Книга - Her Valentine Family

Her Valentine Family
Renee Andrews


Part-time college student and full-time single mom Jessica Bowman returns to Alabama to raise her little boy, Nathan, in the only home she's ever known.The last person she expects to see is Chad Martin, her first love. He doesn't know that Jessica's been keeping a secret from him. What he does know is that he never stopped loving her. But Jessica realizes that her silence stands in the way of their reunion.If she takes a leap of faith and reveals the truth, will she find that love and forgiveness are the sweetest Valentine gifts of all?









“I have a daughter.”


Jessica’s breath caught in her throat, and she had to replay the words to process them completely.

A daughter.

Jessica’s eyes started to tingle, and she prayed he’d believe the tears were from the cold. “I’m very happy for you,” she said. Then she swallowed, cleared her throat and said exactly what she hadn’t planned to say to him tonight. “I have a son.”

The shock on his face matched hers.

“You have a son?”

Jess smiled and nodded, her cheeks pressing upward and causing that tiny river of tears to spill over. Again, she prayed he thought it was from the cold.

They both stood there for a moment, a bounty of words and explanations tumbling through her thoughts but none spoken.

Then she moved away from Chad Martin, away from the only man she’d ever loved and away from the man whose eyes were identical to the ones she’d see when she returned home…to his son.




RENEE ANDREWS


spends a lot of time in the gym. No, she isn’t working out. She and her husband, a former all-American gymnast, own an all-star cheerleading gym. She is thankful the talented kids there don’t have a problem when she brings her laptop and writes while they sweat. When she isn’t writing, she’s typically traveling with her husband, bragging about their two sons or spoiling their bulldog. Write to her at Renee@ReneeAndrews.com or visit her website at www.reneeandrews.com.




Her Valentine Family

Renee Andrews








As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

—Isaiah 55:9


This novel is dedicated to my parents,

James and Jolaine Bowers.

God blessed me with you.




ACKNOWLEDGMENT


Special thanks to Dr. Patrick Whitlock for his patience in answering all of my medical questions. All mistakes are mine.




Contents


Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Epilogue

Letter to Reader

Questions for Discussion




Chapter One


Chad Martin left the Math and Science building at Stockville Community College after his last class Thursday evening mentally reviewing the semester’s syllabus, which he’d spent the majority of class time explaining to the students. Sure, he crammed a ton in the Advanced Biology course, but he wanted them, or rather their parents, to get their money’s worth. And he wanted to prove to the university that he could handle higher level courses in spite of his youth, show them that he could make the work challenging for the students but also entice them to enjoy the learning process. No, he hadn’t planned on being a teacher, but if teaching was what he was doing, he wanted to do a good job.

He was so engrossed in calculating what he could cover the first week that he nearly missed the movement to his right, the slight shadow crossing the quad at an angle and heading toward the parking lot. The woman wore a midlength dark coat cinched tight around her waist and jeans. Her hair bounced against her shoulders as she moved, and her arms cradled several books to her chest. Small puffs of wispy smoke escaped her mouth as her warm breath hit the crisp January air. Northern Alabama wasn’t as cold as most of the country at this time of year, but it was cold enough to cause her to huddle into herself as she briskly walked.

It was dark, but the campus lighting cast yellow ovals at sporadic intervals on the quad, and Chad stayed where he was, waiting for her to step inside the next patch of light. There was something so familiar about the way she moved, and he wondered whether he was doing it again—expecting to see Jessica one more time. For six years, he’d occasionally glimpsed someone who looked like her, walked like her, laughed like her. And each and every time, when he garnered the courage to approach the woman in question, he would see that his eyes, his ears had played tricks on him again. Jessica Bowman had walked out of his world six years ago, and he was a fool to think she’d suddenly burst back in.

But something about this woman…

Finally, she stepped completely into the circle of light. Then she paused her pace, flipped open the top book in her arms and then ran a hand in her purse and withdrew a pen. She scribbled something on the page, nodded and then put the pen away.

And he knew. This wasn’t merely another woman who resembled Jessica. After practically every class in high school, when they’d walk to the lockers, her mind would churn over everything that happened in the classroom, and she’d inadvertently remember some little tidbit that the teacher had said, something to do with her homework or any other thing that she didn’t want to forget later. After she made the notation, she’d nod in satisfaction and continue down the hall, the same way this woman did, as she plunked her pen back in her purse and started to walk again.

Thankfully, the light covered her for long enough that Chad, now moving toward her, saw her completely. Her hair was shorter than it’d been back then but still long enough to suit her youth, with honey strands accenting the shiny chocolate hue. What would she be now, twenty-two? No, twenty-three. Have mercy, it’d been a long time.

A pale pink scarf circled her neck, its fuzzy length trailing down her back and the fringed trim dangling below the edge of her coat. Her jeans were cuffed, he now noticed, and she wore tennis shoes. She wasn’t dressed showy, like many of the college kids trying to get attention, and quite often trying to get his attention. In fact, she was dressed comfortably and looked more her age, older than the average college student.

Just two years younger than Chad.

“Jess,” he said and wasn’t surprised when she didn’t turn around. His voice came out barely above a whisper because his heart was lodged in his throat.

But he wasn’t giving up that easily.

“Jessica,” he repeated, maybe a bit too forcefully because she jumped, turned and dropped one of the books from her arms. Arched brows lifted, and those dark, insightful eyes studied him. Obviously startled, her mouth gaped for a moment before she recovered. And smiled.

He had really missed that smile.

“Chad.”

Occasionally, at unique instances in his life, Chad’s medical studies came back to haunt him. Right now ended up being one of those moments. Because he suddenly recalled the result of a surge of epinephrine, or adrenaline. When produced in the body, it increases heart rate, contracts blood vessels and dilates air passages. All of that was happening right now, and even with his med school knowledge, he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“What…what are you doing here?” she asked, scooping up the lost book and tucking it back against her chest.

Her question jolted him back to reality. What was he doing here? He wasn’t the one who’d left town so long ago—six years ago.

A lifetime ago.

“I teach here,” he said and was thankful that his voice remained calm. What he wanted to do was grab her and shake her, ask her why she’d come back—and more importantly, why she’d waited so long. “Now, your turn.”

“We…I…” Color tinged her cheeks, and she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect to see you. You’re teaching? Here? I thought you were living in Georgia, going to school at the University of Georgia. Or wait, Emory?” Her words came out in a rush, a slight quiver with occasional syllables, as though she were cold. Well, of course she was cold; it was January. But Chad didn’t think that was what made her voice shake. Jessica’s voice always trembled when she was nervous. She was nervous now. He wondered if she was feeling even an iota of the apprehension that he felt, being this close to her after they’d been apart for so long. “The bachelor’s degree at UGA and med school at Emory, right?” she completed.

So she’d kept up with him. He’d attempted to keep up with her way back when, but she wouldn’t return his calls or even tell him exactly where she went. He’d learned from his sister that she moved to Tennessee to live with her grandmother, but he didn’t know where in Tennessee, and he sure didn’t know why. Basically, Jessica Bowman, the girl he’d planned to marry, had left Claremont, Alabama—and him—without a backward glance.

“I was at Emory, but I came back home last year. Well, close to home. I bought a house on the Stockville side of Claremont. I’m still near Mom, so I can help her if she needs me, and I have an easy drive to work.” He was rambling. It had been six years since he’d seen her, and here he was talking about the drive to work. He wanted to smack himself in the head and tell himself to get a grip. But he didn’t. Instead, he stood there, with Jessica again, and attempted to act as though it were completely normal to run into his first love on the Stockville campus.

“One of the new subdivisions?” she asked. “I noticed them when I came in. They’re very nice. It’s something, isn’t it? When I left, there were only cotton fields on the edge of town. Now there are entire neighborhoods. I guess a lot of things can change in six years.”

A major understatement. A lot of things had changed, but one thing hadn’t. He wasn’t the type of guy to skirt an issue back then, and he wasn’t going to start now. He wanted answers to lots of questions, but he’d start with the basics.

