Книга - Baby Makes Six

Baby Makes Six
Shelley Galloway


Shawn and Eddie Wagner were the picture of a perfect couple, living a charmed life with three adorable little girls.But that all came to an end when Shawn suffered a miscarriage and the tragedy tore them apart. Now divorced, the couple remains connected–by their children and by a chemistry that, one fateful night, proves too powerful to resist. When Shawn discovers she's pregnant again, it seems like a disaster. After all, she's already a single mother of three, and Eddie has moved on with someone new.Still, as Shawn's belly grows, so do the glimmers of the love she and Eddie once shared. But can one new baby really add up to one big happy family?









Wanting to be closer to Eddie, Shawn got up, crossed the room and finally stopped to lean against the white tiled countertop


Eddie looked at her. Really looked at her.



Shawn’s chin was tilted up, her mouth curved in a forced smile. And her eyes—those eyes he could read, always.



Before he could think about what he was doing, he gave in to instinct. To what his heart wanted. To what he needed. Stepping back, he curved his arms around Shawn and pulled her close.



Automatically she wrapped her arms around him, tucked her chin against his chest and leaned close. Her clean scent filled his senses. Her soft skin felt incredibly familiar.



Right then, out of the blue, Eddie realized that all those feelings that he used to have for Shawn were still alive and well.




Dear Reader,



Though it seems not all that long ago, I remember the exact moment I met my husband. It was the second week of summer school before our freshman year in college. He was sitting at a lunch table in an old T-shirt and gym shorts and had a cast on his right arm. I had on a black sundress. Someone—I forget who—introduced us, and right then and there I knew he was the guy for me.



This past July we celebrated our twentieth anniversary.



I wish I could say that we’ve never had a single disagreement, but that wouldn’t be the truth. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs! But it’s because of them—not in spite of them—that we’re still happily married.



When I got the opportunity to write about a couple having some trouble but still very much in love, I jumped at the chance. It was fun and challenging to write a romance about two people who’ve been through so much but still have a lot to learn—about themselves and each other.



I hope you enjoy the book.



I love to hear from readers. Please visit my Web site at www.shelleygalloway.com and let me know how you liked the book.



All my best,



Shelley Galloway




Baby Makes Six


Shelley Galloway









ABOUT THE AUTHOR


Shelley Galloway loves to get up early, drink too much coffee and write books. These pastimes come in handy during her day-to-day life in southern Ohio. Most days she can be found driving her teenagers to their various activities, writing romances in her basement or trying to get ahead of her pile of laundry. She’s also been known to talk to her miniature dachshund, Suzy, as if she actually has opinions about books.

Shelley is the proud recipient of an RT Book Reviews Reviewer’s Choice Award for her 2006 release, Simple Gifts. Shelley attends several conferences every year and loves to meet readers. She also spends a lot of time online. Please visit her at eHarlequin.com or at www.shelleygalloway.com.


This book is for Tom, of course.

The past twenty-five years

sure wouldn’t have been as wonderful without you.




Contents


Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Epilogue




Chapter One


Shawn Wagner shifted an overstuffed beach bag from one shoulder to the other and tried to concentrate on how good the cool, damp sand felt underneath her toes. The Florida surf crashed gently against the shore, the waves foaming along the coastline, rhythmically calming her nerves and reminding her how much was inevitable.

Just like the tide rolling in, she, too, would go on. Being pregnant again wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.

But still…this pregnancy had caught her by surprise.

She strolled along, frustrated that she couldn’t find the spot where they’d set up camp yesterday. It was so perfect, too. Quiet, near three big rocks. A wide patch of sand for the girls to build sand castles in.

But…none of the rocks they were walking by looked familiar. As the girls giggled and marched in front of her, Shawn paused again. Had they gone left after the third green garbage can or right?

“Mommy, what are you doing?” Mary called.

“Trying to remember where we set all our stuff yesterday.”

“Oh.” Ever eager to please, Mary stood by her side like a little sentry, looking this way and that.

But really, every spot on the beach looked pretty much the same.

“Kit, do you remember where we were yesterday?”

Her five-year-old looked around. “Uh-huh.”

“You sure?”

“Uh-huh!” Grabbing three-year-old Elsie’s hand, Kit started walking again. “Come on. It’s this way.”

Slipping her hand into Mary’s outstretched one, Shawn grinned. “Let’s follow our leader.”

“How come Kit always knows where to go?”

“I don’t know. I guess she’s got a lot of your daddy in her.”

“I never remember.” Worriedly, Mary chewed on her lip. “Does that mean I’m like you?”

It was humbling to realize that her middle child was actually worried about that possibility. “Maybe.” When they finally reached their destination and stopped in front of Kit, who was holding Elsie’s hand with more patience than usual, Shawn said, “Good job, honey. This is the exact place where we were yesterday.”

Kit’s smile could have outshone the sun. “Hooray!”

“Hooray is right. Let’s get settled, ladies.” With little fanfare, Shawn set down the beach bag, dug around for the king-size quilt, then shook it out over the soft-as-powder surface. Grains of sand flew up in its wake.

Once the wrinkles were smoothed out, Mary and Kit set up their towels, toys and floats. Elsie occupied herself by scooping up sand and watching it run through her fingers.

Shawn wondered just how in the world she was going to manage four girls. Because really, some days, she wasn’t so sure she managed all that well with three.

Well, that was an understatement if she ever heard one. No matter what she did, things just seemed to naturally go awry. She forgot where she parked because she was thinking about grocery-store coupons. She was late for almost everything because three girls didn’t always follow directions right away.

Being late, a little scattered and sometimes absentminded didn’t bother her. She figured it was a temporary thing, and probably not uncommon. After all, hadn’t she just read about other moms contracting “momnesia,” too? It had to be fairly prevalent for someone to have made up a new term to describe moms who forgot things.

And, well, with three kids under six, Shawn figured she was entitled to have a bit of momnesia every now and then.

Unfortunately, her faults had long stopped being endearing to Eddie. In fact, he’d only seemed amused by her antics when they were dating. Soon after they’d taken vows, it became apparent that he wished she was a little more on the ball.

But they’d been in love and they’d had three beautiful girls together. Then she’d lost the baby. Though the doctor had promised that there was no reason for the miscarriage, both she and Eddie had tried to find a cause.

She’d started blaming Eddie for not helping enough. And he, well, Eddie had mentioned the way she’d carried Elsie around nonstop. Even though he knew Elsie had pretty much clung like a koala from the moment she was born.

After that big fight, they’d both apologized. Eddie had been particularly remorseful, saying he’d had no right to ever say such things. That of course the miscarriage had been nobody’s fault.

But some things couldn’t be forgotten.

So after Elsie turned two, neither could take the arguing anymore. They’d separated. Six months later they’d divorced.

Funny how that divorce hadn’t made things between them any easier. One night four months ago they went a little too far back down memory lane. And now she was pregnant again.

“Mom, where’s the sunscreen?” Kit fumbled through the mesh beach bag, tossing toys out carelessly. As two bright red shovels landed at Elsie’s feet, she looked Shawn’s way again. “I can’t find it.”

“I know I packed it today. Let’s see what’s under these toys.”

“Daddy doesn’t like it when we empty toy bags and bins like that,” Mary said. “He said it makes a big mess that’s hard to clean up.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing he’s not here, hmm?”

Though she’d already doused them in sunscreen, she dutifully helped them apply another layer. Then, after a warning to mind the surf, she watched her two oldest grab pails and shovels and run to the water.

And when she finally sat down, it was next to Elsie, who was now looking very grown-up in one of Mary’s old suits.

This was supposed to be a new year, a new beginning. The divorce was final, the girls were finally adjusting to seeing one parent at a time, and Elsie was out of diapers.

