Книга - Courting Her Amish Heart

Courting Her Amish Heart
Mary Davis


A doctor or an Amish wife?She can choose to be only one…In this first book of the Prodigal Daughters series, Kathleen Yoder comes home after fourteen years in the Englisher world. Practicing medicine means sacrifice—no Amish man will want a doctor for a wife. Widowed Noah Lambright offers a cottage as her new clinic, seeing how much Kathleen’s skills can help their community. But as their friendship deepens, could love and family become more than a forbidden dream?







A doctor or an Amish wife?

She can choose to be only one...

In this first book of the Prodigal Daughters series, Kathleen Yoder comes home after fourteen years in the Englisher world. Practicing medicine means sacrifice—no Amish man will want a doctor for a wife. Widowed Noah Lambright offers a cottage as her new clinic, seeing how much Kathleen’s skills can help their community. But as their friendship deepens, could love and family become more than a forbidden dream?


MARY DAVIS is an award-winning author of more than a dozen novels. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and is active in two critique groups. Mary lives in the Colorado Rocky Mountains with her husband of thirty years and three cats. She has three adult children and one grandchild. Her hobbies are quilting, porcelain doll making, sewing, crafts, crocheting and knitting. Please visit her website, marydavisbooks.com (http://www.marydavisbooks.com).


Also By Mary Davis (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)

Love Inspired

Prodigal Daughters

Courting Her Amish Heart

Love Inspired Heartsong Presents

Her Honorable Enemy

Romancing the Schoolteacher

Winning Olivia’s Heart

Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


Courting Her Amish Heart

Mary Davis






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)


ISBN: 978-1-474-08240-2

COURTING HER AMISH HEART

© 2018 Mary Davis

Published in Great Britain 2018

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

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For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.

—Galatians 1:10


“I already spoke to your father.”

Kathleen cocked her head to one side. “About what?”

As he’d told her, he should just say it. “Courting you. And he gave his permission.”

Her sweet expression turned to confusion. “You what? Why would you do that?”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t expect this?”

With her feet, she pushed the swing back away from Noah until she stood with the seat at her back. “You had no right to ask him.” She untangled herself from the ropes.

“But he already gave his permission. What will I tell him?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you understand? I can’t court you.”

“Why not? Is there someone else?” The thought of someone else courting her twisted his insides.

“I can’t court anyone because I’m never going to get married.”

“Never? Why not? You’re still young.”

“Because God called me to be a doctor. If I marry, I won’t be able to be a doctor. It’s a sacrifice I made a long time ago.”


Dear Reader (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4),

Ahhhh, romance! I love romance. If there is a specific gene connected to romance, I must have it.

I hope you enjoyed the first of the Prodigal Daughters. Before starting to write an Amish romance, I had to get to know them a little. Like a lot of people, I had preconceived notions of who the Amish were. The more I researched, the more I fell in love with the Amish. I learned things I never imagined and discovered a vibrant people.

I had so much fun coming up with Amish women who didn’t follow the traditional path for an Amish woman. So I thought, What’s something Amish almost never do? Go to school beyond eighth grade. So what would propel an Amish girl to defy her culture, religion and way of life. I discovered it was because of those things she went against the rules. She loved her people so much, she was willing to sacrifice and endure ridicule to serve them.

I loved getting to know Kathleen and Noah. Though Kathleen might not have thought of herself as strong, she was strong indeed. She gave up her dream of her own family to go against hundreds of years of tradition and rules to provide her fellow Amish with medical care. Kathleen’s prodigality was for a noble cause and not a selfish act.

Kathleen is dear to my heart not only because I admire her strength, but because I named her after my wonderful oldest sister.

Until next time, happy reading!

Blessings,

Mary


Dedicated to my awesome sister Kathleen Shogren.

Aller Anfang ist schwer. “All beginnings are hard.”


Contents

Cover (#u828df270-1464-5b9f-8c27-1f3e3154f0d6)

Back Cover Text (#u63b2e443-1806-50c8-b756-ae43f6610016)

About the Author (#ucf1441da-6022-5462-91ab-74c2e8e52c89)

Booklist (#u96b58776-376c-5fae-94ff-4bc933addb76)

Title Page (#uac7a5894-9c92-555b-9de9-93dd478fb220)

Copyright (#uf38903b8-7cdb-57a1-bcea-3de7960563bf)

Bible Verse (#u118fb3c7-a852-563a-8832-67e560a05496)

Introduction (#ubc8b785d-8157-500f-96b4-cb33640ade49)

Dear Reader (#u3984455a-47f6-5397-8136-e30234cedc9b)

Dedication (#u7aa5efdb-53ec-5c3b-8b11-5b7f3fe6dc0a)

Chapter One (#u3352f3b7-f58d-596d-9d02-f2610411cde8)

Chapter Two (#u776e26fd-b114-5f5f-9468-44d12ee8651a)

Chapter Three (#uf2cb037c-7841-5e6b-860d-d7285c0e2f67)

Chapter Four (#u1eec6779-075f-5931-a33c-d3ceb59c0646)

Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)


Chapter One (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)

Kathleen Yoder stood in front of the motel room mirror, fussing with her hair. She had to look just right. She needed to be viewed as a proper Amish woman if her community was going to welcome her home. She pulled the pins from her hair and started over. What did the English say? Third time’s a charm.

Even though all through her medical training she had continued to dress Amish and put her hair up, she hadn’t had another Amish woman to measure her ability against. It wasn’t gut to compare oneself to others, but she could gauge if she had been getting her clothes and hair put right. Iron sharpens iron. Had the fourteen years in the English world whittled away at her Amish standards? Probably. However, she would quickly fall back into Amish life.

She snugged her kapp on her head and smoothed her hands down her blue Plain dress. At this point, no more amount of labor would make her appearance any more appropriate. She would need to trust Gott to pave her way.

She zipped her suitcase closed, lowered it to the floor and extended the roller handle, holding it tight. With her other hand, she slung one strap of her backpack of medical supplies over her shoulder and draped her coat over her arm.

Rolling her suitcase behind her, she opened the door and stepped out into the sunlight. The only things that stood between her and home now were the bus ride to Goshen and the walk to the farm. If she could convince the bus driver to let her off outside of town, she would have only eight miles to trek.

She traipsed to the bus station three blocks away, purchased her ticket and sat in the seat behind the driver. “Could you let me off outside of Goshen?” She gave him the country road names of the intersection.

“Sorry. I’m not authorized to make a stop there.” He tipped his head up and glanced at her in his rearview mirror. “Is someone meeting you at the station?”

“No.” She hadn’t had the courage to contact anyone to come get her. It would be harder to turn her away if she were at the door.

“How you getting from town out to the country?”

“I’ll walk.”

“That’s a long ways. Well over ten miles.”

Thirteen point two from the city limits and another two or three from the bus station. “I’ll be fine.” She needed to get used to traversing these stretches. No time like the present.

“I’m sure one of your people would gladly come into town to get you. Or you could take a taxi.”

If someone knew she was returning today. But she hadn’t told anyone. “The walk will do me gut.” It would help transition her back into the slower pace of life. As well as giving her something to occupy herself with instead of dealing with idle chatter. Giving her a chance to prepare herself for the meeting of her people. She hoped they still were her people.

She stared out the window at her home state’s terrain sweeping by. As the Indiana countryside grew increasingly more familiar, snippets of her past surged through her. Places she’d been. People she’d seen. Homes she’d visited. Her life among the English fell away with each passing mile.

The bus slowed, and the driver pulled onto the shoulder of the highway and stopped under an overpass. The one she’d hoped he could have taken to shorten her walk. The driver stood and faced the passengers. “I need to check something on the bus outside. Won’t be but a minute.” The driver gazed directly at Kathleen. “Could you accompany me?”

Kathleen stood. “All right.” She didn’t know what help she could be.

With a broad smile, he motioned for her to precede him down the steps.

