Книга - Rookie Cop

Rookie Cop
Nikki Benjamin


WHO'D LEFT A BABY ON HER DOORSTEP?And what was solitary, small-town schoolteacher Megan Cahill to do? Naturally, she'd nurture the abandoned infant. But she'd need the police to help locate the real mom…before the tiny mite wiggled its way into her empty heart.Trouble was, the handsome lawman Megan summoned proved to be her ex-husband–the once-beloved man who'd shattered her most cherished dreams. Worse, working closely with Jake, watching his muscular arms cradle the precious infant, evoked powerful, passionate longings for the love they'd lost. But could one sweet baby heal their painful past and forge them a new future–as a family–forever?









The baby’s crib was empty!


Megan hurried down the stairs, then went still, her breath catching in her throat.

Stretched out on the sofa as much as his long legs would allow, Jake lay with baby Matthew, who was sound asleep, cradled securely against his chest.

The sight of the two of them together—the strength of the one guarding the innocence and vulnerability of the other—filled Megan with such tenderness and such intense longing that her heart ached.

With his shaggy hair tousled, her ex-husband looked young and sorrow-free again. And Matthew, snuggled into the crook of Jake’s muscular arms, was the picture of trusting contentment—as if he knew, instinctively, that no harm would come to him as long as Jake was there.

How well Megan remembered that feeling.

And how very, very much she missed it!


Dear Reader,

Instead of writing your resolutions, I have the perfect way to begin the new year—read this month’s spectacular selection of Silhouette Special Edition romances! These exciting books will put a song in your heart, starting with another installment of our very popular MONTANA MAVERICKS series— In Love With Her Boss by the stellar Christie Ridgway. Christie vows this year to “appreciate the time I have with my husband and sons and appreciate them for the unique people they are.”

Lindsay McKenna brings us a thrilling story from her MORGAN’S MERCENARIES: DESTINY’S WOMEN series with Woman of Innocence, in which an adventure-seeking beauty meets up with the legendary—and breathtaking—mercenary of her dreams! The excitement continues with Victoria Pade’s next tale, On Pins and Needles, in her A RANCHING FAMILY series. Here, a skeptical sheriff falls for a lovely acupuncturist who finds the wonder cure for all his doubts—her love!

And what does a small-town schoolteacher do when she finds a baby on her doorstep? Find out in Nikki Benjamin’s heartwarming reunion romance Rookie Cop. A love story you’re sure to savor is The Older Woman by Cheryl Reavis, in which a paratrooper captain falls head over heels for the tough-talking nurse living next door. This year, Cheryl wants to “stop and smell the roses.” I also recommend Lisette Belisle’s latest marriage-of-convenience story, The Wedding Bargain, in which an inheritance—and two hearts—are at stake! Lisette believes that the new year means “a fresh start, and vows to meet each new day with renewed faith, energy and a sense of humor.”

I’m pleased to celebrate with you the beginning of a brand-new year. May you also stop to smell the roses, and find many treasures in Silhouette Special Edition the whole year through!

Enjoy!

Karen Taylor Richman

Senior Editor




Rookie Cop

Nikki Benjamin







www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)




NIKKI BENJAMIN


was born and raised in the Midwest, but after years in the Houston area, she considers herself a true Texan. Nikki says she’s always been an avid reader. (Her earliest literary heroines were Nancy Drew, Trixie Belden and Beany Malone.) Her writing experience was limited, however, until a friend started penning a novel and encouraged Nikki to do the same. One scene led to another, and soon she was hooked.










Contents


Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Epilogue




Chapter One


A shrill ring cut through Megan Cahill’s deep, dreamless sleep, drawing her into reluctant wakefulness. Eyes still closed, she responded automatically, reaching out with one hand, aiming to shut off the alarm clock on her nightstand. When her fingers brushed against the solid, fabric-covered cushions lining the back of her living room sofa, she groaned softly, shifted and sat up.

Vaguely aware that the ringing had stopped through no effort of her own, yet still too groggy to place exactly where it had come from, Megan rubbed her bleary eyes. Then she looked around the sparsely furnished living room of the house she had recently bought from her old friend, Emma Dalton Griffin, as she tried to collect her thoughts.

Across the room, the television screen flickered luminously as the host and hostess of an early-morning network talk show bantered back and forth, their low tones much too cheery for her liking. She must have left the television on the night before. Must have fallen asleep in front of it, she thought, eyeing her wrinkled white T-shirt and navy-blue shorts with distaste. Just as she had done so many nights since she had moved back to Serenity, Texas, two years ago.

The shrill ring sounded again, jarring Megan fully awake. Someone was jabbing at her front doorbell with an awfully impatient finger. But why? she wondered. What could anyone want with her so early in the morning?

She couldn’t recall making any plans for the day that included anyone except herself. And in the two years she had lived in Serenity, she had avoided making the kind of close friends who would ask for her help in an emergency. Maybe her elderly neighbors, living across the street, needed assistance of some sort. She was on speaking terms with Mr. and Mrs. Bukowski, after all, though only in the most casual sense.

For the third time the doorbell rang, this time followed by a round of urgent knocking on her front door.

“Just a moment,” Megan called out, tamping down her momentary annoyance at the unexpected intrusion into her solitary life.

Since returning to Serenity, she had made sure she was beholden to no one and no one was beholden to her. That way she couldn’t disappoint anyone, nor would she, herself, be disappointed. It was a lonely way to live, but less painful in the long run. Your illusions couldn’t be shattered if you had none.

Someone obviously needed her help, though, and she hadn’t shut down her emotions so completely that she could turn the person away without a second thought.

Shoving a hand through the chin-length tangle of dark curls she could never seem to tame, Megan padded toward the front door, the polished wood floor cool against her bare feet. As she turned the key in the bolt lock, she heard the faint shuffle of running footsteps on the porch.

Suddenly realizing that she could be the latest victim of the teenage pranksters who had targeted various other Serenity High School teachers since school had let out for the summer a week ago, Megan flung open the door angrily and stepped outside. Being awakened at the crack of dawn to come to someone’s aid was one thing. Being awakened at the crack of dawn just for the fun of it was something else altogether.

With the sun not quite topping the horizon yet, shadows still hovered in the far corners of the wide front porch. A quick glance around assured her that no one was lurking there, though.

Hoping to catch at least a glimpse of whoever had rung her doorbell, then run off, Megan strode toward the short flight of steps leading to the walkway. Looking out across the lawn, she wasn’t immediately aware of the baby stroller parked a few feet from the front door. Only the heart-stopping wail of an infant slicing through the early-morning quiet—straight into her soul—made her pause and glance down just in time to prevent what could have been a serious accident.

Megan stared in utter amazement at the tiny, barely discernible form tucked securely into the sturdy, steel-framed, padded canvas stroller. Her heart pounded in her chest and her breath caught in her throat.

“Oh, no… Oh, no, no, no,” she whispered as she scanned the front yard again, searching for some sign, any sign, of whoever had made the mistake of leaving a baby on her doorstep.

“Come back,” she called out urgently, nearly shouting now. “Please, please, come back.”

Megan didn’t try to hide the desperation in her voice—a desperation that clutched at her throat with a frightening stranglehold. Some foolish, misguided person had left a baby on her doorstep. Someone who obviously had no idea what a poor choice they were making. She was the last person on earth to be entrusted with a child’s care—the very last person on earth.

The twitter of birds greeting the dawn and the baby’s increasingly plaintive cries were the only answer to Megan’s plea. She was sure that the person who had left the baby on her porch hadn’t gone far. But she couldn’t leave the baby alone while she went in search of her.

Taking a steadying breath, she set aside her reluctance and bent over the stroller.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” she murmured, the words coming softly, naturally, as they had so often in the past. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry…”

Reaching down, Megan loosened the pale blue, light cotton blanket covering the infant, then slipped her hands under him, gently cradling his head and bottom as she lifted him from the stroller. His cries faded to little snuffles as she held him close, his downy head nestled under her chin in a way that made her heart ache.

“Ah, sweet Will, sweet little Will. Mommy’s here, she’s here now….” Megan whispered, though she knew, to the very depths of her soul, that the child she held wasn’t her child…wasn’t her precious Will, and never could be.

