grinned. “Yeah. You’ve got more than a few.”

“That makes me feel better. Thanks.”

At the unmistakable sarcasm, Bruiser lifted his beer. “You can always count on me to be honest.”

“Now might be a good time to tell you I could’ve kicked your ass at billiards in at least three of those games. A guy doesn’t own a table without being able to play.”

Cursing and laughing at the same time, Bruiser shook his head. “I knew it. Least I didn’t fall for your act.”

Hudson tipped his drink in his friend’s direction. “No, you didn’t.”

“Asshole.”

“Back to the private detective,” Hudson said. “Think of the media circus if he does find my mother and word leaks out. How will I cope with that, in addition to everything else? The media’s already all up in my business. They bring my background into every damn article. I saw one recently with my photo and the caption, ‘The star quarterback who might never have been, if not for the pizza delivery boy who heard him crying.’” He stared down at the bottle he held. “Hell, I’ve had people coming out of the woodwork for years, claiming to be my long-lost relatives. I believed a few of them, too, but they never checked out. If I keep on pushing for answers, I’ll be asking for more of the same.”

“So? You’re a celebrity, dude. You’re going to deal with that. You need to know what happened that day.”

Hudson used his left hand to comb some of the tangles out of his hair, which wasn’t easy because of the chlorine. “Why do I need to know? That’s what I keep asking myself. Why can’t I leave it alone?”

“Curiosity? Closure? Only natural you’d want answers. Even if you fire this guy, I predict you’ll hire him again—or someone else.”

Whoever had left Hudson on the day of his birth obviously didn’t want him. But somewhere, deep down, he was hoping there’d been a mistake. That he hadn’t been thrown away as casually as it seemed. That his mother, and maybe his father, had been searching for him his whole life and somehow missed the media coverage of his background. That he had grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and maybe even siblings out there somewhere who hadn’t been involved in the decision.

Question was, why had it happened? It must’ve been intentional. How could anyone leave a baby to die by mistake?

Because Hudson couldn’t answer that, he was tempted to call off the investigator. The only thing that made him hope there might be more to the story, something to pursue, was the area in which he’d been found. Bel Air wasn’t known for drugs or crime or abandoned babies. Part of the Platinum Triangle that included Beverly Hills and Holmby Hills, where the infamous Playboy mansion had recently sold for $100 million, it was a residential area that contained some of the most luxurious homes in Southern California. With large green privacy hedges surrounding most of the estates, only three roads leading in, and no sidewalks, there wasn’t a lot of traffic. Had some spoiled rich girl gotten pregnant, hidden the fact from her parents, delivered in the bathroom and left the baby in that hedge for the gardeners or someone else to find in the morning?

That was the most likely explanation. But if so, whoever the girl was, she couldn’t be related to any of the people living in the houses closest to where he’d been discovered, wrapped in a threadbare blanket. Thirty-two years ago, the mansion behind the hedge belonged to an eighty-year-old couple with one adult child who had a family but lived and worked in China. A lesbian couple owned the next closest house. They had a teenage son, but he managed to convince the police that he didn’t know about any pregnant girl or newborn baby. The property across the street, kitty-corner, belonged to a divorced director who hadn’t even been home at the time. His place had been closed up while he was on location, filming a movie in Alaska.

Hudson had a copy of the police file. He’d requested it soon after he entered the NFL. No one in the neighborhood had been able to offer a single clue as to who might’ve abandoned a baby at Hudson and King. That was why he’d been taken to Maryvale, Los Angeles’s oldest children’s charity, and farmed out to a foster home, his first of many—until he’d eventually been sent to New Horizons Boys Ranch. That was where he’d spent the final three years of his adolescence, before he was recruited to play for UCLA and started his football career.

“You’re probably right,” Hudson muttered. “I won’t be able to let it go.” Finished with his beer, he stood. “I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment.”

* * *

“Are you going to be okay?”

Ellie looked up at Amy and groaned. Once she’d taken the pregnancy test and seen that telltale pink line, she’d stumbled to the couch and had been lying there ever since. Her arms and legs felt like they had fifty-pound weights attached. She didn’t think she could possibly get up. “No.”

Amy’s face creased with worry as she perched on the chair nearby. “Being pregnant isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you. I mean...you were talking about having a family a couple of months ago.”