Once outside, he handed over her medical pack and coat. He must have taken them from her seat. He pointed to the lower storage compartments. “Which one’s your luggage in?”

“Excuse me?”

He faced her. “You see, I’m not supposed to stop along the way, but if I think there could be a problem with the bus...well, that’s a different story. And if, while I’m checking the bus, a passenger was to get off, and if I wasn’t able to talk her into getting back on, there’s nothing I could do about that. And if a particular piece of luggage were to ‘fall’ off, there wouldn’t be anything I could do about that either. Seeing as I wouldn’t notice it until I got to the station.”

She smiled. “I appreciate your kindness.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just checking on the bus.” He winked. “I believe the problem could be in the back compartment. I’ll need to move a...dark blue roller case?”

She nodded. She shouldn’t encourage this kind of deceptive behavior.

He opened the section and pushed a couple of bags aside before pulling hers free. “You going to be all right by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine.” She felt safer already being here than she’d ever felt being at the university or in any of the hospitals or clinics where she’d worked. “Thank you.” She appreciated him cutting her walk in half.

Giving her a nod, he climbed back into the bus. “False alarm. Everything is as it should be.” He winked at her again, then closed the doors.

She waved in return, and several passengers waved to her. As the bus pulled away, she pressed a hand to her queasy abdomen. Almost home. Regardless of the reception she would receive, she was back in her Elkhart County New Order Amish community. She draped her coat over the top of her suitcase, balanced her medical backpack on top of that, gripped the roller handle and struck out on the very last leg of her fourteen-year journey. Up the off-ramp, down the road, along the country lane, and toward home.

After trudging along for fifteen minutes or so on the edge of the blacktop, she realized this was not at all like walking the halls of a hospital. She was out of shape and shifted her suitcase handle to her other hand.

The familiar reverberation of horse’s hooves clomping on the pavement came from behind her. The comforting sound both thrilled her and caused her unsteady insides to knot. In all her daydreams, she hadn’t pictured seeing any Amish until her family opened the front door. How foolish. Who would this be? Someone she knew? Would anyone still recognize her?

As the horse and buggy drew closer, her midsection twisted tighter and tighter. She dared not turn around though she wanted to know whom it was. But at the same time, she didn’t want to know. Let them pass her by.

First, the horse came alongside her, then the buggy. The driver slowed the horse to her pace. “Hallo.”

She glanced up into the sun and raised her hand to shade her eyes. The bearded face held a kind smile and sparkling brown eyes that sent a small thrill dancing through her. Shame on her. His beard signified he was a married man. Though he seemed familiar, she couldn’t place him. Maybe it was just because he was Amish. And all her emotions, negative and positive, were heightened.

“Hallo.” She stopped, welcoming the respite. Or did she welcome the delay in arriving at her destination?

He reined in the horse and spoke in Deutsch. “Can I give you a ride?”

It had been so long since she’d heard her language. She replied in kind. “That’s very considerate of you.” She was tired, not used to this amount of walking in the late-spring heat. “But I’m fine. Walking is gut.” Nevertheless, she remained rooted in place, not wanting to part company from this man yet for some strange reason.

He set the brake and jumped down. He stood between her and a passing pickup truck as though protecting her from it. His gaze flickered to her suitcase then back to her face. “I’m Noah Lambright.”

No doubt he thought she was running away with her suitcase in tow. “I’m Kathleen Yoder.”

His eyes widened slightly as though her name were familiar. Why wasn’t his? Noah? She had known many Noahs in her youth, both young and old. But now she’d spent nearly as much time away as she had at home. Certainly such a handsome Amish man she would have remembered. “I’m sure my strolling alongside the road with my suitcase must have you confused. I’m not running away, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Quite the opposite. She was finally running home. Home to her family. Home to her community. Home to her Amish way of life. And for some reason, it was important that this man—this Noah—knew that.

“If you were running away, you’d be heading in that direction.” He pointed down the road the way she’d come. He picked up her medical pack and coat in one hand and hoisted her suitcase in the other.

Kathleen reached for them. “What are you doing with my things?”

He put them in the back of his open buggy. “Even if you refuse a ride, I can at least take your belongings to your destination so you don’t have to cart them along behind you.” He held out his hand to her. “Are you sure you don’t want a ride? This is the hottest part of the day.”

“What would your wife say to you picking up a woman you don’t know?”

Pain flickered across his features and left just as quickly. “I’m widowed.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. She passed three years ago.”

“I thought with your beard...” She needed to just stop talking. But why did he still wear one? It wasn’t her place to ask. So he wasn’t married after all. That was gut to know. Ne, it wasn’t. The poor man had lost his wife. And she had no room in her life to consider courting and marriage.

He must have noticed her staring because he rubbed his jaw. “I’ve been meaning to shave this off. Thought about doing so this morning.”

Three years? And he still wore a beard? That was none of her business.

“So what do you say to that ride?” His mouth quirked up on one side.

That caused her insides to dance. Though she didn’t want to hurry her journey along, she certainly wasn’t enjoying the hike. She had wanted this time alone to gather her thoughts. But her hand reached out for his.

Strong, calloused and work worn. Comforting.

He helped her up into the front seat and with him came the distinct aroma of fresh-cut wood and something sweet.

She had rarely ever ridden in the front. This was an open buggy and still daylight, so there wouldn’t be anything inappropriate about accepting his offer. For what she had spent the past fourteen years doing and what she planned to do in the near future, she needed to make sure everything else she did was beyond reproof. She didn’t want to give the church leadership any more reasons than necessary to refuse her offer of help.

He climbed in next to her and set the buggy into motion. Strangely, he didn’t dive into conversation and questions like the English, who felt the need to fill every silence. He just drove. Down one road and then another. Turning here and there. How odd that the silence wasn’t in the least awkward. Sitting next to this man—this stranger—was comfortable.

And honey. He smelled of wood and honey. Very comforting, indeed.

Solar panels winking off a roof caught her attention. An Englisher must have bought that farm. When she’d left, it had belonged to one of the Lehman families. Another house also had solar panels. And then the next one. They couldn’t have all been sold out of the community. Amish liked to keep Amish property in the family, and if not, sell it to another Amish. “Did Englishers buy several of these farms?”

“Ne.”

“But what about the solar panels? They aren’t allowed.”

“They are now.”

She’d thought about how nice this form of electricity would be for the Amish and planned to bring it up to the leaders—after she got her clinic going. What other changes had taken place in her absence? Did her parents have solar panels?

When he turned onto the road that passed her parents’ home, she faced him. “How did you know where I was going?”

“You’re Kathleen Yoder. Your parents are David and Pamela Yoder.”

“How did you know?”

“Everyone knows who you are. The girl who went away to become a doctor.”

She couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm in his voice or something...something less negative. Dare she hope admiration? What was she thinking? Of course not. Her devout Amish neighbors would never condone her actions without permission from the bishop. But that didn’t matter. She would help them whether they liked it or not. She had a plan. In time, she hoped they would see the gut in what she’d done.

Lord, let them see I did it for them. For all of them.

* * *

Noah clucked to the horse and flicked the reins to keep Fred moving. He still couldn’t reconcile the strange sight that he’d found on the roadside.

Kathleen Yoder. Strolling along like a distant memory or faded dream.

She wasn’t at all what he’d pictured. He’d heard so many stories about her that he’d thought she’d be taller. More of a person to be reckoned with. He’d expected her to be more forceful. Not demure. How was she ever going to forge her way to be a doctor in their community? A doctor close at hand could prevent many senseless deaths. He admired her tenacity to do what no other Amish would. Woman or man.

And if she could come back after nearly a decade and a half, that gave him hope that another might too.

He certainly never anticipated her to be pretty, with her dark brown hair, steady blue eyes and heart-shaped face. Why would she have wanted to leave and pursue something like medicine against the leadership’s wishes? She could have married any man she wanted. Every young man must have had his sights on courting her.

