Книга - The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too

The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too
Jenne Davis


Hitting the right spot!We are here to help women lose the shame and find the fun! If you don't know how to please yourself, how can you possibly help a partner do the same? No two sexual responses are precisely the same, so in this book you’ll find a huge variety of ways to find pleasure.THE CLITICAL GUIDE TO FEMALE SELF-PLEASURE: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too is a comprehensive look at all the aspects of female masturbation and orgasm, from methods and styles, to toys and homemade implements, to places and times, with warnings for safety and tips to improve your performance…on yourself.Ladies, if your partner doesn’t treat you… we say treat yourself!









The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure


How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too

JENNE DAVIS






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First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2015

Copyright © Jenne Davis 2015

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Cover design by Becky Glibbery

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to be identified as the author of this work.

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available from the British Library

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the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to

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entirely coincidental.

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Ebook Edition © March 2015 ISBN: 9780008140090

Version 2015-03-24


To my amazing daughter and friends, who never allowed me to give up my dreams, or myself. Never stop dreaming or using your imagination because you never know where those crazy dreams might take you…


Contents

Cover (#u38f1bb15-1bfa-534d-82a1-90fd01ed9bbf)

Title Page (#u171e6191-454e-5191-b0f8-dc31c24116b0)

Copyright (#u93e000be-e5a6-5f70-b48c-cb9fb3444cc8)

Dedication (#u433a9c59-f628-5a79-b562-5154dc0efb9a)

Introduction (#u0121afea-e659-55fa-b45b-f521ccd3cc72)

CHAPTER 1: Female Anatomy (#u87e25c93-dd65-51f8-9871-533ac3796b87)

CHAPTER 2: Masturbation: A Brief History (#u49996d6c-6316-5267-ab6e-2dccf028dc24)



CHAPTER 3: Masturbation Myths and Realities (#u5b2a5ce0-9e21-57ae-8c92-6eb28c221aa6)



CHAPTER 4: Morals, Guilt, and Salvation (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 5: Orgasms: It's About the Journey, Not the Destination (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 6: Mind Over Matter (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 7: Basic Masturbation Techniques (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 8: Anytime, Anywhere! (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 9: Advanced Masturbation Techniques (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 10: Toys, Lubes, and Other Things You Never Learned About in Sex Ed. (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 11: Warnings AKA ‘You Put What Where?’ (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 12: Masturbation and Relationships (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 13: The Bottom Line (#litres_trial_promo)



CHAPTER 14: Real Masturbation Technique as Told by Clitical.com Visitors (#litres_trial_promo)



Resources (#litres_trial_promo)



Jenne Davis (#litres_trial_promo)



About HarperImpulse (#litres_trial_promo)



About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)




Introduction (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)


Female masturbation, self-love, self-pleasure – call it what you will. For most women masturbation is often their first exploration into the wonderful, but sometimes seemingly daunting world of sexuality. Personally, I can't think of a better place to start than by having sex with yourself – can you?

Like many women, my first hurdle, when it came to masturbation, was learning it was okay to touch myself. I recall reasoning that it was my own body and belonged to no one except myself. That said, I went through the pangs of wondering if I would be condemned for practising, well, you know, 'that' kind of touching. That word, which was rarely, if ever, uttered in my, and, I suspect, most homes across the world. Yes, that word! Masturbation!

I grew up in a time when masturbation was rarely mentioned in the media and was definitely something that you never told anyone you had tried. Even your closest friend, for the most part, was off limits, because they might just tell someone else. I recall the stress of keeping that secret so well – and I'm about to approach fifty this year. The truth was, like many teens, once I discovered that touching my private parts made me feel deliciously good, it was as though I never wanted to stop. I devised secret ways to touch myself. I spent countless hours in my bedroom, just discovering the pleasure that my own body was capable of producing and yet that pleasure would often be tinged with guilt. Guilt that somehow what I was doing was, in fact, inherently wrong, but no one ever really took the time to tell me why it was so wrong. After all, it wasn't as if anyone ever took me aside and said, ‘If you touch yourself you are going to hell’, but still, I felt that guilt.

In some ways I wish that guilt had never existed and, to be honest, I hope that this book will help you put that guilt aside so you can simply enjoy what is, after all, a safe and wonderful teaching aid when it comes to sexuality: masturbation.

Society, for the most part, has come to realize, that self-love is probably the safest form of sexual expression there is. It's also a wonderful learning tool and by learning what turns us on, and in some cases turn us off, we are not only better individuals but we, as females, make in many cases much better partners and lovers.

I don't consider myself an expert when it comes to the art of self-pleasure, and I don't aspire to be. I can tell you I am a life-long masturbator and glad to be able to call myself that, hoping to be able to practice until I am well into my old, old age.

Over the years, I have come to think of masturbation as an ever-evolving form of sexuality, and there is no one technique that is guaranteed to bring you the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the infamous orgasm. I'm not sure how I managed to achieve my first orgasm at the age of 15. I was just playing around with my new-found toy (my body) and it happened, but once it had happened, I wanted it to happen again and again. Maybe if I had known what I had experienced back then it might have helped. It might also have helped had I thought about taking note of what I was touching, when and where, but that has always been the most wonderful part of the entire masturbation experience for me: not quite knowing why, when, or where the next orgasm was going to come. The mechanism that caused me to orgasm was just part of the bigger picture and I developed something of a lust for the answer to the question why. Why does this feel so good? Then came the how, as in how can I make this feel even better, followed by the when and where would be the best time to do this, in order to make it better? Could it even get any better?

