Книга - Wildfire Sweethearts

Wildfire Sweethearts
Leigh Bale


Reunion Under FireEight months after their broken engagement, Tessa Carpenter is reunited with the man she could never forget—in the same wildfire fighting unit and now as her boss. With the mystery of why he ended their relationship still between them, Tessa’s not looking forward to working under Sean Nash. Sean promised to take care of his late friend’s sister. That meant walking away, sparing Tessa from his guilt over the accident that killed her brother. But working beside Tessa reignites the embers of his memories, fanning them into love once again. And forcing Sean to decide: bolt again…or stay and fight for the woman of his dreams.







Reunion Under Fire

Eight months after their broken engagement, Tessa Carpenter is reunited with the man she could never forget—in the same wildfire-fighting unit and now as her boss. With the mystery of why he ended their relationship still between them, Tessa’s not looking forward to working under Sean Nash. Sean promised to take care of his late friend’s sister. That meant walking away, sparing Tessa from his guilt over the accident that killed her brother. But working beside Tessa reignites the embers of his memories, fanning them into love once more. And forcing Sean to decide: bolt again…or stay and fight for the woman of his dreams.


Did he still love her?

The question echoed in her mind as he scooped her into his arms and carried her into the ER.

“Put me down. I can walk on my own.”

She was used to being strong, carrying her own load. She took care of people, not the other way around.

“Maybe you ought to admit that you can’t do everything alone,” he said. “You should accept help and say thank you.”

“Back at you, buddy,” she said.

At her comment, his jaw hardened, but he didn’t reply.

“Why do you keep shutting me out?” she asked. “You need me. Can’t you admit it?”

He met her eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that, but lately she’d been thinking it was true. That maybe it had been a mistake to let him break up with her.

But a second chance with Sean? It was a risk she didn’t know if her heart could take.


LEIGH BALE is a Publishers Weekly bestselling author. She is the winner of the prestigious Golden Heart® Award and is a finalist for the Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence and the Booksellers’ Best Award. The daughter of a retired US forest ranger, she holds a BA in history. Married in 1981 to the love of her life, Leigh and her professor husband have two children and two grandkids. You can reach her at leighbale.com (http://www.LeighBale.com).


Wildfire Sweethearts

Leigh Bale






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

—John 14:27


This book is dedicated to the Stanislaus Interagency Hotshot Crew. Thanks so much for your hospitality when I came to visit your home base. I learned so much in that short time and enjoyed every moment. Stay safe out there!

And many thanks to Greg and JoAnn Overacker. Your expertise and knowledge of wildfire fighting astound me. How I wish my husband and I lived nearby so we could meet and chat over dinner with you on a regular basis. You are two of the warmest, most generous people I’ve ever met.

Any errors in this book are mine alone.


Contents

Cover (#u23a6f131-f1c5-53cf-a76b-58b3369e46ca)

Back Cover Text (#uf7a37f95-98b8-5eda-a990-f57e7496690d)

Introduction (#u24b0e46d-7920-5b80-adc0-41ab632f5ba2)

About the Author (#ub9984ec6-d752-58f9-8c67-8292af652b87)

Title Page (#u4c6aaec3-aa98-5737-a8d4-f8b5c767bca1)

Bible Verse (#u407b8243-e27d-5540-b18a-e7c4e12ef6f4)

Dedication (#u988870a5-23db-5041-a3d8-785fe949d87a)

Chapter One (#ulink_bf1c9e2e-c219-52d3-b580-b56896c73e62)

Chapter Two (#ulink_1a8a742d-d09d-5e24-b9f2-390751647006)

Chapter Three (#ulink_4c70e670-d74f-5570-b91f-46e24e6753e4)

Chapter Four (#ulink_8c8e4a5e-aff7-507e-9486-d7f477ddf901)

Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)


Chapter One (#ulink_cadf33e0-e509-537a-be81-cf6ede0aee24)

Tessa Carpenter stared with dismay at the drafts of gray smoke billowing from the engine of her beat-up old truck.

Correction. Zach’s truck. Even though her elder brother had died last summer, she would never sell his truck, even if it did qualify for the scrap pile.

Cruising down the highway at sixty-five miles per hour, she tapped the brake to decrease her speed. The moving trailer attached to the back hitch trembled slightly. It held all her worldly possessions. Clothes, books, bedding, her firefighting pack and her precious picture albums. Not a lot, but she didn’t want to lose any of it.

She gripped the steering wheel as the vehicle slowed. Edging over onto the shoulder, she killed the engine. As she thrust open the heavy door, she caught the acrid scent of burning oil. Her nose twitched with repugnance and she got out to inspect the problem.

Great! Just great. If it was a flat tire, no big deal. She could change that in a heartbeat. She’d done it before. Many times, in fact. But truck engines? She didn’t have a clue. As the only woman on the Minoa Interagency Hotshot crew, she could do anything the guys could do. It was just a matter of patience and leverage. But engines were not her forte. Never had been, never would be. She was better at numbers and always ended up doing the inventory reports instead.

She rested her hands on her hips. Turning her face into the fresh April breeze, she took a deep inhale then blew it out in an irritable sigh. She was officially stranded on Highway 50, halfway between the sleepy mining towns of Eureka and Austin, Nevada. It wasn’t called the Loneliest Road in America for nothing. Her gaze took in miles of brown hills, sage and rabbit brush. Not a single building or car in sight.

Well, no sense standing here gawking. Hotshots were people of action. It could always be worse. At least it wasn’t raining. And while the spring weather was unseasonably warm, it could be a whole lot hotter, too.

She popped the hood to the engine then jumped back as she was engulfed in a cloud of smoke. She couldn’t tell where it came from and wondered if the truck had overheated, or if it had a more serious issue.

Reaching into the pocket of her blue jeans, she pulled out her cell phone and entered her security number. A huff of impatience whooshed from her throat. No connectivity out here in the middle of nowhere. She’d have to wait for someone to come along. Which could take hours.

So much for her plans to arrive in Minoa early enough to unpack and settle into her furnished apartment before driving thirty miles to Carson City to return the mover’s trailer. Minoa was too small a town to have a truck rental business. As long as she turned the trailer in by tomorrow night at seven o’clock, she wouldn’t have to pay any late fees. But she’d be in deep kimchi if she didn’t report for her first day back at work tomorrow morning.

Leaving the hood up to signal for help, she climbed inside the truck and lowered the windows to catch the mild breeze blowing across the Nevada desert. She stared out her windshield, wishing she had a book to read. Reaching for the water bottle she’d stowed in the cup holder an hour earlier, she popped the lid and took a deep swallow before setting the bottle aside.

She had just dozed off when the low thrum of an approaching vehicle brought her back to the present. A shiny blue pickup truck pulled up behind her. In the side mirror, she caught the flash of a tall, well-built man getting out and walking toward her. Dressed in faded blue jeans, his long legs moved in a self-assured stride. But something familiar about that muscular physique caused her to narrow her eyes.

No, it couldn’t be.

Her pulse sped up into double-time, her breath rushing out in a lung-squeezing sigh. A warm, tingly sensation flowed over her as she tilted her head to get a better look in her rearview mirror.

“Oh, no.” She leaned her forehead against the steering wheel and groaned.

Sean Nash. Her ex-fiancé. Except for her brother, he was the only man she’d ever loved. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. She’d loved her father once, before he’d abandoned her family when she was only seven years old. But that was so long ago that she barely remembered him.

Standing beside her door, Sean angled his face toward her and flashed a dimpled smile. A smile that still turned her brains to mush.

“Hi, there. I didn’t expect to meet you all the way out here in the middle of nowhere.” His voice sounded low and reserved. No doubt he was surprised to see her, too.

“Likewise,” she said, wondering what he was doing here.

“Looks like you’ve got some car trouble,” he said.

Morning sunlight sprayed across his too-broad shoulders, highlighting his short, curly hair. He shifted his weight in a careless, confident stance that told her he knew how to handle himself in any situation. Except she knew that wasn’t true.

A lance of anger speared her, but she ignored it. He’d always been in charge. Always demanding the best out of his crew. So calm under pressure. Never needing anyone. Not even God. But when she thought of how their relationship had fallen apart, she didn’t know how Sean could act so cool and remote around her. Not when her entire body was trembling with emotion.

“Something’s the matter with the engine,” she said.