“I was engaged to be married a couple of months ago!” she said. “I thought I was ready to take the next step in my life. But now...” She shook her head in disbelief. How could this have happened after everything she’d been through since finding Don and Leo in her bed?

Amy stared down at her hands before raising her eyes again. “Are you sure it isn’t Don’s?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Ellie said. “I’ve had a period since the last time we had sex.”

“That makes it easy to pinpoint the father, at least.”

“True. Thank God for small mercies! Can you imagine what it would be like to carry a baby for nine months and not know who the father was? Not to mention, if there was any uncertainty along those lines, Don would be waiting in the wings for the better part of a year, hoping to celebrate with his new partner. I feel that’s what he was hoping for from a relationship with me in the first place.”

“I thought he wanted to use you as a front for his family.”

“That, too. But he’s always wanted kids, and he knows it’ll be harder to have them with Leo than with me.”

“Then you’re lucky.” Amy gave her an encouraging smile, but one look from Ellie made her smile wither. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

“No problem,” Ellie said, but she was still playing the injured party. She had a right to feel sorry for herself for a while. But there were a few bright spots. The fact that the baby belonged to Hudson was much luckier than he or she belonging to Don. Her relationship with her ex-fiancé and his new partner had become so hostile. She could only imagine how terrible it would be if she had to tell them she was pregnant. Trying to work out custody and support issues—all of it would have been a nightmare. Not to mention that a child would have bonded her and Don together for life just when she’d begun to think she’d been fortunate to get out when she did.

“So...you’re positive you can trace this back to that one night at Envy.”

Ellie detected a sheepish note in her friend’s voice, probably because she was the one who’d taken Ellie to the club and goaded her to let loose for a change. “Yes. No question. Since it’s not Don’s, it has to be Hudson’s. I’ve only been with the two of them in the last seven or eight years.”

“Okay.” She let her breath go in an audible sigh. “That solves a few other problems, then.”

Ellie lifted her head. “Like what?”

“You’ll have total control. You won’t have to tell Hudson he’s got a child.”

“I can’t tell him. I don’t even know his last name!” And how was that a good thing? He had a right to know! She should’ve left her number that morning at the Four Seasons. He might not have called—but then it would’ve been his fault she couldn’t make him aware that he was going to be a father. At the moment it felt like her fault...

“That’s my point! You’ll be able to keep the baby all to yourself without feeling guilty about it.”

But she did feel guilty. That was the problem. And would keeping the baby all to herself truly be a positive thing? She alone would be responsible for the care and nurture of another human being. Her child would have only one parent. That wasn’t unheard-of by any stretch of the imagination. Many single parents functioned fine and did a fabulous job. But could she handle that role—effectively enough that she wouldn’t screw up the little person who’d be relying on her? She was so engrossed in her work. How would raising a child as a single mother affect her ability to succeed as a scientist and vice versa? “I’m not sure you’re helping.”

Amy got to her feet and began to pace. “I’m at a loss here. I don’t want children—ever—so I feel really bad for you.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “Now I know you’re not helping.”

“I might be blundering around a bit, but I’m trying to find some way to reassure you. You do want children one day, right?”

“Yes. I’ve always wanted children—”

She threw up her hands. “There you go! This guarantees it.”

Ellie had been feeling the ticking of her biological clock. That was one of the reasons her breakup with Don had been so painful. She wasn’t great at getting out and meeting people, didn’t hold out much hope of finding someone else in the next five or ten years. She didn’t want to miss out on raising a family, but having a baby on her own wasn’t something she’d ever considered. “Men have it so easy,” she grumbled. Hudson had been able to enjoy their night together and fly home to wherever he lived without so much as a backward glance, and here she was, paying the price for that encounter. A baby would change everything in her life.

“It isn’t fair,” Amy agreed, pivoting at the other end of the living room. “But you have a good job with medical benefits. You’ll be able to afford a child. And...once it’s here, I’m sure you’ll love him or her. Of course, there’s all the misery you’ll have to endure before then—the weight gain, the swollen ankles, the possibility of gestational diabetes, stretch marks, backaches and the excruciating delivery. God, I can’t even imagine the delivery. You’ll never be the same. But—”

She stopped, finally realizing that Ellie was glaring at her.

“Okay. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Thank you.”

Amy rubbed her palms on her jeans as she continued to pace, but she didn’t hold her silence for very long. “I’m sorry, El,” she blurted. “This sucks. I usually have an answer for everything, but even I don’t know what to say to make this better.”