Still, her grip on the baby tightened just a little more as she closed her eyes and feathered tiny butterfly kisses along the warm, soft-as-silk curve of his cheek. The weight of his little body, curled against her shoulder, was so solid, so familiar and so very, very real. She couldn’t help but pretend, for just a moment, that she had taken a step back in time, back to the place where she had once been strong and whole in body, mind and spirit.

The place where she had been all she had ever wanted to be—a wife and a mother.

A rustle in the shrubbery planted along the far end of the porch caught Megan’s attention, dragging her back to the present. She heard the distinct thump of feet pounding across the lawn then running down the sidewalk. Holding the baby firmly against her shoulder with both hands, she shoved the stroller out of her way with her hip and scrambled down the porch steps as quickly as she could.

“Don’t go,” she called out. “Please…don’t go.”

Megan could barely make out the tall, lithe form skimming away along the sidewalk through the tree-cast shadows. Instinctively, she knew it was a young woman—a young, healthy woman who, for whatever reason, had chosen to leave her baby behind.

By the time Megan finally reached the sidewalk, the woman had disappeared from sight around the distant street corner. Even if she hadn’t been holding a baby in her arms, Megan knew she wouldn’t have been able to catch up with her. Weighed down as she was, and barefoot to boot, there seemed to be no sense in trying. She would only risk taking a bad fall, and what good would that do?

With a rueful shake of her head, Megan turned and walked back the way she’d come—through the little gate in the white picket fence fronting the yard, along the narrow walkway edged with pink and white impatiens, then up the porch steps.

There had to be a reason why the absconding young woman had chosen to leave her child at 1209 Bay Leaf Lane, she thought. But try as she might, she couldn’t come up with one that made the slightest bit of sense to her.

Although she hadn’t gotten a good look at the baby yet, she was fairly sure the poor little thing wasn’t more than a couple of months old. Of the few people she knew in the small town of Serenity, Texas, none had given birth recently. So who, outside her limited circle of friends—acquaintances, really—would be desperate enough to leave a virtual newborn in her care?

And what, exactly, was she supposed to do now that someone had?

Back on the porch again, Megan crossed to the stroller she had shoved aside a few minutes earlier. With the first rays of sunlight chasing away the shadows, she saw that a quilted denim diaper bag had been left behind, as well. What appeared to be a note with her name written on it in bold block letters had been pinned to one of the straps.

She pulled the single sheet of notebook paper loose with her free hand and unfolded it. The message it held, also printed in bold block letters, was short and to the point, but it did very little to enlighten her.

Mrs. Cahill, the note began. Please, please take care of my baby for me. He is two months old and his name is Matthew.

Frowning, Megan folded the note again and tucked it into the side pocket of her shorts. Still holding the baby securely against her shoulder, she picked up the diaper bag and plopped it in the stroller. Then she wheeled the stroller into the house.

In the living room, she parked the stroller by the sofa, crossed to the television and turned it off. At the front window, she opened the blinds, letting in the morning sunlight, then returned to the sofa with the baby.

“Okay, let’s have a look at you, Matthew.”

Perched on the edge of a sofa cushion, Megan gingerly shifted the baby onto her lap. Gazing down at him, she studied him closely. With a downy soft thatch of blond hair, clear, fine-as-porcelain skin and bright blue eyes, he was truly a beautiful baby.

Will had been a beautiful baby, too, but he’d had her dark curls and his father’s brown eyes. He had also been more sturdily built than Matthew was. Which had made it all the harder to believe he hadn’t been strong enough to fight off the devastating illness that had claimed his life.

Though maybe he would have been if only she had realized sooner—

With a firm mental shake, Megan warned herself to stay focused on the moment at hand. She wouldn’t do herself or little Matthew any good by allowing painful memories of a past she couldn’t change to overwhelm her now.

Directing all her attention on the baby lying on her lap, she noted that he seemed to be strong and healthy. He kicked his little legs and swung his arms, cooing and gurgling quite contentedly. He also seemed to have been well-cared-for. He not only looked clean, he also smelled clean. And though the pale blue, one-piece cotton knit romper he wore was obviously secondhand, it appeared to be freshly laundered.

Unless Megan was badly mistaken, little Matthew had been looked after with loving tenderness prior to his arrival on her doorstep. Yet he had been abandoned like unwanted baggage.

No, that wasn’t really true, Megan admitted, trying to be fair. He had only been left when it was certain that he was safely in her care. And his mother—for surely it had to have been his mother running down the sidewalk—had also left behind a diaper bag, thus making sure that all his immediate needs could be met.

Taking the diaper bag from the stroller, Megan unzipped the top flap and opened it wide. As she fully expected, she found at least a dozen tiny disposable diapers, a container of wet wipes, several cans of formula, two baby bottles with nipples, a box of plastic bottle liners, and several changes of clothes and bibs.

She found nothing more to identify the baby’s mother in the diaper bag, though. Nor did the stroller, itself, offer any further revelations. It, too, was obviously secondhand, but of excellent quality and construction.

“So, your mom loves you very much, young man,” Megan said, offering her index finger for the baby to grasp. “But she’s left you here with me…of all people. Any idea why?”

In response to the sound of her voice, Matthew kicked his legs even faster, then screwed up his darling little face and began to fuss.

“Okay, okay, we’ll talk about your mom later,” she murmured, shifting sideways on the sofa so she could set him down beside her. “Right now, we’ll change your diaper and get you a little something to eat. How does that sound?”

With the supplies provided, Megan replaced Matthew’s soggy diaper with a dry one. Then she fished out a can of formula, a bottle and disposable liner from the diaper bag, and with Matthew nestled securely against her shoulder, she headed for the kitchen.

It had been a long time since she had prepared a baby’s bottle single-handedly, but apparently the skill, once learned, was never really forgotten. After a quick warm-up of the bottle, they were back on the living room sofa where Matthew eagerly sucked down the formula in slow, steady gulps.

Watching him, Megan recalled all the times she had fed her own baby in much the same way. She had been able to breast-feed Will, though. Just remembering the urgent tug of his tiny mouth made her breasts tingle instinctively. He had been such a hearty eater….

Drawing a deep, steadying breath, Megan once again willed away the memories that were still too raw, too painful for her to dwell upon. Recalling, instead, the wording of the note she’d stuffed into the pocket of her shorts, she frowned thoughtfully.

Please, please take care of my baby for me.

She could think of nothing she would rather do than care for Matthew…today, tomorrow and every day thereafter. Holding him close, inhaling his sweet baby scent as she listened to the soft sounds he made as he nursed, she could almost believe that she had been given a second chance, that she had her own baby back again.

In her heart of hearts, she knew better, though. Just as she also knew that she couldn’t allow herself to pretend, even for a few moments, that Matthew was her child to keep.

He had only been left in her care temporarily. He had a mother. A mother who would surely come back for him before too long.

Matthew had been cared for with such obvious consideration that Megan couldn’t believe he had been casually abandoned on her doorstep. His mother had wanted him to be safe and secure, and for reasons yet to be determined, she had chosen Megan to look out for him. But only until she was able to provide for him again herself.

Becoming too attached to him in the meantime would be a big mistake. She had lost one child. She wasn’t about to set herself up for the pain of losing another.

As she had when she’d first found the baby on her front porch, Megan wondered who Matthew’s mother might be. Again, she had to admit that she had no idea at all. Nor did she have any idea why she had been chosen to provide his safekeeping. Surely his mother must know other women in Serenity more capable of caring for a baby. Women his mother had to know better than she knew Megan Cahill.

When Matthew finished the last of the formula in his bottle, Megan set it aside, lifted him to her shoulder and gently patted his back. He rewarded her with a series of hearty burps, making her smile. Then he snuggled against her with a tiny, contented yawn.

“What a good baby you are,” she murmured, brushing her lips against the top of his downy head. “What a good, good baby…”

As she continued to pat his back, Matthew stuck one little fist in his mouth and closed his eyes.

“So, you’re ready for a nap, are you?” she asked. “And here I thought you could give me some idea of what we should do next. She’s your mother, after all. Do you think we ought to wait here in case she decides to come back for you? Or should we turn you over to the proper authorities without delay?