Warring sentiments fogged her brain. Relief, anger and sorrow. She wrestled to make sense of it all and tried to maintain her composure. After all, he’d been the one to break off their engagement. The day after her brother’s funeral, he’d taken her for a quiet ride in his truck. He’d parked beneath the shade of an elm tree on the outskirts of town and stared out the window as he’d told her that he didn’t want to marry her anymore. She knew he was hurting over Zach’s death. They both were. But she thought they could comfort one another. Unfortunately, he didn’t see it that way. He’d suffered smoke inhalation, torn ligaments, shock and second-degree burns. They’d postponed the funeral until he was released from the hospital. In the chaos of comforting her distraught mother, nursing her own grief and making burial arrangements, Tessa had spent long hours sitting by Sean’s bedside. But the day after the funeral, he had told her that his change of heart had nothing to do with Zach. That his priorities had simply changed and he wanted to move on. His plans no longer included her.

We’re not right for each other. I don’t want to marry you now.

The sting of those words still haunted her, like a sliver lodged in her heart. He didn’t want her anymore.

Unfortunately, she was now stranded and needed Sean’s help. She couldn’t see his eyes through his dark sunglasses. She hated when he wore them because she couldn’t read the emotions on his face. A face she knew as well as her own. The high forehead, saber-sharp cheekbones, stubborn chin and translucent blue eyes that pierced her to the core every time he looked at her. Handsome, with a careless smile that could scorch her toes to ash. But something was different about him. Something that hadn’t been there before Zach’s death. Something she couldn’t quite put a finger on.

Wearing a white T-shirt and boots, Sean still looked lean, strong and ready for action. Considering they both fought wildfires for a living and he’d been a squad leader on her crew last season, she figured he was dressed appropriately. It suited his personality. Rugged and masculine. Always prepared. Always in control.

Until the day Zach had died.

Sean stepped back as she opened the door. She climbed out, trying not to look at him. Trying not to let his presence undermine her composure. He was the last person she’d expected to see on this deserted road. Unfortunately, this was the main road heading from Ely to Reno. The only road, unless she wanted to drive on dirt and go four-wheeling.

“What are you doing all the way out here?” she asked, catching his scent. A subtle mixture of spicy cologne and licorice candy.

He gave a lazy shrug. “Driving to Minoa, the same as you.”

“After last fire season, I thought you were planning to move to Idaho. You said you were putting in on a fire control management job in Boise,” she said.

“No, I decided to wait a bit longer.”

Wait for what? The job had surely closed by now and he’d lost his window of opportunity. Frankly, she doubted he’d like being cooped up in a stuffy office anyway. He’d always preferred working out in the field, where the action was.

“So, you’ve been living in Minoa since last summer?”

Most hotshots like her were seasonal employees, working April through August. But Sean had been a permanent hire with benefits, working twelve months out of the year.

“Yeah, I took a short leave of absence from work, but I’ve been back for five months now. Why?” A thatch of curly black hair fell over his high forehead. Hair she used to thread her fingers through.

“Where have you been? Today, I mean, since you’re out here on this road.” It was too much of a coincidence that he happened to come upon her on this lonely highway, wasn’t it?

“At a training exercise in Utah.”

Hmm. She wondered if one of their mutual friends had told him that she’d be traveling this road today.

After all that had happened, she couldn’t believe he still wanted to fight wildfire. But it seemed to be in his blood. He was good at it, too. None better. An adrenaline junkie who thrived on the action. With no family of his own, he had nothing to lose. A man who acted first and thought about the dangers later.

After Sean had broken her heart, she’d never wanted to see him again. But here he was, bigger than life. And now it appeared that they’d be working together once more. Which made her hands sweat and her stomach feel queasy. If she’d known he was still here, she would have found other employment, on a different hotshot crew in another state. Now it was too late. Because she needed this job. Badly.

Working on this team would give her the firefighting experience she needed to reach her career goals of one day becoming a fire management officer with the Forest Service. Also, the money would pay her college tuition in the fall. Just one more year of schooling and she’d have her master’s degree in resource conservation with a minor in fire science.

She took a deep inhale and let it go, resigned to working with Sean again. If she could fight fire, she could certainly handle this. He was on a different squad than she was and she could keep her distance. If she could just make it through the next five months, she’d never have to see him again. She’d finish school then get a job somewhere far away from his brooding smile and penetrating eyes—and her bittersweet memories.

Without permission, he hopped up into the back of her truck and rummaged around in Zach’s silver toolboxes. Tessa didn’t complain. Over the years, Sean had spent as much time in this rusty vehicle as she had.

“You got any water?” Clutching several tools, Sean jumped down and sauntered toward the front fender. Tough and agile, his body moved with the feline grace of a star athlete.

For several pounding moments, her gaze followed him as he propped his sunglasses on top of his head. He looked good. Too good. But he was thinner than she remembered, and deeper worry lines creased the corners of his eyes. Eyes that now seemed so sad and empty.

She hadn’t seen him in eight months, and it had given her time to think. Breaking up with her so suddenly didn’t make sense. She could understand Sean changing his priorities. Life and death situations had a way of making a person reevaluate what they really wanted. But it had cut her deeply to know that he no longer wanted her. It had also made her slightly suspicious. He’d been cleared of any wrongdoing in Zach’s death, but what if he was responsible somehow? Had he broken up with her out of guilt? Or was he just afraid of loving and losing her the way he’d lost Zach? Maybe there was some other reason she didn’t understand?

Reaching inside the cab, she retrieved her half-empty water bottle. When she returned, Sean was bent over the engine like a pro mechanic. His expressive eyes crinkled as he squinted against the bright sunlight. Without looking up, he shot a hand out and she placed the bottle in his grasp.

Copying his manners, she shook her head. He was still the same old Sean she’d known for nine years. Her brother’s best friend. Tough and proud. Never mincing words.

If only he hadn’t shut her out. If only she knew what had really happened that fateful day when her brother died. After some time had passed, she’d been hoping Sean might call her to talk about Zach’s death, but he hadn’t opened up one bit. As it stood, he’d broken her heart and she no longer trusted him.

“What do you think the matter is?” She ducked her head and peered at the engine.

“It’s overheated.”

“Obviously. But is it serious?”

“We’ll know in a moment.”

Wrapping a handful of his shirttail around his fingers to protect against burns, Sean twisted off the cap to the radiator. They both jerked back as a geyser of steam shot up from the spout. He waited a moment until it settled down then poured the water in. Sizzling sounds filled the air.

“It’s hot, huh?” she said, feeling helpless and out of sorts.

“Yep, it’s bone-dry. We’ll need some more water.”

“I don’t have any more.”

He turned his head and quirked one brow at her, a quizzical expression that used to make her laugh. But not today. Now she felt nothing but betrayal.

“I thought I taught you to prepare better than that. There’s a gallon jug in my truck. Go and get it,” he said.

Hackles rose at the back of her neck, but she fought them off. Because she didn’t want to argue with him now, she retrieved the jug. Moments later he poured the contents into the radiator. It gurgled as he screwed the cap back on.

“Are you ready for work in the morning?” he asked without looking up.

She snorted. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether I can get this old truck to work.”

“It’ll be working. You’ll be there.” He sounded positive, as though he expected nothing less.

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“As soon as you get into town, take the truck over to Grant Metcalf’s garage for a complete overhaul. This piece of junk is overdue,” he said.

“It’s not a piece of junk,” she said.

“Yes, it is.” He was too busy tightening bolts and testing the spark plugs to notice her annoyed glare.

“Get in and start it up.” Sean stood back, holding a wrench in one tight fist. A streak of grease marred his blunt chin.

She refused to hurry as she climbed into the cab and turned the key. The truck gave a belching growl.

“Give it a little more gas,” he called.

She did and the engine roared to life. Sean slammed the hood closed, removed his sunglasses and wiped his damp brow with his forearm. He hopped into the back of the truck, returned Zach’s tools to their place then jumped down and leaned against her door.

“You should be okay now, but I’ll follow you until we reach your apartment in Minoa.” He spoke low, the rich timbre of his voice sending shivers down her spine.

She remembered a time when he would have leaned in and kissed her goodbye. She yearned for him to hold her against his heart again. To tell her that Zach’s death was just a bad dream. That he still loved her and everything would be okay. But he didn’t. And it did her no good to dwell on the reasons why.

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be fine.” She didn’t think she could stand to have him on her tail for the next three hours. But in this remote area, there was no help for it. And something about knowing he would be following her tied her insides into knots.

“We’re going to the same place, so I’ll stay with you until I know you’re safe,” he insisted.

She bit her tongue, wishing he cared as much about her emotions as he did for her physical well-being.

She gave a bored shrug of her shoulders, thinking she should thank him, but unable to speak the words. “Suit yourself.”

“How’s your mom?”

She blinked at his sudden question, taken off guard. Over the past decade, he’d shared every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with her family. All but the most recent, that is. Her mom had loved him like a second son.