Funny how things weren’t going as planned. Now, instead of taking the changing table and crib over to Goodwill, she was going to have to pull it out of the attic again—this time by herself. No way was she going to get Eddie involved—at least not for a while. The difficulties a new pregnancy would bring were just too harmful.

Tugging on the hem of her tank top, Elsie claimed her attention again. “Momma, I’m thirsty.”

Shawn handed her a juice box, followed by the requisite Goldfish crackers. When her baby was happily sipping and munching, Shawn watched Kit and Mary do their favorite beach activity—building a giant sand castle.

Oh, they loved coming to the beach—thank goodness for Bill and Sharon Wagner. Just months after she and Eddie had separated, his parents had stopped over out of the blue.

After catching up for a few minutes, they’d given her a key to their condo. “Eddie may be breaking up with you, but we’re certainly not,” Sharon had said. “Promise us you’ll come to Bishop’s Gate with the girls at least once a month.”

Shawn had been thrilled, but reluctant to make things uncomfortable for Eddie. “You sure about that?”

Bill had placed the key in her hand and curved her fingers around it. “Very sure.”

The girls loved the weekends in the tiny beach community just thirty minutes outside Destin so much that Shawn agreed to the arrangement, even thought it meant that they saw Eddie a little bit more than she’d like. Eddie had bought a condo at Bishop’s Gate almost as soon as they separated.

When snack time was over, Shawn walked Elsie to the castle construction zone and dropped onto the damp sand next to the other girls.

They sat for a few minutes, Elsie content to watch her sisters, Shawn happy to sit in silence and watch the waves crash along the shore.

Looking up, Kit narrowed her eyes. “Momma, is that Daddy?”

Shawn’s head popped up. There was only one man who could fill out a T-shirt like that. Only one man who walked with such confidence. “I believe it is.”

“Who’s that he’s with?”

“I don’t know.” With effort, Shawn looked away from her former husband and concentrated on the woman by his side. All Shawn could see were long legs and long blond hair.

Kit frowned as she dug a moat. “Why’s he here now? Tomorrow is when we’re going to the aquarium.”

Keeping her voice calm and reassuring, Shawn said, “I don’t think he planned on seeing us.”

“Because he’s with that pretty lady?”

“Yep.” Forcing a smile, Shawn added, “I’m sure Daddy’s still taking you tomorrow and that you’ll have a great time.”

Mary packed wet sand in her pail. “Are you going to come?”

“Probably not. Daddy likes having the three of you to himself.”

“I don’t think so.” Mary widened her eyes. “He says when we’re all together, we’re like a pack of wild animals.”

“Y’all can be—but only sometimes.” Ruffling Mary’s wispy hair, she said, “Other times I think you’re just fine.”

“But you still love us?”

“Always. Daddy loves you, too.”

Standing up, Kit looked knowingly at Mary and Elsie. “Daddy loves us, he just doesn’t want to live with us no more.”

“Daddy doesn’t want to live with me,” she gently corrected. “Daddy and I are the ones with the problems. Not you three.”

Kit frowned. “That’s what you always say.”

“I say it because it’s the truth.”

As the girls pondered that and stared at their daddy—who seemed oblivious to them—Shawn did some pondering herself.

What had happened, anyway? First they were living the dream. Next it felt as if they were constantly fighting. He’d come home exhausted and only want to sit and watch TV, instead of helping to get dinner on the table.

His patience with her hadn’t been at an all-time high, either. He got frustrated when he came home to a messy house and crying kids. Even though he well knew she couldn’t be perfect if she’d tried.

For a little while she had tried real hard—but then she’d lost the baby and nothing seemed to matter.

However, in her heart, Shawn knew she still loved him. There was something about him that struck her fancy and held on tight.

And, oh, but he could kiss.

And he was certainly capable in a crisis. Four months ago, when they’d been spending the weekend at the beach and Mary had contracted a fever, she’d called him, asking if he could run to the store for Popsicles and another bottle of children’s Tylenol. He’d ended up staying until all three girls fell asleep.

They really should’ve known what was going to happen. One hug had morphed into one kiss—which had never been enough. Before her mind could put a stop to shenanigans, their clothes had been off and they’d been sprawled sideways on her king-size bed.

“Mommy?”

“Sorry. What, Kit?”

“Daddy’s coming closer!”

There was no reason for her heart to start pounding. No reason for her to care at all. Everything between them was over. O-v-e-r.

It was just such a shame that she couldn’t turn those feelings off.

Swallowing hard, she firmly told herself to move on. It was time. It really was. “Well, girls, let’s see what happens when he notices us. I bet he’s going to be real surprised.”

Mary beamed. “I’m gonna say ‘Boo’ and then he’s gonna jump up high and be surprised! That will be real fun to see.”

“Yes, it will,” Shawn agreed, brushing back a tender wisp of hair from her brow. “It’s going to be a sight to see, I just know it.”



“EDDIE, AREN’T THOSE your girls? I swear they look just like the girls in the pictures you showed me.”

Eddie turned away from admiring the way Jayne’s thick blond hair curled on her shoulder to glance in the direction she was staring. “Yep. And with them is my ex.”

“Shawn?”

“Uh-huh. That’s her.”

Crystal-blue eyes looked faintly accusing. “You didn’t tell me she was so pretty.”

“She’s okay.” Eddie knew he was lying. Shawn was downright beautiful, even after three kids. Long tan legs. Soft feminine arms and shoulders. Rounded hips. A waist that practically yelled for hands to encircle it.

Even after everything they’d gone through, he was still drawn to his ex. Some days he’d wondered if that tender feeling—that attraction—would ever go away.

Some days he wondered if he even wanted it to. From the moment he’d first talked to Shawn on the phone, she’d made him feel more alive. Those feelings had intensified during their courtship and marriage.

And then, of course, it had dissolved into only a shadow of its former self.

Jayne’s steps slowed. “So…those really are your kids?”

“Yes. All girls. I told you I had three.” For a moment the statement hit him hard. Once, they’d been going to have more.

“They’re so close in age.”

Pulling himself back to the present, Eddie nodded. “I know.” He and Shawn never had been good at spacing things—not schedules, not arguments, not babies. When Jayne still looked at them warily, he did the inevitable. “We can turn around if you want.”

“We can’t do that—what if they saw us?”

“They haven’t.” If they’d seen him, his girls would be on their feet, and Shawn…well, Shawn would be looking him and Jayne over without an ounce of shyness.

Jayne steeled her shoulders. “I’d like to meet them. Meet all of them.”

“All right, then. Come on, I’ll introduce you.” When Jayne stepped a little closer and possessively slipped her hand in his, he forced himself to relax. Jayne was great. Jayne was perfect for him. And though he hadn’t planned on introducing Shawn to her anytime soon, there was no time like the present. But he had a feeling this was going to get awkward.

“Daddy, you did see us!” all three of his daughters cried as they jumped to their feet.

He looked at his ex. “I did?”

“We’ve been watching you two,” Shawn explained. “The girls were wondering when you were going to notice them.”

“We surprised you, Daddy!” Mary squealed. “Though I was gonna get you good and say ‘Boo!’” She tickled his waist for emphasis.

Eddie pretended to jump in fright. Mary laughed. The joyful sound was so contagious, he couldn’t help but chuckle, too. “You got me good. I’m glad to see you.” By the time he hugged all three girls and kissed three foreheads, his tension was forgotten.

Until Shawn stepped forward and held out her hand to Jayne. “Hi. Shawn Wagner.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Jayne said.

Eddie wasn’t sure if it was the voice of steel that Jayne suddenly adopted, the ironic smile Shawn was displaying or the curious looks of the girls—but he definitely did feel like he’d just jumped in the deep end and was treading water for dear life.