“Stop the buggy.” Her words came out half-strangled.

“Why? We’re almost there.”

“That’s why. Please stop. Please.” She grabbed the reins and pulled back. Her hands brushed against his.

Fred eagerly obeyed.

Her touch sent a tingle shuddering up Noah’s arm. Before he could put on the brake and even before the horse came to a complete stop, Kathleen jumped to the ground and circled behind the buggy.

He set the brake and climbed down.

Kathleen paced behind the buggy, muttering to herself in English. “I stood up to Dr. Wilson with all his old-fashioned treatments that weren’t evidence-based. I had been right, and the patient lived. I can do this. I can face my family and the community without shame for my disobedience.”

He watched her for a moment. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to gain my courage. I thought I’d have this whole walk—” she swung one arm back the way she’d come “—to think about what to say to my parents. Planned it all out. And prepared myself if they don’t give me a warm welcome.”

“I’m sure they’ll welc—”

“What will I say to my younger siblings? Are any of them even left at home? The baby that was born the year after I left. Samuel. He’d be thirteen. And Jessica would be only fifteen. They won’t even know me. Are Benjamin and Joshua still enjoying Rumspringa? Or are they too old? Have they joined church? And Ruby should be considering marriage. I wonder if she’s being courted by anyone? And Gloria is certainly married.”

She was really worked up. He felt bad that she was so distraught. Dare he try again to console her, to let her know all would be well?

Another buggy came up the lane. Noah motioned for the driver to keep going. He didn’t think Kathleen needed someone else to witness her distress.

The young man nodded and kept moving.

Noah nodded back.

“Who was that? Someone I would know? Do you think he recognized me?”

“I think you know him. That was Benjamin Yoder.”

Kathleen stopped fidgeting and stared at him. “My brother? Benjamin?”

Her steady blue gaze warmed him. He nodded.

With a wistful expression, Kathleen studied the retreating buggy. “My brother.” She sighed. “I wouldn’t have recognized him. Do you think he recognized me?”

“I don’t think he got a very gut loo—”

“Of course he didn’t recognize me.” Kathleen resumed her pacing. “I’ve been gone for fourteen years, and he was so young when I left. How could he?”

“Kathleen?”

“How will any of them remember me?”

“Kathleen?”

“I will be as a stranger to them. All of them.”

Noah grabbed both of her hands to calm her. “Kathleen, look at me.”

Her panicked blue eyes turned to him and slowly focused. “I could diagnose pneumonia. I could set a broken bone. I could take out your appendix. All that, I can do. This I cannot.” She meant facing her family.

He squeezed her hands. “Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not silly.” She tried to pull her hands free.

He held fast. He didn’t want to let her go. “I didn’t say you were silly. I said you were being silly. You left the community and went against the wishes of the church leaders. You studied for so many years. You have done what no other Amish have dared. Where is that girl? The one who did all those things?”

Her voice came out small. “I think I left her back in the city.”

“Ne. You didn’t. She brought you back here.” He’d presumed she would be a stout woman who took charge. Not this slip of a thing who appeared scared and unsure of herself. Not this beautiful woman standing before him. “Your parents will be happy to see you.”

“How do you know?”

“They’ve never stopped talking about you.”

“You know my parents?”

He gave a nod. “I’ve spent quite a bit of time with them the past three years. My farm borders theirs. They’re proud of all you’ve accomplished.”

“Now I know they’ve never said that. Pride goes against the church.”

“It’s the way they talk about you.”

“So they talk about my being a doctor? Do they think the community will accept me?”

“They don’t talk about that.”

“You mean my being a doctor?”

He nodded.

“Then how do you know they’re proud of my accomplishments, if they don’t talk about my being a doctor?”

“Like I said, it’s the way they talk about you. About their daughter who is in the English world. I can’t explain it.”

Kathleen pulled free and resumed pacing. “Why did I ever leave? What was I thinking?”

Noah stared at his empty hands, then tucked them into his pockets to keep them from reaching out for her again. “Honestly, I’ve never been able to figure that out. Did you think the leaders would pat you on the back for your efforts? You know they disapprove of your actions? But your parents don’t.”

She stopped and stared at him with wide blue eyes. “I don’t know what to do. In a hospital or surgery I do, but not here. Give me a patient, and I’d know what to do.”

How could someone be so confident in one area and not in another? “Climb back in the buggy and go see your family. Both you and they have been waiting fourteen years for this. Your reception isn’t going to change five minutes from now. Or five hours. Or five days.”

“You’re right. Gut or bad, I must go.” She clasped her hands together and bowed her head.

He prayed silently as well. Prayed for a warm welcome. Prayed for Kathleen to be strong. Prayed for Kathleen to become the woman Gott meant her to be. Prayed to get to know her better.

After another pickup truck passed, Kathleen marched around the buggy, climbed in and stared straight ahead with her hands folded primly in her lap.

Definitely not how he’d pictured the indomitable Kathleen Yoder. This Kathleen Yoder was never going to make it as a doctor in their Amish district. She would fall back into the traditional Amish role for women or leave the community for gut this time. That thought settled uneasily inside him.

Either way, it would be a loss, and he would be disappointed. The community could use her skills and knowledge as a doctor—even if they weren’t willing to admit it.

Yet.

No, she wasn’t the woman he’d imagined her to be. Hoped her to be.

She was so much better in so many ways.


Chapter Two (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)

Kathleen shifted on the buggy seat as Noah settled next to her. When he flicked the reins and the horse stepped forward, her stomach lurched in tandem with the buggy.

What was wrong with her? She had countered doctors senior to her when a patient was at risk, even grouchy Dr. Wilson. She had taught an undergraduate class. She had stood shoulder to shoulder with other doctors in an operating room.

Or was it this handsome Amish man sitting next to her? Couldn’t be. It had to be returning home.

This was her family. Who loved her. And that was the problem. It was one thing to have an arrogant doctor think ill of her, but quite different to have her family view her poorly. That would hurt too much.

Kathleen sat up a little straighter. Regardless of her family’s reaction, Gott had called her to this path. She had done nothing wrong in His eyes. And wasn’t He the one who mattered most?

Noah turned off the road and into her driveway. “Everything will be well. You’ll see.”

She hoped so. And strangely his words comforted her.

Like the other homes, solar panels sat on the roof.

A tricolor Australian shepherd loped from the barn, barking, announcing their arrival. A dozen or so chickens squawked and scattered.

Noah pulled to a stop and set the brake. When he got out, the dog pranced and leapt around him. “Sit.”

The dog raced a few feet away and tore back just as fast.

Making his voice more ominous, he repeated his command. “Sit!” When the dog finally obeyed, it settled at Noah’s feet, still wiggling as though it might burst. Noah tousled the shepherd around the neck. “What are you doing here? You should be at home guarding my sheep.”

Kathleen stepped down. “This is your dog?”

“Ja. She’s still young. My other two are supposed to be keeping an eye on her and training her. She does well while I’m on the farm but strays when I’m not there.”

She bent toward the dog. “What’s her name?”

“Kaleidoscope, on account of her eye.”

She looked at the dog’s eyes more closely. One brown and the other a patchwork of blues. “Are all your dogs this same breed?”

“I have a black Belgian sheepdog and a black-and-tan Cardigan Welsh corgi.”

The Australian shepherd rolled onto her back.

Kathleen obliged by rubbing her tummy. “How old is she?”

“Almost eleven months. She has a lot of growing up to do.”

“Noah!” a man called from the barn.

Kathleen froze. Was that her dat’s voice? She remained crouched with the dog and stole a glance out of the corner of her eye. The man walking toward them was too young to be her dat. Benjamin? He’d grown into a man.

The screen door of the house creaked, and her mutter spoke. “Noah, so glad you have come. Who have you brought?”

Air lodged in Kathleen’s lungs. She could breathe neither in nor out.