“Jess, when did you come back? Where are you living? When did you leave Tennessee? And why are you here, on campus?”

She blinked, moistened her mouth and then ran her top teeth across her lower lip, like she always did when she was avoiding something.

What didn’t she want to tell him?

“I moved back last week, and I’m staying with my parents until I find a place of my own. They paid my tuition to the college as a Christmas present. They wanted me to go back to school. I started my classes today.”

Two women hurried across the quad toward them, and Chad and Jess moved to one side to let them pass.

“Hello, Mr. Martin,” one of the girls said.

“Ladies,” he acknowledged, recognizing the speaker as a girl who had taken his summer course last year.

The other girl waved at Jess. “Hey, it was nice to meet you. See you next week.”

“Okay,” Jess said, then looked at Chad. “She was in my last class. It seems kind of strange to be back in school again but in a good way. Luckily, they were only a few days into the semester when I registered. My instructors said I should be able to catch up without any problems.” She visibly swallowed, her slender throat pulsing with the motion.

Chad wanted to slide his hand beneath the edge of that fuzzy scarf and feel that pulse for himself, to prove that she was really here and that he wasn’t merely dreaming again.

“I’m still hoping to be a teacher eventually, but right now I’m working in a day care center. Actually, I got the job today. I start on Tuesday,” she added, another warm puff of air escaping her mouth with the words.

Chad watched that wispy air fade away, as quickly as she’d faded from his life years ago. It was a reminder of how she’d left but also a reminder that this time she was real. And she was here with him.

“I can see you teaching.” He had envisioned that very thing, her teaching kindergarten and the kids looking at her and thinking she was the best part of their day. He’d felt the same way about his kindergarten teacher; he’d bet most kids did. But with Jessica it’d be true.

She was certainly the best part of this day for him.

Shifting her books to one arm, she tucked a thick lock of highlighted honey hair behind her ear and asked, “How about you? I thought you’d be doing, what, an internship or something now in a hospital.” She paused, then added softly, “I heard that you married.”

Jessica took her gaze from his face to his left hand, wrapped around the handle of his leather briefcase.

The gold band glistened beneath the yellow light.

Chad cleared his throat. He’d forgotten all about the ring. “It’s not what you think,” he said, indicating the wedding band on his finger.

“It’s not?”

He shook his head. “I got divorced last year.”

“Oh,” she said, her genuine concern evident in the single word. “I’m sorry, Chad.” Then confusion etched across her features as she tilted her head toward his hand. “Then, why do you wear the ring?”

“Like I said, it isn’t what you think,” he said and shrugged as he smiled. “I’m a good deal younger than the average college professor, not much older than my students, and the ring helps keep the freshman girls in line.”

Her amused look embarrassed him a bit, and he added, “One of the other instructors suggested it, and it does work.”

“Well, at least they have the decency to respect a marriage vow, even if it is a farce.”

A farce. That’d be a good way to describe his marriage to Kate. But he wouldn’t think about that now, now that Jessica had come home. To Claremont? Or to him?

Well, of course to Claremont. She’d clearly been surprised to see him here tonight, and she’d thought he was still married. She hadn’t returned to him back then and she hadn’t now.

Even so, she was here now, and Chad wasn’t about to waste the opportunity to find out what had happened to her since she’d left. Naturally, there was one thing he wanted to know, had to know, before his heart started hoping again. And—like he told his students—you can’t get an answer if you don’t ask the question.

“How about you?” he heard himself ask. “Have you married?”

Chad’s prayer life hadn’t been what it used to be before the divorce, but he said a silent one now.

Please, God, let her say no.



Jessica had heard people discuss experiences where it seemed as though they were merely watching life occur around them, where an individual wasn’t actually participating in the event but an onlooker, observing the activity and wondering how the scene would play out. She’d never experienced anything like that herself—until now.

Chad Martin. Of all the people she thought she might run into on this small college campus, his name wouldn’t have even been on the list. But if she could list the one person she’d want to see more than any other, his name would undoubtedly be the one. She’d thought he would still be in med school. She’d thought he would still be married.

Divorced? Chad? Why would anyone blessed enough to have Chad Martin for a husband ever let him go?

It’d been six long years since she’d seen him, and she hoped the darkness surrounding them hid the way she couldn’t stop studying every feature of the boy—now a man—that she’d first loved. He’d worn his hair in a crisp, short cut in high school. Now it was a bit longer, and she noticed that there was more of a wave to the streaks of sandy brown than she remembered. He seemed taller, too, at least six-one or maybe even six-two. Had he been that tall back then?

His jawline was exactly as she remembered, firm and straight, a little angled, so that he almost appeared to be clenching. But in a good way. A very nice, very good way.

She swallowed, then looked at the feature she remembered better than any other. Deep, forest-green eyes that seemed to pierce through to her very soul, and the tiny gold flecks within that sea of green that caught the illumination of the light surrounding them and made him look as though he’d harnessed a bit of fire and held it captive inside his soul.

“Jess? I asked if you’d married,” he repeated, those intriguing eyes examining her carefully as he spoke.

She snapped back to the conversation. Married. The only man she’d ever wanted to marry was standing in front of her.

“No, I didn’t.”

His head tilted slightly, not really a nod but more of a questioning motion. And then Chad being Chad asked, “Why not?”

She couldn’t help it; she laughed. “You still say whatever you want, whenever you want, don’t you? You always said if you wanted to know something you simply asked, and people told you.”

He grinned, and the deep dimple in his left cheek winked at her. “Hey, it usually works.” Then he raised a dark brow. “So, why not?”

“I guess because the right person never asked.” She swallowed and wondered if she’d given too much away with that remark. The right one would have asked, she knew, if she’d told him the truth six years ago.

He took a small step forward, closer. “Jess, a lot happened back then, but I never really knew why you felt like you had to leave. Why wouldn’t you return my calls? Or tell me exactly where you were?”

“You were going off to school,” she said simply. “And I needed to get away.”

“Without saying goodbye? To me?” He shook his head. “It never made sense then, and it doesn’t now. Tell me the truth, Jess.”

Her heart thudded so hard she was certain she could feel it against her ribs. The truth. The truth was beautiful, wonderful, alive and exciting…and there was no way she could blurt it out now.

How would he ever forgive her?

“I told you, Chad, I needed to get away.” She glanced toward the parking lot. “And I really should go now. It’s late—” she shivered “—and cold.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept you out here this long,” he said, as caring and thoughtful as he’d always been. “But I’m glad you’re back, and I’m glad I saw you tonight.”

“Me, too.” She turned to go but knew that she wouldn’t be able to walk away that easily. Chad wanted to know more about why she left six years ago, and he wasn’t the type of guy to give up when he wanted to know something.

“Jess?”

She took a deep breath of cool air, then turned back toward those green and gold eyes. “Yes?”

“It’s been a long time, but I still have a lot of questions about what happened, and I want to talk.”

She owed him that. Then she winced, recalling how he’d called her repeatedly and left her message after message telling her how much he cared for her, how much he loved her. She owed him more than a talk. She owed him the truth. “Okay.”

“What time do your classes end tomorrow?” he asked.

“Tomorrow’s Friday. Stockville doesn’t have classes on Friday, professor.” She winked at him, and he shook his head, obviously embarrassed by his mistake. Clearly, this meeting was as awkward for him as it was for her.

“I’ll tell you the truth, Jess. Seeing you tonight has kind of thrown my world off kilter. I’d thought, well, I guess I thought I’d never see you again.”

Jessica knew exactly what he meant. But he would have seen her, whenever she got the courage to find him and tell him…everything.

“So let me try again,” he continued. “I’m assuming you just got out of class at seven-thirty, so is that the end of your day for Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

She nodded. “I’m taking one Monday-Wednesday class, so I’m done at five on those days. Taking two Tuesday-Thursday classes, so I finish up at seven-thirty.”