Especially when Jayne slipped her hand in his again.

After an interminable moment of silence, Shawn said, “So, are y’all out for a walk?”

“Yep.” He cleared his throat. “Girls, this is Jayne. Jayne, please meet Kit, Mary and Elsie.”

“I’m the oldest,” Kit proclaimed.

Jayne smiled broadly. “You sure are! I love your bikini! I’d love to get one just like it.”

Kit tilted her face up. “Really? My mommy says she doesn’t wear bikinis no more.”

When Jayne turned to Shawn, Shawn patted her stomach with a hint of a smile. “Three kids, you know.”

For a split second, he’d been tempted to correct her. To remind Shawn that she’d had four children. Four.

Amazing how much the word three still affected him. Would the pain of her miscarriage ever begin to fade?

After a moment’s silence Shawn rescued the conversation. “We’ve, uh, just found a crab in the sea. He’s pale orange.”

“And pretty! Want to see?” Mary asked.

“You bet I do.” Jayne followed the girls a few feet away, then crouched and nodded at the little crab while the girls started talking a mile a minute.

Momentarily alone, Eddie turned to Shawn again. “So, are you okay at my parents’ place? Do you need anything?”

“Nope. We’re good.”

“That’s…good. You look nice.” Shawn had on an oversize orange tank top and worn khaki shorts that looked soft against her skin. The vibrant, happy color made her tan seem even more golden.

She chuckled. “Do I? I never got around to putting on makeup today. And this tank top is so old, I bet you’ve seen it a hundred times.”

“I guess I have.” Once, he’d slipped it off over her head when the girls were napping. He swallowed quickly as his mouth went dry.

And standing there, with the surf echoing behind them and the tang of salt in the air, he still caught the familiar scent of his ex-wife. Nivea lotion and something fresh and clean.

He tried not to notice.

She raised an eyebrow. “So…were your ears burning?”

“Huh?”

“We were just talking about you. Kit wanted to know if you remembered that you’d promised to take them to the marina and the aquarium tomorrow.”

“I remembered. Of course I remembered.”

Brown eyes flashed. “Sorry. I forgot that I was the forgetful one.”

As the girls started looking for more shells, Jayne joined Shawn and Eddie again. “What’s ‘Kit’ short for? Katherine?”

“No. It’s for Katrina Elizabeth.” Shawn chuckled as a wave crashed a little closer, spraying her arm like a wayward garden hose. “That name was too big for such a tiny baby. Eddie called her Kit before we even got home from the hospital.”

Memories slammed him. Remembering how scared he’d been during Kit’s birth. How awed he’d been by Shawn. That tender possessiveness he’d felt for that baby girl the moment she’d come into the world.

The emotions were still too strong for comfort. “We’d better get going. We—”

“We have lunch plans,” Jayne inserted.

“Oh. Well, I hope you have fun.”

“I’ll pick the girls up at ten tomorrow morning.”

Back went Shawn’s mask. The one she wore whenever they’d argued. Which, by the time Elsie was two—by the time they’d lost the baby—had been a lot. “You sure you don’t want me to drop them off? It’s no trouble.”

“It’s not for me, either. I’ll pick them up.”

Shawn took a step back. “Fine.” She smoothed her hands over her hips like she always did. Like she’d done when they were married, when she was uncomfortable. But as she did so, she bit her lip and groaned. Her face went a little pale, too.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Very much so.”

After hugging the girls and promising he’d see them on Sunday, he took Jayne’s hand and they started walking again.

It seemed like an eternity before he couldn’t hear his girls’ squeals of laughter anymore. Before he wasn’t tempted to turn around and make sure they were okay.

“They’re darling, Eddie,” Jayne murmured after they walked into the cool shade of Pelican’s Roost, a beach café on the boardwalk. “I mean, really.”

“Thanks.”

When they were seated on bamboo chairs and given oversize menus to peruse, she spoke again. “Can I come with you tomorrow? I’m sure another pair of eyes and hands might come in handy.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think we better go slow as far as the girls are concerned. They’re still getting used to the divorce. It’s only been a few months.”

“I know it’s only been technically a few months…but you were separated for a while before that. Right?”

“That’s right, but things are still a little bumpy.” Eddie closed his eyes briefly, hoping to remove the memory of an emotion-packed night just four months ago. That January evening had been chilly.

Shawn had lit the fireplace to warm things up. And boy, did it. From the moment his lips had touched hers, flames seemed to burn as bright as ever between them.

Returning to the present, Eddie cleared his throat. “Like I said, I better just be on my own with them.”

“You know, it’s probably good you’re giving your ex a break,” Jayne said casually, after their monster glasses of iced tea were delivered. “She looked kind of worn-out.”

“Did she?” He’d thought she looked…like Shawn.

Jayne tapped her glowing cheeks. “A little sallow. She probably just needs more sleep.”

“Huh.” Something had been off, but it was most likely their appearance. Shoot, he knew he’d feel awkward if she’d shown up holding some other guy’s hand.

Actually, Eddie wondered if he would have handled the situation half as well.

He kind of doubted it.




Chapter Two


Going to the marina had been a really bad idea from the get-go, Eddie decided as soon as he got all three girls buckled up in the car and was headed toward Shawn’s.

Toward his old home.

As the girls watched the Disney movie he’d popped in, he reviewed the past four hours. They had been something else, that was for sure. From the moment he and his daughters had stepped into the cool darkened corridors of the Bishop’s Gate Aquarium, he’d hardly been able to keep track of them. Every time he turned around, one was darting off to see one of the “pretty fishes.” It had taken them so long to get through the shark tunnel they’d missed their scheduled IMAX show, which Kit had not taken well. She’d just about had a meltdown next to the turtle exhibit.

Had Kit always been so…rigid? More importantly, had he always been so ineffectual? He’d corralled drunken Marines with greater ease.

Determined to make things better, he’d exchanged the tickets for the next show and used the time to get the girls ice cream.

He let them each have two scoops, then watched in dismay as only half was ingested—the other half seemed to run down their shirts and hands.

Which meant a really fun time in the restroom, washing sticky cheeks and fingers. Thank goodness for the family restroom. Otherwise he’d have been up a creek.

Later, after they’d gone into the theater and struggled over who was sitting next to whom, two out of three had fallen asleep in the cool auditorium.

Only Elsie had been awake.

Which hadn’t been good.

Seemed three-year-olds weren’t real fond of movies showing all kinds of unique fish. She’d liked the larger-than-life illustration of seals eating penguins even less.

The whole circle-of-life idea hadn’t meant a damn thing.

Now Eddie was ashamed to admit that he was actually looking forward to dropping the girls off, going back to his condo and having a beer. Maybe two.

Shoot. Maybe six.

As soon as he drove into the neighborhood, he dialed Shawn’s number—his old home number. “We’re in the neighborhood.”

“I’ll open up the garage door.”

“Thanks, Shawn. They wore me out.”

But instead of chuckling like she used to do, all Eddie heard was an irritated sigh. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later Eddie was driving back out of the neighborhood. Feeling curiously alone. Almost let down, too. The girls had hugged him goodbye, then went in the house, Shawn hardly saying more than was necessary.

And now that he was heading back to his spotless condominium, he was feeling a little blue. There was such a glaring difference between life with all three girls and life without them.

Whenever he dropped them off, it felt like someone took the volume of his life and turned it halfway down. Yeah, that’s what it felt like. Everything was running just a little bit too quietly.

He wondered if Shawn ever felt like that, too. He’d never dared to ask.

Even though he’d met someone new, sometimes he missed his old life so much it hurt—even when his head told him he was being a sentimental fool.