Kaleidoscope flipped from her back to her feet and ran for Benjamin. Fool dog. She was Kathleen’s excuse for not looking directly at anyone.

“Someone you’re eager to see,” Noah said in a light tone. His deep voice brushed over her, calming some of her nerves.

Still looking at the ground, Kathleen saw three pairs of smallish women’s shoes come into view. Her mum and sisters?

The time had come. Taking a deep breath, Kathleen stood and gazed directly into her mum’s face.

Her mum’s smile dropped, and her mouth slipped open. “Kathleen? My Kathleen?”

Kathleen nodded. “Ja, Mum.”

Mum cupped her face in both hands. “You’re home.” Her eyes glistened.

“I’m home.” Kathleen’s eyes filled with tears as well.

“I cannot believe this.” Mum pulled her into her arms. “Finally, my child has returned.”

After a moment, Ruby’s arms wrapped around her and Mum.

“Is that my girl?” Her dat’s voice came from beside her.

Both women released her, and her mum spoke. “Noah has brought our Kathleen home.”

Strangely, she liked the sound of that. Noah had brought her.

Beside Dat stood Benjamin, who had grown into a strapping young man, as well as Joshua and a gangly Samuel.

Dat gave her a pat on the shoulder in greeting. Exuberant for him. “You know Benjamin and Joshua, but you’ve not met Samuel.”

How old were they all now? She counted in her head. Benjamin would be twenty, Joshua eighteen, and Samuel thirteen. She’d missed so much.

Her brothers each gave a nod.

“Pleased to meet you, Samuel.”

He gave her another nod.

Mum hooked her arm around Kathleen. “You remember Ruby.”

Her twenty-one-year-old sister smiled. “Of course she does. It’s Jessica she might have forgotten. She was only one when you left.”

Fifteen-year-old Jessica was the spitting image of Mum.

Kathleen took one of Jessica’s hands and held it in both of hers. “Naturally I remember you. I carried you around wherever I went.”

Mum gave half a laugh. “She was quite put out when you left. No one could console her.” Her words weren’t said as an admonishment but in loving kindness.

Jessica gave Kathleen a quick hug. “Welcome home.”

“Supper will be ready in an hour,” Mum said. “Noah, you’ll stay and eat with us.”

Not a question but a command.

He chuckled. “I’d love to.”

His laugh warmed Kathleen.

Mum shooed the men away. “Get your work finished so you won’t keep supper waiting.”

The men—including Noah, leading his horse and buggy—tromped off toward the barn.

Noah glanced over his shoulder as he walked away, and a smile jumped to Kathleen’s mouth.

Ruby grasped the handle of the suitcase.

Kathleen reached for it. “I can get that.”

“Nonsense. You’ve had a long trip.” Ruby struck out across the yard toward the house.

Mum snatched Kathleen’s backpack of medical supplies off the bumping suitcase. And when her coat slid to the ground, Jessica retrieved that. With nothing left for Kathleen to carry, she followed in their wake.

She basked in her family’s love. All her trials, doubts and time away would be worth the heartache she’d endured to finally be able to help her people.

Jessica and Samuel might be strangers to her, and she to them, but she looked forward to getting to know them.

Standing shoulder to shoulder with her mutter and sisters in the kitchen was both familiar and foreign to Kathleen. The other three obviously had their regular tasks and worked in harmony. Kathleen was more of a hindrance than a help until Mum sat her at the table to snap the green beans. In time, she would ease back into the flow of the goings-on in and around the house. Hopefully, that wouldn’t take too long.

* * *

Noah washed up at the outside spigot with the Yoder men. He had always been welcomed at their table. Even more so since losing Rachel three years ago.

He followed the others inside and sat across the table from Kathleen. Though the shortest of the Yoder women, Kathleen was similar in height to the rest. All between about five-two and five-five. Why had he ever imagined her to be so much taller? And assumed she wouldn’t be so pretty?

Seeing Kathleen sitting in the usually empty place always set for her seemed strange. She was finally here to fill the void she’d left. He’d never known this table with her physically here. Her presence had always been felt, even when she wasn’t mentioned, by the fact of the vacant chair and unused place setting.

After David said grace, each person filled their plates. Everyone chattered easily except Kathleen. She quietly ate while appearing to enjoy the conversations around her. He tried to listen as she did, a person who had been away for nearly a decade and a half.

Partway through the meal, Samuel asked, “Do we have to call you Doctor now?”

The room became silent. This was what Kathleen had likely feared. Noah wanted to speak up to save Kathleen from having to answer. But why? She was more or less a stranger to him. There was something about her that drew him in. Made him want to protect her.

But her vater spoke up. “We’ll discuss that another time.”

Smoothly avoided, but obviously a tender subject.

Kathleen set her fork down. “I don’t mind answering. You are my family. I’m still Kathleen.”

Samuel turned back to his plate. One by one, everyone else did the same. Except Kathleen. She looked at each person around the table, then settled her gaze on Noah. He couldn’t read her expression, but it flickered between hope and discouragement. He could almost read her thoughts. If her family couldn’t accept her being a doctor, how would the rest of the community?

Kathleen averted her gaze first, picking up her fork again and stacking several green beans on it. Nothing but the soft clinking of silverware on plates, swallowing of milk and breathing. The silence in the room resounded as loud as hail pelting the roof.

How much opposition could she take before she gave up? Though not overt opposition, it was opposition nonetheless. How could such a small slip of a woman stand against the whole community? They would wear her down even though what she was offering could help the community greatly. He ached to help her. But what could he say? It wasn’t his place. But still he longed to.

After a couple of minutes of the painful silence, and Kathleen shifting in her seat, she spoke up. “How’s the garden faring this year?”

Pamela’s shoulders relaxed. “It’s doing very well. We’ve planted several new fruit trees since you—in the past few years.”

So that was how it was going to be. Would everyone in the community pretend Kathleen had never left? Pretend she hadn’t gone to college? Pretend she wasn’t a licensed doctor?

He sighed. Too bad Kathleen had caved under the pressure of silence. What would she do if the leadership decided to shun her for her actions? She would give up for sure. But the table conversation relaxed back into typical Amish discussions about farms and gardens, horses and canning, and barn raisings and quilting. She had put order back into the meal.

Later at home, Noah stared into the mirror. He should have shaved off his beard years ago, but since he never planned to marry again, he didn’t see the need. The Lord had been niggling him for months to do it, but he’d ignored the prodding.

The image of Kathleen sprang to his mind. She’d mistakenly thought he had a wife.

It was time. He opened the mirror cabinet over the sink and retrieved scissors, a disposable razor and shaving cream. He pinched his two-inch brown chin whiskers between his thumb and index finger and poised the scissors to snip.

Several breaths passed.

Releasing his beard, he lowered the shears. Was he ready to completely let go of Rachel and their child?

Lord, I know I need to let them go. I should be ready, but I’m not. Please heal my heart.

How many times had he asked that of Gott? Enough times to fill his barn.

He leaned his hands on the cold porcelain of the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. What was wrong with him that he was still hurting after all this time? Gott should be all sufficient for him, so why this empty place still inside? He’d given over his anguish and disappointment each day many, many times, yet every morning they were back like old friends to keep him company.

Too bad Kathleen didn’t have something in her medicine bag to fix his heart. What ailed him couldn’t be remedied by human efforts. Only by Gott.

But somehow, Kathleen’s return had helped. Strange.

It was time. Raising the shears once again, he snipped one clump of whiskers after another.

* * *

After helping to clean up the kitchen, Kathleen sat with her family in the living room for the evening devotional. The hymns rattled around in her brain. She stumbled over the once-familiar words. They would come back to her.

She had missed this time of day to connect with her family. The last fourteen years of evenings had been spent either poring over medical texts, working in a hospital, or sleeping after coming off a double or triple shift. Exhaustion had been her constant companion. The slower pace of life would be a welcome change as well as the routine of a regular schedule, knowing what to expect from one day to the next.