“I’m tempted to wait here for a while, sweet baby—so very, very tempted. But I’m not really the best person to look after you, no matter what your mother thinks. How about giving her an hour or two? Then I think we’d better take a little walk to the police station.”

Matthew’s deep, even breathing was the only reply Megan received.

“Okay, that’s what we’ll do, then,” she decided as she stood and headed for the staircase leading to the second floor of the house.

In fact, the Serenity police station was the last place Megan wanted to go that morning. Under the circumstances, however, it was also the best place she could go. That was where she would most likely find the one person capable of helping her track down Matthew’s mother.

Unfortunately, Serenity’s chief of police, Jake Cahill, also happened to be her ex-husband.

Megan had been avoiding Jake ever since he had returned to Serenity a year ago. He had given up a rewarding career as an FBI agent to take a job that he couldn’t possibly find fulfilling. A gesture of reconciliation, or so he had seemed to have wanted her to believe. But it had been too little, much, much too late. As she had told him plainly the one time he had come to the house to see her.

Jake had abandoned her when she had needed him the most, just as her parents had done when she was a child. They hadn’t thought twice about flying off to a Third World country to cover a military coup, and she’d been left an orphan. And Jake hadn’t thought twice about going undercover for weeks at a time to catch a killer, leaving her to cope alone with a sick child.

Megan knew she hadn’t occupied a very important place in her parents’ lives. Too late, she had realized, as well, that she—and Will—hadn’t occupied a very important place in Jake’s life, either.

Leaving Jake had been the only way she’d been able to cope with that knowledge. And shutting him out when he finally followed her back to Serenity had been the only way she could keep from falling under his spell again.

She had loved him once—loved him and trusted him with all her heart. She hadn’t been about to let him lure her into doing it again, no matter how sad and lonely she had been without him in her life.

While Megan couldn’t allow herself to trust Jake personally, she knew, however, that as a law enforcement officer she could trust him to look out for Matthew’s best interests. After all, Jake, like her parents, had always put his job first.

At the top of the stairs, Megan paused and eyed the closed door of the bedroom she had studiously ignored since moving into the house she’d rented, partially furnished, from her friend and former foster sister, Emma, just two years ago.

When Emma and her husband, air force colonel Sam Griffin, had moved to Colorado Springs, Megan had arranged to have most of Emma’s furniture shipped to them. But Emma had asked Megan to donate the baby furniture in the spare room to one of the local churches, a task that Megan was still unable to take on.

Believing that someone less fortunate than she might benefit from her loss, thus making that loss a little easier to bear, she had given away Will’s baby furniture before moving back to Serenity. Standing quietly, watching as her precious child’s belongings had been carried out of the town house, she’d felt as if her heart was being ripped from her chest. Supervising the removal of another crib, dresser and changing table had been more than she could bring herself to do.

Now, as fate would have it, she had a crib all ready for Matthew. Well, not exactly ready. After months of neglect, the spare room was too musty and dusty for a baby. And it would be foolish to take the time to tidy it up when she would only be responsible for him another hour or so at the most.

Putting Matthew down on her bed, with pillows on either side of him serving as bolsters, would be much easier, she decided, moving past the closed door. And if he began to fuss while she took a shower, she would be better able to hear him if he were in her bedroom.

Better to keep things as simple as possible, and to remain matter-of-fact, Megan reminded herself. By afternoon, the baby would either be reunited with his mother or placed under the care of one of the social workers assigned to the county’s Children’s Protective Services while Jake began an investigation of some sort.

As for her, she’d be home again with a new curriculum to plan for her Texas history class at Serenity High School.

Settling Matthew in the center of her bed, then arranging the pillows around him in a protective circle, Megan smiled sadly. He was such a good, sweet baby. But he wasn’t her baby, and he never would be.




Chapter Two


“I told you I’d think about your offer, Bobby, and I’ve been doing just that. But I haven’t made a decision yet,” Jake Cahill stated firmly.

Sitting back in his chair, he propped one boot-shod foot on the edge of his desk. Beyond the window in the wall separating his small office from the rest of the Serenity police station all appeared to be quiet. It was a typical small-town Friday morning early in the month of June.

“We need you back on our team, and the sooner the better,” Bobby Fuentes insisted. “I’ve got a place for you now, but I can’t guarantee how much longer I’ll be able to hold it open. We’ve been working shorthanded for over two months now. I’m starting to get some flack from the higher-ups.”

“Find somebody else, then,” Jake replied, mildly reproving.

There had been a time when he wouldn’t have even dared to think about using such a tone with Bobby. As special agent in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Dallas office, the older man had been Jake’s immediate, and demanding, supervisor for several years. He had also become a good friend and respected mentor.

Even now, more than a year after he’d left the FBI, Jake knew that Bobby only had his best interests at heart. But he refused to be bullied. He had too much at stake to make a hasty decision, especially one that would affect his future in such a conclusive way.

“Problem is, I want you,” Bobby continued, apparently choosing to ignore Jake’s suggestion. “Our arrest records and conviction rates haven’t been the same since you left the bureau. And don’t tell me you’re satisfied playing at being the chief of police in a place like Serenity, Texas. Talk about wasted talent.”

“I am the chief of police—no playing about it,” Jake shot back, bristling at the sarcasm he’d heard in his old friend’s voice.

He hadn’t resigned from the FBI and returned to Serenity on a whim. He had wanted desperately to win back the love and trust of his ex-wife, Megan, and he’d known of no other way to do it than by following her back to their hometown. Sure that it would only be a matter of time before she allowed him back into her life, Jake had asked his father, William Cahill—an honored member of the Texas legislature and one of Serenity’s most highly regarded citizens—to pull whatever strings were necessary to get him on the town’s police force.

Never one for half measures, especially where his only son was concerned, Senator Cahill had personally taken it upon himself to urge the aging chief of police to accept an early retirement package that included benefits no man in his right mind could refuse. Then he nominated Jake to take the chief’s place. The town fathers, aware that they were getting a darn good deal, had been delighted to smooth the way for the senator’s son. And over the past year Jake had taken great pride in seeing to it that they weren’t disappointed.

“Hey, no offense meant,” Bobby hastened to assure him.

“Difficult as it might be for a big-city guy like you to believe, I happen to like Serenity. I grew up here, you know. It’s a nice place to live and a great place to raise a family.”

“Speaking of which, are you and Megan on speaking terms yet? It’s been, what, two years since she left you? Maybe it’s time to cut bait, old buddy. You can’t spend the rest of your life waiting for something to happen when you have to know by now that the odds are against it. Some marriages can survive the kind of loss you and Megan suffered. Yours didn’t. You would do best to put it behind you, once and for all, and get on with your life.”

Bringing his foot down on the floor again, Jake shifted in his chair, sat up straighter and shoved a hand through his dark, shaggy hair. Bobby’s words hit painfully close to the mark, ripping at the battered edges of his heart as they laid forth a truth he would have rather not been forced to face.

Jake had made his fair share of mistakes over the years, but the ones he’d made with Megan seemed destined to haunt him for the rest of his life. He shouldn’t have put his job first three years ago, leaving her alone and unable to reach him when their young son began running a high fever. Nor should he have used his job as a means of escaping the grief and guilt that had threatened to overwhelm him after the meningitis that was diagnosed too late claimed Will’s life. And finally, fatally for their marriage, he shouldn’t have waited so long to follow Megan back to Serenity.

He had told himself that she simply needed time away from their home in Dallas and the memories of Will it held for her. That had been what he had thought he’d needed, after all. Only when she filed for divorce did he realize that she wasn’t coming back to him.

Fool that he’d been, he had told himself he didn’t really care. Eventually, of course, he’d come to his senses, but by then, Megan had made a new life for herself. A life that very likely might never include him.

“My relationship with Megan is none of your business, Bobby, so just back the hell off,” Jake warned, the memories he’d had of the past making him as angry with himself as he was with his old friend.

“Sorry if I was out of line, but I was just trying to point out what seems obvious to everyone except you. You dealt with Will’s death the only way you knew how and Megan dealt with it her way.”

“Because I gave her no other choice,” Jake retorted. “I wasn’t there for her when she really needed me. When Will first got sick I was too anxious to start working on yet another high-profile case to stick around and give her the support she needed. And after he died, it was easier for me to hide from her pain as well as my own by using any excuse I could to stay as far away from home as possible.