So I set off on a quest, which at that time seemed to be of epic proportions, to find the answer to those questions. That was when I discovered that this was to be no easy task. No one talked about masturbation back then – it was a dark secret, a sin to be hidden away at all costs, because even though you could talk about what you did with your partner/boyfriend last Saturday night, talking about what you did to yourself, amongst even your closest girlfriends, was akin to admitting you were less of a person because you didn't have, or couldn't get, a boyfriend. In other words, you were the biggest loser on the block. Sex with yourself must be second-rate sex, after all, which to me, never did make any sense. But it was, and still is in many cases to this day, the accepted norm when we talk about solo sex.

Back then there was no Internet, no real sex-toy boutiques, or at least not the type that most women would ever be seen outside, let alone leaving, lest you were spied by the local neighborhood noses, or, worse still, your so-called friends. Like many women of the time, I got my sexual information from the copies of the Penthouse that my dad had stashed beneath the clothes in his closet. Sex education at schools was basic, to say the least, and the only thing I really learned from those lessons was that sex was embarrassing and something to be made fun of. I never felt that way about solo or partnered sex, though. How could something that made me feel this good be so bad, after all?

With the advent of the Internet and the fact that I could communicate with the entire universe and beyond, it became easier to learn about sex, yet somehow it always felt as though solo sex was partnered sex's ugly sister. You know – that one member of the family who is always at weddings and funerals but sits in the corner because no one from the family really wants them there. I began to question how this could be so. How on earth could that be wrong when you are simply loving yourself? At the same time, women were being taught that we could do, or have, anything we wanted. We had the right to demand orgasms from our partners, it was our birthright and if they couldn't give us one as prescribed by the pages of Cosmopolitan, then he didn't deserve us.

As my quest for answers continued, I became almost more confused. Why was partnered sex the hallowed ground? Was there no place in sexuality for solo sex other than as the ugly sister? I'd always had that strange tinge of guilt that came after an often mammoth session of self-loving, but, darn, if it felt this good how on earth could it be bad?

Anyway, I discovered the Internet, but more than that, I discovered erotic writing. I found a way to channel my own guilt at enjoying sex, and especially solo sex, so much, into my characters. As I wrote more and posted them onto the Net I began to form the idea of a website: a site where women could feel safe asking questions about sex, love, and everything in between, and so could their partners. In the year 2000, thanks to a partnership with Art, the wonderful webmaster over at EroticStories.com, that dream became a reality. As so often happens in life, my love of solo sex and my search for answers to my quest became something that was ever more prominent on our new website: Clitical.com

Over the years Clitical has become a labor of love, some might say a labor of self- love. As time went by, I realized that self-love encompasses so much more than a simple technique. It's way more than just a means to an end. Self-pleasure is about learning to love your sexual self. It's a safe form of sexual expression, with a few exceptions, and it can take your partnered sex to a whole new level if you open your mind.

As Clitical has grown it has seen many redesigns, but the core of the site remains the same: a place where women can learn about sex, especially self-love, not just from me, but from their peers. Over the years we have amassed a huge collection of female visitors’ masturbation techniques, fantasies, and a whole lot more besides. I've been asked all manner of questions, sexual and otherwise. I've met some of the coolest people on the planet, and all thanks to a quest to answer the question of why self- pleasure is the ugly sister of partnered sex. I've discovered the many facets that make up human sexuality, that no two individuals are alike, and that there is no right or wrong way to pleasure yourself or a partner, only the way that works for you. That journey of discovery is ultimately what this book is about. As you take that journey yourself, I hope that you will find this book will help you discover what works for you and sometimes what doesn't, helps you feel less afraid to try something new, to just jump in and discover, because of all the things I've learned, the most important one is: you have to live in your moment, this moment, the one that is happening right now.




CHAPTER 1 (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)

Female Anatomy (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)


Love Thyself

Getting to know your own anatomy is the basic foundation for all sexual encounters, whether solo or partnered. Until you are comfortable within your own skin, touching your own skin and seeing it as not just part of your body but as a part of your sexual self, it's unlikely that you will be comfortable sexually.

Most of us think of the sexual parts of our body as being our breasts, vulvas, and vaginas. Occasionally we throw in our butts, for good measure, but our entire body has the potential to offer us sexual pleasure if we know how to tap into the secrets that it holds. This chapter is designed to help you see that sexually you are much more than those three, or possibly four, body parts, depending on how you look at it.

Let's Get One Thing Straight!

Before we go any further, though, let's get one thing straight from the get-go…

Vulvas are not vaginas. Despite the fact that they both begin with the letter V and are part of one another and, more importantly, part of you, they perform very different functions when it comes to sex. Vaginas are the inner part of the vulva, which is the outside part of your female sexual anatomy. Yet so many of us don't know that simple difference – and I'm not just referring to the male species here – women are equally guilty when they talk about their vulvas and refer to them as their vaginas.

If you enjoy clitoral pleasure, and, yes, we will get to discussing your clitoris in the next chapter, then you are touching your vulva. If you enjoy penetrative sex, then you are using your vagina. There is a difference and it is important to understand the difference; learning to use the correct term is a great way to show others that you understand your own body as well.

Are You Sitting Comfortably?

The other reason why many of us feel uncomfortable when it comes to masturbation is that we are often taught that our vulvas are something that should always be hidden, which is admittedly not helped by the fact that they are securely nestled between our upper thighs, and are, in fact, well, hidden. Cotton knickers or panties are placed there and we are told only to make sure that we wear clean panties each day. I clearly recall my own mother declaring that this was in case I was ever in a car accident. Looking back, that was a silly statement, but at the time I took her warning seriously as I'm sure many other little girls did and still do.

I tried to recall an instance where I was actually told not to ever show my hidden or private parts to a boy, and I really can't. It was just something that you never did – if you were a good girl. When you sat down and were wearing a skirt, the norm was to ensure that no part of your privates was exposed to the stare of a guy. Again, no specific instructions may have ever been given; it was something you simply learned unconsciously. After all, they were your ‘private’ parts. Now, I'm not suggesting that you go around wearing no panties or show your vulva to the next guy that walks into your office or workplace. I'm just trying to illustrate where we may have learned the idea that our vulvas are for our lovers’ eyes only and until then shall remain private at all costs.