“She misses you,” Tessa said.

So do I. But she couldn’t understand where that thought came from. She didn’t love this man anymore. Not after the way he’d tossed her aside. Her father had done the same thing, and she would never trust another man again.

Sean nodded. “Give her my best.”

“Yeah,” Tessa said.

A thatch of curly hair fell into his eyes and he brushed it back, his hands covered with grime. A glaze of perspiration shadowed his freshly shaven face and neck and stained the back of his shirt and underarms.

She glanced down at her own shirt. Although she hadn’t done much, she’d still managed to get grease on her clothes and hands. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, she reached for a pile of napkins she kept stowed in the door pocket and handed him some. He took her offering and they both rubbed at the stains on their fingers.

Even though she got much dirtier than this when she fought wildfires, the filth bothered her. She told herself it was because she was traveling and didn’t want to muck up the interior of Zach’s truck. It certainly had nothing to do with her ex-fiancé being here. After all, Sean had seen her many times on the fireline with her face covered in soot. But off the line, she’d always tried to look nice for him. And old habits died hard. Now they were no longer together, it shouldn’t matter. And she reminded herself that she no longer cared what he thought.

* * *

Sean climbed into his truck and started up the engine. Clicking on his seat belt, he waited for Tessa to pull forward and precede him down the road.

She moved out slowly and he wondered if the trip to Minoa might take all day. Then she picked up the pace, as though testing the strength of her truck.

Correction. Zach’s truck. A beat-up old clunker. But the vehicle hadn’t always been that way. Sean remembered the day Zach had bought the truck nine years earlier. It had been ten years old at the time, but still in good condition. Sean had donated several hundred dollars to the cause when Zach came up short. Now Sean couldn’t help feeling as though the truck was partly his. He and Zach had done a lot of traveling in that vehicle. With Tessa sitting between them like the three musketeers.

Now she resented him. He’d seen that clearly in her beautiful emerald eyes, along with a heavy dose of suspicion. And she had a right. He’d hurt her deeply. Abandoning her, just like her father had done when she was a little girl. It didn’t matter that Sean regretted their broken engagement; he wasn’t willing to undo it. If he told her of his regrets, she wouldn’t believe him. She might even laugh in his face. But he wouldn’t put that weapon in her hands. His heart couldn’t take it.

Waves of disgust washed over him. A hefty dose of self-loathing followed in its wake. In spite of his breakup with Tessa, he’d made a promise to Zach when she first joined the hotshot crew. A promise he intended to keep. That he’d keep her safe on the fireline. That he’d always look after her and protect her, no matter what.

This was her last firefighting season before she finished her college education. Then she’d move on with her career. Sean had no doubt she’d be promoted fast. Someone as sharp and talented as her would probably become an assistant fire management officer somewhere. In a few years she’d move up to FMO. Once she was working in an office, she’d be safely out of danger. Then he could move on, too. He’d failed to save Zach, but he wouldn’t fail again. After this fire season, he’d take a quiet desk job, far away from the trees, smoke and flames. Where he couldn’t make any mistakes that might cost someone else their life.

Silently, he yearned for redemption. If only God could forgive him for failing Zach. If only he could forgive himself.

Tessa hadn’t mentioned her brother. Maybe they were both too surprised to see each other like this. Out in the middle of nowhere. Taken off guard.

When Sean had seen her sitting on the side of the road, a surge of exhilaration had swept over him. He had his sources. A mutual friend had told him she’d be driving along this deserted road to Minoa today. Though he hadn’t planned on coming across her, he’d arranged his own itinerary so that he’d be traveling the same route. Honoring the promise he’d made to Zach, just in case she needed him. And it turned out that she had.

Deep inside, he knew it was more than his promise to Zach that had brought him here today. He tried not to care but couldn’t help craving one more glimpse of Tessa’s pert, stubborn nose and flawless complexion, one more breath of her long, coconut-scented hair. It wasn’t just her beauty that drew him to her, but also her spunk. Her grit. Who she was inside. Something he couldn’t explain. A connecting of their spirits.

Nor could he find any respite from the guilt he carried around like a load of bricks in his heart. The psychiatrist he’d visited several times after the fire had said he was suffering from survivor’s guilt and PTSD. Because he’d failed to save Zach, he didn’t believe he could marry Tessa now. How could he look her in the eye every day of their life together and justify why he’d survived but her brother had died?

She had told him once that she thought there was no justification to ever lose a man or woman’s life on a fire. That it always had to be someone’s fault. In this case, that someone was him. She must surely blame him. And he’d feared that her doubts and resentment would simmer inside her until they slowly destroyed their marriage. He couldn’t put either of them through an ugly divorce. Tessa deserved better than that.

He stared at the back taillights of her trailer. She always packed light. Not a lot of encumbrances to tie her down. That was just one thing he liked about this woman. She didn’t require a lot of baggage. But she wasn’t happy anymore. He could see that in her wary eyes. And he couldn’t blame her. It would take a lot more than eight months for her to trust him again and to recover from Zach’s death.

It might take forever.

They stopped in Austin for fuel. Tessa didn’t wait for him before she pulled up to a pump, climbed out and started filling her tank. He knew she was very capable, but the gentleman in him forced him to brush her hands aside. She jerked and almost sprayed him with gasoline. The pungent scent of petro filled the air.

“Sorry! But you shouldn’t sneak up on a girl.” Her face flushed red as a new fire engine.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to help.”

“There’s no need for you to trouble yourself. I can do this,” she said.

“I know, but it doesn’t sit well with me to let you do this chore when I’m close by.” He spoke low and calm, trying not to fluster her. Trying to ignore the tingles of heat shooting up his arm from where their fingers had touched. When they were on the fireline, he had never interceded with her work. But when they were out like this, he felt that filling up her vehicle was the courteous thing to do. Zach had taught him that and so much more.

Inside the convenience store, he bought her a thin piece of jerky and a diet soda. Not because she asked him to, but because he knew they were her favorite traveling foods.

“Thank you.” She didn’t meet his eyes as she took the items and climbed back into her truck. He got the impression she was purposefully avoiding him, and he thought it was just as well.

Two hours later they pulled into Minoa. Population three thousand and eighty-four. Including dogs, cats and gophers. The perfect size for a wilderness hotshot crew base.

Tessa drove past Rocklin’s Diner, the only restaurant in town, to her small apartment three blocks off Main Street. Her trailer bounced lightly over a speed bump as she pulled into a parking space and killed the engine. She tossed a glance over her shoulder and waved him on, but he didn’t go. Knowing she had a trailer filled with heavy boxes to empty before dark, he parked beside her and got out of his truck.

“Now what are you doing?” she asked when she met him at the back of the vehicle.

He flipped the latch on the trailer and pulled the door open wide. “I’m helping you carry your stuff inside.”

She bumped him aside with her hip. “Oh, no you’re not.”

In the past he would have teased her. Tickling her ribs as they jockeyed for position in the trailer. But not now. For two seconds he thought about leaving her alone but couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not when she needed him. It just wouldn’t be right, even if she was looking at him with a most adorable frown.

Gazing into her eyes, he couldn’t help smiling. “You sure look pretty when you’re being stubborn.”

Her mouth dropped open in surprise. In a rush, he wondered why he’d said such a thing. He had no right to flirt with her. Not anymore. The words had popped out before he could stop them.

To cover up the awkward moment, he reached past her and hefted a beat-up recliner out onto the hot cement. “I thought you had a furnished apartment.”

“I do,” she said.

“Then why are you keeping this ratty old chair?”

Her gaze lowered to the tattered upholstery and he knew the answer without her saying one word. It had been Zach’s chair. She was holding on to anything and everything that had belonged to her brother. Memorializing Zach the only way she knew how.

He almost reached out and brushed a curl off her cheek. Instead, he slid his hands around the armrests. “I miss him, too.”

She jerked her head up, her eyes flashing with anger. “Then why did you shut me out? What are you hiding from me?”

He tensed, not knowing how to explain. “I’m not hiding. Let’s just drop it, Tess.”

“Drop it? Don’t you think you at least owe me an explanation?” Her eyes shot him a dart of hostility.

Yes, but he didn’t respond, forcing himself to be patient. He’d hurt her deeply and she had every right to be upset. Zach’s death had brought him to a standstill. He was haunted by spine-tingling nightmares, recriminations and regrets. But until he figured it out and reconciled it in his mind, he couldn’t move forward. But he couldn’t go backward, either. In fact, he felt stuck in limbo. And it didn’t help that Tessa suspected that Zach’s death was his fault.