After the Bible reading, discussion and closing prayer, Dat said, “Time for bed.”

Her younger siblings all stood, as did Kathleen. “Where will I be sleeping?”

Ruby put her arm around Kathleen’s shoulder. “Your bed’s still in our room.”

Mum tucked her sewing into her basket. “Benjamin took your things up earlier.”

Kathleen patted her sister’s hand. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Her brothers and sisters tromped up the stairs, and Kathleen sat back down. She wanted to remain standing but didn’t want her parents to feel as though she were lording over them.

Dat leaned forward with a warm expression. “We can’t tell you how pleased we are to have you back. We prayed for you every day while you were gone.”

“I felt them. Knowing you were praying helped me make it through.”

Mum leaned forward. “We wanted to write more.”

“I know.” Kathleen had received letters the first year or so, then came the letter that said it would be the last. The bishop had requested that they not write her anymore because it would encourage her wayward behavior. Though she hadn’t understood the bishop’s reasoning, the letter hadn’t been a surprise. He would be the toughest of all to convince of the worthiness of her plan.

Dat continued. “We always respected that you needed to make your own decisions.”

The point of Rumspringa. But she had taken it to an extreme by staying away for fourteen years, just short of half her life, though it felt like more. She wished it hadn’t had to be so long, but it had been a necessity to earn her medical degree.

“We appreciate you telling Samuel to call you Kathleen. We must ask you not to refer to yourself as Doctor around the younger ones. They might get the idea we condone your actions and wish it for them as well.”

She knew that was a concern and made what she was about to ask all that much harder for them to agree to.

Mum spoke up. “We’re proud of you and don’t want to tell you what to do. You must make your own choices, but we don’t want the others encouraged to do the same. You were always strong-minded and strong in your faith. I always believed that you would return home.”

Her dat cautioned her further about the church leadership being displeased with her actions. Was Noah disapproving of her actions as well? She hoped not.

She took a deep breath. “I have a request to make.” Her parents waited for her to continue, and she did. “I need a place to set up my clinic.”

Both her parents leaned back stiffly in their seats.

She hurried on before they could turn her down before hearing her plan. “I want permission to build a small clinic in the side yard. You won’t have to do anything. I’ll get all the materials and organize the building of it.”

After her parents stared at each other for a moment, her dat spoke. “What about the church leaders?”

She’d hoped to start building before they realized what she was up to, but she could see that wouldn’t be possible. “I’ll speak to them after the next community Sunday service. But until then, there wouldn’t be anything wrong with putting up a small building on the property. I would like to start staking it out tomorrow.”

After a moment of silence, Dat said, “I suppose it would be all right to stake it out, but nothing more until you get approval.”

He’d said until and not if. He must believe she would get it. “Danki.”

“And community church is in three days.”

Three days? Kathleen had hoped she was returning with more than a week to polish her planned speech to the leaders. But she supposed that was for the best. No point in putting it off. The sooner she got started the sooner she could start helping people. She went up to bed.

Ruby and Jessica, though in bed, were sitting up, waiting for her. She removed her kapp and readied herself for bed.

“Tell us all about living in the English world. What was it like going to university?”

“It was very lonely. People go about doing all manner of things and don’t have time for others. They stare at their phones all the time, even when they’re talking to you. They bustle around at a frenzied rate. I could hardly catch my breath.” Dat and Mum couldn’t have issues with that. Nor the bishop. She had told the truth. “Every day I wanted to be back here with all of you.” She flipped the switch on the wall to turn off the light and climbed into bed.

She smiled to herself. How could something like electric lights and electricity make her feel spoiled? After living in the English world for so long, there were some conveniences she didn’t want to give up.

She should thank whoever decided solar panels would be a gut thing in her Amish community. So many communities didn’t allow electricity in any form. Electricity wouldn’t distract people from being close to Gott but help their lives be easier so they could focus more on Him.

Her eyes popped open in the dark. Those weren’t Amish thoughts. Watch out, Kathleen, or you’ll appear too English. Then Noah would disapprove.


Chapter Three (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)

Kathleen woke at five with the image of Noah Lambright at the forefront of her mind. She had been unable to sleep any longer, her nerves on edge. Because she hadn’t been around her people for so long, had she grown slack in using careless words? Would she say something inappropriate for her Amish brethren? Would she say something to Noah—or someone else—beyond repair? There seemed to be so many ways she could slip up. Lord, guard my lips so I don’t say anything that will make another stumble in their faith.

She climbed out of bed, dressed quietly in a green dress and tiptoed downstairs. In the first-floor bathroom, she wrangled her hair and pinned it to the back of her head then pulled on her white kapp. She would ask Mum if she was putting her hair up right.

Coffee. She required coffee. She put water and grounds in the machine and turned it on. How she’d come to depend on caffeine. Most days, she literally lived on it. She should wean herself down to one or two cups in the morning. For today, she needed to get started right away to rid herself of the caffeine headache already edging its way in. She thanked the Lord again for electricity.

Her first order of business would be to stake out her clinic in the side yard.

As the coffee maker finished filling, Dat entered the kitchen. “I thought I heard someone up. I knew it wasn’t your mum. She’ll be down in a minute.”

She held up a cup and the carafe. “Want some?”

“Of course.”

Kathleen filled the mug and handed it to him. She filled a second cup and set it on the table for Mum. Then poured one for herself and added two teaspoons of sugar. Too hot to drink. She breathed in the aroma and could feel the caffeine taking effect already. Was Noah drinking coffee at this moment as well? She dared a small sip of the hot brew. “Dat, do you have stakes and string I could use to plan my clinic?”

“In the barn. I’ll put them on the front porch along with a hammer after I finish my before-breakfast chores.”

A thrill went through her. He hadn’t said ne. “Danki.”

Mum came into the kitchen. “I thought I smelled coffee.”

Kathleen pointed to the cup on the table. “That one’s cooling for you.”

“Danki, dear.” She brought it to her face and inhaled deeply, much as Kathleen had done. Some family ties stayed with a person regardless of time and distance.

Dat swigged down the rest of his coffee. “I’ll go milk. Be back soon.” He walked out.

She turned to Mum. “How does he do that without scalding himself?”

Mum chuckled. “I think he turned his mouth and throat to leather so many years ago, he can’t feel hot or cold anymore. It’s a wonder he can taste anything at all.” Her mouth exploded into a smile. “I can’t believe you’re finally home.” With her cup still in hand, she stepped forward and hugged Kathleen.

“I can’t believe it either.”

Mum released her and wiped her own eyes with her fingertips. “I didn’t expect you to be up already. I thought maybe you’d sleep in.”

Sleep had eluded her most of the night. It had been a long time since a full eight hours was available for her to sleep. Her body wasn’t used to it. It would take time, but she would adjust. “I’m not used to staying in bed for more than three or four hours at a time.”

“That’s awful. How can you function with so little sleep?”

Kathleen raised her cup aloft. “A lot of caffeine.”

“Fresh air and hard work will correct that.”

Kathleen nodded. But this work would be easy compared to sixteen- and twenty-four-hour shifts on her feet with only the occasional power nap.

“Mum, could you show me how to put my hair up right? I’m afraid I’ve lost my touch, being away so long.” Many days, she’d used a plastic claw clip or had her hair looped through a scrunchie under her kapp. Things real Amish women would never do, but she’d usually been too pressed for time. Necessity forced her to find shortcuts. But her hair had always been up and covered. She would not be able to take such measures now.

“Of course. But it’ll need to wait until after breakfast.”

“I don’t want Ruby or Jessica to know.”

Mum nodded. “With your kapp on, it’s fine for now.”

“Danki.”

After breakfast, Dat and the boys left to do their work, and Mum sent Ruby and Jessica out to the garden. Mum grabbed a chair from the table and guided Kathleen to the bathroom. Kathleen sat, facing the mirror.