“Tuesdays and Thursdays are my late nights, too,” he said. “There’s a little coffee and danish shop down the street. Would you want to go there after you finish your classes on Tuesday?”

She hesitated, ran her teeth across her lower lip. If she went home right after her last class, she might get a chance to put Nathan to bed. He was still getting used to his new bed, so she really didn’t want to leave him to go to sleep without a good night kiss. “What about Tuesday afternoon, before my class?”

“I have classes straight through from noon until seven-thirty.”

“Oh.” She needed to talk to him, and she was certain that there was a reason she’d run into him on this campus. She was a big believer in God’s plan, and she knew that He wouldn’t have placed her here with Chad again unless she was supposed to do something. Who was she kidding? She knew what she needed to do. What she didn’t know was…how.

“I promise I won’t keep you long. A half hour,” he said.

“A half hour would be okay, I suppose.” She smiled, and turned to go again, already pondering how she would tell him the truth.

But Chad’s next words caused her to stop completely.

“I have a daughter.”

Jessica’s breath caught in her throat, and she had to replay the words to process them completely.

“I have a daughter.” A daughter.

Gaining her composure, she turned back toward him.

“Her name is Lainey, and she’s, well, pretty amazing.” He smiled, the obvious pride he felt for his child undeniable in the statement.

Jessica’s eyes started to tingle, and she prayed he’d believe the tears were from the cold. “I’m very happy for you,” she said. “I’m sure she’s extremely amazing.” Then she swallowed, cleared her throat and said exactly what she hadn’t planned to say to him tonight. “I have a son.”

The shock on his face matched hers upon learning that he had a little girl.

“You have a son?”

Jess nodded and smiled, her cheeks pressing upward and causing that tiny river of tears to spill over. Again, she prayed he thought it was from the cold. “His name is Nathan.” Then she laughed and added, “And he’s pretty amazing, too.”

“I’m sure he is.”

They both stood there for a moment, a bounty of words and explanations tumbling through her thoughts but none spoken.

Then, after several heartbeats of standing there in that cool January air, Chad broke the uncomfortable silence.

“So coffee, Tuesday after class? And we’ll catch up on everything we’ve missed.”

“Yes, we will,” she said, her words barely above a whisper as a result of the lump in her throat. Then she moved away from Chad Martin, away from the only man she’d ever loved and away from the man whose eyes were identical to the ones she’d see when she returned home…to his son.




Chapter Two


Jessica drove mechanically back to Claremont, her mind processing the magnitude of what she’d learned on campus tonight. Chad was an instructor at Stockville Community College. He’d moved back to Claremont and was teaching. She shook her head at that. He’d wanted that medical degree so much. Why had he given up on that dream?

She’d kept her pregnancy from him to protect that dream, to make certain that he achieved that goal first before she told him about their son. Then when she’d come back to Claremont three years ago to tell him about Nathan, Chad’s sister Becky had said he was done at UGA, that he’d actually gotten his bachelor’s degree in three years and that he was going to Emory for med school and getting married. That was the last time Jess had spoken to her old friend, since Becky had also married and moved away with her army husband. She’d heard they were stationed in Alaska. And when Becky moved so far away, the two friends had lost touch without Jessica ever telling her friend she was an aunt…or telling Chad he was a daddy.

And Jess had consequently lost her primary link to Nathan’s father.

Some time after that trip home, Chad returned to Claremont, had a daughter and got a divorce.

A divorce. Chad had confided in her repeatedly through their teen years about how much it hurt growing up without two parents and how he’d marry for life, that he’d do whatever it took to make his marriage work and that if he had children, he’d never, ever want them to go through life without parents who cared about them and without love in the home.

Yet he’d divorced. What had happened? What would have caused him to separate from his wife? Had she left him? Was she still living in Claremont? Becky had told her that Chad met his wife in Atlanta, while he was attending Emory. Maybe she was used to big cities and couldn’t handle small-town life? No, Jess thought. They wouldn’t have moved back to Claremont if that had been the case.

So many questions and not a single answer to be found. Yet he wanted them to get together for coffee so they could chat about what happened when she left six years ago. Well, Jessica wanted to chat, too, and learn what happened in the six years since—specifically, what happened to the marriage that had kept her from telling Chad about Nathan three years ago.

Again, Jess shook her head in disbelief. Why would anyone leave Chad? Maybe his wife had hurt him, so much that he simply couldn’t stay with her. And Chad apparently had custody of their daughter.

A daughter. Chad had a daughter and, according to him, she was “pretty amazing.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks. The delight he’d expressed when telling Jess about the little girl pierced her heart. It wasn’t that she was upset he had a child with someone else. The thing was, he didn’t realize that he had a pretty amazing son, too. He didn’t know because Jessica still hadn’t told him.

She wondered if the little girl, Lainey, looked like Nathan. Did she act like him? Did Chad get to watch her blond baby fuzz hair turn sandy and wavy, so much like his own? Or the blue eyes she’d been born with change to that stunning deep forest-green, with the tiny gold flecks and ring of dark brown around the edge. Were her eyes inquisitive, like Nathan’s, always searching for answers, examining every tiny nuance of life around them?

Jessica suddenly had an immeasurable longing to see his daughter, get to know her and introduce her to Nathan. She wondered how old Lainey was, and she was instantly touched by the fact that Nathan was a big brother. He’d often asked her for a little brother or sister who he could teach things to. At the time, she’d tried to let him down easy, since that was nowhere near a possibility when she’d had no interest in dating; she’d only wanted to raise her son, for the time being. She’d thought maybe, someday, she’d find love again, but it certainly had been a distant dream. And in her heart, she wasn’t sure she could ever truly love anyone but Chad.

She passed the sign that said Welcome to Claremont at the edge of town and followed the familiar roads leading home. She noticed the new subdivisions, houses on cul-de-sacs where cotton fields had once been. Square beams of light shone from the windows of the homes on the winding streets.

Chad lived in one of those houses. Chad—and his daughter.

At some point between Stockville and Claremont, it had started to rain. With the darkness and the water streaming in wet sheets down her windshield, she was taken back to the last time she’d seen Chad Martin. She’d driven to his house to tell him that they were going to have a baby, and she knew it’d be tough, but she’d known that the two of them would find a way to make it work. They’d get married and start their family.

But he’d had big news that night, too. And after he told her that he’d gotten the scholarship he’d dreamed of, a full ride to the University of Georgia, she simply couldn’t tell him about the baby. And she’d driven home in the rain, crying the whole way. Then she’d called him and told him a lie.

The rain fell harder, and she slowly pulled her car into the driveway, then darted to the house. And like that night six years ago, her mother was waiting in the living room, sitting on the couch and staring at the door expectantly. The last time she’d been waiting to see whether Jessica would agree to move to Tennessee, live with her grandmother and have her baby. This time she was waiting for something else, and Jess didn’t think it was merely to see how her classes went in Stockville.

“So, how was your night?” Anna Bowman asked, leaning forward on the couch. “How were your classes? Did you see anyone you know?” Her cheeks flushed slightly, and she clarified, “I thought, you know, with the campus being so close to Claremont and all, that you might have run into some of your old classmates.”

Jess suddenly realized that there was more going on here than she’d originally thought, more to her parents’ interest in sending her to the college.

They knew.

“Where’s Nathan?” she asked, trying to tamp down on her shock and control her voice.

“Your father is reading him a story before bed,” her mother said and smiled, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes.

Jessica crossed the room, sat in the oak rocking chair that had been her grandmother’s and began to slowly rock back and forth while she let her mind play over everything that had happened in the past few weeks. Her parents had called her in Tennessee and told her how much they wanted her to bring Nathan back here for school. She’d thought about it for a few days, a little hesitant about moving in the middle of the school year, but finally deciding that she wanted to do that, too, raise him in her hometown and near his grandparents. She wanted him to have some sense of a real family. But then they’d also wanted her to go back to school, and they’d wanted her to go to the community college in Stockville rather than the one in Claremont. They even paid her first semester’s tuition as a Christmas present.