“I let her down, Bobby—no two ways about it. I was all she had and I let her down, and then I lost her. I lost the best thing in my life—the two best things—my wife and my son. I know I’ll never be able to get Will back. But I’m not ready to admit that Megan won’t ever be a part of my life again, either. As soon as I am, I’ll let you know.”

Without waiting for a last comment from his friend, Jake hung up the phone, then pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes in an effort to ease the subtle pressure that warned of a full-blown headache on the way.

As he had so many times already, he thought back over the months that had passed since he’d first returned to Serenity, and tried to figure out what he’d been doing wrong. He wanted his wife back. But he wasn’t any closer to his goal than he’d been a year ago.

Jake didn’t want to have to resort to force to get Megan to listen to what he had to say. But lately he had begun to think that hauling her off to some secluded place and holding her captive might not be such a bad idea, after all.

He had tried to consider her feelings—heaven help him, how he’d tried. For months now he’d been so busy tying himself up in knots worrying about making the wrong moves that he hadn’t made any moves at all. In fact, she had shut the door in his face the one and only time he’d attempted to confront her face-to-face.

Wincing as he remembered that particularly disheartening exchange, Jake sat back in his chair again.

He had gone to her house one Saturday morning nine months ago. She had opened the door without hesitation, and she’d met his gaze quite calmly. She’d offered him no greeting, though. Standing just inside the doorway, dressed in faded jeans and a plain white T-shirt, her dark curls a tantalizing tangle begging to be touched, she’d simply looked at him, her chin tipped up defensively, her wide, pale gray eyes filled with reproach.

Not a single one of the casual, clever opening lines Jake had rehearsed had come to his mind. He hadn’t been so close to her in such a long, lonely time—close enough to feel the heat radiating from her body, close enough to breathe in her special scent. Lavender, he’d thought, every nerve ending in his body tingling with awareness.

He had wanted only to put his arms around her, to hold her close and feather kisses along her cheek as he begged for her forgiveness.

He had known that she wouldn’t let him touch her, though. Known it with a certainty that had made his heart ache. But surely she would listen to what he had to say….

“I need to talk to you, Megan,” he’d begun, his voice rasping in his throat.

“Oh, really?” she had replied, the look in her eyes changing to one of utter disdain.

“Yes, really. Please, just let me come in. Give me a chance—”

“The time for talking has passed, Jake,” she’d said, her tone ever so polite as she cut him off.

Her gaze never wavering, she had closed the door in his face with a finality that had sliced straight through to his soul.

Since that long-ago day, Megan had ignored him every time he’d arranged for their paths to cross at one public place or another. In fact, the studious way in which she avoided any contact with him had not only become cause for comment in the close-knit community, it had also reached laughable proportions.

Jake had wanted to give Megan the time and space she seemed to need. But for all the glimpses of him he had made sure she’d catch around town, she hadn’t warmed up to him in the least. The time had come to take more vigorous action.

Now all he had to do was think of some way, short of kidnapping her, to gain her complete and undivided attention. And then, of course, he would have to find the words to tell her how very sorry he was for letting her down—words that he had no way of making her believe.

Closing his eyes again, Jake tried rubbing his temples, pressing hard in a futile attempt to ease the throb in his head.

Megan seemed happy enough with the life she had made for herself in Serenity. Maybe she didn’t really want him around anymore, and he was simply failing to take the hint. And maybe, just maybe, the rumors he’d heard about a new man in her life were actually true.

Though Jake had yet to see Megan and Steven Barns—the high school principal who had lost his wife almost two years ago—together himself, he had it on good authority that they had danced quite a few times at the senior prom they’d chaperoned. They had also shared a table at the school picnic.

Jake ground his teeth at the thought of good old Steve, one of the town’s designated nice guys, putting his hands on Megan. She might not be his wife anymore, but that didn’t mean he—

A subtle but noticeable shift in the atmosphere outside his office caught Jake’s attention. The activity level in the station had been fairly low, but until a moment ago, the steady drone of voices—two of his younger officers kidding around with Darcy Osgood, the clerk who maintained the files and answered the phones—had been audible. The sudden, unexpected silence was deafening by comparison.

Turning in his chair, Jake glanced out the window in his office wall to see what was going on, then all but doubled over at the painful lurch that sucked the air from his lungs as it grabbed at his gut.

As if conjured by the force of his thoughts and memories, Megan walked slowly toward his office, weaving her way among the scattered desks as his officers and Darcy looked on in surprised silence. And she was holding a baby in her arms—an infant hardly more than a couple of months old.

Flung back to another time in another place, Jake recalled all too vividly watching Megan walk toward him just so, her gaze turned inward, her mouth softening with a tender smile as her cheek brushed their son’s dark curls. Slashing through him as they did, the knife thrust of those memories, shut away for so long, made it momentarily impossible for him to draw a breath, to push away from his desk, to stand and close the distance still between them.

Get up and go to her and find out what the hell is going on, he ordered himself, aware that he had to gather himself quickly and take control of the situation, not only for his sake but for Megan’s, as well. She wouldn’t have come to him unless she needed his help—needed it desperately.

Jake couldn’t seem to make his legs work, though. Couldn’t seem to find the strength to stand and meet her halfway. In an effort to steady his roiling thoughts and emotions, he shifted his gaze from Megan.

He saw that she had left a stroller parked near the station doorway. He also saw that Darcy and his officers were gawking at her curiously. When he shot a pointed glance at them, they moved hurriedly to their respective desks and pretended to busy themselves with paperwork, and he allowed himself another look at Megan.

She was almost at the door to his office, but she seemed intent only on watching where she was walking. As if she preferred not to acknowledge his presence until the last possible moment, even though she could be there for no other reason than to see him.

She was dressed just as she had been that day nine months ago when he’d gone to see her, in faded jeans and a plain white T-shirt that emphasized how thin she’d gotten over the past few years. Too thin, he thought. And today she was also far too pale for his liking. Against the artful disarray of her dark, chin-length tumble of curls, her face had an almost ghostly cast.

Whatever the reason behind her sudden, unexpected arrival at the Serenity police station, baby in her arms, she was noticeably upset by it. And so, by association, was he, Jake admitted, finally pushing his chair away from his desk so he could stand.

He had wanted to believe that they had each put the death of their son behind them—he in his way and Megan in hers. Now he realized how mistaken he’d been. From the look of her, Megan had to have been jolted as surely as he by the mere sight of the baby she held so protectively. A baby that had to be for her, as it was for him, a living, breathing reminder of all they’d lost.

As Megan paused just inside his office doorway, Jake started toward her, bumping a hip against the edge of his desk hard enough to make him wince.

“Megan…?” he began, his voice sounding harsher to him than intended as he tried to gain some control over his unsteady emotions. “What’s going on?”

Raising her head slowly, she met his gaze at last, the wariness in her icy gray eyes halting him in mid-step. She couldn’t have told him more succinctly how much she regretted having to be there with him if she’d said the words out loud. The message radiated from her very core, coming at him in an almost tangible wave meant to keep him at a distance—as it did.

Jake shoved his hands in the pockets of his khaki pants, mentally cursing himself for thinking, as he had for just a moment, of reaching out to her, putting an arm around her shoulders and drawing her close to his side. She hadn’t come to him seeking comfort, and she wouldn’t appreciate the offer of it. Not by a long shot….

“I need your help,” she answered with just the slightest hesitation, her voice surprisingly cool and utterly, completely detached.

Only the pulse beat of a vein at her temple hinted at her apprehension. Coming to him was costing her much more than she was willing to admit, Jake knew. But come to him she had, and he had nothing to gain by giving her a hard time. In fact, he might be able to win some much needed points by smoothing the way for her as best he could.

“I’m here to serve and protect,” he said, lightening his tone considerably as he offered her a wry smile. “Just tell me what I can do for you, and consider it done.”

The wariness in Megan’s eyes deepened almost imperceptibly, warning him anew that she wasn’t about to be easily tempted to lower her guard. He had been just a tad too genial and she hadn’t been favorably impressed.