Her jaw hardened, her eyes spitting flame. For a moment he thought she might chew him out. Instead, she whirled around and reached for a heavy box. Jerking it free of the trailer, she carried it toward the stairs with a stiff stride.

“Too bad you live on the second floor.” He grunted as he wrapped his arms around the chair and braced the padded sides against the front of his thighs. Waddling like a duck, he wrestled it over to the bottom of the stairs then heaved it up in a hurried rush.

“It’s the one with a view,” she called over her shoulder.

At her apartment door, he set the chair down with a whoof of air and waited for her to insert the key and open the door.

“Were you planning on moving everything in by yourself?” he asked, knowing she could do it. He’d seen her fight fire, after all. In spite of her fragile features, Tessa was a scrapper. She wasn’t overly strong, but she paced herself, using her stamina to work many men under the table.

“I was gonna call Harlie to see if he could help me out,” she said.

Hmm. Sean knew he shouldn’t mind. Harlie was a member of their hotshot crew and a good man. But the guy was also single and nice-looking. Sean had no right to feel jealous, but he did. A lot. And he wished he didn’t.

Within an hour they had the trailer emptied. Sean accepted a drink of water she offered him from the tap in the kitchen. While she busied herself emptying a box, he drained the liquid in three long swallows.

He didn’t ask before he went to work helping her put her possessions away. Since she’d spent three summers living in this apartment, he knew exactly where everything went. He stayed in the kitchen, stacking four plates, glasses and pans into the cupboards. He tried not to remember the many meals they’d prepared and shared at the small wooden table, but it all came back like a rushing flood. The decadent desserts Tessa had made. Zach’s robust laughter as he teased his baby sister. Sean missed the jubilant camaraderie they’d all enjoyed. They’d been so naive and happy then.

Shaking it off, Sean resumed his work. Within another hour they had everything in order. Tessa set her heavy fire pack beside the front door, ready for work in the morning.

“Do you need anything else?” Standing in the middle of the tiny living room, he gazed at the simple but comfortable surroundings and wished he could stay.

“No, I’m good. Thanks for everything. I appreciate it.” She stood nearby, looking up at him with those lovely, magnetic eyes.

He fought off the urge to pull her close against his heart. Every fiber of his being cried out to touch her. To breathe her in. Instead, he slid his hands into his pants pockets and slapped a hard grip on himself. She wasn’t his anymore, and he’d better accept that.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he said.

She gave one jerking nod and he reached for the doorknob. As he left, he threw a quick glance over his shoulder. She stood right where he’d left her, her eyes mirroring the sadness he felt deep inside.


Chapter Two (#ulink_48e3145f-aac7-513f-b947-56bfa4eaf656)

The following morning Tessa sat in the training room at the hotshot base with the rest of her twenty-man crew. Leaning her elbows on the desk in front of her, she tried to act interested in what the men were saying but couldn’t quite meet that goal. Since all but the superintendent and captain were seasonal employees, they’d been apart all winter long and had a lot to catch up on, but all she could think about was Sean. She hadn’t seen him since yesterday. Or Brian, the crew’s superintendent, and Rolland, their captain. And she wondered what was delaying their arrival.

“Thanks for the eats, Tessa.” Harlie took a big bite out of a chocolate-covered doughnut with pink sprinkles on top. On her way into work that morning, she’d picked up a box of pastries from the local bakery. It was a great morale booster.

The other men added their thanks.

She just smiled and took a sip of her hot chocolate.

“Hey, Tessa. Nice tan. Where have you been all winter? Hawaii?” Dean Clawson waggled his eyebrows at her. As a freshman hotshot, he was new to the squad, and she could already tell he was a big flirt.

She glanced at the man’s sandy-blond hair and pale skin. Within a week, she knew he’d be beet-red with sunburn. But by mid-August, he’d be a sun-bronzed firefighter. Women would be flocking to his door. But not her. Since her breakup with Sean, she wasn’t interested in dating anyone.

“I’ve been in Montana. And I’m afraid that bleached body of yours is gonna fry this summer.” She spoke deadpan, without blinking.

The men roared with laughter.

“Ouch!” Harlie said.

Their joking was all in good fun, but as the only woman on this crew, she had to hold her own with these macho maniacs, or she wouldn’t survive long.

Sean came in from the side office, followed by Jared Marshall, the fire management officer. A tall, athletic man with dark blond hair and dazzling blue eyes, Jared had married Megan Rocklin two months earlier. Megan was the owner of the only restaurant in town and one of Tessa’s best friends. Unfortunately, they hadn’t given a lot of notice about their nuptials. Tessa had been in Missoula going to school at the time and regretted that she’d been in the middle of midterms and unable to attend the wedding. But she’d sent the newlyweds an ornate crystal vase and a heartfelt congratulations note.

Hmm. What was the FMO doing here? And where were Brian and Rolland?

“Good morning, and welcome back.” Jared waved the group into silence while Sean stood leaning against the wall.

To begin, Jared gave a short, motivational speech about working as a team and watching each other’s backs. He then introduced the two newest members of the crew.

Dean and Ace grinned as they stood and bowed gallantly, undoubtedly showing off to hide their insecurities. Knowing they had a lot to learn, Tessa cheered with the rest of the men. Jared waited for the noise to settle down.

“One last item of business before you start your training. I’m sorry to say that Brian has resigned. He got married in January and moved to Portland last week to be with his new bride.”

Pete nudged Harlie with his elbow and smirked as he whispered loudly. “See? I told you so.”

A snicker filtered through the men. Tessa would never understand why they found humor in the simplest of things but realized it was merely a pressure valve for the serious work ahead.

“Additionally, you may have heard about Rolland Simpson’s wife and eldest daughter being killed in a car crash last week.”

A round of gasps and sympathetic sounds came from the group.

“Is Rollo all right?” Harlie asked.

“Yeah, but he’s real torn up about it. His youngest daughter survived the crash. Rollo wasn’t with his family at the time, but he may not be able to return until the end of the summer fire season. It’ll take him some time to get things sorted out. We’ll hold his position open for the time being,” Jared said.

That meant the leadership of their crew had all but been wiped out. So, who was going to lead the team?

“Sean has been selected as your new superintendent,” Jared continued. “I know you’ll agree he’s highly qualified to be your crew leader and you’ll give him the respect due to his position. Since Rollo will be gone for the time being, I’m counting on all of you to help Sean with that extra work.”

Tessa’s mouth dropped open. She hadn’t expected this. No, not at all. Her ears felt clogged, like she was submerged under water. Not in a million years had she thought Sean would be her boss. The leader of the entire hotshot crew.

Hearing the news, Pete sucked in a startled breath. Harlie and Tank’s expressions remained stoic. And Tessa knew why. Most of them had been there that fateful day when Zach had died. They weren’t sure that Sean was up to this new task. At least, not so soon.

Why hadn’t Sean told her about his promotion? Yesterday, in her apartment, he’d had plenty of opportunity. A year ago she would have felt proud and delighted by the news. But right now she couldn’t help wondering if he could be trusted to look after the crew’s well-being.

The men broke into mild applause, but she could see the doubt in some of their eyes.

Tessa forced herself to clap her hands. She did so with misgivings. After all, Sean had been a squad leader when Zach was killed. But what if he’d been too inattentive, or took an unnecessary risk? It could have been a simple error. One little bad decision that had gotten Zach killed. A tiny bit of information that had been excluded from the incident report. It was one thing to see Sean every day. To work around him and interact. But taking orders from him as he steered the crew through numerous dangerous situations was another matter entirely.

It appeared that she had no choice. Not if she wanted her job.

“Okay, I think that’s it. Stay safe out there, take care of each other and fight fire.” With a satisfied nod, Jared made his exit to return to the forest supervisor’s office.

Tessa didn’t say a word as Harlie slid a disc into the overhead projector and Pete switched off the lights so they could watch a training film on how to deploy their new fire shelters. She tried to focus, but her gaze kept wandering over to Sean. Dressed like the rest of the team in a navy blue T-shirt, spruce-green pants and a pair of White’s vibram-soled fire boots, he sat on a corner of the desk at the front of the room. He folded his muscular arms, his jaw locked as he stared at the overhead screen.

He turned his head and pinned Tessa with a gaze so intense that she actually squirmed. She looked away quickly, trying to forget what this man had once meant to her. Trying to push aside her doubts over his possible role in Zach’s death.

A short time later the crew went outside to exercise. They started with calisthenics and graduated to a three-mile hike up a sharp incline with their forty-five-pound packs on their backs. Tessa stifled a groan and focused on the space right in front of her feet. Good thing she’d kept herself in top physical condition during the winter months or she wouldn’t have been able to keep up. She did everything she was asked to do, trying to numb her mind to the arduous months ahead. And when the workday was through, she felt exhausted and as confused as ever.