Ellie closed her eyes. “You could say you’ll help...”

“I will help. I may not want kids myself, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make a fabulous godmother and honorary aunt. I’d be perfect for the job, since I won’t be busy raising a family of my own.”

“I guess.” Amy didn’t strike Ellie as the godmother type, but she’d been a true friend, so maybe that wasn’t a fair assessment.

“You don’t sound totally convinced I’d be good with your kid,” she said, her voice filled with suspicion.

Ellie would’ve laughed except she was too glum. She opened her eyes and stared down at her stomach. Although it was flat at the moment—her baby was only the size of a peanut, if that big—as the months passed she’d look like she’d swallowed a watermelon. That was coming. Too late to avoid it.

“I have no idea how to tell my parents about this,” she said. “It’ll ruin their year in Europe. They’ll feel they need to come home to support me, even though they tried to complete their travel before I got married, let alone had children. I’ve totally screwed that up for them.” She sniffed, unable to suppress the tears that suddenly welled up. They’d almost come home when she told them about Don, so she knew how they’d react to this. “What am I going to do?” She knew she was in real trouble if she was appealing to Amy, but who else could she turn to?

Amy came over, knelt by the couch and took her hand. “I’m guessing you won’t want to hear this, but there are...things you can do to...to take care of this if you really don’t want the baby. You don’t have to go through with it.”

“You’re talking about an abortion.”

“Yes. I’ll go to the doctor with you.”

Ellie snatched her hand away. “That’s not for me. I spend my days trying to save lives. I could never... I mean, I don’t judge anyone for the choices they make, but... You’re right. I couldn’t end the pregnancy.”

“What about adoption?”

Ellie rubbed her forehead. “I can’t see myself going in that direction, either. Like you said, I’m almost thirty. And I do want children eventually. Maybe this is my chance. Maybe it’ll be my only chance. The timing isn’t ideal, and it’s been a shock, but...I’ll get used to the idea, won’t I?”

Amy peered at her more closely. “Will you?”

“Of course,” she responded, wiping her eyes. Perhaps she wouldn’t have any help caring for the baby, and no support from a financial perspective, but she also wouldn’t have to send her son or daughter off to spend weekends with someone else. She wouldn’t have to cope with the various romantic interests passing in and out of Don’s or Hudson’s lives, either, wouldn’t have to argue with anyone about how she wanted to raise the child. Her parents were busy people, still active, but they’d be supportive. It wasn’t as though she’d be entirely alone—once they got back.

“I feel like I got you into this,” Amy said, wrinkling her nose in chagrin.

“You didn’t get me into it, Aim. I’m an adult, responsible for my own behavior.”

“You wouldn’t even have gone to Envy if it wasn’t for me.”

“True, but you’re not the one who pulled Hudson into the cab. I did that.”

Amy reared back. “You did? You pulled him into the taxi with you?”

Ellie nodded. “Bottom line, I wanted to go to Hudson’s hotel, wanted to sleep with him, or I wouldn’t have done it.”

Amy’s chest lifted as she took a deep breath. “Okay. So this is entirely your problem.”

When Ellie gasped, Amy gave her a devilish grin. “Kidding. I’ll be here for you. We’ve always been there for each other, haven’t we?”

“Yes.” Ellie didn’t understand how or why. They were such opposites, and yet it was always the other people in their lives who came and went. Case in point—she hadn’t heard Amy mention Leslie in a month or more. “I can do this, can’t I, Aim?”

“You can do anything.” Amy squeezed her arm. “That’s part of the reason I’ve always admired you.”

For once, Amy seemed to be in earnest. Slightly reassured, Ellie managed a watery smile. “Thank you.”

“So are you going to call your parents?” she asked.

“No. I won’t tell them for another five months. That way, they’ll have enjoyed a big chunk of their trip before they’re forced to decide whether or not to cut it short.” She took Amy’s hand. “Somehow I’ll get through the next half year without them.”

“The way you work, you could end up staying in the lab that long,” Amy said, and they both laughed.


7 (#u479e3e12-4eb2-523e-abf2-99cfeffe4e63)

By mid-January Ellie was four months along and starting to show. She could easily cover the baby bump she saw in the mirror when she got out of the shower each morning with a big sweater over a pair of leggings. But instead of waiting until the last minute, she’d made the announcement at work a week ago that she was expecting, due on June 10.





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