A Fish by Any Other Name

Another reason that you may feel discomfort when talking about, or looking at, your own genitals is that rarely are our genitals referred to by their correct names. Instead they are referred to as ‘private parts’, or worst still, ‘fish’, ‘star fish’, ‘love taco’, ‘meat curtains’, ‘twat’, or some other equally demeaning name. None of which helps us to get comfortable with them in any way, shape, or form. Many of these names came from an era when talking about sex was frowned upon. It could be said that this is still true, but things are getting better and by learning the correct terms to use when it comes to your own anatomy, you are part of the solution, not part of the problem, so to speak.

More than the Sum of Four

Many women only think of sex in terms of our breasts, buttocks, and, of course, our vulvas as being the sexual part of our beings and that is something of a shame. As we will see in the next chapter, the biggest sexual organ we have is, in fact, our brain, but when we turn our mental thoughts into physical actions amazing things can happen and our entire bodies can become our very own playgrounds of pleasure.

So, let’s start by taking a look at our anatomy from top to bottom – so to speak! For the exercises I've included in this chapter you might find that a hand-held mirror will come in handy, so now would be the perfect time to find one.

Skin

Your skin is, in fact, the largest organ in your body and it contains at least five types of receptors that respond to both pain and touch. An average adult's skin spans 21 square feet, weighs nine pounds, and contains more than 11 miles of blood vessels. Your skin releases as much as three gallons of sweat a day in hot weather. There are a couple of areas that don't sweat and these are the beds of your nails, the margins of your lips, the tip of the penis (if you have one), and your eardrums. Who knew, right?

We tend to take the fact that we have skin as it's, well, just always been there. If you take a minute to look at your skin in a slightly different light you will realize what an important part it can play when it comes to both solo and partnered sex.

Exercise:

In blind people, the brain's visual cortex is rewired to respond to stimuli received via touch and hearing. This allows the blind person to actually ‘see’ the world through touch and sound. If you don't believe me, try this simple experiment and 'see' the world and your skin in a different light.

Begin by either turning the lights off or simply placing a blindfold over your eyes, making sure you really can't peek out. Now take some time exploring your own skin. Notice the touches you make. What do you see? By applying more or less pressure you can experiment with the results of one study that revealed that the Meissner corpuscles – touch receptors that are concentrated in the fingertips and palms, lips and tongue, nipples, penis and clitoris – respond to a pressure of just 20 milligrams, or the weight of a fly. Science is amazing, isn't it?

Hair

As silly as it might sound, your hair is an important part of your identity and though we rarely think of it as being sexy, nothing could be further from the truth. We tend to think of hair and sex in terms of partnered sex, but it doesn't have to be that way. Try this simple exercise to see what I mean:

Experiment:

Take a small clump of hair and run your fingers through it, over it, and even give it a gentle tug. Now do this with your eyes closed and see if the feelings it produces change. I'm willing to bet that it will. The chances are it became much more sexual when you closed your eyes than when they were open.

Ears

We rarely think of our ears in terms of sexuality, but the truth is your ears can be a huge part of your solo sex repertoire if only you would let them. Some women can get turned on simply by touching their own ears, but this is not true in all cases. However, it's worth trying, as they say – nothing ventured nothing gained – and the outcome might surprise you. Of course, the thing we generally use our ears for is to hear what is around us. The things that surround us can often be surprisingly sexual, if only we listen to them.

Exercise:

If you watch porn, start by finding your favorite scene. Now watch it without the sound. Now watch it again with the sound on and your eyes closed. Notice the differences between the experiences. You could also try investing in an audio erotic book and listen to it with your eyes shut (unless, of course, you happen to be driving at the time of listening.)

Lips

Our lips are packed with nerve ending that send many signals to our brains – some sexual and others not. It's not easy to kiss yourself, but it's not impossible, if you think about it. You can kiss your own hand – you can even kiss your own breasts if the mood so takes you. After all, it's your body and you are free to explore it any way you like.

Exercise:

Try simply running your tongue over your lips: slowly, now very slowly. Notice the way your body reacts as you do this. Does it turn you on or have no effect? Everyone has different reactions to everything and especially to the way you touch it.

Tongue

We are what we eat, as they say, and eating something can be a very sexy experience. Our tongues are packed with taste buds that allow us to feel and interrupt the sensations caused by sweetness, bitterness, saltiness, sourness, and umami. Different tastes can, in fact, cause our bodies to react in sexual ways. I'm sure you are familiar with the saying ‘sex is better than chocolate’, but are all too aware that there are times when the opposite is true. By discovering which tastes you enjoy when you are solo it is possible to turn what you eat into a sexual experience.

Exercise:

Try eating some ice cream. Pick a flavor that you know you enjoy, or if you are feeling a little more adventurous, pick one that you have never tried. Now settle down and use a spoon – feed yourself that ice cream, slowly…very slowly. Concentrate on the sensations that the taste produces within you. You are likely to react to the coolness of the ice cream at first, but now try licking the ice cream from the back of the spoon. Again, move slowly and deliberately. It may help if you close your eyes as you concentrate solely on the sensations. I've had some great solo ice-cream escapades over the years. It's all about changing your perception of what you are doing. You're not just eating, you're tasting, enjoying, and – most of all – feeling.

Neck

There are times when I swear my neck is in some way directly connected to my vulva and clitoris. Whether I'm simply touching it gently with my hand or my partner is with their lips or hand, I can't help but get a little moister between my thighs and my thoughts turn to sex. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this connection, and you can find out whether your neck reacts the same way as mine does by trying this simple but effective exercise.