She was the last of her crew to leave for the day. Darkness covered the earth as she headed outside to her truck. The comforting chirp of crickets came from the cluster of boxwoods edging the length of the garage. She glanced at the gleaming lights of the office. At the last moment she veered off course and headed that way. She didn’t know what was driving her, but she had to speak with Sean alone, before she could chicken out. She wanted to find out what he thought about his new assignment. And maybe she might even get him to finally open up and confide in her.

* * *

Sean sat at his new desk, his head bowed over a stack of reports and unopened mail. He knew this job well, but with Brian’s sudden departure, there was a lot to catch up on.

As he reached for the letter opener, a subtle noise drew his attention. He looked up, a rush of surprise washing over him. Tessa stood leaning against the doorjamb, contemplating him with a slight frown.

“Busy at work, I see,” she said.

Was it his imagination, or did her voice sound a bit disapproving? He didn’t want any conflict with her right now. Not when he was working so hard to regain the crew’s trust. He’d seen the way the men had looked at him after the FMO announced his promotion. The doubt and hesitancy in their eyes. He’d been a member of this crew for years. If this was his last season fighting fire, he was determined to prove himself worthy of the team.

“Do you need something?” He spoke in a brusque tone.

She folded her arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“About your new promotion.”

He sat back, his chair squeaking. “I only found out myself last night, after I left you.”

Which was true. He’d known Brian had eloped and was crazy in love. That his new wife lived in Portland and refused to leave. Which meant Brian had to drive six hundred miles one way every weekend to be with her. It was an impossible endeavor once the hotshot crew got busy with the fire season. Sean had known it was just a matter of time before Brian left the squad and someone else was named superintendent. Until last night, he’d expected that to be Rollo. But making arrangements to bury his wife and eldest daughter and help his younger daughter cope with the loss would take some time, so the captain was out of commission for a while. As one of the crew’s two squad leaders, Sean had gotten the job. It had just been one of those things where he was at the right place at the right time for a promotion. But he hadn’t known for sure until he’d received the call from Jared.

Tessa tilted her head and peered at him as though seeking the truth in his eyes. “Did you suspect this was going to happen?”

He tightened his jaw. “I don’t know much of anything until they tell me. You know how it works.”

“How do you feel about this new assignment?” she asked.

“I feel fine. Why do you ask?” And yet he didn’t feel fine. There had been a time when he would have loved such a promotion. But now he worried that he wasn’t up to the task. He didn’t think he could cope if he lost another man, or woman, under his watch.

She dropped her arms to her sides and came to stand in front of his scarred wooden desk. Sean’s gaze followed her graceful movements. An old, lingering emotion of attraction filtered through his veins. Why did it have to be this woman who made his heart sing?

“A lot happened last summer,” she said.

“And what’s that got to do with my promotion?”

She lifted a hand, her face creased with exasperation. “Nothing, I guess.”

She obviously didn’t trust him. Didn’t think he was up to his new assignment. And that bothered him intensely. Because he wanted her to believe in him, even if he no longer believed in himself.

He forced himself to sit very still and not react. But inside, he felt grouchy. He wasn’t sleeping well. Always on edge. Crowded rooms made him anxious. His heart raced and his palms got clammy for no apparent reason. The lingering symptoms of PTSD. He still hadn’t been able to claw his way out, but he didn’t want to tell Tessa that. It was difficult to pretend their breakup wasn’t hinged on Zach’s death, but Sean knew that was the real cause. He just didn’t know how to get past it and make it right.

If only he hadn’t taken Zach to work in that chimney area with highly flammable fuels. He’d been Zach’s squad leader. He’d talked it over with Zach and they both thought they could get a jump on the fire. The tactic would have succeeded, too, except that squirrely winds had whipped around so fast, they didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. The winds brought a buttonhook fire racing uphill toward them. With little time to react, Sean had quickly radioed the rest of the crew to warn them to evacuate. They’d all made it to the safety zone, but Sean and Zach couldn’t get there in time. Instead, Sean had tried to take Zach to a previously burned area nearby. It wouldn’t be ideal, but they could deploy their fire shelters and ride out the burnover.

Zach wouldn’t go. He’d panicked and run the other way. And when Sean had chased after him, Zach had swung his fists so hard that it had knocked Sean down. He’d been dazed as he staggered to his feet. And by the time he’d shaken it off, Zach was gone. Sean thought about going after him, but he knew there wasn’t time. Later, Sean was absolved of any wrongdoing, but he still blamed himself. Because he’d been Zach’s squad leader. Because he’d chosen life instead of trying to find Zach.

“We’re not together now. We don’t owe each other any explanations,” Sean said.

Tessa lifted her chin, her golden-brown ponytail bouncing against her shoulders. “You mean you don’t owe me any explanations. Is that it?”

He never could fool Tessa. She recognized his reservations for what they were. A wall. A shield. To keep her and everyone else out. But he couldn’t talk about Zach’s death right now. He just couldn’t.

She leaned forward and rested her hands on top of his cluttered desk. “You almost died in that fire with Zach, yet you act as though it never happened. My brother’s death hurt all of us, Sean. It might help if you talk about it.”

“With you?” he asked.

“Sure, why not? We were close friends once.”

He looked away. They’d been more than friends. She’d meant everything to him. “I know, but the reports have been filed. There’s nothing left to say.”

“Sure there is. I’ve tried to give you time. To let you work through this on your own. But it’s obvious you’re in the same place you were in when I left town last September. Nothing’s changed. Nothing’s gotten better. I know you’re hurting, Sean. But I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

He stared back at her, forcing himself not to blink. He couldn’t tell her about his guilt and PTSD. He had to be strong and overcome it on his own. After all, he was in charge of this hotshot crew now.

“Say something,” she insisted.

He grit his teeth. “I have nothing else to say.”

He spoke the words low. He heard the doubt in her voice. An edge of suspicion and resentment. His mind told him he’d done everything right that fateful day, but he couldn’t believe it. He kept replaying different scenarios over in his mind. If only he’d done this, or that, or something else, then Zach would still be here.

“You used to tell me there was nothing we couldn’t do as long as we worked on it together,” she said.

A caustic laugh slipped from his throat. “Not this time, Tessa. I’m afraid I was wrong.”

She flinched. “If you’ve given up, then I suppose you’re right. We’re finished.”

A fist of emotion lodged in his chest. He caught a glimpse of pain in her eyes and shook his head.

“What about a medical professional?” she suggested. “There are people trained to help with situations like this. A doctor can help you cope.”

That did it. He scooted back his chair and stood, his movements stiff. Reaching for his jacket, he walked to the door and thrust it open. “Look, Tess. I’ve already visited with a psychiatrist and been cleared for duty. I appreciate this intervention thing you’re trying to do here, but I don’t need it anymore. I’m fine. Really.”

Her lips tightened, her eyes shimmering. Oh, no. Please not that. He could stand anything but her tears.

“I’m just trying to understand. I miss Zach,” she whispered.

Ah, that hurt. So much.

“I know you do.” He spoke softly, wishing he could do something to make it all better. Wishing he could take away her pain.

“The worst part is that I lost both of you that day. Not just Zach. I lost you, too,” she said.

What could he say to that? Nothing.

“I wish things could be different. I wish I could bring him back,” he said.

“That’s not what I need you to do, Sean. Zach’s with God now. But I want to understand what happened and why you have shut me out.”

He released a slow breath, trying to ignore the memories of that horrible day as they flashed across his brain. “You’ve read the incident report. You already know everything.”

“Reading that sterile report isn’t the same as talking with you, and you know it. I’d rather read your personal notes instead.”

“Those are confidential. They’re just my ramblings anyway. Nothing you could decipher. The only reason I wrote them down was because my psychiatrist required it.” He shrugged, feeling uncomfortable with her questions. He wasn’t the type of man to go and visit with a shrink. He’d done it only because he had to.

“I’m Zach’s sister. Don’t you think I have a right to know the details?” she asked.

“There’s nothing left to tell. Unless you want to talk about work, we have nothing to discuss.”

She backed up, her face ashen. He’d stung her again, when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and keep her safe.

“Fine. If that’s the way you want it,” she said.

“It is.” He tightened his hands, forcing himself not to relent. Not to tell her how he really felt. That it should have been him that died on that mountain, not Zach.

“All right, then. Congratulations on your promotion, Sean. I hope you’re happy with your new assignment.” She swept past him to the dark parking lot. The tall mercury vapor lights bathed her in an eerie blue glow.