“An odd thing happened this morning,” she said after another moment’s hesitation. Then she glanced away with seeming uncertainty.

“Would I be correct in assuming it has something to do with your young friend there?” Jake prompted gently.

He knew that it did, of course. But a nudge in the right direction might make it easier for her to give him an explanation.

Megan nodded her head, then met his gaze again. As she did, Jake saw that the wariness in her eyes had been replaced by a pleading look that caught him off guard. When she spoke again, her tone had also changed, revealing the agitation she had, up until then, succeeded in hiding from him.

“Someone left him on my front porch,” she blurted out. “Just left him in a stroller. His name is Matthew, and he seems to be healthy. He’s obviously been well-cared-for, too. Whoever left him, left diapers and formula and clean clothes for him in a diaper bag. And a note—a note addressed to me personally—asking me to take care of him.” She sighed. “I want to do that. More than anything, I want to take care of him. But I know I can’t. Not the way she meant. I can’t just pretend he’s mine and go about my business. I have to turn him over to the proper authorities.

“That’s why I’m here. To turn him over to Children’s Protective Services. And to ask you, please, to see if you can find his mother. I’m afraid she’s in some kind of trouble. Otherwise, why would she leave her baby with me?”

Her voice breaking suddenly, Megan ducked her head again, but not before Jake saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes. He closed the distance between them then, her misery lodging deep in his own heart. Limiting himself to just a light touch on her shoulder so as not to upset her any further, he guided her to one of the two chairs positioned in front of his desk as he tried to make sense of all that she’d told him.

“Let me make sure I understand the situation,” he said after she’d settled into the chair and drawn a steadying breath. “This morning someone, most probably the mother, left the baby you’re holding on your front porch?”

“Yes, unbelievable as it sounds, that’s exactly what happened,” Megan replied.

Against her shoulder, the baby squirmed and snuffled, then snuggled back to sleep as she smoothed a soothing hand down his back.

Seeing how naturally she mothered the abandoned infant, Jack ached for her even more. She was determined to do the right thing, to give up the baby to Children’s Protective Services, but she’d said herself it wasn’t what she wanted to do. Her tenderness toward the baby made it even more evident.

Telling himself he could help Megan best by setting aside his own feelings and doing his job, Jake stepped back, propped a hip on the edge of his desk and picked up his notebook and pen. He didn’t want to crowd her, but at the same time, he didn’t want to put the width of his desk between them, either.

Finding herself caught in a situation that had to be almost too painful for her to bear, she was barely hanging on, riding a roller coaster of emotions. Yet she’d had the courage and the common sense to come to him for help. He didn’t want her to think that he would let her down, even for a moment. Not this time, no matter what hell he had to go through himself.

“What time was it when you found him?” he asked, trying to keep his tone matter-of-fact as he opened his notebook and jotted down the date on a fresh page.

“Just after dawn.” Megan drew another steadying breath and met his gaze, her composure somewhat restored. “I fell asleep on the living room sofa last night and woke up this morning to the sound of the doorbell ringing. I was pretty sure it was just kids from the high school playing a prank. I went to the door and opened it to be sure they hadn’t left behind any little gifts. Nobody was there, of course. I stepped out on the porch to take a look around the yard, and almost tripped over the stroller. Luckily, he started to cry and I saw him just in time.”

“You seem fairly sure that his mother is the one who left him there. Why is that?”

“Instinct, mostly. I had a feeling that he hadn’t been abandoned completely, that someone was close by, watching to make sure he was okay. I called out, asking her to please come back. As I started down the porch steps, I heard a rustle in the shrubbery alongside the house, and a few moments later, I saw someone running down the sidewalk.”

“Can you give me a description of her?” Jake asked, eyeing her questioningly.

“Not in any great detail,” Megan admitted. “It wasn’t light enough outside, and she was running pretty fast. I had taken the baby out of the stroller and was holding him, so I couldn’t really go after her. I’m sure it was a young woman, though. She was tall and slender, she was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and she had her hair tucked under a baseball cap.”

Tapping his pen against his notebook, Jake frowned thoughtfully. He had seen someone dressed much the same way as Megan’s early-morning visitor when he was heading to work around seven o’clock. She had been walking away from the Serenity bus station.

He, too, had assumed the jeans-clad figure was a young woman. He hadn’t paid her much attention, but then, he hadn’t had any reason to. Just another college student home for the summer, he’d mused, eyeing the loaded duffel bag and backpack weighing her down.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t gotten a good look at her face, either. And thanks to the baseball cap she’d worn, he couldn’t have said if her hair was short or long, dark or fair.

“What are you thinking?” Megan asked, her tone soft and tentative.

“I saw her this morning, too,” Jake answered. “Around seven o’clock, apparently after she’d been to your house. She was leaving the bus station, carrying a duffel bag and backpack. I assumed she was a college student home for the summer.”

“That would mean she has family here in town, wouldn’t it? So why leave her baby with me?”

“That’s what I need to find out. Do you have the note she left with the baby?”

“It’s in the diaper bag hooked onto the handle of the stroller. I brought everything she left so you could take a look at it. CPS will want his things, too.” Megan hesitated, shifting her gaze away. “I guess you’d better call over there and ask them to send a social worker to take him.”

Jake couldn’t help but notice how her grip on the baby tightened imperceptibly, and his heart ached for her even more. Talk about a rotten set of circumstances. She shouldn’t have had to deal with something as agonizing as finding an abandoned baby on her front porch. Not after the loss she had suffered almost three years ago. The loss they had suffered.

For one long moment, Jake wished he had the power to whisk her, the baby and himself back in time so they could be a family again—he, Megan and their own sweet Will. As if to remind him of how impossible his fantasy was, the baby started to fuss, his snuffling cries an obvious supplication.

“He’s probably hungry again,” Megan said by way of explanation. “There’s a bottle of formula in the diaper bag. Would you run it under some hot water for me for a minute?”

“Sure thing.”

Glad to have a task that not only took his mind off the past, but also grounded him firmly in the present, Jake hurried out of his office. He asked one of the young officers to call Children’s Protective Services for him and request that a social worker be sent to the police station at once. Then he walked back to the stroller, found the bottle of formula in the diaper bag and headed for the station’s small kitchen. Along the way, he paused to ask Darcy to wheel the stroller back to his office just in case the baby also needed a change of diaper.

By the time he made his way back to his office, warm bottle in hand, the baby’s cries had increased in volume. Megan paced the narrow space in front of his desk, patting the infant’s back and murmuring words of reassurance while Darcy looked on sympathetically from the doorway.

“Phone’s ringing,” Jake said, shooting her a reproving look as he walked past her.

“I’d better answer it, then.” Obviously regretting what she would be missing, Darcy backed out of the office and headed for her desk.

Taking the bottle Jake held out to her, Megan spared him a grateful glance, then sank into her chair again, shifted the baby in her arms and offered him the bottle. He quieted immediately, latching onto the nipple and sucking greedily.

As he hovered just inside the doorway, Jake was hit yet again by a twist of pain deep in his gut. Watching Megan, her attention focused solely on the baby, brought back even more memories he couldn’t bear to face. The longing in his former wife’s eyes, the tender curve of her lips, the whisper-soft nonsense she spoke to the child in her arms had him turning on his heel and walking away, hands clenched at his sides.

He wasn’t sure which was harder to quell—the urge to rage at the heavens or the urge to sob his heart out. Somehow he made it back to the tiny kitchen without doing either. Somehow he filled a paper cup with water and gulped it down. Somehow he managed to breathe again, and to wipe away the lone tear trickling down his cheek before Darcy bustled in to tell him that Alice Radford from CPS had arrived.




Chapter Three


Though she had most of her attention focused on Matthew as he nursed greedily from the bottle, Megan was aware of the exact moment when Jake left her alone in his office. She also had a pretty good idea of why he had fled in such an obvious hurry.

She’d seen the anguish in his eyes when she first met his gaze, and she had known then that she wasn’t the only one doing battle with painful memories—memories stirred by the sweet baby she held in her arms. And they were both dealing with those memories in the same way they had dealt with the reality of Will’s death.

She had faced her sorrow squarely while doing, on her own, what needed to be done. And Jake, obviously unable to admit to face the depth of his pain, had gone off to immerse himself in his work.