Mum removed Kathleen’s kapp and studied her hair. “You’ve done pretty well. I’ll show you how to make it neater.” She pulled the hairpins out. Then, with a spray bottle of water and expert fingers, she twisted the front hair to keep the short hairs under control and wound the rest on the back of Kathleen’s head.

Kathleen studied each of Mum’s actions so she could get it right on her own tomorrow. Whoever heard of a grown woman needing her mutter to put up her hair?

Mum replaced Kathleen’s kapp and patted her shoulders while gazing at her in the mirror. “There you go.”

“Do I look like a proper Amish woman now?” Would Noah approve? Why had she thought of him?

Mum smiled. “Very proper. One more thing—and you’re going to like this—buttons!” She pointed to the buttons down the back of her own dress. “A couple of years after you left, they were approved as part of the Ordnung.”

Kathleen had noticed them but hesitated to say anything. She feared it was one of those things that wasn’t quite approved but people did it anyway and others overlooked the infraction. The numerous pins holding her own dress in place poked her sometimes. The one on her left side at her waist was particularly bothersome this morning. She mustn’t have gotten it tucked in just right.

“Only white or black buttons. And they must be plain and five-eighths of an inch—no bigger, no smaller.”

A long-overdue change. A few women had even started using them before Kathleen left. She didn’t understand why such a specific size. Would half of an inch or three-quarters of an inch be a sin?

She chided herself. There went those stray Englisher thoughts again. The wrong size buttons would be a sin only because as a church member, one promised to abide by the Ordnung. To go against that promise would be disobedience. And disobedience was sin. She needed to get her thinking straight if she was ever going to have a chance at convincing the leadership to allow her to practice medicine in their community. And then there was Noah. For some reason, his opinion of her mattered almost as much as her family’s. Strange.

Think like the Amish. Think like the Amish.

Kathleen pushed thoughts of their handsome neighbor aside.

Mum grabbed a produce basket from beside the door. “Let’s go help Ruby and Jessica.”

“I was going to stake out my clinic. Dat’s put what I need on the porch.”

Mum tilted her head. “Can’t that wait? Your sisters will want to spend time with you. Get to know you.”

Kathleen wanted to get reacquainted with her sisters as well. How much could she really accomplish before she got approval? Not much. Now she was glad church was only a few days off and headed out to the garden with Mum. Young plants rose healthily from the dirt.

Ruby worked the row to one side of Kathleen. “Tell me about going to university.”

Again with this question. Hadn’t her answer last night been sufficient? Kathleen could feel Mum’s gaze on her back. “It was very hard work. I never felt as though I was doing things right.” Her parents couldn’t have issue with that. The truth, yet not encouraging.

Giggling came from down the row Jessica was in.

“What’s so funny?” Mum asked.

Jessica shook her head.

Kathleen went on. “The professors had particular ways they wanted assignments completed. Other students didn’t like it if you got a higher grade than them. Most everyone didn’t think I belonged.” Most of the time she hadn’t felt as though she belonged either. In truth, she hadn’t belonged. This was where she belonged, and yet, she felt out of place here as well.

Jessica giggled again.

Mum straightened. “You can’t keep all the fun to yourself.”

Jessica bit her lip before she spoke. “She has an accent.”

Kathleen straightened now. “In Deutsch?” She knew she did in English.

Her youngest sister nodded.

She turned to Ruby and Mum. Both nodded. Then Mum said, “It doesn’t matter.”

But it did. It would make her stand out. She didn’t need more things to give the church leaders reason to question her Amish integrity. Straightening, she determined to eliminate her accent. She’d thought she could easily slip back into this life without effort. Evidently not. Fourteen years was a long time to be absent. What else of her Amish life had been whittled away? Had Noah Lambright noticed her accent? Noticed she wasn’t completely Amish anymore? Would everyone? She would work extra hard to make sure she once again looked, sounded and acted Amish. And thought like an Amish.

* * *

At midmorning, Noah rode into the Yoders’ yard. He wasn’t sure why he’d come. He’d just sort of ended up there.

A woman stood in the side yard pounding a stick into the grass with a hammer.

A smile pulled at his mouth.

Kathleen.

She hadn’t been a figment of his imagination. He jumped to the ground and tethered his horse. He stood there and watched her.

After tying a string to the top of the stick, she marched with measured steps.

What was she doing?

She pounded another stick into the ground, tied the string around that one, and strode toward a fourth stick already in the ground. Her enclosure was neither a true square nor a rectangle.

He walked over to her. “What are you doing?”

Looking up, she gifted him with a smile. “Hallo.” She spread her hands out. “This is my clinic.”

“You’re building it? Yourself?”

“Ja.”

“With those string lines?”

“Ja.”

How could he tell her she had no clue what she was doing without hurting her feelings? “And what if you don’t get permission from the church leaders?”

“Who says I haven’t?”

He folded his arms across his chest. “Have you?”

She hesitated, wiggling her lips back and forth. “Ne. But I will. So I want to be prepared.”

She had no idea how unprepared she was.

“Have you ever constructed a building before?”

“I went to many barn raisings when I was young. And I earned a medical degree. I don’t think putting up a few walls will be that hard. Just nail some boards together. I don’t need anything fancy.”

Construction was so much harder than she realized. Not so much “hard” as there was a lot more that went into putting up a building than just nailing some boards together. He pointed with both index fingers. “Your far wall is wider than this one by at least a foot.” He indicated the closest string. Probably more, but he was being generous.

She turned and studied the lines. “A foot? That won’t really matter once I lay the boards down, will it?”

It would matter. A building needed right angles and straight lines to be sturdy. “You may be able to take out a person’s appendix, but you should leave construction to others.”

Her blue eyes brightened. “Are you offering to help me?”

“Let’s wait and see if you get approval.”

“I’ll get approved.”

He liked her self-assurance. “You’re sure?”

She took a deep breath and released it. “One minute, I’m confident they will approve. Or why else would Gott have sent me away for so long to become a doctor if not for this?” Her self-assurance held a hint of doubt.

“But?”

Her shoulders drooped slightly. “The next minute, I feel all is hopeless. That I wasted the last fourteen years of my life. Years I could have spent here, with my family.”

Her conflict was a valid one. The elders might not give her approval, then the fourteen years would have been for naught. What would she do then? Leave? That thought rankled him. “If Gott did send you away for all that time to become a doctor, then pray for Him to make it happen.”

“And if it doesn’t? What do I do then?”

“Don’t make plans for what may not happen. That invites trouble.”

“You’re right. I should focus on what I have control of. And that’s the building for my clinic.”

She had less control over that than she imagined.

“Will you help me get my walls straightened out?”

He wasn’t sure there was much point but gladly helped her.

* * *

After lunch, Kathleen stood at the table rolling out piecrust, her thoughts on Noah and how he’d helped her stake out her clinic. She sensed he believed it might be a waste of time in the end, but that made his lending a hand all that much more sweet. He’d shaved off his beard and looked even more handsome. And available.

Nonsense. She had to stop thinking that way.

The crunch of buggy wheels alerted her that someone had entered the yard. “Mum, you have company.”

Mum peered out the kitchen window. “Ne, you have company.”

“Me?” Who would be visiting her? Noah again? Her heart danced at the thought, but it wasn’t likely the visitor was him. So who could it be? No one else knew she was back. She covered the partially rolled crust with a damp towel, then tucked the other half of the dough under the corner of the cloth as well to keep them from drying out.

She followed Mum through the kitchen doorway outside with Ruby and Jessica tagging along. Her breath caught at the sight of her older sister, Gloria, pulling to a stop.

Mum approached the side where a smiling girl, about ten, sat with a one-year-old on her lap. The baby stretched out his arms, and Mum scooped him up. Between the girl and Gloria sat a boy of about four. The girl scooted out and helped the boy down.