He longed to call her back. To confide in her like he used to. To speak the words he’d kept locked away since that dreadful day. But he couldn’t. Not about this. Not without winning her condemnation. Just like the day when he’d broken off their engagement, he let her walk away from him without saying one word to stop her.

When she was inside Zach’s truck, he took a deep, settling breath. He watched as she backed out and drove through the front gate, the gravel crackling beneath her tires.

Maybe this fire season wouldn’t be as easy as he thought. He had his share of misgivings about accepting this new promotion. He was definitely qualified to lead the team, yet he feared letting them down. What if he couldn’t do the job? What if he failed? The thought of losing another man under his command made him sweat, but the thought of losing Tessa absolutely terrorized him. In the past he would have told her his deepest fears. But he couldn’t tell her all of this. How could he expect her to understand what he was going through when he didn’t understand it himself?

Heaving a labored sigh, he flipped off the lights and secured the front door. With Brian and Rollo gone, they were down two men. Now the FMO had made him the team’s superintendent. A position he had once aspired to. With a college degree in fire science, he had worked hard with the hopes of one day being given his own hotshot crew to manage. Now that he’d finally reached that goal, he felt deflated. Because it no longer meant anything. Not when he couldn’t share the joy with Tessa.

She was angry and hurting, but at least she was safe. She would recover. Eventually. She’d move on with her life and meet some good man who could make her happy. Someone who wasn’t responsible for her brother’s death. And knowing that she’d share her life with another man hurt Sean most of all. But he had to let her go. Her happiness was more important to him than anything else.

He stood in the empty parking lot, staring at Tessa’s taillights as she turned onto the main road. Finally, he drove home. He parked his truck and gazed at his dark house. The black, vacant windows seemed to stare back at him, taunting him with empty disdain. He had to accept that his time of loving Tessa was done and over with. Because he could never have it back.


Chapter Three (#ulink_ff27e25d-7c20-5d9f-8e41-08794bee2f9c)

Standing in the maintenance room at the hotshot base, Tessa settled into her morning chores with the rest of the crew. They never knew when they might get called out on another fire, so they planned to be ready at a moment’s notice.

The whine of the electric belt grinder filled the air in an endless drone. Tugging on a pair of leather gloves, Tessa picked up a Pulaski, removed the tool guard from the steel head and tightened the hickory handle into a bench vise to hold it firm. She reached for a twelve-inch file with a handle and knuckle guard to sharpen the dull edge of the hand tool.

“Hey, Tessa! The Big Guy wants to see you right away.” Tank stepped inside the shop and jerked his thumb toward the door.

Tessa tensed. The lighthearted atmosphere frosted over faster than a drop plane could unload retardant on a line of timber. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Tell him to hold his horses.”

“Yeah, he said you’d say that.” Tank chortled as he turned and left to pass her message along.

“What’s up between you and the super?” Dean asked.

A stutter of silence fell over the group. Since Dean and Ace were new to the team, they didn’t know her past history with Sean or the doubt they all still felt over Zach’s death. What had happened had hurt them deeply, but that wasn’t Dean’s fault.

Tessa didn’t look up, but her heart stopped then pounded like a sledgehammer against her ribs. She had to be careful what she said. Sean was the boss and it wouldn’t be good for her to say anything that might undermine his authority.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

Dean shrugged. “I’ve got eyes in my head. You don’t seem to get along very well with him, yet I can tell you both like each other a lot.”

“I’ll bet they’ve got the hots for one another,” Ace chortled.

Tessa’s spine stiffened. In the short time she’d known Ace, she had realized he had a big mouth and a penchant for teasing too much. And right now he was crossing a line with her.

“Mind your own business,” she said.

No one else said a word.

“Hey, girl, you don’t need to get so testy about it. I was just having fun.” Ace blinked and looked away.

Harlie tugged the Pulaski free from Tessa’s hands and pushed her gently toward the door.

“I’ll finish this for you. Go on and see what the super wants,” he said.

She removed her leather gloves and slapped them onto the top of the workbench, half tempted to ignore Sean’s summons. She dreaded speaking with him again, especially without the guys present to ease the tension. Right now she was struggling to concentrate on her work, behave herself and make it through the fire season without getting fired for insubordination.

“I’m going.” She stepped toward the door. Her feet felt like chunks of cement, and she paused inside the narrow alcove at the threshold, standing where the men didn’t notice her but she could still see them.

Harlie hiked an eyebrow at Ace, his mouth tight with disapproval. “Dude, you’re new here, so I’ll give you some friendly advice. Don’t mess around with something you don’t understand.”

Ace leaned his elbows on the workbench and cocked one eye. “What do you mean? Can’t she take a joke?”

The hackles rose along the back of Tessa’s neck and she tightened her hands.

“It’s not a joke, man,” Chris said. “Tessa and Sean were engaged once, but there’s more to it than that.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “What happened?”

Harlie quickly told the freshman crew members about the wildfire that had swept over them without notice. Hearing the story retold by one of her crew members made Tessa’s heart beat like a hydraulic drill.

“We lost communication with home base, but Sean was able to warn us so that we could evacuate the area in time. Everyone got out safe, except for Zach.”

“Zach?” Ace said.

“Tessa’s brother. He died. The investigation team said it wasn’t Sean’s fault, but he and Tessa haven’t been the same since it happened.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

“They broke up.”

Hearing the men discussing her relationship with Sean made her feel irritated and unworthy. Like she’d done something wrong. And she hadn’t. Had she? Sean was the one who had taken Zach into that dangerous chimney area to work. And then he’d abandoned her and destroyed their love.

“Do you think it was the super’s fault that Zach died?” Dean asked.

Harlie glanced at Pete, their eyes filled with a bit of doubt. Tessa felt their tension. They didn’t know what to believe. Neither did she.

“None of us knows what really happened up there,” Harlie said. “The super won’t talk about it, but he was cleared of any wrongdoing. And that’s good enough for me.”

Tessa wished she had Harlie’s confidence. She wanted to believe in Sean, she really did. But a part of her felt gut-wrenching doubt.

“Does Tessa blame the super for her brother’s death?” Ace asked.

Harlie shrugged. “Maybe a little bit. None of us knows for sure. We lost a good man that day, and it’s not funny to any of us.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Dean said.

“Me either. I didn’t mean any harm.” Ace bowed his head over a rogue pounder and picked up a screwdriver to tighten the bolts.

Tessa walked out into the sunshine and headed toward the main office. As she passed their buggies, the crew transports they rode in when they traveled to a wildfire, she caught the cloying scent of two-stroke engine fuel. Several of the men were refilling their red sig bottles and Dohlmar containers with fuel.

She glanced at her wristwatch. Almost four o’clock in the afternoon. One more hour, and she could leave. One more hour, and she’d be home free.

* * *

Sean glanced at the stack of incident reports sitting on his desk and tried to concentrate. He picked up a pen and opened the first file, but the letters swam on the page before him. His eyes wouldn’t focus; his mind refused to read a single word. For two hours he’d sat there working, pondering what he should do. Tessa wasn’t going to like what he had to tell her. He tried to plan a way to break the news to her easily but figured he should just spit it out and be done with it.

The moment she stepped into his office, he knew it without looking up. A blast of air from the swamp cooler in the window carried the light fragrance of her shampoo across the room. Taking a deep inhale, he glanced at the door, his pulse tripping into double-time.

“You wanted to see me?”

She stood in the open threshold, looking as beautiful as ever. Her golden-brown hair had been pulled back in a long ponytail and gleamed against a spray of spring sunlight. A smear of grease marred her chin. Her work clothes were covered in grime, but that didn’t diminish the porcelain beauty of her smooth skin. Her alert eyes met his, locking him there. A mixture of pain and hesitation flickered across her face. She looked tired and slightly annoyed.

His chair squeaked as he sat back and gestured for her to join him. “Come on in.”

She walked to his desk and slid into a hard-backed chair, her spine stiff, her hands folded primly in her lap. In the past she would have leaned back, crossed her long legs and chatted with him. Her smile had been so easy in those days.

“What’s up?” she asked casually, but he caught the throb of emotion in her voice. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him, and he couldn’t blame her.

“I got a call from Jared Marshall this morning. He’s asked us to participate in career day at Minoa High School tomorrow afternoon.” There, he’d gotten it all out in one long breath. Short and succinct. No mincing words.

Her eyes narrowed. “Us? You mean the entire crew?”

“No, just you and me.”

She exhaled a huff and gripped the armrests with both hands, her fingers whitening. “Can’t you get one of the guys to go with you?”

“Sorry, but the FMO wants you and me. He wouldn’t negotiate on the issue.”