Megan wasn’t surprised by his sudden desertion. After all, he was only behaving true to form. She would have been foolish to expect anything else of him. As for her disappointment, that was of her own making. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to entertain even the slightest illusion that Jake would grieve with her over the memory of their young son any more than he had grieved with her over Will’s death.

But seeing him again, up close and personal—looking fit and trim in khaki pants and a white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, his dark, shaggy hair softening his hawkish features, his brown-eyed gaze warm and direct—had stirred a longing in her for days past. A longing that had brought with it memories of all the hopes and dreams of happily ever after she had so staunchly set aside when she’d left him two years ago.

Over and over again as Megan had answered Jake’s questions about the baby, she’d had to remind herself that she’d come to him on Matthew’s behalf, not her own, and then only because she trusted him to do his job, nothing more.

She didn’t dare allow herself to think anything else. Nor could she allow her heart to soften toward him even the tiniest bit. She would end up being hurt all over again, and that she could definitely do without.

Aware that Matthew was watching her with his big blue eyes as he finished the last of the formula in the bottle, Megan smiled down at him. She should be enjoying what time she had with him instead of letting thoughts of Jake get her down. He was such a good baby and he seemed so content. He didn’t fuss at all when she set the bottle aside, shifted him to her shoulder and gently patted his back.

Will had been a good baby, too, she remembered. Such a good, good baby—

“Well, what have we here?”

Drawn from her reverie by the sound of a familiar feminine voice coming from Jake’s office doorway, Megan glanced over her shoulder. The baby lifted his head, too, obviously curious, and let loose a gurgling burp.

“Hello, Alice,” Megan said, smiling at the social worker she had first met several months ago. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you again, too, Megan.” Alice Radford returned her smile as she stepped into the office and set her briefcase on Jake’s desk. Though dressed conservatively in tailored black pants and a black-and-white striped shirt, she wore her iron gray hair cut short and spiked with mousse. And she fairly bristled with energy as she added, “Very good, under the circumstances.”

“You two know each other?” Jake asked as he paused just inside the doorway.

“Oh, yes,” Alice answered, her gaze settling intently on the baby. “Meg completed CPS’s training program for prospective foster parents just three weeks ago, and a good thing, too.”

From the corner of her eye, Megan saw Jake glance her way, a frown creasing his forehead. She only had a moment to wonder what he must be thinking. Then Alice demanded her full attention again as she held out her hands for the baby.

“Jake filled me in on the details of how you ended up with this little guy. And you have no idea at all who the mother might be?”

“None,” Megan replied, experiencing an odd mixture of reluctance and relief as Alice took Matthew from her.

He wasn’t her baby, but in the all-too-short time she had cared for him since she’d found him on her front porch, he had wiggled his way into her heart. For whatever reason, he had been entrusted to her care. Even with Alice ready to take over for her, she couldn’t quite set aside the feeling that she was still responsible for his well-being.

Not that the social worker was being anything but gentle as she looked Matthew over with a practiced eye. And she would make absolutely sure that he was placed with a kind and loving foster family.

“He seems healthy enough, and he doesn’t appear to be neglected in any way,” Alice stated. “No signs of physical abuse, either—at least none that I can see.”

“None that I could see, either,” Megan agreed.

“We’ll have to stop by the hospital with him and let one of the staff pediatricians give him a thorough checkup just to be sure. Then we can stop by my office, fill out the necessary paperwork, and he’s yours.”

Alice held the baby out to Megan and she took him without hesitation. When the social worker’s last words sank in, however, she stared at the woman, unable to hide her dismay.

“Mine?” she asked, her voice high and tight.

“You’re fully qualified to foster young Matthew,” Alice assured her, waving a dismissive hand.

Megan wasn’t heartened in the least by the social worker’s statement. Granted, she had gone through the foster parenting program offered by the county, but only so she could provide a home for older children, especially siblings who might be separated otherwise. A home similar to the one where she’d been placed in Serenity after her parents had been killed.

She hadn’t expected to be asked to care for a baby, mainly because they were so much easier to place within the foster care system. She also had a full-time job teaching history at the high school. Caring for older, school-age children made more sense since her schedule would coincide with theirs, allowing her to be at home when they were.

But school was out for the summer, and if Alice really needed her…

“Surely there’s someone available who’s much more experienced than I am,” Megan insisted, trying, unsuccessfully, to ignore the all-too-familiar way the baby snuggled against her shoulder.

It was hard enough for her to accept the fact that Matthew wasn’t her baby to keep now. But after days, perhaps even weeks, of looking after him, the pain of letting him go would be unbearable.

“Once you’ve completed our program, you’re qualified to care for children of any age. And right now we’re woefully shorthanded. We need you, Megan. Matthew needs you.”

Oh, great, just what she needed, Megan thought to herself. A little none-too-subtle yet oh-so-gentle coercion from one of the few people in town she truly liked.

“Unless, of course, you foresee having a serious problem with him,” Alice added, pinning her with a questioning look.

“Not at all,” Megan assured her, aware that she’d just sealed her own fate. But why argue any longer against something she wanted so much?

In the doorway, Jake shifted, drawing her attention. A frown still creasing his forehead, he looked none too happy at the sudden turn of events. Megan couldn’t even begin to imagine what must have been going through his head as he’d listened to her verbal exchange with Alice.

Of course, his thoughts shouldn’t really matter to her. He wasn’t a part of her life anymore. Her agreement to care for Matthew had nothing to do with him. His job began and ended with finding the baby’s mother.

“Good.” Alice nodded once, then added briskly, “You’ll need a crib for him. We have a Portacrib at the office you can use. And I already have a car seat for him out in my van.”

“Actually, I have a crib at the house,” Megan said, then immediately regretted the admission as she saw Jake straighten in the doorway, a puzzled look on his face.

During one of his rare breaks from the case he’d been working on after Will’s death, he had come home to find that the room they’d used as the baby’s nursery was standing empty. He hadn’t said a word when she told him she’d donated all of Will’s things to charity. The following day, he’d left again, and a few days after that, she had headed back to Serenity.

“Emma left it there,” she explained, glancing at Jake. “It belonged to Jane Hamilton originally. I meant to have one of the local charities come and get it, but I never got around to it.”

In the two years I’ve lived in the house hung unspoken between them.

“Well, now that you’re part of our foster care program that crib is going to come in handy, isn’t it?” Alice interjected smoothly, her smile laced with satisfaction. “I knew we were lucky to have you sign on, Meg. Now I realize what a godsend you’re truly going to be.” Alice retrieved her briefcase from Jake’s desk, then latched a hand onto one of the stroller’s handles. “So, hospital first, if you’re ready.”

“I think I’d better change his diaper before we go,” Megan advised, wrinkling her nose a bit to make her point.

“By all means.” Alice grinned. “I’ve got a couple of calls to make. Mind if I use one of your phones, Jake?”

“Not at all.” Jake backed out of the doorway so Alice could pass by, then walked with her to Darcy’s desk.

Alone with the baby in the station’s rest room, Megan lowered the back of the stroller’s seat so Matthew could lie flat on it. He squirmed and kicked his legs, looking as if he was getting ready to cry.

“Just give me a minute and I’ll get rid of that poopy old diaper for you,” she murmured, taking a fresh disposable from the diaper bag along with the container of wet wipes.

Matthew quieted immediately as Megan tended to him, once again watching her with his big blue eyes. Megan smiled at him, then hesitated, cocking her head to one side as she heard voices coming from just outside the rest room door.

“His ex-wife…” Darcy said. “He followed her back to Serenity almost a year ago. Quit the FBI and had his father pull all kinds of strings to get him on as chief of police.”

“He quit the FBI to come back here?”

The masculine voice must belong to one of the young officers she had seen when she first arrived at the police station, Megan thought as she listened guiltily to a conversation that certainly wasn’t meant for her ears.

“Yeah, and all for nothing,” Darcy replied. “They haven’t gotten together, and probably never will. So he’s thinking about going back to the FBI. Some guy named Bobby Fuentes, Special Agent Bobby Fuentes, has been calling him at least once a week for a couple of months now—”

“Hey, I think the chief wants me,” the officer interrupted. “Thanks for filling me in, though.”