Gloria sprang from the buggy and wrapped Kathleen in her arms. “You’re home. At long last, you’re home.” She pulled back to look at her. “You’ve grown up. I still pictured you as the girl who left. But you’ve come back a woman.” She hugged Kathleen again. “How are you?”

Her older sister was a welcome sight. Even though her family hadn’t been allowed to write to her, they all seemed happy to have her home. Kathleen smiled. “I’m gut. And you?”

“Wonderful.” Gloria turned to her children and pointed to the baby. “This is Luke. He’s one. Mark is four. Andrew’s with his vater. He’s six.” She paused at the girl. “My oldest is ten. I named her after our sister... Nancy.”

Kathleen stared at the girl who looked a lot like their sister. Nancy would have been twenty-six, but she’d had an allergic reaction to a bee sting when she was eight. By the time Dat had raced into town at ten miles an hour, she’d succumbed to anaphylactic shock.

That was the day Kathleen became determined to be a doctor. Nancy had died needlessly because there was no medical care close at hand.

Kathleen turned to little Nancy. “You look so much like her. I’m pleased to meet you.”

The girl stared up at Kathleen. “Danki. Mutter and Grossmutter say that too.”

Mum waved her hand at Nancy and Mark. “There are cookies in the kitchen.”

The pair ran into the house with Ruby and Jessica following.

Kathleen turned to Gloria. “Is your Nancy allergic?”

Gloria hooked her arm through Kathleen’s. “Fortunately, she’s never been stung, but Andrew and Mark have. I’ve feared for her. But now that you’re back, I won’t worry so much.”

Her sister and the children stayed for a few hours, then left midafternoon to get home in time to prepare supper. She would see them all in two days for the whole community church services.

After Gloria left, Mum brushed her hands down her apron and sighed. “Time to get started on our supper.”

Kathleen stood from where she’d been sitting on the porch, sewing buttons onto the men’s shirts for her mum. “What can I do to help?”

“You stay put,” Mum said. “We have it all in hand.” The three went inside, leaving her alone.

She eased back into the rocking chair. She wasn’t needed. She’d been gone too long. She didn’t fit into the daily routine of the household. Should she go inside and insist on helping? Ne. For today, she would enjoy this little bit of solitude. And once she had her clinic up and running, she wouldn’t be available as much to help. So it might be best if they didn’t get used to her helping in the kitchen.

Movement by the barn caught her attention.

A tricolor Australian shepherd sniffed around an old stump. It wasn’t just any dog, but Kaleidoscope. She looked around for Noah but didn’t see him. A smidge of disappointment pinched at her. “Kaleidoscope! Here, girl!” The dog charged toward her. “You’re supposed to be at home.”

The Australian shepherd rolled onto her back, curving head to tail, this way then that. Her tail thumping, kicking up dust.

Kathleen crouched and scratched the dog’s belly. She stood and ordered the dog to do the same.

Kaleidoscope flipped to her feet and wagged her tail, causing her whole body to wiggle.

“Come on.” Kathleen patted her thigh as she walked around the house to the kitchen door and spoke through the storm door. “Noah Lambright’s dog is here again. Do you have a rope so I can walk her back home?”

Mum stood on the other side of the screen. Shaking her head, she reached beside the door and produced a rope. “This is what we usually use to return her. Kaleidoscope, one of these days, we’re going to keep you.” She opened the storm door and handed Kathleen the rope. “Wait a minute.”

Mum disappeared from view, and Kathleen tied the rope around the collar. When Mum opened the door, the Aussie raised up on her haunches to receive the tidbit and licked Mum’s hand clean.

No wonder the dog kept coming back. She knew where to get treats.

Kathleen started to tell her mutter to stop feeding the dog, but a little Amish voice inside her said that was the way they did things here. “I’ll be back soon.”

Mum called after her. “Invite Noah for supper. With no one to cook for him, I fear he doesn’t eat well.”

Noah coming for supper? That sent her insides dancing. “He won’t be there, hence the reason for his dog being here.”

“There’s a key under the rock to the left of the back porch. Write a note and leave it on his table.”

Enter someone else’s home when they weren’t there? The English certainly wouldn’t do that. She had much to get used to and relearn.

“All right.” Kathleen walked up the driveway with Kaleidoscope happily trotting beside her. She’d seen which way Noah’d left the night before and headed that direction. He’d said his farm was next to her parents’. She found herself smiling at the thought of seeing him again. How silly. She wasn’t looking for a husband as most single Amish women were. She couldn’t afford to. Not if she was going to succeed at becoming a doctor here.

It didn’t take long to get there. His house and that of her parents were both on the sides of their respective properties closest to the other. No wonder Kaleidoscope wandered over so easily. She probably thought their property was part of hers as well.

The house was a typical large home ready for a big family, with an even larger barn as well as a dawdy haus for his parents. Did he have one or both of them living in the smaller dwelling? Not likely. Mum had said he had no one to cook for him, and he hadn’t worried about informing anyone last night when he stayed to supper at their house.

She wished her parents had a dawdy haus, then she wouldn’t have to build a clinic, but then it might be occupied with her grosseltern, which would be nice. Both sets of grosseltern lived on her parents’ older siblings’ properties.

A sleek black shepherd and a small corgi trotted up to her and her detainee, all tails swinging at a different tempo. She petted them each in turn.

If Kathleen had any doubts that this was the right place, they were brushed away with the wagging tails. She untied the rope, feeling it safe to free Kaleidoscope to run with her pals, and walked to the barn. “Noah?”

When she got no answer, she crossed the yard to the big house and knocked on the front door. Still no answer, so she headed around to the back and found the key. She turned it over in her hand. It didn’t feel right to walk into someone else’s home uninvited. She didn’t know Noah well enough. This would be an invasion of his privacy. So she replaced the key and sat in a rocking chair on the front porch, hoping he would return soon.

Some time later, she heard her name being called.

“Kathleen?”

“One more minute.” She needed just one more minute of sleep before her shift.

“Kathleen?”

That couldn’t be a nurse or orderly. They wouldn’t call her by her first name. Where was she? She forced her eyes open and focused on the tall, handsome man standing over her. Not medical personnel. Noah! She smiled, then jerked fully awake. “I’m so sorry. I must have dozed off for a minute.” She’d learned to sleep anywhere, and her body knew to catch sleep whenever it could.

“Don’t worry.” He chuckled. “You weren’t snoring.”

As she pushed to her feet, the rope on her lap slipped to the porch floor. “I didn’t sleep much last night.” She was used to taking five- and ten-minute naps throughout the day. No more. She would need to teach herself to sleep at night again and stay awake during the day.

He picked up the makeshift leash and offered it to her. “I must say, the last thing I expected to find when I came home was a pretty lady sleeping on my porch.”

She took the rope. “You’re not going to let me forget this, are you?”

“Probably not.”

His smile did funny things to her stomach. And he’d called her pretty. That didn’t matter. She had no room in her life for men. One man in particular. She couldn’t have a husband and still be a doctor. She’d made that sacrifice years ago. But still, her heart longed.

She held the lead out and teased him back. “Then maybe next time, we’ll keep your dog.”

“Kaleidoscope?” He shook his head. “I closed her up in the barn. How did she get out? Danki for bringing her back. And because you did, I promise not to mention your afternoon nap.”

“Danki. I’d appreciate that.” Then she remembered her reason for staying. “Mum has invited you to supper. Shall I tell her you’re coming? Or not?”

“I never pass up an invitation from your mutter. Let me hook up the trap, and we can head over.”

“What time is it?”

“Nearly supper time. I’ll be right back.” He jogged to the barn.

How long had she slept? Longer than she’d thought, apparently. She hadn’t realized the number of things she’d have to get used to again. No chance of slipping back into her Amish life as though she’d never been gone.

Noah returned shortly, leading a horse and the two-wheeled trap he had been driving yesterday. “Kaleidoscope dug her way out. I’ll need to figure some other way to contain her. Hopefully, she’ll stay put in that stall. I gave her plenty of food and water.”