Her lips tightened. “But why me?”

He paused, trying to remember the speech he’d rehearsed numerous times. With her sitting here, the words dropped right out of his brain and he floundered. Tessa had always had that effect on him. The first time he’d seen her, he’d been left speechless for over an hour. “Jared asked specifically for you.”

“I still don’t understand,” Tessa said.

“He believes as the only female on the team, you’ll do better to highlight your work as a woman wildfire fighter. As the superintendent of the crew, I’m to accompany you. It’s a recruitment trip, but also to build our public relations.”

“I’d rather not participate.”

Her candor didn’t surprise him. From the start he’d always known just where he stood with Tessa. No pretending. No games. Just pure honesty.

“I understand that, but it’ll still be you and me. That’s what the FMO wants, and that’s what we’ll give him.” Sean had argued the point with Jared, too, reminding the FMO that things weren’t good between him and Tessa. Instead, he’d suggested that Harlie or Tank accompany him. But Jared had been adamant that Sean take Tessa.

No one regretted this last-minute assignment more than Sean. Trotting down to the local high school for career day would provide an opportunity to recruit future firefighters for the crew. For some reason kids on the wrestling team made good firefighters. But going with Tessa was not Sean’s idea of fun. He dreaded spending the afternoon with her quiet, questioning eyes.

She hesitated, her spine straightening. He didn’t know what he’d do if she refused. A wave of heat flashed over him as he waited for her response. Nerves tingled at the back of his neck. The room seemed to close in on him. A barrage of regrets swamped his mind. More symptoms of PTSD, but he fought them off.

She lifted her shoulders, her forehead crinkled in dismay. “I don’t know how to talk to a bunch of teenagers. What am I supposed to say to them?”

“Just tell them what you do. What your days with the crew are like. Tell them about your work as a hotshot. What you had to do to get here. What you do to stay in shape. That kind of stuff.”

Her gaze lowered to the papers scattered across his desk and she licked her lips. “I’d rather not go, Sean.”

Sean. She’d finally spoken his name again. It had been so long since she’d said it that hearing it from her lips startled him.

“It’ll be okay. You’re a natural with kids, Tess. Remember that time when we watched little Brittney while her mom drove her dad to the hospital?” Sean asked.

Brittney was the infant daughter of Tessa’s neighbor. The baby’s father had sliced his hand on a bread knife and his wife had rushed him to the emergency room in Reno for stitches. Sean and Tessa had spent four enjoyable hours babysitting little Brittney before her mommy came home. It’d been a great evening Sean would never forget, but he wished he hadn’t brought it up now. That event seemed so far away. A defining moment that had made him realize he wanted kids. Oodles of them.

She looked away as though his reminder bothered her, too. “Brittney was easy. She was just a baby.”

“You’ll do fine,” Sean insisted.

She shook her head in resignation and Sean felt a sudden chill in the room that had nothing to do with the whoosh from the swamp cooler. Her gaze swept over him, her eyes filled with misgivings. Being near her was a constant reminder of their broken trust.

“Just be yourself and tell the kids about your job. You’ll do great,” he said with a half smile.

“Okay, fine.” She stood and turned toward the door, walking as though the weight of the world rested on her slim shoulders. And he supposed that it did.

He let her go. He longed to call her back. To tell her everything was going to be okay. But things weren’t okay, and Sean could never mend the rift between them.


Chapter Four (#ulink_32107b1c-d159-5cca-80b3-1eaaee8fc305)

The following morning Tessa wore her usual navy blue T-shirt with the Minoa Hotshot logo imprinted on the left front side in white lettering. She also wore her matching baseball cap, work boots and spruce-green pants. That was her uniform when she wasn’t fighting wildfire.

She’d pulled her long hair into a ponytail that fit perfectly through the hole at the back of the cap. As she walked out into the main yard of the hotshot base, she hoped they’d get called out on a wildfire. Then she wouldn’t have to go with Sean to the high school.

It didn’t happen.

At one o’clock she climbed into the passenger seat of the supray, the crew’s nickname for the superintendent’s white pickup truck. Dressed the same as her, Sean waited patiently in the driver’s seat while she clicked on her seat belt. Avoiding the bright glint of sunlight through the windshield, she stowed a bag of pamphlets beside her on the seat for their presentation to the kids. They’d briefly talked earlier, just to make sure they’d be in sync with their presentation, but it didn’t help a lot.

“All ready?” Sean flashed a smile, his strong hands resting on the steering wheel.

“Yes.” She stared out her window, purposefully avoiding his eyes. Being alone with him like this made her feel nervous and jittery. Like she should say something to him, but she didn’t know what. Her heart felt too heavy for words and she figured she’d already said enough. Now it was his turn to talk, although she doubted he’d ever address the topic that was weighing so heavily on her mind.

He started the ignition and put the truck in gear. Gravel crackled under the tires as he pulled out of the yard. As he moved into traffic, her tension eased a smidgen. At least they were doing something productive. Something to take her mind off what was really bothering her.

“Remind me again. How many minutes will you want me to take in my presentation?” she asked without looking at him.

“About ten. They asked us to spend twenty minutes total. It shouldn’t take long.”

Good. A quick in and out. Easy peasy.

“I’m hoping we might be able to recruit some wrestlers for the crew. They’re usually strong and in good physical condition,” Sean said.

“Yeah, that would be good.”

A long pause of silence followed.

“Is your mom still working in the pediatrics office?” he asked.

Tessa blinked, hardly able to believe he was trying to make small talk with her. “No, she retired three months ago.”

His brows spiked. “Really? I figured she’d stay working forever. I know she loved her job as a nurse.”

“She did, but she’s getting older. And losing Zach changed her priorities. She wants to do something besides work all the time,” she said.

Mom’s priorities had changed just like Sean’s had changed. Though her mom’s changing priorities didn’t include abandoning her.

“What’s your mom doing now?” he asked.

“She’s taken up painting and wants me to visit soon. She and Larry are planning a trip to Europe next year. I told her I’d come home for a short visit after the fire season is over with.”

Larry was her mom’s husband, but Tessa had never considered him her father. The guy was nice enough and she liked him okay, but she had no desire to get close to him. Every man she’d ever loved had left her, including Zach. But Larry took good care of Mom, and that was all that mattered. The woman had shed enough tears of grief after Tessa’s father had deserted them. Mom deserved to be happy.

“Soon you’ll be back in school. Only one more year left,” Sean said.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“And you won’t be fighting wildfires after that, right?”

He sounded almost hopeful. As if he was eager to have her off the team.

“That’s right.”

He grunted. “Well, if you need a letter of reference, let me know. I’ll write you a good one.”

Remembering the heavy finals she’d completed recently, she released a shallow exhale. She was glad to be out of school for a little while. “Thanks. I hope all the hard work is worth it when I’m finished.”

“It will be. You’ll finally reach your goals.”

Another long silence, and then Sean gave a low chuckle. “Zach always said you’d get more education than the rest of us, and it looks like he was right.”

“I guess so.” She remembered how hard her brother had pushed her to get her master’s degree. And she thought how easy it was to fall into a quiet camaraderie with Sean. Talking like this almost felt like old times. Almost. And this conversation gave her a glimpse of how they used to be.

“I miss that,” he confessed.

“What?”

“Your smile.”

She did, too, but she wasn’t about to say so. A mountain of caution stood between them like an armored sentinel. Always vigilant, always wary. She longed to make it go away but didn’t know how to navigate through her qualms.

“You broke up with me, remember?” She couldn’t help reminding him.

His face drained of color and he looked away. “Yeah, I remember.”

But he didn’t take it back. He didn’t say another word.

When they arrived at the school, Sean parked near the red brick building and they went in through a side entrance. A man with a gray mustache and plump cheeks met them in the front office.

“Hello, Mr. Nash. I’m Chuck Garvey, the guidance counselor for the school. Thanks for joining us today.”

Sean introduced Tessa and they all shook hands.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Mr. Garvey said. “We’ve had two cancellations from our other career specialists this morning. So feel free to take lots of extra time in your presentation.”

Tessa’s heart sank to the floor. But then she reminded herself that she was a hotshot. If she could fight wildfire, she could talk to a bunch of high school kids with Sean. This was work, and her personal woes had no place here.

“Let me show you to the classroom where you’ll be speaking. The students will be arriving shortly.” Mr. Garvey led the way down a long hallway that smelled of damp paper towels and pencil shavings.

Inside the classroom Tessa swept past rows of desks and chairs to the front of the room. Several other presenters sat looking expectant, their soft chatter filtering through the air as they spoke politely to one another. Following more introductions, Tessa took a seat beside an accountant and gazed out the wide windows onto the football field. The sprinklers were on, whooshing over the shimmering grass. She made a mental note of the door leading outside and the exercise equipment littering the area near the bleachers. That might come in handy.