“How long have you known?” she asked softly.

A slight flush whispered up her mother’s throat. “Known what?”

“That Chad was divorced and moved back here and that he was teaching at Stockville.”

Her mother cleared her throat. “Oh, well, you know how small towns are.” She waved her hands slightly as she spoke. “Everybody talks when someone comes back to town. Your father and I thought you might want an opportunity to see him again, maybe talk to him and tell him about Nathan.”

She’d always planned to tell Chad about their son. That’s why she’d returned three years ago, but then she’d learned he was about to get married and she’d returned to her grandmother’s farm in Tennessee. But she’d always intended to tell him, and she assumed God would let her know when the time was right.

Evidently, He thought the time was right now, and He let her parents help set things in motion.

“So, you saw Chad tonight?” her mother asked.

“Yes.”

“We were planning to help you go back to school one day anyway,” she explained. “But when we heard he was teaching at Stockville we thought that was a sign we should send you there. God works in mysterious ways,” her mother added, smiling. “You forgive us for not telling you the whole story?”

“I do,” Jessica said. How could she be upset with them for wanting their grandson to know his father? But she wondered if Chad would ever forgive her for not telling him about his son. Soon, she suspected, she’d know, whenever she gained enough courage to tell him the truth. For now, though, she’d go see the other guy with green-gold eyes who held a large piece of her heart.

She hugged her mom, told her that she was sure everything would work out the way it was supposed to and then headed upstairs.

The door to the guest room, Nathan’s room for now, was cracked open. She approached quietly and peered inside, eager to see the interaction between Nathan and his granddaddy. Nathan hadn’t had a father figure in his world so far, and he hadn’t spent nearly as much time with her father as she would’ve liked, so this scene was very special.

Her son sat against the headboard, his sandy curls leaning against her father’s side as Nathan pointed to a page of the book his granddaddy held. He tilted his head up and raised his brows, the same face he always gave Jessica when he expected her to answer one of his intricate questions.

Nathan never accepted anything at face value. Even at two, he was determined to learn exactly how his toy train whistled and took the thing completely apart, to the point that Jessica couldn’t even attempt to put it back together. He wanted to know how things worked, why things happened, what caused what in the entire scheme of things. He was inquisitive, intelligent and witty. Never afraid to ask what he wanted to know. In other words, he was his father’s son, and Jessica couldn’t have been more pleased.

She recalled Chad’s blunt query from earlier to night.

“Have you married?” And then “Why not?”

Tough questions, for sure, but she was used to tough questions. She got them often enough from Nathan. And he wasn’t cutting her father any slack now.

She stepped into the room in time to hear him ask, “But how did the stone knock his head off?”

Her father’s smile, and his adoration for his grandson, was absolutely breathtaking. And he didn’t get frustrated by Nathan’s confusion. Instead, he appeared to enjoy that Nathan wanted facts about the story. “You see, God was helping David, and that’s how the stone knocked off the giant’s head. Or rather, the stone knocked him down and then David cut off his head with a sword.”

Nathan’s small hands instinctively moved to grasp his head.

“No one would want to hurt your head, so you have nothing to worry about,” her dad said with a low chuckle

Nathan squinted at his granddaddy, then apparently noticed Jessica’s presence and shifted gears in the subject matter to what he knew was the most important item in her day. “Hey, Mama. Did you get it? Get that job you wanted?”

She’d called home and told her parents about the position at the day care center right after the interview. Apparently, they hadn’t thought her little guy would be interested in her news, which proved they still had a lot to learn about their grandson. Nathan was interested in everything, and she loved that about him, just like she loved it about his Daddy.

“Well, did you?” Nathan repeated.

“I did,” she said, opening her arms and waiting, while he jumped off the bed and ran to give her his traditional welcome home hug. She inhaled his little boy smell—chocolate chip cookies with a hint of soap from his bath—and squeezed him tightly.

“Hey, I can’t breathe!”

Laughing, she released her hold and placed him on the bed, where he crawled back to his spot beneath the covers.

“Sorry. I missed you,” she said.

“Missed you, too,” he said, “But maybe you won’t miss me too much while I’m at big school if you have all those little kids to take care of,” he said, happily putting himself in the “big kid” category.

“Yeah, those little ones need someone to take care of them, for sure,” she agreed, enjoying the way his eyes beamed at her, and the way the gold flecks sparkled within the deep sea of green. She’d never gotten tired of those eyes six years ago, when she’d fallen in love with Chad Martin. And she sure didn’t get tired of them now.

“Now that you’re going to work, Granddaddy says I can take the bus and it will pick me up right outside, by the mailbox.” Nathan pointed out the window toward the end of the driveway, where that big gold bus always picked up Jessica when she was his age. “And he said he’ll wait with me in the morning and that MeMaw will help me pack my new Superman lunch box for school.” Exactly what they’d done with Jessica, except her lunch box had had Malibu Barbie on the front.

“What new Superman lunch box?”

“The one MeMaw bought him at Walmart today, I suppose,” her father said, grinning.

“I got new Superman shoes, too,” Nathan announced. “For school.”

“Sounds like MeMaw is spoiling you rotten.” Jessica cocked her head at her dad.

“Don’t look at me,” he said. “You know I’d have said no.”

“Sure you would’ve,” Jess said, spying an empty glass with a hint of milk at the bottom and a crumb-covered plate on the nightstand, which explained why Nathan had smelled like chocolate chip cookies.

“You’re getting me the backpack, Granddaddy,” Nathan said. “Remember?”

Her father shrugged. “Okay, guilty.”

“Let’s stop the madness at the backpack,” Jessica said, pressing a finger against Nathan’s nose.

“They’ve got Superman notebooks, too,” Nathan mumbled. Then he looked at his granddaddy and grinned. “And pencils.”

“Well, you certainly can’t have the backpack and not get the matching notebooks and pencils, can you?” her father asked.

“You might as well hang it up, Jess,” her mother said, stepping into the room. “We’re hopeless and are bound and determined to spoil him rotten.” She smiled. “But that’s our job.”

“Yep, that’s their job,” Nathan agreed, smiling broadly and showcasing the empty hole where a tiny baby tooth used to be.

Jessica’s heart tensed. He was growing up way too fast.

“And I’ll catch the bus right out there,” he said, informing MeMaw of the bit of conversation she’d missed earlier. “Until we get our new house. And then I’ll ride it from there.”

Jessica had moved in with her folks until she could find a place of her own, and she had been up front with Nathan about that plan. She didn’t want him getting too attached to living with his grandparents, and she hadn’t wanted them to get too attached to having her and Nathan here either. She was twenty-three and didn’t want to mooch off of her parents forever.

However, she had to admit that being with them now and seeing them enjoy having her and Nathan here was very nice.

“I see,” her mother said, sitting on the bed beside her husband. They looked so good together, so content after all of these years, sitting there with Nathan, and Jessica suddenly had a sense of exactly what was missing in her life.

Then Nathan giggled, and she remembered that her life was fine. No, not what she’d planned, but A-OK for now. And she’d seen Nathan’s daddy tonight and also learned that Nathan had a little sister. On Tuesday, she’d talk to Chad, maybe even tell him about their little boy.

Excitement bubbled within her. Excitement…and fear.

God, help me be strong enough to tell him. And God, please, let him understand.



Chad Martin woke up bright and early Friday morning. Or to be more precise, he gave up on any hope of a decent night’s sleep at around 5:00 a.m. He’d dozed off and on, but whether his eyes were open or closed, his mind wouldn’t stop running through the events of last night, from the moment he saw the woman walking across the quad to the moment he realized that Jessica was really back in Claremont.

Really back in his life.

She was as pretty as she was back then—prettier—with silky chocolate hair, dark brown eyes and that cute little nose that wrinkled when she laughed. And when she laughed, her mouth was soft and subtle, easily finding its way into a smile. Jess had a smile that took his breath away. There was something so genuine about it, as though the whole world should look a little brighter when she grinned. It simply made him feel good inside to see that smile.