Exercise:

Try running your fingertips across the nape of your neck. Vary the pressure you use as you explore this often-neglected part of your body. You can try experimenting by using various objects such as silk scarves, feathers, and anything else you have at hand – to see the effects the sensations have on you. They might just surprise you!

Shoulders and Arms

Both of these items are rarely thought of as sexy, but they should never be discounted as such when it comes to solo sex.

Exercise:

Try touching your shoulder and arms with either your opposite hand or a variety of objects. These objects can run the gamut from silk scarves to pieces of wood. Try varying the force or pressure that you apply to these areas and spend some time noticing how your body reacts to them.

Hands

If there is one area of your body that you might want to start thinking of in terms of a sexual tool,it would likely be your hands. Yes, you read that right! Take a second to think this through if this fact is throwing you off. Your hands touch, your hands feel, your hands are amazing. Even if you choose to use a sexual toy or tool, you will likely have to hold it with, well, your hand – or hands. Hopefully you are starting to see what I mean, here. The great thing about your hands is that they cost nothing, are always – ermmm – handy, and have the ability to bring you lots of sexual pleasure, if you would only let them.

Exercise:

We tend to think of sexual touch in terms of fingertips, when we can, and probably should, be using the entire surface of our hands. You can apply this logic to any of the exercises and techniques that are included in this book. If a technique calls for you to use your fingertips, there are no rules to say you can't try the same thing with the palm of your hands, be it a movement or applying pressure.

Breasts

For most women, and, let’s face it, men, breasts are something that hold a special place in their hearts when it comes to sex. Breasts are made up of mostly fatty and connective tissue. Just like most other body parts, breasts come in many different sizes, shapes, and colors. They can be the same size and shape, but oftentimes one breast may look a little different than the other. The breasts and nipples may enlarge in the days prior to a woman’s period and may grow extra sensitive during this time – as well as during (and after) pregnancy.

In other words, breasts are somewhat complicated and then you can add in the fact that according to one study around 50 per cent of women enjoy breast stimulation, whilst the others simply tolerate it to please a partner. The good news here is we are talking about solo sex and there is no one else to please but you! According to studies conducted by Masters and Johnson and the Kinsey Institute, a small percentage of women can actually have an orgasm from breast stimulation alone. Interestingly enough, in a Kinsey Institute experiment on 8,000 women, only 11 per cent said they stimulated their own breasts during masturbation. I say that it's time we changed that percentage and I wish more women would explore their breasts as well as the rest of their bodies during a masturbation session.

Exercise:

Start out by touching your breasts using long, circular strokes, starting at the bottom of your breasts. Slowly graze your skin with your fingers as you circle the outer perimeter of your breasts. With each revolution of your breast, move just a little closer to the center of your breast, spiraling inward ever so slightly. For every two movements closer to your breasts, take one small movement outward. Continue with slow, spiraling strokes toward your nipples. As you near the nipple with one hand, stop and begin the same process with your other one. Take your time touching your breasts – make this whole process take at least 10 to15 minutes. When you do finally get to your nipple, you may well find yourself in ecstasy.

Nipples

Did you know that it's possible for a woman to achieve orgasm solely through nipple play? It's true! This doesn't happen for every woman, but certain women can have genital orgasms that are caused by intense nipple stimulation. About one in 18 people are born with a third nipple and during the Middle Ages if you did have a third nipple you would have been branded a witch, which would likely have meant you would have been burned at the stake. Fortunately we live in the 21


century and those days are done. That said, many people still have many misconceptions about their nipples, so let's try to put them to rest, shall we?

In case you aren't aware, the circular pigmented area around your nipple is called the ‘aureola’. They range in color from pale yellow to almost black, and are always darker than the skin that makes up the breast. This is so it's easier for a baby to locate them. Generally the older you are the bigger your aureolas will be. Hairs do not grow on your actual nipple, preferring to grow on your aureola, and are not bad. Whilst an erect nipple can be a sign that you are feeling sexually aroused there are other reasons they may become erect, including the fact that it's darn cold.

Exercise:

Lube the tips of the thumb and index finger of your dominant hand. If you don't have any lube handy, you can simply lick your fingers to moisten them before beginning. Now place your fingers directly across from each other on opposite ends of the outer aureola. Start at the outer part of the aureola and move your finger and thumb toward each other. As they reach the nipple, roll the nipple in a twirling motion between your fingertip and the tip of your thumb. Now, repeat the technique, starting at a different spot on the outside of the aureola. This will tease the nipple by creating anticipation and desire. Where you take things from here is, well, in your own hands.

Stomach or Belly

In men, this area is often referred to as the ‘treasure trail’, and this is the way I like to think of it when it comes to solo sex. Some women will find that when they are sexually aroused their stomach, or belly, area becomes too sensitive to touch, whilst others enjoy exploring this area and view it as foreplay before they reach the promised land of their mons, or the top of their vulva.

Exercise:

Spend some time playing with your belly once you are sexually aroused. Does it feel good as you allow your hand to travel downward toward your mons or does it have the opposite effect? Try varying the pressure, direction, and width of your touch and see if that makes a difference.

The Mons Veneris

Your Mons Veneris is located below your abdomen or belly, but above your vulva. It's the area of fatty tissue that covers your pubic bone and is designed to cushion/protect your pubic bone from the impact of intercourse. You might find it to be very sensitive when you are aroused, but this is not always the case. In its natural state it is covered by pubic hair, which is believed to trap the natural aroma of your vagina. Of course, if you've shaved it, this area will be clear of pubic hair.

Exercise:

Once you are sexually aroused, or ‘horny’, why not try using different touches over and around the area of your mons area. Some women enjoy a tapping technique and the only way to discover if this works for you is to, well, try it. Vary the rhythm and also the pressure you apply, and also you can experiment with not just your fingertips but also the entire palm of your hand to discover what you like or dislike.