A shrill bell rang and Tessa inwardly cringed. As a gawky teenager, she’d never fit in with the other girls her age. She could do without all the primping, gossip and the pressure to dress and act a certain way. Instead, she’d preferred being with Zach and his friends. He’d never seemed to mind.

Within minutes approximately fifteen kids piled into the room, an equal mixture of boys and girls. In a small town this size, Tessa recognized most of them, including Matt Morton. The boy’s mom was a widow who waited tables at Rocklin Diner on Main Street. The owner of the restaurant happened to be Megan Marshall, the FMO’s new wife. Tessa made a mental note to pay a visit to her good friend as soon as she got some time off from work.

The kids barely glanced at the adults stationed up front, laughing and talking as they found their seats. They slouched in their chairs like they didn’t have a care in the world. One student looked up and spotted Tessa. Nudging the boy next to him, he smiled wide.

“Hubba, hubba. This might be fun.”

A shrill wolf whistle followed his comment, but Tessa ignored it. She didn’t like public speaking, but this wasn’t her first rodeo. She had learned to take care of herself in a work environment filled with men. She decided that she could handle a bunch of hormonal adolescents.

Another bell rang and Mr. Garvey stood to give the introductions. Two law enforcement officers would go first, followed by the CPA and then a technology professor from the community college out of Reno. Sean and Tessa were dead last on the agenda.

Hmm. This might take longer than she expected.

Crossing her legs, Tessa put herself on cruise control and waited patiently. She enjoyed the respite, but inside she was quaking. Standing up to speak in front of a bunch of mouthy teenagers made her nervous, especially when she knew Sean would be watching her.

When it was his turn, Sean stood. Ignoring the podium, he walked to the front of the room in his hotshot swagger that said he was in control.

Tessa hid a slight smile.

“Good afternoon,” he began, his deep bass voice filling the room like rolling thunder. He sure didn’t need a microphone.

“My name is Sean Nash, and I’m the superintendent of the Minoa Interagency Hotshot crew.” He gestured toward Tessa, and she stood. “This is Tessa Carpenter, one of my crew members.”

A piercing whistle split the air and someone called out from across the room. “Ooo, Tessa. You are fine, lady. Can I work wi’ you?”

A round of snickers skittered across the crowd. Simultaneously, Mr. Garvey and Sean jerked their heads in that direction. Mr. Garvey glared and scanned the sea of faces as though trying to pinpoint who had spoken. The group of teenagers stared straight back, looking innocent as newborn babes. Tessa didn’t show any reaction whatsoever. But inside she was laughing. She’d been uneasy at first, but now she was in her element.

“Tommie Wheeler, you’ll have to ask your mommy about that,” Tessa shot back, her face void of expression.

Tommie’s gaze widened as though he was surprised that she knew it was him who had spoken. His face flushed red as a new fire engine, his eyes filled with embarrassment.

“Ah-hum! Remember these people are our guests and you will be polite,” Mr. Garvey said in a stern voice.

Dead silence fell over the throng. Tommie sat back, his eyes downcast.

Sean gave a scoffing laugh. “I don’t blame you for wanting to work with Tessa, but you will have to prove you can keep up with her first. To be a hotshot, you’re gonna have to be in prime physical condition.”

“I’m a hotshot. I’m prime.” A tall boy wearing a letterman jacket flexed the muscle of his arm.

Tessa didn’t know the youth, so she held her tongue.

Sean showed a tolerant smile. “Talk is cheap. If you want to be on my crew, you will have to prove yourself.” Always quick with a comeback, Sean didn’t miss a beat as he answered in a jovial tone, doing an admirable job of keeping things light. Rumbling laughter filled the room as several other boys jostled the athlete. It took several moments for the boys to settle down as Mr. Garvey cleared his throat loudly.

Sean continued his dialogue. “If you were to become a hotshot, some of the things we would train you in are first aid, compass usage, GPS coordinates, chain saws, fire suppression and tactical field work. But first you’ve got to make the team. I don’t accept any complaints or whining, so you better leave that at home with your momma. Attitude is everything in this profession. Members of my crew can hike three miles carrying forty-five pounds on their back in forty-five minutes or less. And you’ve got to be able to swing a hand tool. All. Day. Long. And sometimes all night, too.”

“Without sleep?” someone asked.

Sean nodded. “Without sleep.”

“Girls, too?” a female voice called.

Sean nodded. “Girls, too. A crew is only as strong as their weakest member. So the women have to be able to work just as hard as the men and carry their own weight. In addition to that, all crew members need to run one and a half miles in ten and a half minutes or less. You’ll do twenty-five push-ups in under one minute, forty sit-ups and at least seven chin-ups. And that’s just a few of the physical requirements. There’s much more that we’ll show you once you’re ready to try out for the crew.”

A stocky, medium-height boy with a peach fuzz beard gave a barking laugh. Wearing a sleeveless black T-shirt and sporting a skull tattoo on his right arm, he waved a hand in the air. “Ah, gimme something hard to do. That’s nothing.”

Tessa recognized the boy. His name was Gavin Smith, and she’d heard the stories circulating around town that he was a troublemaker. Drinking, drugs, fighting, painting graffiti and suspicion of theft were just a few of the complaints against the boy. He wasn’t good news.

Sean flashed a naughty-but-nice smile at the kid. Lifting his hands to rest on his lean hips, he arched one brow in a skeptical frown.

Oh, no. Tessa knew that look, and it didn’t bode well for her, or Gavin.

* * *

“What’s your name, son?” Sean asked the braggart boy.

“Gavin Smith. What’s it to you?” the youth replied with a challenging lift of his head.

Sean wasn’t riled by the belligerence in the boy’s eyes. He’d heard a few bad things about Gavin. Getting into altercations with the police for suspicion of drugs and vandalism. Arrogant and disrespectful. Sean had been the same way once. And he thought that maybe he could make a difference for the boy. Gavin sat next to Matt Morton, one of the kids from Sean’s scouting group, so maybe the two were friends.

“And you think you can do that many push-ups, sit-ups and chin-ups in under a minute each?” Sean asked.

A flicker of doubt flashed across the teenager’s face before he gave a hesitant nod. “Yes, I do.”

Ah, this was just what Sean was hoping for. He couldn’t have planned it better.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what. Let’s all head outside to that chin-up bar near the bleachers and have a friendly competition. Tessa and you. Let’s see who can do the most chin-ups.” Sean jutted his jaw toward the window where the exercise equipment sat waiting near the football field.

Out of his peripheral vision, Sean caught Mr. Garvey popping out of his seat, looking flushed and confused. Tessa shifted nervously by his side and Sean sensed that she didn’t like this idea, but she didn’t say a word.

Turning, Sean met her eyes. “Are you okay with that?”

She hadn’t come here to compete, after all. But he’d advised her that he might ask her to show the students a few exercises they could do to get themselves into pristine shape. She’d been warned. Kind of. But he also knew she might get beaten. Women didn’t have the upper body strength of men. A strong boy of sixteen or seventeen years might be able to do more chin-ups than she could. Tessa’s forte wasn’t in her muscular strength but rather in her pacing and endurance. And her determination. In fact, she was relentless.

With a resolute lift of her head, she gazed at the teenager with passive interest. But Sean wasn’t fooled. He knew her too well. A spark of fire flashed in her eyes that told him no way was she going to let this snot-nosed kid beat her. Not without putting up a fight. Her gaze didn’t waver. Just a lock-jawed resolve that told him the game was on.

“Yes, let’s do it.” She gave one nod, and that was that.

She didn’t say another word and Sean had to hand it to her. In spite of her personal feelings toward him, she was staying professional and aboveboard. And he’d never been prouder of her than at that moment.

“Come on.” He waved an arm at the kids and headed for the door.

A mad scramble followed him as he led the way out onto the field. The air smelled of freshly mowed grass. The sun beat down on them like a baking oven, but Sean and Tessa were used to that and more. The students gathered close as he reached into his pocket for his stopwatch.

“Stand back and give our competitors plenty of room,” he said.

The kids widened the circle.

Tessa and Gavin faced each other. Sean could see the teenage boy sizing her up. She was shorter by perhaps eight inches and at least forty pounds lighter. When Gavin flashed a confident smile, Sean knew the boy had seriously underestimated his opponent. And then Tessa did something that didn’t surprise Sean in the least. Locking gazes with Gavin, she showed a half-crooked smile that spoke volumes. That one expression said it all without saying a word.





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