But it wasn’t merely her physical appearance that attracted Chad to Jess so much, though she was the most naturally attractive female he’d ever met. There was a fresh, honest appeal to Jessica Bowman. She was the kind of girl who could not only be your best friend, the one you could open your soul to, but also the kind of girl you could love—for life. He’d sensed that in her when they were teens, from the time she started coming over to their house, first as Becky’s friend. And then, as she grew older, and as she and Chad talked and grew closer, as Chad’s first true love.

He followed the strong scent of coffee to the kitchen and was thankful he’d taken the time to set the automatic brew feature the night before. Pretty incredible that he remembered, given how shaken he’d been from Jessica’s reappearance into his world. He’d even forgotten the day of the week when he’d asked what time she finished class today. That was one of the things he loved about the community college, the fact that every week was a four-day deal, giving him Fridays to truly enjoy his daughter.

And speaking of his little girl, Lainey would wake up soon, and Chad needed to be ready. She was eighteen months old now, toddling around and talking baby speak and quite a handful.

Chad loved every minute of it.

Grabbing a University of Georgia mug, he filled the cup with coffee, moved to his back window and enjoyed the strong taste against his palette. He thought about Lainey and how much he enjoyed his little girl. And then he remembered Jessica’s words.

“I have a son.”

Jessica had a little boy. Chad had been so stunned at the news that he hadn’t asked any of the normal questions. Now he wondered how old he was. What was he like? Did he look like Jess? And naturally he wondered who was the little guy’s father? And why hadn’t Jess married him? He couldn’t fathom her having a baby out of marriage, not after the conversations they had back in high school about that very thing. Particularly that one conversation on the night she left town.

The baby monitor on the kitchen counter crackled as Lainey sighed in her sleep. She was probably getting ready to start stirring, and she’d want her juice as soon as she opened her eyes. Chad took another sip of his coffee, then set the mug on the counter, grabbed her pink Minnie Mouse sippy cup and filled it with apple juice. Next he scanned the kitchen until he spotted her pacifier on the table. He took it to the sink, rinsed it off and then placed it next to the sippy cup.

Fridays were fun days for Chad, days to really take the time to see what Lainey had learned throughout the week, hear whatever new words she was saying and watch her toddle around and explore the world. He was anxious for the weather to get warm enough to take her to Hydrangea Park and feed the ducks. It wouldn’t be long, thanks to Alabama’s mild winters, and he couldn’t wait.

Another soft mumble echoed through the baby monitor, and Chad knew his little girl was starting to rouse. He took another sip of coffee and watched the first rays of sunlight break through the night. The sky immediately took on an array of colors with the brilliant addition. Purples and pinks, oranges and golds.

Chad sipped more coffee and thought how quickly the sun’s rays had changed the sky’s disposition, shifting it in one broad stroke from dismal gray and black to a kaleidoscope of vivid hues. He’d say the new morning sky looked rather heavenly, like a painting from God.

A frown tugged at his mouth, and he sighed. God had painted his life a bit differently than the one he’d envisioned, the one that included a happy home and a medical degree. But he was a firm believer that things happen for a reason, for God’s reason, and even though he hadn’t been on the best of terms with Him for the past few years, Chad was trying to get back on the right track again, slowly but surely. He and Lainey had even made it to a couple of church services, and it didn’t feel so awkward, as though everyone was staring at them and feeling pity toward him and his life.

True, it wasn’t what he’d planned, but he’d work it out the best way he knew how. And right now, the best way he knew how involved teaching biology at the community college and being with Lainey.

The sun had moved up to a half globe now, a red-orange mass that pressed outward and pushed the black away, changing everything in its path from dark and gloomy to bright and cheery.

This was part of Chad’s morning ritual, watching the sun rise from his kitchen window, and he was certain it had probably looked this incredible several other days as well. But today, he saw the image more clearly, and he saw it as a symbol, perhaps a sign from God, that his dark, gloomy life was changing. A ray of sunlight found its way through the darkness last night, when Jessica walked back into his life again, and Chad found, like the sky that he currently watched out his window, that everything around him looked brighter.

A tiny little grunt, followed by the sound of rustling sheets, emitted through the baby monitor told him that Lainey was waking up. He set his coffee mug on the counter and picked up the sippy cup and pacifier. Then he started down the hall.

“Dada,” she said, her tiny voice whimpering.

He grinned. Only eighteen months old and already she knew she wasn’t a morning person. She was like her mother that way. Kate didn’t “do” mornings. With Kate, it’d been a bit irritating.

With Lainey, it was cute.

He rounded the corner and walked into her room, where his little lady stood inside of her crib, her small fists clenched tightly around the railing, her big blue eyes staring unblinking at the door and awaiting his arrival, and her blond curls, as always, standing on end, wild and crazy with her adorable bedhead. Dora the Explorer covered the new pink fleece pajamas he’d bought her earlier this week. He’d thought the way the feet were built into the pajamas would keep her toes warm, since she often worked her way out of her tiny socks at night. But right now, she held up one foot as though the feature was more of a nuisance than a benefit.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he said, holding up the juice and pacifier so she could see he’d brought what she wanted and consequently, she wouldn’t feel the need to start crying for them. And maybe that’d make her forget about her problem with his choice for her nightwear.

“Duuuce,” she said, and reached for the sippy cup.

Chad obligingly handed it over.

She took a big sip, noisily slurping her little pink lips around the tiny holes in the top of the cup. Then she swallowed, moved the cup away from her mouth and held out her other hand. “Pappy.”

Chad put the pacifier in her hand. She balled her fist around it and gave him her trademark baby-tooth grin.

“Tank oo.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, scooping her up and nuzzling the blond fuzzy curls away so he could kiss her cheek and neck.

Lainey ducked her chin to her neck trying to fend off her Daddy’s kisses and giggled. “Wuv you.”

“I love you, too,” Chad said. And he did love everything about her—her blond curls, her baby blue eyes, her adorable mouth. He realized, as he often did, that everything about her resembled Kate. There wasn’t a trace of Chad’s features in this little angel. But resembling Kate physically was as far as it went. Because Lainey’s brilliant blue eyes were sweet and innocent, not manipulative and cold. Lainey’s smile was real, not fake.

And when Lainey told him she loved him, she meant it.




Chapter Three


Jessica wondered if everyone experienced the same mesmerized sensation when they returned to the church of their youth. She’d grown up sitting in the pews within the steepled white building at least three times each week, and then after seventeen years of knowing nothing but this church, she left. Returning, she was welcomed by an abundance of wide smiles and welcoming arms, with everyone admiring her little boy and telling her how nice it was that she’d come back home. And that was before she stepped one foot in the door.

Walking across the parking lot, she was bombarded by old friends. She imagined that this was something similar to what the prodigal son felt when he saw his father running toward him down the road, except it was Brother Henry, her preacher, who ran toward her now. Well, okay, he wasn’t running, but he moved faster than she’d ever seen Brother Henry move before.

The preacher’s hair had grayed completely in the years since she’d left Claremont, and his face appeared more weathered, with the smile lines bordering his mouth more pronounced than she remembered and additional crinkle marks at the corners of his eyes. His brows were stark white, drawing attention to the pale blue of those kind eyes.

“Jessica! It’s so good to have you back. And this must be Nathan,” he said, leaning down to ruffle Nathan’s sandy waves.

“Yes, sir,” Nathan said, giving him a crooked, squinting-in-the-sunlight smile.

“Your grandparents have told me all about you,” Brother Henry said. “They’re very proud of you.”

“Yep, they are,” Nathan agreed, which caused a laugh from both Brother Henry and Jessica’s parents, following them up the steps.

“So, Nathan,” Brother Henry continued, “has anyone ever told you what your name means in Hebrew? From the Bible? Because there was a Nathan in the Bible, too.”