Inner Thighs

Let's face it, most good touches eventually lead to the inner thighs, as this is where you will find your vulva nestled, but before you get there, why not spend some time circling around the sensitive skin that you will find nestled between your thighs. As we rarely touch our inner thighs, you will likely find they respond to your touch in a positive way and are worth spending some time getting to know.

Exercise:

As with your stomach or belly, spend some time getting to know your inner thighs. You may enjoy using a lighter touch here, as this is an area of your body that rarely gets any attention via touch. You can also vary the type of touch, by using a silk scarf, wearing woolen gloves or anything you might have handy. Experiment until you find what works for you.

Vulva

The vulva is the term that refers to all of a woman’s externally visible genitalia. Many people commonly make the mistake of referring to the vulva as the vagina, but the vagina is actually just the internal canal. Everything you can see from the outside is referred to as the vulva. One of the most interesting things about the vulva is that they are like fingerprints; they are each as individual as you are. I've yet to find any evidence that CSI has found a way to produce a reliable vulva print as yet, but it is an interesting idea nonetheless.

Exercise:

Grab a hand mirror, get naked, get comfortable, and examine your vulva up close and personal. Locate all of your important parts. You wouldn’t believe how many women have never engaged in self-exploration. There are many reasons you should do so. First, it helps if you can locate, identify, and name all your body parts when you go to see your doctor. This may be a bit uncomfortable for you, but it is definitely less embarrassing than trying to explain to your doctor that your ‘kitty’ hurts, and it’s definitely more effective than telling the doctor that you hurt ‘down there’. It’s also good to know what your vulva looks like in its healthy state, so you can identify problems if things don’t look quite right.

Labia Majora

The labia majora are designed with one purpose – to enclose and protect your other external reproductive organs.Your labia majora are also often referred to as the ‘outer lips’ and are the fat, fleshy lips that extend the length of your vulva. Like most things associated with the vulva they will vary greatly in size from woman to woman and there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ size, with some being more visible than others. Unless you shave them, they are covered in a coating of pubic hair from the time you reach puberty.

Your labia majora contain sweat and oil glands that are responsible for the familiar scent that is associated with sexual arousal. For many women this scent can cause anxiety but, to be honest, for many men this scent can be extremely attractive. A healthy vagina produces a slightly musky smell when you are aroused and this is a normal part of the arousal process and should not worry you.

Exercise:

Lie on your back with your legs spread wide open. I like to prop myself up with a pillow when I do this as I like to see what I'm doing, but that's a personal choice. Now take some lube and apply it to your thumb and forefinger, pinch your outer labia together, and stroke them up and down. As always, concentrate solely on the feelings this produces within your body.

Labia Minora

Your labia minora, or inner lips, are designed to act like a pair of swinging doors guarding the entrance to the vagina and the urethra, the tube that leads from the bladder. Your labia minora are much thinner than your labia majora and even more sensitive. They also contain erectile tissue made up of clusters of tiny blood vessels, which means they become slightly stiffer (though not as stiff as your clitoris) when you are aroused.

Like many other things about your body, inner lips come in an infinite number of varieties. Some are tiny and sit neatly between your outer lips, while others will be much larger and hang out from below the outer lips. Some are thick and some are thin, but whatever shape or size they may be, they are all hairless and sensitive to the touch. As you become aroused you will likely find they change color due to the fact that they fill with blood when you are more turned on.

Exercise:

Remember that hand-held mirror I asked you to collect at the beginning of this chapter? Now is the time to find it and put it to good use again. Take some time to get comfortable and position the mirror so you have a good view of your vulva. I find it easier to do this by propping the mirror against the wall or a pillow and then sitting in front of it. Now take a good look at your inner lips, notice everything about them, for example their size and color. Now take one of your inner lips between your finger and thumb and start massaging it gently. Alternate between your two lips and notice any changes as you massage them. You will likely find that the color changes as you become more aroused.

The Urethra

The urethra is the medical term for your urinary opening or your pee hole. As the more common name suggests, this is where you pee from. The urethral opening is located between your clitoris and your vagina opening and is hidden between the labia minora. Its exact location will vary from woman to woman and it may or may not be clearly visible. The opening itself is a vertical, slit-like, or egg-shaped opening, that is around 4–5mm in diameter.

Your urethra's main function in life is to give you somewhere to pee from. In some women it is possible to trigger an orgasm by stimulating the opening to the urethra but as a general rule it's not a great idea to place anything inside your urethra as this can cause a plethora of problems.

Exercise:

The urethra, as I said before, is where you pee from, and although it's not really thought of as a sexual thing it can be used as part of an exercise to strengthen your PC muscles, which will help with your sex life as a whole. The first thing to do is identify the PC muscle. The next time you go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet with your legs spread apart and see if you can stop and start the flow of urine without moving your legs or squeezing your buttocks together. If you’re doing it right you’ll feel an internal flexing and tightening beneath your bladder, in which case, congratulate yourself! You just found your PC muscle! A word of caution here. This is a great way of finding your PC muscle, but once you’ve identified the muscle, then make sure you aren’t peeing when you actually begin practicing the kegels as this can cause bladder infections. So now you’ve found your PC muscle, just follow these simple steps and you are doing your kegels!

1. Breathe normally.

2. Contract your PC muscle.

3. Hold for a count of five.

4. Relax your PC muscle.

5. Repeat ten times.

Clitoris

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body that has no known purpose other than producing sexual pleasure. You can find the clitoris at the 12:00 position of your vulva. It’s located near the top of the vulva and may be hidden under the labia and/or clitoral hood. The head of the clitoris, or clitoral glans, is the small pea-sized bud of smooth, spongy, erectile tissue located at the top of the labia minora. It is covered, either partially or completely, by the clitoral hood – a flap of skin that looks like a hood over a little head. The clitoral hood is designed to protect the head of the clitoris, which may become erect and protrude from the clitoral hood when you are fully turned on.