Kathleen climbed into the vehicle. He settled in beside her, along with the aromas of wood and honey, and put the trap into motion.

“May I ask you a question? Do you hear an accent when I talk?”

He nodded. “It’s slight but comes out on certain words. Nothing to worry about.”

“But it is. If the church leaders think I’ve become too English, they might not accept me back.”

“How you talk isn’t going to get you thrown out or shunned.”

“I need them to accept me as the community’s doctor. I can’t have anything they can use against me. I went through a lot of trouble to gain special permission to be able to wear my plain dresses and kapp instead of scrubs while working in the hospitals.”

“You did?” He sounded surprised.

“Though I haven’t joined church, I am Amish.”

He didn’t respond. What did his silence mean? Would everyone meet her declaration of being a doctor for their district and being Amish with silence? She wanted him to approve.

After a moment, he said, “May I ask you a question now?”

She smiled.

“Why are you so determined to be a doctor? As you said, you went to a lot of trouble and time away for something that isn’t likely to be sanctioned, regardless how you speak.”

“I didn’t want to leave,” she replied. “Gott called me to be a doctor. A doctor for our community.” She should tell him about Nancy. It would give her practice for speaking to the church leaders.

“My sister was stung by a bee when she was eight. She went into anaphylactic shock. Because medical treatment was too far away, she died before my dat could get her to the help she needed. With a simple injection, she would have lived. A simple injection almost anyone could administer.”

She hadn’t spoken aloud about Nancy in years. Every other time she’d told someone, her eyes flooded with tears and the words lodged in her throat. Not this time. All of her medical training had wrung those emotions out of her. She couldn’t help people if she became overwrought.

“I’m sorry about your sister.” The sincerity in his tone touched her heart.

“Danki. I made a commitment to do all I could to help prevent future senseless deaths.”

“I commend you for your determination. So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“What’s your next step? Other than planning to build a clinic with your own two hands.”

“You don’t think I can do it?”

“I think your medical degree didn’t include a course in construction.”

“Ne, it didn’t. But I think I can manage.”

He harrumphed.

“You don’t think I’m capable?”

“I think your time would be better spent on other endeavors.”

Other endeavors? Like getting married and keeping house and having babies? A longing tugged at her heart. All things she wanted but couldn’t have. “I’m going to petition the leadership to give me a trial period. Like they do for testing out the use of new technology in the community. If they can see the benefits for everyone, and people get used to not having to drive all the way into town, then my being the community doctor will be accepted. Then I’ll build my clinic that people can come to.” She knew in reality that no one would—even if they wanted to—without the leadership’s consent. “Until that time, I have my backpack of medical supplies. I’ll take it with me wherever I go and help whomever will allow me to.”

“Sounds like you have it all figured out.”

But she didn’t have it all figured out. She still needed to build her clinic. Something she had no clue how to do. Hopefully when she got approval, Dat and her brothers would help her. “I’ve thought about this for over fourteen years. This isn’t some fly-by-night thing.”

“I can see that.”

“I gave up a lot, all those years with our people and more, to learn the skills to help them. I’m going to help our people, whether they like it or not.” Then they would see how much they needed her—a doctor in their community—and she would be accepted.

“What about the bishop and church leadership?”

“I’ll make them see this is for the gut of the community.”

“And what if you can’t?”

“As you said, don’t make plans for what might not happen. I can do this. I know I can. And I’m believing that they are all smart men who will be able to do what is gut for everyone.” Saying she could convince them and having the actual words that would sway them were two different things. She would go over her arguments for having a clinic and come up with counters for their arguments against. “You probably think all my efforts are going to be wasted, don’t you?”

“Let’s just say that you have a very steep uphill battle in front of you. And you think more like an Englisher than an Amish.”

She was afraid of that. And she had an accent to boot. She would talk to Dat and Mum—when the others weren’t around—to straighten out her thinking.

Lord, guide me in what to say and how to get my Amish brothers and sisters to accept me as their doctor. And...let Noah not think poorly of me for my aspirations.

* * *

On Saturday, Noah looked up with a start as Bishop Bontrager drove into his yard. He set aside the dog brush and sent Kaleidoscope off, then crossed to the man’s buggy as it came to a stop. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

The bishop didn’t get out of his buggy. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

“Of course.”

“You’re close with the Yoders, ja?”

“Ja.”

“Keep an eye on Kathleen. Let me know if there is anything I need be concerned about.”

Spy on Kathleen? “Do you suspect trouble?”

“I don’t know. She’s been gone a long time. I don’t want her stirring things up.”

Kind of like Kathleen’s plan with being a doctor. Though her intentions weren’t to cause trouble but to help. “I’ll let you know.”

“Danki.” Bishop Bontrager drove off.

Noah watched him leave. Should he have told the bishop Kathleen’s plans? He didn’t feel it was his place at the moment. Kathleen would let the church leaders know her plans soon enough. Tomorrow. For now, he would see how things played out.

The bishop’s visit had pulled Kathleen to the forefront of his mind when he’d worked hard to push thoughts of her back. Now with the bishop’s request, she would remain front and center. She had to if he was going to keep an eye on her. He liked the idea of keeping an eye on her, but not spying.

Lord, I don’t want to spy on her. How can I do as the bishop asks and not feel as though I’m betraying Kathleen or the Yoders?


Chapter Four (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)

The following day, Kathleen climbed out of the buggy last at the Millers’ farm. “Dat, you’ll tell the leaders I wish to speak to them?”

“Ja. Don’t worry. They’ll hear you. But granting you permission will be another issue altogether.”

She didn’t want to be noticed or singled out. She wanted to blend seamlessly into the throng. But such was not to be the case.

Mum greeted several women who commented on Kathleen’s return. Soon a gathering of women crowded around her and her mutter. A number of ladies close to Kathleen’s age were among the group. She’d gone to school with these girls. Each one had either a small child or two in tow, a baby on their hip or were expecting. Or a combination of the three with older children scattered about. Kathleen wondered what it would be like to be pregnant and have children of her own. But that was not the path the Lord had laid out for her.

Noah popped into her mind, and she sighed. She was a doctor and would be helping each and every one of these women and their children. They all seemed glad to have her back.

Relief swept over Kathleen when people started filing into the house. That was until it was Kathleen’s turn to step inside. This was it. She was back.

After a couple of hymns, the bishop stood in front of the community. Bishop Bontrager had been bishop long before Kathleen had left. He was close to the oldest person in their district. “I’m pleased to say that this Sunday is the first class for our young people who want to join church this fall.” His voice was still strong. And he still scared her. He was a gruff, strict man. “Those who plan to become church members please stand.”

Kathleen stood, pleased she hadn’t missed this opportunity. The timing was perfect. The leaders would see she was serious about her faith and returning to the community before she spoke to them of her plans.

Her brother Benjamin stood as well, but not Joshua. He was still young and likely needed another year or two. She was glad Benjamin would be in class with her.

Two others stood as well, a twenty-one-year-old young man and an eighteen-year-old girl and Benjamin, who was twenty. Kathleen, at thirty, felt old. The others were of an average age to join. She tagged along behind everyone following the bishop into the next room. She hadn’t wanted to appear pushy, having just returned. She wanted to be respectful of those who had stayed where they belonged.

After eyeing Kathleen for a moment, Bishop Bontrager went over the first three articles of the Dordrecht Confession of Faith. These were familiar from her youth. Before long, they rejoined the rest of the congregation.

The church service was so different from the English ones she’d attended while away. At least twice as long, and didn’t have the... What was it that was different? Both groups worshipped Gott. Both groups sang. Both groups had a message. Maybe the shorter service allowed her to stay focused. And there was an energy among the people. That was it. That’s what was different. Which probably had to do with the music. Though the Englishers sang hymns, they also sang what they called “praise and worship” songs. Weren’t hymns praising and worshipful? They were to Kathleen.





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