“Mom told me Nathan was in the Bible,” he said, and Jessica felt a surge of pride that she’d made an impression. “He told King David what was going to happen.” Nathan tilted his head toward his grandfather and said, “That must’ve been after David cut off that giant’s head, huh?”

“Definitely,” her father said, beaming and apparently quite proud that his grandson was so quickly putting his Bible facts together.

“Very good,” Brother Henry said. “Nathan was a prophet, and he did tell King David the things that would happen in the future. Your mommy taught you well. And did she tell you what the name means?”

“No, she didn’t,” Jessica said with a grin, “because she didn’t know.” She’d merely selected the name because it was the only one in the books of baby names that seemed to be right for her son. Now she wondered exactly why it seemed so right.

“Well, it means ‘God has given,’” Brother Henry said.

Jessica’s throat tightened. God had given Nathan to her, and even his name was proof of the fact.

“Neat!” Nathan said, then repeated, “God has given. That’s my name.”

“That’s right,” Brother Henry agreed, still smiling at him. He pulled a peppermint out of his suit pocket and handed it to Nathan. “This is to keep your tummy from growling in church,” he said, then winked. “I’d have one, too, but it’s hard for me to preach with candy in my mouth.”

Nathan laughed at that. “Can I have another one for class?”

“Nathan.” Jessica gave Brother Henry an embarrassed shrug.

But Brother Henry tousled his hair again and said, “Tell you what. After church, I’m going to ask you what I talked about. If you can tell me, I’ll give you another one.” He nodded toward Jessica’s parents. “Maybe I’ll have at least one person listening to the sermon that way.”

“Give me a peppermint, and I’ll listen, too,” Jessica’s father said, which made them all laugh.

They entered the foyer, and Jessica felt the first inkling of curiosity from the other side of the lobby. A couple of the older women were huddled, hands over their mouths and whispering as they glanced at Jessica—and more pointedly at Nathan.

Jessica protectively put her arm around his little shoulders and steered him toward the classroom hall. She’d known she wouldn’t get prodigal son treatment from everyone, but that was okay; even the prodigal son’s brother had a hard time with his return.

Class was pretty much status quo for what she remembered, but Brother Henry’s church service was much different than the type she recalled from growing up. A lot less fire and brimstone, a lot more grace. Jessica commented on the change to her parents as they walked out of the auditorium.

Her father agreed. “I was wondering if you’d notice. Brother Henry did a summer series on grace a couple of years back, said the more he studied on the subject, the more he thought we’d gone way too long leaving it out of the equation.”

Jess turned to see what her mother thought of the change, but she was completely ignoring their conversation and scanning the congregation, pleasantly visiting in small huddles as they slowly moved toward the back of the building. “Mom, you looking for someone?”

“Yes,” she said, then shook her head. “No, not really. I’d noticed last week that we had some other folks visiting again who’d been away for a while, and I’d hoped they’d be back today.”

“Who?” Jessica asked. Like most people in Claremont, she knew almost everyone in town—or at least knew who their family was.

“Oh, look,” her father said. “Nathan’s going for the peppermint.”

They all turned and walked toward Brother Henry, standing at the doorway shaking hands with everyone and preparing to shake Nathan’s outstretched hand. But Nathan’s palm was turned up, waiting for another piece of candy.

“Please?” he said, his s lisping a little due to his missing tooth.

“Hey, we had a deal, remember?” Brother Henry lifted a white brow.

“I remember,” Nathan said. “And I listened to you preaching.”

“Okay, what did I talk about?” He crouched down to Nathan’s level.

Jessica was curious as to whether Nathan had actually heard. He’d spent the majority of the service admiring his Superman shoes, which he’d told Jessica were “nice enough to wear with church clothes because they’re brand-new.” She’d let him win that one, deciding to choose her battles, even though the colorful tennis shoes didn’t exactly go with his khaki pants and striped navy sweater.

“You talked about daddies,” Nathan said matter-of-factly.

Jessica’s world seemed to stall for a moment. “Daddies?” she asked, her voice a little raspy at hearing Nathan say the word so sweetly.

Nathan’s head bobbed. “Yep, how much daddies love their children and how God loves us the same way. That’s what you said.”

Jessica wasn’t certain, but she thought Brother Henry’s chin wobbled a bit before he worked his mouth back into a smile. “That’s exactly right,” he said, then visibly swallowed and handed Nathan the striped candy.

Brother Henry stood from where he’d knelt down to speak to Nathan, and this time she was sure that she saw a bit of moisture in his eyes, which matched the dampness in her own.

“It’s good to have both of you here, Jessica,” he said, the warmness in his tone touching her heart.

“It’s good to be back.”

She, Nathan and her parents walked quietly toward her father’s car, then all piled inside and buckled up for the ride back home for her mother’s traditional Sunday pot roast. But food wasn’t on Jessica’s mind, and she suspected it wasn’t on her parents’ minds either.

On the contrary, Nathan’s words to Brother Henry were resonating through her thoughts, and her son wasn’t done discussing the lesson.

“Mommy?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hear him talk about daddies?”

She breathed in deeply, let it out slowly. “I sure did.”

Nathan nodded, and Jessica sighed with relief. Maybe that was it.

And maybe cows would fly. This was Nathan, and he wasn’t done figuring everything out yet.

“Mommy?”

She noticed her mother shift uncomfortably in the front seat, place a hand over her mouth and peer out the passenger window and she assumed this conversation was going to be as rough for her parents as it was for her. Or close. “Yes?”

He continued looking out his window as he spoke so Jessica couldn’t see his face. And thank goodness, he couldn’t see hers, because it was very tough to control her pain at his next words.

“Do all daddies love their kids?”

Have mercy, what would she do now? Did all daddies? If she told him yes, she’d be lying, she knew. Some didn’t. Some weren’t good, and that hurt her very soul, but she knew one who would love his son very much, if he knew the truth.

“Your daddy will love you,” she said, and she saw both of her parents straighten in their seats. But she couldn’t let him believe, not for one minute, that his father wouldn’t love him, wouldn’t want him, if he knew about him. She’d told him before that his daddy lived somewhere else and that he’d see him one day. That’d been enough to satisfy his mind, before he was nearly six, and before he’d grown up so much.

That wasn’t enough anymore.

“It hasn’t worked out yet for your daddy to meet you and love you and be a part of your life,” she said. “But God has a plan, and one day, He will work it out for you to meet your daddy, and it’s going to be a great day.” She hoped. And prayed.

Please, God, let it be a great day.

Nathan turned in the seat and his face split into the snaggletoothed grin that she loved and the sweet little dimple in his left cheek reminded her of Chad.

“Will he play baseball with me?”

Jessica blinked through the new moisture around her eyes. “Definitely.”

“And take me to eat ice cream?” The gold flecks in those deep green eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Of course.”

Nathan nodded again, satisfied, then he twisted back toward the window and whispered, “I’m gonna love him.”




Chapter Four


Jessica changed her clothes three times Tuesday afternoon before finally deciding on a green cable sweater, blue jeans and short boots. Not too dressy but nice enough for coffee, she thought. And when Nathan had claimed she looked “very pretty,” that was a sign she’d hit the mark. Of course, Nathan always said she looked pretty, even when she’d just woken up, her hair was a mess and she had mascara smears under her eyes. But that was part of his little boy charm, the fact that he believed his mommy was perfect.

She walked across the quad toward her second class and glanced toward the Math and Science building, the building where Chad was most likely teaching his courses. She hadn’t thought to ask him what classes he taught, and she’d realized earlier today that she hadn’t thought to ask how she would find him after her class. Nor had they exchanged cell numbers in case their plans changed.

She laughed softly. She was way out of practice with the whole guy-girl thing. Then again, the only guy she’d ever had any type of relationship with was Chad. Which was probably why she’d been a bundle of nerves all day.