“No problem.”

In the sudden silence, Megan slowly secured the tabs on Matthew’s diaper. Her mind racing, she quickly washed her hands at the sink. Then she raised the stroller seat and strapped the baby into place for the walk out to Alice’s car.

So, Jake had been talking to his former boss, Bobby Fuentes, about going back to the bureau. Only the fact that he had waited so long caused her surprise. He had lasted at least six months longer than she’d expected as Serenity’s chief of police.

What Megan wasn’t prepared for, however, was the utter sense of dismay that had grabbed at her gut when she’d realized his departure could be imminent. There was regret, too, though she couldn’t say why. She had made it clear that she wanted nothing more to do with him almost a year ago. He had betrayed her love and trust once. She had no intention of giving him a chance to do it again.

But his presence in Serenity had given her a feeling of security. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had known, for almost twelve months now, that she could go to him in an emergency, just as she had today, and he would help her in any way he could. As long as he didn’t have to get too close to anything that might cause him pain…

Reminded of the very reason why she had left Jake in the first place, Megan slung the diaper bag over her shoulder and wheeled the stroller out of the rest room. She leveled her gaze at Alice Radford, waiting for her at the station doorway, and forced herself to smile with confidence she didn’t really feel.

“All ready if you are,” she said.

“Perfect timing. My van is parked out front.” Alice nodded to Jake, standing off to one side. “Nice to see you again, Chief Cahill.”

“Alice.” He nodded, too.

Megan risked a quick glance at him and saw that he was watching her, his expression unreadable. Again she found herself wondering what he was thinking, and again she reminded herself that it didn’t matter.

“Thanks for your help, Jake,” she said, smiling at him, as well, though she didn’t meet his gaze.

“You’re welcome, Megan,” he replied, then added much too smoothly for her peace of mind, “I’ll stop by your house later and let you know what I find out about the baby’s mother.”

“Fine.”

She sailed past him without a backward glance, pushing the stroller ahead of her. She could only hope she’d hidden the flash of panic she’d felt when he’d mentioned seeing her later. She didn’t want him stopping by her house tonight or any night. But telling him so, especially under the circumstances, would have been downright boorish.

Pausing on the sidewalk next to Alice’s van a few moments later, Megan drew a steadying breath, then bent to unfasten the straps holding Matthew in place. She was going to have to work with Jake to find Matthew’s mother, no two ways about it. She might as well get used to the idea, and the sooner, the better.

When Megan straightened again, holding him in her arms, she caught Alice eyeing her quizzically.

“What?” she asked uncertainly.

“You and Jake.” Alice shrugged and shook her head. “When you speak to each other, you’re so cool…so polite. But when you look at each other…” Again she shook her head, obviously bemused. “I know it’s none of my business, but have you two considered getting back together? You obviously still care a great deal about each other.”

Like almost everyone in town, Alice had to know some, if not all, of Megan and Jake’s past history. And like almost everyone in town, she also seemed to have an opinion about their current situation. An opinion she obviously thought Megan needed to hear.

Staring straight at the social worker, Megan tipped her chin up and made her opinion known, as well.

“Not in a million years,” she said. “Not in a million, trillion years.”

Alice smiled slightly, making no effort to hide her disbelief, then shrugged again. “Whatever you say, dear. But methinks the lady protests too much.”

Unable to conjure any further comment that would dissuade Alice from her belief, Megan lifted Matthew out of the stroller and strapped him into the car seat. Obviously having fired her best shot, Alice folded the stroller and stashed it in the back of her van, then climbed behind the steering wheel as Megan settled into the passenger seat.

“Off we go,” Alice said, starting the engine.

“Yes, indeed,” Megan agreed, forcing herself to smile despite the sudden, almost overwhelming sense of panic that squeezed at her chest.

As she rode along with Alice, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, she began to realize the full extent of what she’d done, not to mention the repercussions that would follow. Although she knew, in her heart, that she couldn’t possibly be the best person for the job, she had agreed to care for an abandoned baby. And she had also opened a door, of sorts, to Jake—one she had intended to keep firmly shut.

Already she had remembered moments from the past that would have been best left forgotten, happy moments as well as sad. Moments when the way Jake looked at her had made her pulse race.

But no more, Megan vowed. No matter what Alice Radford or anyone else seemed to think. She had gotten herself into an untenable situation with her bravado, and she had no choice but to see it through. On her own, just as she’d always done, regardless of how helpful Jake tried to be.

He hadn’t been there for her when she needed him after Will’s death. She had no intention of counting on him being there for her now. She had learned her lesson well where he was concerned, and she wasn’t about to forget it anytime soon.




Chapter Four


Jake asked Darcy not to disturb him unless it was an emergency, then walked back to his office, shut the door, and closed the blinds on the window that looked out on the rest of the police station. The lavender scent of the soap Megan used lingered in the air along with the faint smell of baby powder, making it harder than it should have been for him to collect his thoughts.

When he sat back in his desk chair and closed his eyes, he could still see Megan sitting across from him, holding little Matthew in her arms. Hell, he could almost feel her there with him. And oddly enough, it was a feeling he was in no hurry to dispel.

Not once in all the months that Jake had been chief of police had he imagined Megan would come to see him at the station. That only a few minutes ago she had been tending to a baby right here in his office was almost more than he could believe. He hadn’t anticipated just how unsettled he would be by the sight of his former wife holding a baby in her arms, either. Until then, he hadn’t realized just how much he had lost, through his own fault.

Hearing that she had also completed the training necessary to serve as a foster parent had given him an additional jolt. He’d been reminded, none too gently, of how little he now knew about Megan’s day-to-day activities, and that had saddened him deeply. They had always been so close, shared so much. Until she’d left him.

No, that wasn’t true. Until he had left her alone to cope with their newborn son. That was when she had first drawn away from him, because he had drawn away from her. He had been the one to go off on one assignment, then another, as he’d always done, sure that Megan would manage on her own as she had always done.

She had managed, of course, just as she would with Matthew. But that fact didn’t lessen the dismay Jake had felt ever since she’d agreed to care for the baby.

Mentally, he had cursed Alice Radford for even suggesting it. Megan’s reluctance had been obvious to him, and understandable, yet the social worker hadn’t seemed to notice. She had pressed Megan into service without the slightest hesitation, and Megan, bless her kind heart, hadn’t seemed able to refuse.

Jake had no doubt at all about Megan’s ability to care for Matthew. Despite the fear she’d voiced during her pregnancy that being orphaned at an early age might have left her lacking in maternal instincts, she had been a wonderful mother to Will. She would be equally devoted to Matthew, as well, and therein lay the real cause for his concern.

Jake had seen how attached Megan had become to the baby in the short time she’d already cared for him. The longer she was responsible for him, the more her bond with him would grow. Not a bad thing, at all, especially if it was determined that the baby truly had been abandoned. Megan, being his primary caregiver, would then be able to adopt him, as she probably would.

But if he did his job and found the baby’s mother, as he was fairly sure he could do in a town the size of Serenity, Texas, then Megan could very well be devastated by the loss of another child—all thanks to him.

For the first time in his career as a law enforcement officer, Jake found himself faced with a dilemma to which he could see no favorable solution. He had hurt Megan so much already. And if he did as she asked, if he found Matthew’s mother so she could be reunited with her infant son, Megan would be hurt again, possibly as much as she had been when Will died.

There wasn’t anything Jake wanted to have happen less.

But Megan would know if he gave the search for Matthew’s mother less than his best shot, and she wouldn’t thank him for it. For the first time since she’d left him, she had come to him for help. He couldn’t let her down, even in a no-win situation that promised heartache for her, as well for him.

What he could do, Jake acknowledged, was use his skills as an investigator to bring this particular case to a close just as soon as possible. The less time Megan spent with Matthew, the easier it would be for her to let him go. Which meant that he’d wasted enough time trying to sort out his own mixed emotions.

He had to get out on the street and start asking questions while the memory of a young woman pushing a baby stroller, either somewhere near the bus station or near Megan’s house early that morning, would still be fresh in people’s minds. Surely someone had seen something that would eventually lead him in the right direction.