WORK ON TUESDAY morning brought the kind of stability Shawn was craving. As she sat in the break room with her friend Tricia, she wondered again if she’d been too harsh with Eddie on Sunday night.

He’d looked like he’d been through the wringer with those girls—though she could have told him taking all three to the marina and aquarium center was a bit ambitious, even for the most skilled parent.

Which he definitely was not.

“You going to eat that whole muffin, Shawn?” Tricia asked. “It looks big enough to feed a family of four.”

“I’m going to try,” she said, picking up another chunk and popping it into her mouth. “I’ve been so hungry, I didn’t know if ten-thirty was ever going to come.”

“Did you not eat breakfast?”

“I ate. I’m, uh, just hungry again.” Yep, no one could ever say she didn’t thrive when she was expecting. To her chagrin, Shawn knew that within a few weeks, she’d be positively blooming. This pregnancy felt very much like her previous ones with the girls. Trying to come up with a believable excuse for her hunger, she said, “I get so used to eating every two hours when I’m home.”

Tricia crumbled up the wrapper to her breakfast bar before standing up to refill her coffee. “That’s good, I guess. All the diet books say to eat often. Now if only I could get used to this schedule, I’d be doing great.”

“You will soon, I promise.”

“I hope so.” Tentatively Tricia said, “Part of me really misses child care. I don’t enjoy all the rules and regulations here.”

Those rules and regulations were exactly why Shawn liked the Carnegie Airlines call center. She was good at her job, and she received recognition for a job well-done often.

That was a whole lot different from life as a mom. At home no one was around to say “good job” for doing five loads of laundry. Or for playing house and dolls with a four-year-old, instead of paying bills.

Or planning playdates and church outings and scheduling dentist appointments.

Oh, she was going to keep this job as long as she could. It felt comfortable at Carnegie. Before the girls came, she used to work forty hours a week, now she hovered around twenty.

But practically every moment she was there was regimented. The phone calls were sometimes demanding. The pace grueling—a new call came approximately every 360 seconds.

But she was good at it. And here, she didn’t have to think about Eddie or babies or how she still had a pile of dishes in the sink and a load of laundry in the washing machine. She could objectively see how well she performed and pinpoint areas where she needed to improve.

The job was the complete opposite of motherhood, where everything felt questionable and she constantly forgot parking places, snacks and thirty other things a day. Here, at Carnegie, she felt useful and appreciated—the complete opposite of how Eddie had started to make her feel.

He’d never fully embraced her job, either. She knew it was because his life as a cop was so precarious. Because of that, he liked one of them to be home all the time. But she’d never agreed with that.

It was yet another area where they’d clashed. And yet another reason she was going to wait as long as possible to tell him about the baby. He’d have plenty to say about her going off birth control—like she should have known they’d sleep together sooner or later.

“The money’s good,” Shawn said, trying to come up with anything to push the job in Tricia’s favor. Though she’d made lots of friends at Carnegie, she and Tricia had become especially close.

“I thought I’d like the change of pace, but I’m really thinking of either taking kids in at my house or being a nanny or something.”

Shawn blinked. Against her will, she started imagining just how great Tricia would be with her kids. Especially when the baby came.

“I didn’t want to tell you things weren’t working out for me here—after all, you were so nice to give me a reference.” Tricia was prevented from adding any more comments by the not-so-subtle chime on the oversize clock above them. Glaring at the timepiece, she said, “Back to the grind.”

Grabbing her can of soda, Shawn carefully wrapped up the last of her muffin. Remembering also how Tricia was always on the lookout for a new guy, she teased, “Maybe your afternoon will be better. Who knows—you just might talk to someone tall, dark and handsome today.”

“Doubt it. Most likely I’ll only speak to people who want me to tell them all about our airline specials and flight times and then book a flight on the Internet.” Blowing dark auburn bangs off her forehead, she added, “Not everyone falls in love on the phone here. Only you.”

“I didn’t fall in love on the phone.”

“Still, it was romantic,” Tricia said right before they parted ways at their cubicles. “Your story about how you and Eddie met on the phone is the best ever.”

It had been, Shawn mused as she slid back into her rolling chair and slipped her headset on. Eddie had still been in the military and had been trying to get home.

She’d done everything she could to help him, especially since he’d had the kind of voice that screamed alpha male. So masculine. Sure-sounding. Almost gravelly.

Oh, he’d been so sexy.

By the time they’d disconnected, he’d known her name, and she’d known that he’d grown up only a few hours away.

And though she sometimes hated to remember, by the end of that phone call, she’d known she’d fallen in love.

She still didn’t understand how that feeling could have faded away.




Chapter Three


“You working a double shift, Eddie?” Sal Temple called out from the other end of the community room in the police station.

Eddie pushed E5 on the vending machine. Slowly the mechanical arm retrieved a red Gatorade. “Yeah.”

Crossing the room, Sal fumbled in his pocket, pulled out two bucks and slipped the bills in the slot of the machine as soon as Eddie stepped away. After a pressing a few buttons, a Snickers bar free-fell to the bottom. “Didn’t you work a double shift last Thursday, too?”

“I did.” Curious, Eddie looked a little more closely at his lieutenant. “You keeping track of me?”

“No, just wondering why you’re working so much.”

Eddie didn’t have a real reason, other than he hated going home to an empty place and extra money always came in handy. Especially now that he had child support and Jayne. Jayne liked nice dinners. “The money’s good,” he said.

“It’s only good if you’re around to enjoy the stuff you can buy with it. Overtime can kill a guy, you know.” Thumping on his chest for good measure, he added, “You’ve got to watch your heart.”

“It’s ticking just fine. Don’t worry so much.”

“I’m just looking after you. Someone’s got to, you know.” As he neatly placed his candy bar on his stack of paperwork, Sal said, “By the way, I heard you’ve got a new girl.”

Eddie almost choked. “Where did you hear that?”

“The usual way, the grapevine.” Sal looked him up and down. “So, Wagner, is it true?”

“I’m seeing someone, but it’s not serious. I wouldn’t call her my girl.”

“Uh-huh. When did you get divorced?”

“It was final four months ago.” Eddie closed his eyes for a moment as he heard his tone—completely defensive. “Sal, Shawn and I were separated six months before that. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“Still—” Sal clucked. “—it’s kind of soon for a rebound gal.” Wagging a finger, he said, “You gotta watch those women, you know. She’s probably looking for a ring. Don’t want to rush into anything.”

Oh, these old guys, always imagining the worst! “Jayne’s not a rebound anything, and she’s certainly not looking for a ring already. She’s nice, Sal. I promise. Plus, she’s a teacher.”

To his surprise, Sal didn’t look too impressed. “Humph.”

“She’s educated and good with kids. She’s a dynamite person. Organized, too.” Actually, there were a lot of things to admire about her.

“I liked Shawn. Even more, I liked you with her. I thought you two were good together. She kept you lively.”

“I’m plenty lively now.” He didn’t want to be any livelier, anyway. Living with Shawn had been exhausting. He never knew what she was planning or what she had in mind.

Sometimes, those spur-of-the-moment decisions stressed him out—like the time he’d come home from work to find a trio of suitcases in the kitchen. Without consulting him, she’d decided they needed to take the girls to Disney World because there was a special going on.

Yes, they’d had fun, but the whole while he’d been wishing for just a few hours of downtime. Every time he’d tried to tell her about the rape case he’d been working on, she’d changed the subject. Like it was going to mess up their holiday.

Jayne was the exact opposite. Calm. Serene. On time. She kept a database of all the books she read. He admired that. “You weren’t married to Shawn, Sal.”

Eddie hated like hell to snap at his lieutenant, but honestly, did the old guy have to comment on everything in his life? Tell him exactly what he thought about things? He had parents who already did that. “Shawn’s the mother of my children. She’ll always be special to me. But we’re through. It’s over.”