However, the visible head of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. When someone uses the phrase ‘the tip of the iceberg’, it refers to the fact that as much as seven-eighths of the iceberg’s mass is under water, leaving only a small portion exposed. The clitoris is very much like an iceberg in that only the small glans is visible to us, but it actually extends into the body. The entire clitoris resembles a four-inch wishbone. It extends from the external and visible pea-sized tip, up the shaft, and into the body.

Just as penises come in all shapes and sizes so do clitorises and while the average size of the clitoris is about one-quarter of an inch in diameter, it is possible to have a clitoris that can measure up to two and a half inches in length and one inch in diameter. When they are this large they bear a striking resemblance to a small penis, which is not really so surprising when you learn that the penis and clitoris are made up of the same tissues and develop from the same tissue when they are in the fetus. As with breasts, the clitoris will vary in size from woman to woman, and a small clitoris does not impact a woman's ability to orgasm.

Exercise:

Take a hand-held mirror and take another look at your vulva. Really concentrate on finding your clitoris this time. Not just your clitoral head, but your entire clitoris, which includes the shaft that runs along your inner labia. Now spend a little time touching just one side of your clitoral shaft at first, then the other. The fascinating thing about the clitoral shaft is that many women will report more sensitivity on one side than the other. As you stroke each side of the shaft, take note of how your clitoris reacts to each touch. If you have a large clitoral hood, then the chances are you will see the clitoris or pea-shaped object begin to peek out as you become more aroused. If you have a small clitoral hood, this might be a little less pronounced, but look a little closer and get familiar with your clitoris.

Vagina

The vagina performs many functions. Not only does it accept the penis during sex, captures sperm during ejaculation, and acts as a pathway for an egg, it also provides sexual pleasure, allows us to give birth and also to have periods. The vagina is the term that refers to the internal workings of the vulva and, as I have said before, people often confuse the two. Vulva outside: vagina inside.

Like your eye, your vagina is a self-cleaning organ. No, it doesn't cry, but it does produce fluids that will cause it to naturally cleanse itself. It is a muscular barrel that measures in at around three or four inches long when you are not turned on. This might not sound very long, given that the average penis measures in at around five inches, but this is where the magic of the vagina really begins. Once you are turned on, or ‘aroused’, to give it its correct term, your vagina has the ability to expand. Think of it as a piece of elastic, if you will. This elastic nature is what allows a woman to accommodate pretty much any size of penis. It also allows us to give birth, although this process is slightly different from the one above. Your vagina is angled upward at around a 65-degree angle, which is, indecently, the angle that the average penis sits at once it is erect. Unlike some popular myths would have us believe, the vagina is not a wide-open, gaping hole. It's actually a collapsed space that contracts and expands when excited or penetrated. When you are turned on your vagina stretches out as you become more excited. In addition, your cervix and uterus will pull up and backward to allow more space for penetration, whilst the back of the vagina balloons out to create even more space. When you are not aroused your vagina resembles a collapsed hose.

If you took a look inside your vagina, you would find it is pink, glistening, and has folds, called ‘rugea’, which give your vagina a ribbed texture. When you are younger these folds are more pronounced, but as you grow older they gradually disappear. When you become turned on, your vagina begins to lubricate itself and forms what look like beads of sweat all over its walls. The first third of your vagina is where you will find two-thirds of the nerve endings that reside there. So, as a general rule, the first two inches of your vagina are the tightest and the most sensitive when you are being penetrated. This is due to the fact that this area will fill with blood and become engorged.

Despite popular belief, you cannot accurately determine how turned on a woman is just by her vaginal wetness. It's possible to be highly aroused and have a completely dry vagina. Most of the time your ability to self-lubricate will be affected by a couple of things: your level of estrogen or other hormones can greatly change at certain times, such as, for example, if you are stressed, sick, have a poor diet, or depending on where you are with your menstrual cycle. As is well documented that as you reach the menopause vaginal dryness is much more common due to your body producing less estrogen, but this is easily overcome by adding some personal lubricant into the mix.

Exercise:

If you are comfortable with inserting a finger into your vagina then you can try this exercise. If you aren't, it's fine to wait until you are comfortable with doing so.

Place your finger into your vagina and feel around. I swear it won't bite. Take a moment to get used to both the feeling of your vagina being filled and also how your vagina feels.

Butt

So, I know what you’re thinking! Why on earth would I put this into a book about female masturbation? The simple answer is: everyone has a butt and although, it's true, that it is always lagging behind, it can be a source of great foreplay when it comes to solo sex.

Exercise:

Have you ever tried slapping your butt, either gently or with greater force? Just try it and you might just be surprised by the way your body responds to a slap when you are in the right frame of mine to be sexy and flirty with yourself. Try varying the pressure you use and see which type of pressure, if any, has an effect on you.

Anus and Perineum

Since time began, the anus has been accepted as an erogenous zone. The walls of your anus are packed jam-full of nerve endings and can provide a great deal of pleasure. The other part of your anatomy that you may gain pleasure from playing with is your perineum, which is located between your vaginal opening and your anus. This area also contains many, many nerve and can be very pleasurable to touch. Of course the anus is an area that is generally associated with poo, and for good reason, as this is where your body expels its waste. There are a couple of precautions you can, and should, take if you consider playing with your anus, especially anal penetration. I would strongly recommend that you invest in some latex gloves and make sure your fingernails are trimmed before you begin any type of anal play. The other is that the anus, unlike the vagina, does not self-lubricate and a good water-based lube can make any form of penetration a more pleasurable experience, and a safer one, as it is possible to tear the delicate muscles of the sphincter.