With a sense of determination born of desperation, Jake pushed away from his desk, crossed his office and opened the door. To his relief, all was quiet in the station. One of the two young officers who had been there earlier had gone out on patrol as scheduled. The other sat at a desk using the hunt-and-peck method to type up a report on the annual end-of-school-year rash of senior pranks that thankfully had fallen far short of actual vandalism.

Darcy, too, seemed to be busy, apparently catching up on the filing. Jake had no doubt that once he left the station, she would have the telephone lines buzzing as she spread the word about the baby abandoned on Megan’s front porch.

He could ask her to keep the information confidential, and she would. But what good would that do? The dozen or more people around town who, by now, had more than likely seen Megan with the baby would have been talking about it for more than an hour already. Better to let Darcy put out the straight story so any wild rumors could be nipped in the bud right away.

Jake paused by the bank of filing cabinets, and Darcy glanced up at him expectantly.

“I’m going to see what I can find out about the woman who left her baby at Mrs. Cahill’s house,” he said. “I’ll be heading over to the bus station first, then talking to people in her neighborhood. I’ll have my cell phone with me in case you need me for anything.”

“The woman who left the baby—was she young or old?” Darcy asked, her bright blue eyes sparkling with unabashed curiosity.

“Most likely young.”

“Was Mrs. Cahill able to give you a description?”

“Vague at best. It was too dark for her to get a good look at her. But there’s a chance someone else saw her and maybe recognized her. I trust you’ll be talking to your friends about it. Let me know if you hear anything, okay?”

“I certainly will, Chief Cahill,” Darcy assured him, her cheeks turning pink as she went back to her filing.

“Thanks, Darcy. See you later.”



Jake never did get back to the police station that Friday. Once started on his search for Matthew’s mother, he couldn’t seem to stop, spurred on as he was by his desire to spare Megan as much heartache as possible. Unfortunately, he hit one dead end after another. Neither of the clerks at the bus station nor any of the people living on Megan’s street remembered seeing a tall, slim young woman dressed in jeans, T-shirt and a baseball cap in the early morning hours, either with or without a baby in tow.

By early evening, Jake finally began to run out of steam. He would have to check back at the bus station later in case the woman had arrived during the late shift Thursday night. But he doubted that clerk would be any more interested in the comings and goings of the motor coach passengers than the two he had already questioned.

He would also have to have a couple of his men fan out along the other streets in Megan’s neighborhood, asking questions, but that could wait until the following morning. It was almost six o’clock, he had put in a full day, and he just happened to be right outside Megan’s house. He might as well stop by and let her know how the investigation was going, as he’d promised that morning.

She hadn’t seemed pleased with the idea, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. He wanted to see her, and surprisingly, he wanted to see the baby, too. Not all of the memories of Will that little Matthew had stirred in him had been painful ones.

He wouldn’t stay long, though. Especially if she seemed less than thrilled with his company. He didn’t want to upset her any more than she probably was already.

As he climbed the steps to Megan’s front porch, Jake heard the sound of a baby crying through the door. His first instinct was to turn and walk away rather than intrude. The pitiful sound tugged at his heart, reminding him of all the times Will had made his own unhappiness known in exactly the same way. But the thought that Megan might be feeling rather frazzled after a day alone with a possibly cranky baby had him pressing a finger against the doorbell instead.

The door swung open after a few moments. Megan, clasping the wailing baby in her arms—and appearing to be just on the safe side of panicky—gazed at him, first with surprise, then with such obvious relief that Jake knew he’d made the right move.

“Thank goodness,” she said, holding the baby out to him without the slightest hesitation. “Take Matthew for me, will you? I dropped the can of formula while I was trying to fill a bottle for him, and I’ve been having a devil of a time trying to open another one. I can’t put him down because then he really starts to shriek, poor baby.”

Jake took Matthew from her wordlessly, remembering with amazing ease how to position his hands to best support the baby’s head and back. He was such a tiny mite, hardly weighing anything, so fragile and so vulnerable that Jake wanted only to cradle him close and keep him safe from all harm.

Matthew, his face red and damp with tears, stared at him through watery eyes for several seconds. Then he screwed up his tiny mouth and let out an outraged yowl, obviously not happy to be passed off to a stranger of the masculine persuasion. Feeling totally inadequate, Jake stepped into the house, shoved the door shut with one booted foot and followed Megan to the kitchen.

“Just a couple of minutes more,” she advised, glancing over her shoulder at him as he paused uncertainly in the doorway. A pool of formula spread across the countertop and dripped down the front of a cabinet to spatter the tile floor, but she seemed much calmer as she warmed a bottle. “Why don’t you sit at the table with him?”

Jake sat on one of the oak ladder-back chairs cushioned in a bright yellow flower print that matched the curtains at the window. He tried to soothe the baby with gentle pats on the back, but Matthew was having none of it. He was hungry and he wanted everyone within earshot to know it.

“Here you go.” Megan came up beside his chair, holding out the bottle she’d prepared.

“Oh, hey, why don’t you feed him?” Jake shifted in his chair and tried to hand the baby to her, sure that she could do a better job of it than he.

“I want to clean up the formula I spilled before the mess gets any worse,” she said as she set the bottle on the table and turned away. Taking a dishcloth from one of the drawers and wetting it under the faucet, she added, “You remember how to give a baby a bottle, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course,” he muttered as he shifted Matthew from his shoulder to the crook of his arm and reluctantly reached for the bottle.

He could only hope that, like holding a baby, feeding one was a skill he’d learned for life.

As if aware that dinner was about to be served at last, the baby stopped crying, waved his arms excitedly and made little smacking sounds with his mouth.

“Hungry, are you?” Jake asked, smiling in spite of being nervous as Matthew latched onto the nipple and started to suck.

He remembered Megan showing him how to tilt the bottle with Will so he wouldn’t gulp down air bubbles along with the formula, and did the same with Matthew. Whether consciously or not, the baby put his tiny hand on Jake’s as he held the bottle. His smile deepening, Jake took the gesture as a sign of approval and relaxed considerably. He was doing okay with the baby, and he felt damn good about it.

“Thanks, Jake.” Megan glanced at him gratefully, then finished wiping down the cabinet. “Your timing couldn’t have been any better. I was just about ready to lose it. I’d forgotten how hard it could be taking care of a baby, single-handed.”

“Hey, no problem. I’m glad I could help out,” Jake assured her.

“I was actually doing okay until the can of formula got away from me…”

Her words trailing off, Megan rinsed the dishcloth in the sink, then stooped down to mop up the puddle on the floor.

His attention caught by the slightly defensive edge he heard in Megan’s voice, Jake shifted his gaze to her. There was a rigid set to her shoulders as she scrubbed at the floor. Obviously, she had doubts about her ability to care for Matthew on her own, and that surprised him, considering how often she had coped on her own with Will.

“I’m sure you were doing just fine,” he said, offering her the reassurance she seemed to need.

“Well, I’m not,” she muttered as she stood to rinse out the dishcloth again.

“You did just fine with Will all those times I was away,” he reminded her, then realized, too late, that he’d opened a door on the past she probably would have preferred to leave closed.

But he’d been doing what she preferred for almost a year now. How could talking about the past, about Will, be any worse then continuing to act as if nothing had happened?

Slowly Megan turned to look at him, her pale gray eyes flashing angrily.

“No, I didn’t do just fine with Will all those times you were away. I did the best I could because I didn’t have any other choice.”

“But you never said anything,” he protested, his own defenses going up.

She had never once complained of feeling inadequate. Nor had she ever seemed overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood. How was he supposed to have known?

“What could I have said, Jake? Please don’t get involved in another high-profile undercover case that will take you away for weeks at a time. Stay home with me instead, and help me take care of our baby. Would you have asked to be reassigned to office duty for even six months? Would you, Jake, honestly and truthfully?” She turned her back on him again and shut off the faucet with a snap of her wrist, adding quietly, “I didn’t think so, so I didn’t ask.”

She was right, of course. He had been too damn involved in climbing the bureau’s ladder to consider taking time away from his undercover work. But maybe if she’d let him know how she had been feeling, he could have made some compromises on her behalf. Maybe if she’d told him what a hard time she sometimes had with the baby instead of soldiering on in silence he would have made an effort to be there for her more often. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t have.





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