“I hear you.” Sal put down his stacks of folders and bit off a chunk of his candy bar. “So how is Shawn? How’s she doing?”

“Fine, as far as I know.” He couldn’t deny that she looked just fine at the beach.

“Is she working?”

“Twenty hours or so a week at Carnegie Airlines.” He’d always hated how it took her away from him. She was always sprinting either to work or home. She’d never understood how much he’d counted on things being settled when he got home from a long shift. Months before they separated, he’d be lucky to find milk in the fridge.

“I always liked hearing her stories about the customers.”

“The thing is, it’s not like she has a career—she answers the phones. Shawn makes that job sound like it’s amazing. Like she’s helping to change the world.”

“She told me once that she helped a lady get funeral tickets,” Sal chided, telling him pretty plainly that he didn’t like Eddie’s tone of voice. “I thought that was special.”

“She told everyone that story because that was the only big thing that happened. Most of the time, all she does is listen to people complain and try to help them.”

“Sometimes that sounds like our life, huh, Wagner?”

To his surprise, Eddie realized he was sweating. Remembering all their problems got him worked up like nothing else. Privately he knew he’d made plenty of mistakes, too. He’d been so upset about losing the baby that he hadn’t thought about her needs enough. “I’m sorry about snapping at you. Thanks, you know, for caring.”

“I have to. I used to work with your dad, though he decided to retire early. So it’s up to me to look out for you.” Talking around another bite of chocolate and peanuts, he barked, “Watch your overtime. There will still be bad guys when you get back on your next shift. I promise.”

“I hear you.”

Sal slapped him on the back, then picked up his trash and wandered out of the room. Eddie grinned when he heard Sal’s booming voice target another officer.

All their business would always be the lieutenant’s, too.



LATER THAT AFTERNOON, Eddie wondered what it had been about Shawn that made everyone like her so much. Liked them together so much.

So far, he wasn’t getting much positive feedback about Jayne, which surprised the hell out of him. What was not to like?

“It’s just that she’s so young, Eddie,” his mom said when he stopped by his parents’ house for dinner.

“She’s not that young. Only seven years younger. She’s almost thirty.”

“She seems younger. She’s got so much blond hair, and she’s perpetually chipper.”

“That’s because she doesn’t have kids. She teaches them, instead.”

Unfortunately his mom didn’t take the bait, about how great it was that he was dating someone who was educated, committed and had summers off.

She’d be the perfect person to live with. The girls would grow to love her, too.

As his mom scooped the leftover mashed potatoes out of the serving bowl and into one of her many Tupperware containers, she said, “Shawn is doing a wonderful job with Kit, Mary and Elsie. She’s a good mother. And smart, too. I won’t let you act like she isn’t.”

What was it with everyone? “I never said Shawn wasn’t smart.”

“You insinuated it, Eddie.”

“Not really.” Feeling vaguely like he was still a teenager, he commented, “So when are you going to be in my fan club?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean that lately everyone I meet is feeling just fine reminding me about how great Shawn was. I didn’t dump her. It was a mutual decision.”

“Hmm. Is she dating someone?”

“I don’t know. Probably.”

“She’s not!” his sister, Melanie, called out from the back room.

Eddie resented the intrusion. “Melanie, no one asked you what you thought.”

“I can’t help but tell you. You’re being ridiculous.”

“So are you.”

“Stop snapping at your sister, Eddie.”

“She’s thirty years old, Ma.”

In reply, his mom handed him yet another Tupperware container. “Put the meat loaf in this, please.”

Eddie took the container and did as he was asked, though he could have sworn he heard Melanie snickering.

No matter how he tried, it seemed as if no one was going to let him move on.



SHAWN WAS RUNNING late again. “Girls, if you don’t hurry, Daddy is going to have to eat all by himself.” Grabbing two little rolling suitcases, she picked them up with one hand and looked for either Mary or Elsie to put in a car seat. Now that Kit only needed a booster and could easily get herself in and out of it, things moved a little more quickly, but even Kit’s help didn’t erase the minutes she’d lost trying to find Elsie’s blankie and baby.

Elsie wouldn’t have lasted twenty minutes on the road without her two favorite security items. Unfortunately she’d left them on the bathroom floor—which was the last place Shawn had thought to look for them.

When no little brown heads appeared, Shawn became more impatient. “Girls? Now.”

Kit skipped in from the garage. “I’ve been out here, Mommy. I’ve been ready.”

“It would have been nice if you could have told me you were in the garage.”

“You were looking for Elsie’s fuzzies.” Kit took one of the little suitcases, bumped it down the wooden stairs and wheeled it over to the Mazda minivan.

Shawn knew her ever-practical daughter was right. “Yep, the fuzzy search made us late for sure.”

“Later,” Kit corrected. “You were late picking us up, Mommy. Mrs. Henderson said so.”

“Only by twenty minutes.”

Returning to Shawn’s side, Kit said, “Mrs. Henderson said being late is rude.”

“So is gossiping.” Shawn appreciated how qualified Mrs. Henderson was, but she sure didn’t appreciate the lady’s penchant for speaking her mind.

When Mary and Elsie appeared, Shawn picked up Mary and motioned her oldest to Elsie, now grasping her blankie and baby with two arms. “Kit, honey, grab Elsie’s hand for me. As soon as we get buckled up, we’ll be on our way.”

If she got them in the car right away and hit every green light and there wasn’t too much traffic on the highway, they might make it to Eddie’s condo only an hour late.

With a huff, Kit led Elsie to the car. Just then Mary squirmed. “I forgot my backpack!”

“Go get it. Quickly.”

Mary ran in, then seconds later, ran out, slamming the door behind her.

Shawn didn’t even chastise her for that, simply buckled her in. After double-checking that Elsie and Kit were buckled in, too, she cheered. “Hooray! We’re on our way!”

“Hooray!” the girls echoed.

Shawn rushed to the driver’s seat, mentally estimating their new time of arrival. But as she pulled the seat belt with one hand, she realized the awful truth.

Her purse was still in the house.

“Hold on, girls,” she called, though a sense of foreboding filled her.

Of course, it was just as she feared—the door was locked. And in her purse were the keys and her cell phone.

Shoot.

Forcing a smile, she opened up the sliding door to the minivan and met the concerned expressions of her three daughters. “Girls, let’s get you unbuckled. We’re going to have to walk over to the Bartlets’ and see if we can use the phone. I locked the keys in the house.”

“But we gotta go see Daddy!” Mary whined.

“We will. We’ve just got to see the locksmith first.”

“I hope the lockman hurries,” said Kit.

“I do, too,” Shawn murmured. Because if they were much later, Eddie was gonna have a cow.

He was probably already beside himself. And once again, she hadn’t met his expectations.




Chapter Four


Where was she? Once again Shawn was late and hadn’t thought to call. He was left waiting and wondering what had happened to her. Pacing and worrying.

Again.

She was almost an hour late to drop off the girls. Honestly, Shawn could make the most basic of activities into a three-ring circus. Just once he’d love for her to be where she said she’d be when she said she’d be there.

For a moment he considered calling John Nelson, one of his buds in the police department, and ask him to drive by Shawn’s place to make sure everything was okay. John had a major crush on Melanie and would do any kind of favor if it meant Eddie would push the two of them together.

Checking up on Shawn would give him peace of mind, though it would most likely be a futile errand. They were always okay—Shawn never put the girls at risk.

Though he’d just looked out the window, halfheartedly hoping to suddenly see her approaching, he looked again.

Nothing.

He’d bet money the girls were on the road, stuck in traffic, or eating McDonald’s, or filling up her near-empty gas tank. Who knew? She always had an excuse, because she was always in a rush to catch up to life. The woman never, ever planned ahead.