Exercise:

If you want to see if anal masturbation might be for you, I suggest you grab those latex gloves I just told you to buy, unless of course you have a latex allergy, and some of that water-based lube, and begin to explore. Start by pressing against your perineum and see how your body reacts. The most important thing to remember with any type of anal play is that you need to relax, especially if you decide to try penetration. If you do want to go further, start by exploring your anal opening, and then gently push your finger up and inside yourself. Start gently and with plenty of lube. If it hurts, then I suggest you stop, as you are too tense to receive your finger or even the top of your finger.

Calves

For many guys your calves can be a huge turn-on. It's the one reason that there are so many pictures of women wearing high heels. High heels accentuate your calves, and if you don't believe me, grab a pair of heels, head for the nearest full-length mirror and take a look at your calves with and without the heels on your feet. Now, can you see the difference?

Exercise:

Try wearing heels that you are comfortable wearing when you are getting ready for a solo session. If you are not someone who normally wears heels you will likely feel different and as you walk past a mirror you might well find yourself admiring your legs, and seeing them in a different light.

Feet and Toes

I will state for the record here that my toes and feet do not have a sexual bone in them, but this is not true for many women. Just as some men focus on their partner’s feet and toes, some women find touching theirs can be a pleasurable experience. Others, like myself, don't, but you will never know unless you try.

Exercise:

Start by wetting your hands, and especially your fingertips, and spend some time playing with your feet and toes. Imagine your partner’s tongue lapping over and between your toes as you explore with your fingertips and see what reactions you garner from your own feet and toes.

Conclusion:

Knowing your own anatomy can be a great way to start not only understanding how your body works sexually, but also what you may or may not enjoy whilst you are playing with a partner. The exercises above are just suggestions to help you get comfortable with your own body, but if you are not comfortable trying any of them, please feel free to ignore them until you are ready. This is your body and the great thing about owning it is that you can, and should, take things at your own pace. The idea, as I’ve said before, is for you to be able to become comfortable within your own skin. Once you have achieved that goal, the sky, as they say, is the limit!




CHAPTER 2 (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)

Masturbation: A Brief History (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)


Where Did It All Begin?

It's quite likely that men and women have been masturbating since the beginning of time. In order to understand just why and how masturbation became partnered sex's ugly sister, we need to travel back in time. So I climbed into my own version of the Tardis a few years ago and travelled back into history. What follows are my findings as to why we have both the myths and stigma that may have, to some degree, dissipated, but that still hold many women back from enjoying all the pleasures their bodies are capable of achieving.

Beginning of Time: The Bible Edition

Before you get mad at me, I swear I'm not trying to be provocative here with that particular title, but it's hard to deny that religion and the belief that masturbation is wrong go hand in hand and the only way to discover why is to go back in time and find out. It would be remiss of me not to take a look at how these two things are linked.

It is often commonly assumed that The Bible specifically forbids masturbation. This belief has grown, in no small part, thanks to the story of Onan. Onan's story can be found in the book of Genesis, and to be more specific, chapter thirty-eight. In this chapter, Onan was required to marry his brother's widow and, more importantly, to provide her with a child who would then inherit his brother's estate. This was the Jewish practice at the time The Bible was penned.

Now if we look at the annotated Bible passage it, in fact, reads that since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went to his brother's wife, so that he could give no offspring to his brother.

Onan was not put to death because he was masturbating but because he was practicing the withdrawal method of birth control. He did this in order to avoid fathering a child who would never legally be his.

It would not be until the 18


century that Onan's story would be interpreted by theologians of the time, as it is often now understood to mean that masturbation was not something that should ever be practiced. We will get to the 18


century in a little while, though. We have a few other centuries and continents that we need to travel to and through before we can truly understand the history of masturbation and the myths that have resulted.

Ancient China

Philosophers and doctors in Ancient China both held the belief that ejaculation from masturbation was a waste of what was, and still is, referred to as ‘chi’. Chi was believed to be a form of energy that was vital to life, and that wasting it was never in the best interests of the patient or the person as a whole. In some of the first-ever sex manuals, which were written by Taoist masters, masturbation in men was condemned because of this belief. These same masters were also aware that women were also capable of ejaculating, or as we commonly refer to it today, ‘squirting’.

Whilst women were not specifically forbidden to masturbate, it was not a practice that was encouraged for basically the same reason as in men. Of course, we need to put this in the context of a time when women were not seen as equals in society, so their energy, or chi, was not considered to be as vital as for that of their male counterparts.

The Ancient World

Masturbation, or ‘autoerotism’, as it was often referred to in countries such as Ancient Greece and Egypt, was considered a very form of crude sexual expression. While masturbation was not specifically forbidden, it was frowned upon and thought to belong in the domain of prostitutes and lower-class citizens.

It was as early as 2000 BC that we began to see incidences of a disease that would plague the female species until the middle of the 20th century. ‘Hysteria’ in Ancient Egypt was used to describe a specific set of symptoms that included fainting, nervousness, weight loss, and depression, to name but a few. The worst symptom by far was when a woman was thought to have blood and fluid trapped in her genitals. This was also known as ‘edema’. What they were talking about was basically the female equivalent of ‘blue balls’ in guys.

Once a diagnosis of hysteria was made, there was only one option for the poor physician. He would simply massage the patient’s genitals until she orgasmed and, surprise, surprise, would receive some relief from the symptoms, all be it a temporary solution. Whilst there is no written evidence that suggests women themselves actually masturbated to help relieve the symptoms of hysteria, I think it's a pretty safe assumption that many did.

The Middle Ages

By the Middle Ages the Catholic Church was firmly established and its doctrine on masturbation was set in stone, as were most things related to sexual relations between married couples. Basically this boiled down to one thing, the only sex that was permitted was the type where the union would result in a child, or at least provided the possibility of this happening.