Thankfully, the fact that it was her first day at the day care center kept her busy enough throughout the morning that she didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on the fact that she would be meeting Chad tonight. She’d worked at a church day care center in Tennessee, but it was a much smaller facility than the one in Claremont.

Today she’d assisted in the classroom for four-year-olds, and there had been eighteen kids in the class. Eighteen children, one teacher, one assistant. The ratio of students to teachers was higher than the day care in Tennessee, but she thought that she’d handled the challenge well. In fact, she’d had fun and had ended the day excited about the future when hopefully she’d be the primary teacher in a room full of five-year-old kindergartners like Nathan. Little boys and girls alive with anticipation about learning as much as they could about the world around them, with tons of questions and minds like sponges, eager to soak it all in.

She couldn’t wait.

Entering her English Comp class, she took the same seat she’d had last week, in the middle of the front row. Why hide in the back when she really wanted to be up front and center, where it was easier to hear every word without the distractions of other students around her? She was the only one who seemed interested in the front seat anyway, which made her stand out as a bit odd, she supposed.

She also stood out by being early to the class, which didn’t seem to be a priority to the majority of the group. At her classes so far, most ambled in at a minute or two until class was supposed to start. And then there were the ones who really didn’t care and found their way to class well into the first hour of lecture.

Jessica didn’t understand how anyone would be willing to spend the amount of money and time that it took to attend college and then have no enthusiasm whatsoever for the opportunity it provided. But then again, college was probably just the next step to these kids and a choice that had been made by their parents rather than the kids themselves. Jess had always wanted to continue her education and had been disappointed that it didn’t appear to be a possibility with the direction her life had taken. So this gift from her folks, the chance to start pursuing her teaching dream, made her truly appreciate the chance to sit right here, in the front row, and learn as much as she could.

“Hey,” a girl said, passing by Jessica to sit at a seat halfway back in the next row.

“Hi,” Jessica said and realized that it was the same girl who had spoken to her when she was talking to Chad the other night. More students came in, many of them talking about Stockville’s basketball team and how they’d fared over the weekend. Jessica hadn’t even known the college had a basketball team. And she also was out of the loop on the local band, Fly by Night, who had apparently performed on the quad over the weekend.

It occurred to her that the majority of those around her were eighteen and nineteen, fresh out of high school with nothing to do but hang out and have a good time. At eighteen, she’d had Nathan. At nineteen, she was working a minimum of forty hours at the church day care center and spending every other minute of her time taking care of her baby. If she’d been like all of these kids, she’d have been having a good time and playing.

She smiled to herself knowing she’d had a good time, too. And she’d played, too…with her adorable Nathan. She wouldn’t trade one second of it for anything that these other kids were doing.

Her instructor, an older woman with short silver hair, horn-rimmed glasses and a no-nonsense cardigan and pants set, entered the room and dropped a stack of books on the desk with a loud thud. Then she scanned the class, the same way she’d done last week, and nodded. Her attention undeniably landed on Jessica, still the sole front-row student, and a soft smile played with the corners of the woman’s wrinkled face.

“Nice to see that someone wants to be here,” she mumbled, barely loud enough for Jess to hear, but even so, Jessica was at once glad for her choice of seating.

Then the class proceeded, with Ms. Smelding, the instructor, discussing tonight’s topic of writing reflectively, and Jess madly taking notes to make sure she didn’t miss anything important.

She was so into the lecture and writing samples that Ms. Smelding provided that she hardly realized two and a half hours had passed when the older woman wrote their next assignment on the dry erase board and dismissed the class.

Gathering her books, Jessica could feel her heart start to race, her skin tingling in anticipation. She hadn’t experienced anything like this since high school, but it hadn’t been so long that she didn’t remember the sensation. Anticipation, that’d be the word to describe the overwhelming emotion of knowing she was going to see the one she loved. Knowing she was going to see Chad.

As if the girls exiting the classroom ahead of her knew exactly what was going through her mind, they acknowledged the object of her nervousness—who was standing outside the room.

“Hello, Mr. Martin,” one sang, and several others joined in.

Jess figured that the most popular instructor on campus was the tall, sandy haired one standing outside. No doubt he was more appealing than the ones who’d apparently come out of retirement, like Ms. Smelding.

Back in high school, everyone had eyes for Chad Martin. And that was one of the things that had meant so much to Jessica then, the fact that in spite of the way all of the girls flirted with him, he only had eyes for her and made no secret of his feelings. When she walked out of the classroom tonight and saw him give her that amazing smile, that same old excitement rippled through her.

He’s waiting for me.

“Hey,” he said, easing away from where he’d been casually leaning against the wall.

“Hi.”

His sandy hair was a bit rumpled, and he wore a brown suede blazer over a black crew neck shirt and jeans. It was nice enough to qualify as instructor attire but hip enough to remind Jess that this instructor was extremely young and extremely attractive.

She tried to keep the direction her thoughts had headed from showing on her face. But Chad grinned, and she suspected that just like in high school, he probably knew exactly what she was thinking.

The same group of girls who spoke to him was now walking toward the stairs and turned to look at them.

Jessica knew that look. They wanted to know what was going on between her and the handsome instructor. And they weren’t the only ones. She wanted to know what was going on, too, particularly whether Chad could still have some of those old feelings toward her from way back then and then naturally, whether he’d still have them if he knew she’d kept him from his son.

Her palms were damp, throat was tight. She was a nervous wreck.

He stepped toward her. “So how was class? Ms. Smelding tends to be long-winded from what I’ve heard, and I guess tonight confirms that.”

Jess glanced at her watch. The class had gone an extra ten minutes. “I didn’t even notice.”

He laughed at that. “I guess you still like school as much as you did back then, huh?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, thanks to Ms. Smelding, I’ve already lost a third of my time with you tonight, right? If I stick to that half hour promise.” He tilted his head, waiting for her response, and Jessica had to swallow to help herself speak. Something about being this close to him, and looking into those eyes that were identical to Nathan’s, rendered her nearly speechless.

She finally managed, “I just want to make sure I’m back in time to see Nathan before he goes to sleep. Another ten minutes should be okay.”

He smiled, dimples and all. “Good to know.”

Ms. Smelding exited the classroom and paused to look at them. She seemed to assess the fact that he had been waiting on Jessica, then pursed her lips for a moment before speaking. “Mr. Martin, isn’t it?” she said to Chad.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Met you at the staff meetings. Biology.”

It was more a statement than a question, but Chad nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You know, I started teaching here when I was about your age. I was the youngest staff member at Stockville back then, like you.” She smiled and bobbed her silver head as though remembering those days. “It’s a small campus, I know, but it grows on you. Kind of like a small town. There’s something nice about everyone knowing everyone.” She glanced at Jessica and added, “And every now and then, you find one or two who really appreciate your effort. Makes it all worthwhile.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Chad repeated, smiling at the woman and then at Jess.

“You two have a good night,” she said, still bobbing her head as she walked away.

“I think I just lost five more minutes of coffee time while we were talking to Ms. Smelding,” Chad said. “Come on, let’s go.” He began walking, and Jess noticed he still took the long, even strides that he’d had in high school, and like back then, she had to increase her pace to keep up. When he reached the stairs, he noticed the fact and laughed.

“Habit. I never learned to slow down.”

“Not a problem,” she said. “I can still keep up. I’m used to chasing after Nathan.”

While they continued down the stairs, he said, “Lainey’s only been mobile for about six months, but I feel the same way. And it’s like I need eyes in the back of my head. You should have seen her at Christmas. One minute she was sitting by the tree, sweetest little girl on the planet, then I turned my back for a moment to grab the camera and half of the presents were unwrapped.”

Jessica laughed. “Nathan did the same thing when he was two. That was a fun Christmas, waiting to see what he was going to get into next.”

“She’s eighteen months,” he said and opened the door for her to exit the English building.

A blast of cold air hit them, and she squinted against the chill. “Goodness.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you remember that you never know what you’re going to get here, weatherwise. It’s supposed to warm up by the end of the week, if the forecast is right, though it’s hard to imagine that now,” he said. “Let’s get to the coffee shop where it’s warm.”