He couldn’t count the number of times she’d almost run out of gas or left the house without so much as a dollar in her pocket.

Or couldn’t find time to balance the checkbook. Or have his uniform shirts taken to the cleaners. Or remembered to pick them up.

Countless times the girls would run out of cereal or juice or diapers and she’d call him in a panic, begging him to run by the store on his way home. She’d never tried to see his point of view, either. That he hadn’t been just parading around town in a police uniform—he’d actually been working.

“Maybe you should try her cell phone again,” Melanie suggested as she approached the window and stood next to him. She’d come over to go out to dinner with the girls, but Eddie had a feeling she’d also wanted to see Shawn.

“I already tried it four times. She’s not picking up.”

Melanie dared to crack a smile. “Maybe she forgot to charge her phone. Or lost the charger again.”

“Who knows? I’ve given up trying to figure her out.” Glancing at his watch again, he swore under his breath. Worry and frustration caused him to speak more rashly than usual. “She’s now over an hour late. Why can she never even call me?”

“Because she knows you’d probably snap at her.”

“I’d snap because she’s going to give me an ulcer at thirty-five.”

Almost evilly, she grinned. “You’re thirty-six.”

He chose to ignore that. “Mel, do you think she’s hurt? What if she’s hurt?” Because it was really sounding like a good idea, he ventured, “Maybe I should give John at the station a call. He’d run by her house if I asked.”

Melanie looked away. “No, I don’t think you need to call John just yet. We don’t want to get him involved.”

“He wouldn’t mind.”

“You’re right. He’s a good guy. It’s just…well, this is vintage Shawn, Eddie. Let’s wait a little bit longer.”

He looked at his watch. “We were supposed to be eating dinner right now. I hope the girls are okay.”

“Honestly, the way you talk about Shawn, you’d think she went around without a care for anyone but herself,” Melanie chided. “I’ve never known those girls to ever miss a meal. They’re probably munching on banana sandwiches now.”

“Don’t even get me started on those.” Even thinking about the odd combination of sliced bananas, mayonnaise and white bread gave him the willies.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he peered out the window again and gave in to irritation once more. “I bet she’s fed them. They’re going to come running in here with some hamburger chain’s paper sacks. It’s going to be just you and I who are hungry. Sheesh.”

“You know that’s not fair.”

“I know. And I know she cares about the girls…but sometimes I don’t feel like giving her fifty excuses. Sometimes I just want her to think about things from my perspective, too.”

“I see.” Rolling her eyes, Melanie went to his sofa and sat down, then picked up his Sports and Leisure and started flipping through it.

“I’m not the one who’s late, Mel.”

“I hear you.”

Still staring out the window, Eddie said, “One time Shawn showed up an hour late for an awards dinner downtown.”

Melanie coughed. “You know she had a good reason for that. She was caught in traffic. An interstate was shut down.”

“Funny how no one else’s wife was late.”

“And I’m sure Jayne never would have done such a thing.”

Why was it that every time someone in his family mentioned Jayne it was with a note of derision in their voice? “Jayne definitely wouldn’t have been late,” he said, standing up not only for his girlfriend—was she his girlfriend?—but for himself. After all, he was damn happy a woman like that was interested in him. “How come you don’t like her?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t.”

“I don’t get the idea that you do. And you should. She’s pretty much perfect.”

“You want perfect?” Never afraid to put him in his place, Melanie made gagging noises. “Wanting perfection in a partner is a little scary, don’t you think?”

“Stop twisting my words around. No, Melanie, I don’t want perfection. I just appreciate the fact that she’s never left me standing next to a window while listening for my cell phone to go off.”

“No, I don’t imagine she has.” With robotic precision, his sister turned the page in the magazine, scanned it quickly, then flipped again. “I doubt she’s ever done anything in her very short life that’s impulsive.”

“Very short life? You’re only a year older than her.”

“I’ve been through a whole lot more than she has, Ed.”

Eddie knew that was most likely true. She’d gotten mugged almost eight months before and was still too skittish to do much besides work and hang out with family. She was still too skittish to ever do more than smile at John, though everyone in the family knew he was half in love with her…and that she wasn’t immune to him, either. “Sorry, Mel. I wasn’t thinking.”

She ignored him. “Actually I think you think you’re perfect. Which, I’d like to remind you, you’re not.”

“Jeez, Melanie. I never said I was. Why are you picking a fight? We’re not in middle school.” In seventh grade he and Mel had fought tooth and nail over everything.

“I’m not picking a fight. You’re the one who brought up Perfect Jayne. Why do you think she’s perfect, anyway? Because she has long, flowing, golden hair?” Melanie smirked at her joke.

He turned back toward the window. “She’s a kindergarten teacher. She’s been living on her own since she was twenty-one. She volunteers in the community.”

“Not to mention she’s drop-dead gorgeous.”

“She is,” he agreed. Jayne was beautiful in that wholesome, girl-next-door, cover-model way. And what was wrong with that, anyway? The girl couldn’t help being gorgeous. “That doesn’t even matter. Shawn was pretty, too.”

“Was? What happened, Eddie? She got old and her body changed after giving you three precious girls? You got bored and needed a trophy wife?”

“Sergeant Wagner, the guy who is so insecure he needs a trophy wife to make him look good,” he said sarcastically. “Come on. You know that’s never been me.”

“I’ll grant you that.”

“And nothing happened to Shawn’s looks, Melanie. I’ve always thought she was pretty. But looks were never our problem.”

Unexpectedly a moment from four months ago flashed into his mind. A moment when the last thing either of them were thinking about was kids or clocks.

No, all he’d been thinking was that he missed kissing her. He missed how she melted into his arms the moment they hugged. Always. The guys at the station used to tease him about how Shawn always flattened her hips against his when they’d embraced—even if the hug only lasted thirty seconds.

But one night, the hug was all it took for his body to respond the way it always had.

Clearing his throat, Eddie brought himself back to reality. “All I’m saying is that I didn’t think you acted very warm or nice to Jayne when I invited her to the barbecue.”

“I didn’t know what to say. I’m pretty new to you dating. Plus, it was a little uncomfortable. She was here, acting like y’all were on some kind of date.”

“We were.”

“Well, I like you acting like a dad with the girls, at least at things like family barbecues.”

“You liked me fine before I had children.”

“I did. But when you were with Jayne, you seemed…weird.”

Weird? “How?”

“I don’t know. You acted all fake. And you waited on her.”

“Her name’s Jayne.”

“Whatever. You were waiting on her and I’ve never seen you wait on anyone in your life.”

He had. He’d waited on Shawn when she was pregnant. Just remembering how warm and sweet she’d looked when he brought her coffee in bed made him swallow hard.

Then he recalled how devastated she’d looked after the miscarriage. Then nothing could make her smile. He’d been so hurt, too. Had he tried hard enough to lift her spirits?

The memory was too painful. It was far easier to dwell on the evening Melanie was talking about. “I couldn’t have the girls because it was Shawn’s weekend.”

Melanie grunted, not very ladylike, either. “Convenient.”

“You’re going to have to get used to me being divorced, Mel. Bad things happen.”

“I know. But maybe you aren’t better off without Shawn, Ed.”

“I am.”

“Okay, I’ll rephrase. Maybe you aren’t better off with Jayne. I think you’ve jumped right into something without thinking.”

“If I did, that would be a good thing. Shawn always said I planned too much.”

Melanie pushed the magazine to one side and finally looked at him. Really looked at him. “I guess you’re right,” she said softly. “I miss Shawn so much, sometimes I forget how unhappy you both were before you separated. We’re all entitled to move on and change. Next time you bring Jayne around, I’ll put out more of an effort. I promise.”

“Thanks.” He paused. “Maybe one time John can join us and the four of us could go out.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Ever? It’s time for you to move on, too, you know. The guy’s crazy about you.”

After a pause she finally nodded. “Maybe one day soon. Not yet. But maybe soon.”

The familiar sound of his cell phone ring brought them both up short. “Wagner.”

“Eddie, omigosh, the worst thing happened,” Shawn said in a single breath. “I’m so sorry I haven’t called.”

“Shawn,” he mouthed to Melanie before gripping the window frame in relief. “Are you okay? Are the girls hurt?”

“The girls are fine. We’re all fine.”

Closing his eyes, Eddie began a silent prayer, asking forgiveness. Of course a part of him had hoped she’d have a good reason for not being there. Then, almost immediately, his frustration let loose. “What happened?”

“I, um, locked my purse in the house, which is where my cell phone and keys are.”

“What about the extra set?” After the fourth time she’d been locked out, he’d made copies of the keys and created a hiding spot for them in the backyard.

“I never put them back. Not after the last time I used them. I had to go next door to see Delores and ask if I could use her phone to call the locksmith. And you know how ornery she is—I didn’t dare ask to call you.”

“She would have said no,” he replied, smiling in spite of his irritation. “Long distance.”

“You got it. So the girls and I just sat outside and waited for the guy to come.”

“But he didn’t?”

“Oh, he came. The minute after I paid him, we were on our way, but by then the roads were crazy. Listen, the traffic is horrible, so horrible that I haven’t felt like I could do anything but drive with two hands on the wheel. But we’re almost at your place. Ten minutes at the most.”

“Okay. See you then.”

“Listen, did you already eat? I could run the girls to a drive-through?”

“We haven’t eaten. We’ll wait.”

“Okay. Thanks, Eddie.”

She clicked off before he could say another word.

“She’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Eddie couldn’t believe it, but he actually felt like smiling. “Locked her purse in the house, but she’ll be here in ten minutes.”

Melanie stood up again. “Sooner than that! There they are!”

Following Melanie out of the house, Eddie found himself chuckling. That had been maybe one minute, tops.

Shawn had never met a schedule she could keep.



SHE’D DONE IT. She’d deposited the girls at Eddie’s.

As Shawn drove along the highway once again, she tried not to think about how empty she felt.

She hated it when the girls stayed overnight at Eddie’s. This weekend was going to be even worse. Eddie was going to have them until Sunday. She had two whole evenings to get through.

Opening the sun roof in her van, she caught the pungent smell of sea air and tried not to think about how desperately lonely she felt, driving away from Bishop’s Gate and back to Destin.

But as the mile markers flashed by on the highway and resort communities gave way to office parks, Shawn’s emotions ran wild as hunger pangs and hormones warred with each other.

Obviously she needed to eat or she was going to be in tears before she drove another three miles.

Though she’d planned to heat up a frozen dinner at home, that didn’t appeal to her. Neither did seeing the disapproving stare of Delores. Making an executive decision, she pulled off at Rocky Ridge Shopping Plaza.

This was something she used to imagine doing right before she and Eddie had separated. She used to crave just a few moments alone. Okay, a few hours. Now she had two days of it and it didn’t feel so alluring.

After parking, she went into Drew’s Diner, a knockoff fifties restaurant that served thick shakes and really good fries.

“How many?” a perky teen in a pink poodle skirt asked.

“Just one.”

“This way.”

Shawn slid into the booth, ordered their Blue Plate Special and a thick strawberry shake, and leaned back.

Moments later, as she was enjoying that shake just a little too much, she noticed a man in the booth across from her also sitting alone.

And he was watching her drink the shake in amusement. “Guess you needed that, huh?”

She met his gaze and chuckled. “Some girls need vodka martinis. I need ice cream.”

He lifted his glass. “Mine was chocolate.” Just after the server placed a plate of roast chicken, mashed potatoes and a side of green beans in front of her, he spoke again. “You dining alone?”

“Yes.”

“I am, too. Any chance you want some company?”

Shawn was stunned. Was she getting hit on? “Thanks, but no.”

“Sure? I’m told my table manners are good.”

He was kind of attractive—if you were into that vintage Robert Redford kind of look. “Thanks, but no.”

The server brought his meal—burger and fries. When their eyes met again, he looked a little abashed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t see a ring and, well, it is Friday night and you’re alone. Are you taken?”

She nodded. “Very much so. I have four kids.”

His eyes widened. “Gotcha.”

Shawn spent the rest of the meal trying not to look at him. Trying not to wonder why she didn’t feel the slightest bit of attraction to a guy who was handsome and obviously found her attractive.

And dared to wonder why saying she was the mother of four for the very first time…hadn’t sounded painful, after all.




Chapter Five


Shawn had four pairs of slacks that she rotated for work. All of them were khaki, wrinkle-free and from the same department store. All were machine washable.

Not a one of them fit.

Glaring at the waistband of the pair she was currently trying to squeeze into, she silently willed it to become elastic. That was the only way she was going to be able to close the two-inch gap. It really wasn’t fair how her body had decided to embrace this pregnancy. Just a few weeks after she’d conceived, her bra felt tight. Now, just four and a half months in, her waist was gone and the “baby bump” was a veritable mountain.

She was going to have to face it. Maternity clothes were weeks away, not months. And they were all going to have to be bought. She’d handed all her maternity clothes to Eddie to discard just days after the miscarriage, stifling any attempt he’d made to suggest keeping the clothes just in case they wanted to try again one day.

After she’d told him flat out that she’d never want to have another baby, he’d taken the sack away without another word.

Only now did she recall the look of hurt that had flashed in his eyes.

“Mommy, we’re done with breakfast!” Kit called from the kitchen.

If Shawn took two steps back on the tile floor and contorted her body to an almost perfect right angle, she could spy the girls into the breakfast nook in the kitchen through her mirror.

Of course, that position caused the gap in her pants to widen. Shoot. “I’ll be right there. Then we’ll run to Mrs. Henderson’s in a flash.”

“In a flash?” Mary asked.

Kit clapped her hands and started giggling. Mary and Elsie followed suit.

Shawn grinned at their antics but willed herself to focus on what was really important: the fact that they should already be in the van but she was standing half-naked in her bathroom.

Oh! What to wear? What to wear? Down went the pants. Off went the shirt she’d never managed to button.

Grabbing a lime-green knit sundress from the back, she pulled it over her head, slipped on a white cardigan, grabbed a pair of flats and turned off the lights.

In a race against inevitability, she trotted into the kitchen and helped Elsie out of her booster seat. “Come on, girls. Bowls in sink, then we’ve gotta go.”

Mary did the two-step. “I gotta go pee!”

“Hurry in the bathroom,” Shawn called as she propped Elsie on her hip and grabbed her purse. “Let’s go, girls! We’ve gotta fly like the wind or Mommy’s going to be late for work.”

“And for Mrs. Henderson,” Kit reminded her.

“Oh, yes. We most certainly don’t want that.”

Five minutes later the four of them were buckled in the van and on their way. The girls gripped their little back-packs in their laps and sang along with the latest Disney soundtrack Shawn had popped into the CD player.

After checking in at Carnegie and completing some necessary paperwork, she clocked out in preparation for the hour she’d been dreading and hopped back in the van.

Before she knew it, she was walking in the doctor’s office at 10:00 a.m. sharp. Oh, she’d been in no hurry to see this place again. All it did was remind her that her days with toddlers were most certainly not coming to an end.

And worse—now she was alone.

Already seated in the pink-and-cream waiting room were several pregnant women, each looking younger than the next. Stacks of parenting magazines, the covers emblazoned with peppy headlines and positive-looking glowing mothers, lay on antique-white coffee tables.