“Which way?” she asked, following beside him down the front steps of the building and toward the quad.

“Not far, but more than a walk. We’ll need to drive. You want to follow me?” he asked, moving briskly toward the parking lot.

“Sure.” Jessica was reminded again of how long his legs were, but she didn’t mind that they were moving quicker now, since she was anxious to get out of the chilly air. She kept up with him without problem.

“I’m here,” he said, indicating an older-model silver BMW, parked in the row reserved for staff. “Where are you parked?”

“Right there,” she said, moving quickly to her Ford Escort, opening the door and climbing in, before she realized that he hadn’t gotten in his car but had followed her and was attempting to open her door. She nearly knocked him down when she flung the car door open.

“You’re making it difficult for me to be a gentleman,” he said with a grin.

She laughed and dropped her stack of books on the passenger seat. “Sorry, I guess I’m used to opening the door for myself now.”

“You shouldn’t be.” He paused, as if he was going to say more, but then indicated his car. “I’ll lead.”

Jessica cranked her car, and a frigid blast of air pushed through the vents before she had the wherewithal to turn on the heat and wait for the car to warm up.

You shouldn’t be.

Her heart thumped in her chest. She hadn’t even realized how much she’d missed having someone care for her enough to open her door. She hadn’t really realized how much she’d missed having someone like Chad.

After following him a couple of blocks, she pulled her car into the parking space beside his BMW. She took in the red-and-white striped awning of the coffee shop, the white iron tables that lined the front porch and the checked curtains adorning the windows. Several couples and groups of college-age kids sat throughout the cozy interior, and Jessica immediately knew why Chad had thought of this spot for their meeting. It was casual, yet intimate and a place that would be conducive to old friends getting reacquainted.

Was this the place where she would tell him about Nathan?

She closed her eyes. God, if I’m supposed to tell him tonight, help me to find the right words. And if it isn’t the right time, help me to know that, too.

Her car door opened, and she instantly jumped. Then she turned to find Chad standing there waiting for her to climb out.

“I could get used to this, you know,” she said.

He guided her toward the entrance of the coffee shop and opened that door, too. “Would that be such a bad thing?” he asked as she passed through the doorway.

“No, I don’t suppose it would.”

The entrance was narrow, causing her to brush against him as she went through. And she instantly realized that there wasn’t anything that could warm you up quicker than human contact.

A sign inside the door proclaimed the night Art Night, and Jessica noticed a couple of easels were actually set up in cozy corners of the café and that the artists, possibly some of the art students from the school, were painting on canvases while patrons sipped coffee and admired the local talent.

“Hello, Mr. Martin,” a group of kids called from a table in the corner.

Chad returned the greeting and then made his way to a welcoming alcove on one side of the shop, where a wide bookshelf housed a bounty of eclectic titles and a comfy couch bordered by fringed antique lamps gave the impression of privacy within the public café.

“This okay?” he asked, motioning toward the burgundy sofa. He moved a couple of beaded floral pillows out of the way so she could sit down.

“Yes, very nice,” she said, taking in the assortment of coffee-themed paintings adorning the red brick wall. She looked at the small name at the corner of the paintings and wondered if the artist, Gina Brown, was actually here, painting while they chatted. “I love the art night theme.”

“That’s one of the things I like most about coming here, the atmosphere. They promote local artists, musicians, singers. It makes every visit here unique, something special.”

Jessica immediately felt special, just being here with Chad.

A waitress came over. Like the other waitresses and waiters, she wore black from head to toe and had her hair pulled into a low, classic ponytail. “Hello, Mr. Martin, I’ve got my biology homework ready for class tomorrow morning,” she said.

“That’s good,” Chad said, “but I didn’t come here to check up on my students. We really are here for the coffee.”

The girl smiled. “Sorry. Just thought I should let you know.” She withdrew a small pad and a pencil from her pants pocket. “So, what would you like this evening?”

“What do you want?” he asked Jess.

“Just coffee.”

“Regular or decaf?” the waitress asked, but Chad intervened.

“Just coffee?” he asked. “Don’t you want to try something a little more special?”

Jessica laughed. She really hadn’t gotten into all of the fancy coffee drinks, since her grandmother’s farm in Tennessee had been about as rural as you get and much less modern than Claremont or Stockville. Even though they were small towns, the quaint coffee shop proved they’d kept up with the times. And Jessica was still catching up. “What do you suggest?”

Chad scanned the list of specialty drinks scrawled in fluorescent chalk on a neon-trimmed standing blackboard. “How about the white chocolate mocha?”

“Okay, I’m game,” Jessica said to the waitress.

“And for you, Mr. Martin?”

“Just coffee, regular, please.”

The waitress nodded and left to retrieve their order while Jessica gaped.

“I thought you said I should get something more special than regular coffee.”

He smiled. “Because I think you’ll like it. Not me, though. I’m a regular coffee kind of guy.”

“And how do you know I’m not a regular coffee kind of girl?” she asked, as the waitress put two oversize mugs on a tray and headed back to the alcove.

“Because,” he said simply. “You’re special.”

Jessica could feel her cheeks heating and tried to figure out the best response for his flattering statement, but Chad saved her from the task when he continued talking.

“So, I figure we have about fifteen to twenty minutes left if you’re wanting to get back home in time to tuck your little guy in.” He lifted a shoulder. “I’m afraid Lainey goes to bed too early on my late class nights for me to get a chance to tuck her in, so I’ll just have to make tomorrow night’s good night hug extra special.”

“Where does she go when you’re teaching late?” Jess asked and wondered if she was about to learn that his ex-wife was still local.

“My mom comes over on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and takes care of her. It’s a good deal all the way around. Mom wants more time with her, and I have to work late two nights per week.” He paused to accept his coffee from the waitress then waited while Jessica got hers. “What about your son? I’m assuming he’s with your folks while you’re here.”

Jessica sipped the hot drink, which was amazingly rich and sweet, then answered, “Yes, he stays with them. Of course, that’s pretty easy since I’m still living there for the time being.”

“You said his name is Nathan?” Chad asked, and she could tell he was working hard to make this conversation seem normal, instead of what it was, more of a joint interrogation. They both were dying to know everything about what was going on in the other’s world, and there was way too much to catch up on than could be handled in a mere fifteen minutes.

“Yes, it’s Nathan. It means ‘God has given,’” she said, then added, “but I didn’t know that until this past Sunday, when Brother Henry told us at church.”

He sipped his coffee. “I saw Brother Henry there a couple of weeks ago.”

“You did?” Chad had never been a churchgoer growing up, not until he met Jessica and that became one of the ways he could see her more often. She’d hoped the visits to the church had an impact, but she wasn’t certain that he’d kept it up after she left.

He laughed. “Don’t look too shocked. I’m not a regular, but I’ve actually been back a few times since high school, usually around New Years each year. You know, resolutions and all. I made the same one this year, which was why I went back Sunday before last. But this time it’s different. I’m more interested in going back regularly again.”

“Why is it different now?”

He looked thoughtful, his mouth crooking to one side as he formed his answer.

Jessica waited, sipped more coffee. Maybe this wasn’t something he wanted to share with her. Maybe they weren’t as close as she thought or time had destroyed the closeness they once shared. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It isn’t that. I’m just trying to think of the best way to explain it.” He paused, then said with a shrug, “Things change once you have kids, don’t you think? You start looking at the big picture, at the future and all. And I suppose you hope things will be a little better for your child. You want to do whatever you can to make life a little easier on them, right?”

She nodded, understanding exactly what he meant.

“Because of Lainey, I want to stick to the resolution this time. I want her to grow up going to church. My mom stopped after my dad left, so Becky and I didn’t get the chance to go. Then when I got old enough to drive myself, it didn’t really seem like something I wanted to do.” He took another sip of coffee. “Until I met you.”





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