Shawn had stopped reading those magazines years ago. Those “fun family adventures” had seemed ridiculous when all three girls had contracted strep throat at the same time.

Suddenly she felt very frumpy and old in her lime dress.

All too soon, Nancy called her in. “I didn’t expect to see you back here so soon, Mrs. Wagner,” the nurse said as she led the way to the scale. “Weren’t you just in here a few months ago for your yearly checkup?”

Shawn stepped on the scale and resolved not to notice just how much she’d already gained. “Yes, but unfortunately something happened.”

Nancy, who’d been writing down her weight, paused. “Is everything okay?”

“Technically, yes. Emotionally, no.” Nancy had worked in Dr. Axman’s office during all of Shawn’s pregnancies. There was no sense in trying to be discreet. “I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

“I see.” A mixture of emotions flashed through the redhead’s eyes as she put two and two together. Yes, Shawn was divorced. Yes, Dr. Axman had renewed her prescription for birth control pills when Shawn had come in for her annual just six months ago.

But ever the professional, Nancy made a few more notes without saying a word, then handed Shawn a cup. “You know the drill. When you come out of the bathroom, we’ll go ahead and get your blood work taken care of.”

Shawn barely cracked a smile as she took the cup and headed to the open door on the left. “I’ll be right out.”

But a few minutes later, when she was sitting on the table, holding her elbow to her side so the Band-Aid wouldn’t pull the skin like it always did, Shawn felt tears prick her eyes. What a difference seven years made!

Vividly she recalled how excited she’d been during her first pregnancy. The seemingly endless supply of questions she had for everyone there. How happy Eddie had been.

He’d somehow managed to come to every single one of her appointments—usually in uniform. He’d been there so often all the girls in the office used to whistle good-naturedly at him. Eddie Wagner could have been Mr. December in one of those beefcake policemen calendars.

Now she was alone.

Two quick raps announced the doctor’s arrival.

“Shawn, I understand we might be seeing a lot of each other again.”

“I can’t stay away.”

Chuckling, Dr. Axman set down her file and looked at Shawn more closely. “As you probably guessed, our tests were positive, too. You’re pregnant.”

She couldn’t help the tremor that coursed through her at the words. “I hope this time…” Her voice drifted off. She was too afraid to voice her fears.

But once again Dr. Axman seemed to read her mind. “We’re going to make sure you and this baby are just fine, Shawn.”

Dr. Axman was fiftyish and looked like the famous Mary Kay of Mary Kay cosmetics—blonde, perfectly coifed and well put together. She also had the best bedside manner—motherly, humorous and matter-of-fact.

Whether it was that attitude or the fact that she was finally sharing her secret, Shawn burst into tears. “I didn’t want to have any more kids. Not after last time.”

“It was God’s way of telling us that baby wasn’t ready for us. Remember? It was no one’s fault. This time, you’re going to be fine.”

“I know. I just…I just thought I was finally getting my act together. And all these girls—they’re going to drive me crazy when they’re teenagers.”

“Maybe things won’t be as bad as you think.”

“With four kids? I’m going to lose my mind.”

Obviously trying hard not to smile, the obstetrician reached out to pat her hand. “This wasn’t expected, I guess?”

“No. What am I going to do?” Before the doctor could say a word, Shawn shook her head. “I mean, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to have four kids. I’m not even married anymore! I sure didn’t plan on it. I didn’t plan on any of it.”

Opening her file, Dr. Axman murmured, “So how long were you on the pills before you stopped taking them?”

“I never filled the prescription.”

“Ah.”

“And just in case you’re curious, the father’s Eddie. We had, oh, I don’t know…a relapse. One time.” Actually they’d managed to do things more than once, but not even her doctor needed to know that.

“I see.”

Shawn gave her the date. “That’s the night I got pregnant.”

Pulling out the circular calendar, Dr. Axman said, “We’re at a little more than four months, just about four and a half. Looks like we’re going to almost have a Labor Day baby. Let’s say September 8.”

“September. Well, that’s a free month. No birthdays there.”

Oh, she couldn’t even believe she was talking like this.

After a quick examination, Shawn received another prescription, this one for vitamins. “Now don’t forget to take these pills.”

“I won’t.”

“Is Eddie planning on being involved with the pregnancy?”

“Not so much.” She was pretty sure he’d be ecstatic about the baby, but she didn’t see a need to visit the doctor with her.

“Ah.”

“We’re divorced, you know. And he’s moved on. He’s got a girlfriend.”

“I see.” Dr. Axman was a master at keeping her expression neutral.

Shawn didn’t know why she felt like defending Eddie, but she didn’t want the doctor to think the worst of him. “Jayne seems real nice. She’s a kindergarten teacher.”

“Are you dating?”

“No! I’m…you know…”

“Pregnant.”

“I’m so pregnant.” Shawn bit her lip. Great, Shawn. It’s not enough you’re sitting here half-naked, you’re about to start crying again.

Picking up her file, Dr. Axman looked at Shawn with concern. “I guess that’s it for now. Take care of yourself, would you please?”

“I’ll try.”

Pausing again, the doctor looked at Shawn’s chart. “I’ll see you next month. Unless you have a problem of course. Then, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.”

Over the next month or two, Shawn knew she was going to be showing something awful. And within the next few weeks—not months—she was going to have to break the news to Eddie. That while he’d moved on, she was carrying around a little something from their past.



“IT’S FRIDAY, Eddie. Want to come out with us tonight?” Sal asked as they turned in their time cards and exited the police station. “We’re heading over to The Precinct for a couple of beers.”

The Precinct was a cop bar located about two blocks from the station. Made of cement blocks and definitely sparse in the decor area, it served as a haven for police officers in the area. When he was still married, he’d stopped over there at least once a month, needing a moment to take the edge off the day before heading home and facing a night of fighting with Shawn.

Luckily the bar didn’t hold the appeal that it used to. “No thanks, I’ve got plans.”

Sal looked him over. “You’re not working a double shift again, are you?”

“Not tonight. I’ve got three little girls to take out.”

Sal grinned. “Now that’s what I like to hear. I’m glad you’ve got your priorities back. Where are you taking your best girls?”

“Probably just back to my place. They like hanging out with me. We’ll probably just eat pizza and play Candy Land or something.”

“You being with them is what counts, don’t you think? My grandson likes pick-up sticks. We could play that all night.”

“I’ll have to pick up some of them. I liked those, too.” Thinking some more about his upcoming evening, he said, “You know, it’s kind of weird. Back when I was home with them, Shawn and I used to always check to see that the other person wasn’t slacking when all three girls needed help. Now I wish I was around them all the time—and I don’t need any help with them, either.”

“That’s love.”

“That’s it, exactly.” There was nothing like the stale smell of an empty apartment to make a man long for things to be a little messed up and noisy. Until he’d had kids, he’d had no idea just how powerful love really was.

“What does Shawn do when you’ve got the girls?”

“I don’t know. She usually works or something.” But as he spoke, Eddie was uncomfortably aware that that was exactly what she did. If she had any need to date other men, he hadn’t heard about it.

Glancing at his watch, Eddie picked up his pace. “I’ve got to go or I’ll be late. Shawn’s working, so I’ve got to pick the girls up from the sitter.”

“Hey, isn’t it nice to know that you’re their father, not the babysitter? Some guys don’t spend any time with their kids unless they have to.”

“It’s great,” Eddie said in parting, quickly unlocking his car and climbing in.

Sal was right. Eddie had always considered himself a good dad, but he knew he hadn’t always shouldered the responsibilities equally with Shawn.

More often than was comfortable to admit, he had taken on the role of provider and fun parent, leaving Shawn to deal with the majority of the grunt work.





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