This was also the age where doctors became more concerned with the pollution of a person’s soul if they should decide to practice masturbation. This was especially true if you happened to be a monk or a virgin or you were considered to be a high-risk patient. The treatments they offered in order to prevent this pollution ranged from simply fasting, cold baths and sitting on stones, to actually causing the affected person to punish themselves via flagellation. It's hard to determine how successful these masturbation interventions were as there is very little written evidence either way.

Eighteenth Century

As the practice of medicine and the study of anatomy became a more established practice within and during this and subsequent eras, the hype surrounding masturbation began to grow. In 1710, for example, we saw the first real book on the subject and if the title was anything to go by it was considered a very important work! 'On the heinous sin of self-pollution, and all its frightful consequences, in both sexes, considered with spiritual and physical advice to those who have already injured themselves by this abominable practice. And to seasonable admonition to the youth of the nation (of both sexes) and those whose tuition they are under, whether parents, guardians, masters or mistresses.' I told you it was an impressive title, didn't I? This book heralded in the beginning of the modern-day campaign against masturbation that would persist well into the middle of the 20th century.

This book was by no means the only work that set out to detail the perils of masturbation or, as it was known by this time, ‘onanism’. Of all these works, probably one of the most famous was written by Swiss doctor, Simmons A.A.D. Tissot and was also given a grand title: 'Onanism: – A treatise on the diseases produced by masturbation, or the dangerous effects of secret and excessive venery.'

Tissot was the first physician to declare that the loss of the body’s vital fluids via masturbation could, and would, undoubtedly cause mental illness, as well as a litany of other symptoms and was something to be avoided at all costs.

It was during the 18th century that masturbation prohibition was practiced and encouraged by physicians, parents, and the authorities with a vigor that bordered on an obsession at times, but the prohibition would not reach its peak until the 19th century, which is where we will visit next.

Nineteenth Century

During the 19th century, and especially with the reign of Queen Victoria, the feelings against the practice of masturbation reached a fever pitch. While the Victorians are well known for their puritanical views of sex, not many people realize that masturbation was now more popularly referred to as self-abuse and this was indeed how it was viewed by many of this era. Even well-known feminists of the time would warn against the nasty habits of schoolgirls, as many women believed that if you masturbated when you were younger, you would never have the ability to grow into a proper Victorian lady.

During the 19th century the medical profession began to make great strides as regards to our understanding of the way that the body actually worked. That said, it was also very much the time of what is now referred to as ‘quackery’. Anyone could concoct a potion and claim it would cure just about any ill or affliction that took one’s fancy. As the anti-masturbation hysteria grew many quacks and the odd doctor designed a range of devices that were intended to aid parents in their quest to stop their children from the evil and dangerous practice of ‘self-pollution’.

Most of these devices were aimed at the male market, but there were a few produced with the female in mind. These, typically, would involve a chastity belt-type device or perhaps the most famous would take the form of gloves constructed of steel wool. Can you imagine sleeping with those on, let alone trying to masturbate? The anti- masturbation craze soon surfaced in the USA and particularly within the food market. It was a commonly held belief that eating spicy, rich food would fuel one’s sexual appetite, which in turn would be hard to control. As I began to look more at the history of an entire industry that was founded in no small part on these beliefs I became more and more obsessed with the humble breakfast cereal. What follows is a quick tour around how the breakfast-cereal industry came to be in America, and the impact that anti-masturbation thoughts of the time prevailed on that industry and the entire population.

Snap, Crackle, and Porn!

Whilst most people are familiar with the humble Graham Cracker, few of us know what lead to its creation, so let me enlighten you. Sylvester Graham was a Presbyterian preacher and a free-thinker. During the 1830s the typical American diet consisted of little more than red meat and blood. From his pulpit each Sunday Graham would spend many hours highlighting the perils of poor eating and masturbation. These beliefs were based on the work of Samuel Tissot and his then-famous book: Treatise on the Diseases Produced by Onanism.

As influential as Tissot was on Graham's thinking, an equally strong influence came in the shape of the English clergyman, William Metcalfe, who was the first advocate of vegetarianism in America. Again Graham interpreted Metcalfe's writings and thoughts into his own, while Metcalfe argued in favor of vegetarianism on moral grounds. Graham was more concerned with the carnal passions that eating meat produced in people. At that time the stomach was considered to be the major organ in the body, so anything that inflamed it was compared to lust. Graham actively promoted a vegetarian diet and claimed it was a cure for almost every form of human sickness. The cure consisted of sexual moderation (no more than 12 times a year for a married couple), exercise (this would help with nocturnal emissions, he told us) and a proper diet.

In the 1830s Graham took his show on the road, lecturing an inquiring public about the perils of ‘self-pollution’. As the first of its kind it had an amazing impact on the general populace and the man behind it was just as dynamic. He sought to revolutionize the diet and sexual behavior of an entire country and in many ways was successful. Graham knew his audience well and if he were alive today no doubt would make a wonderful spin doctor, given his grasp of rhetorical devices. He was a master at making claims that no one could disprove. Considering that he preached that masturbation caused its victims to become shy, suspicious, languid, unconcerned with hygiene and, in acute cases, to suffer from hysteria, you'll see how hard it would be for your average masturbator to disprove his theories.

Around 1834, Graham stopped lecturing about sexuality and turned his thoughts toward sound nutrition. The truth was, his lectures had become too unpopular for him to continue, but our friend Graham was determined to find a way to spread his thoughts. Graham believed that there were two kinds of hunger – sexual and nutritional – and that both kinds threatened good health.

As strange as this may seem to many of us today, the Graham movement was a powerful one back in the 1800s. By 1840, his public career was over but his ideology remained deeply ingrained in society and had influenced a number of bran-loving entrepreneurs. One of those was James Caleb Jackson (1814–1895), a diet expert who combined Graham’s health-reform plan with his own ideas, which mainly consisted of hydropathy. Hydropathic therapy, also known as the ‘water cure’, involved applying extremely cold water – showers, tubs, soaks, and wet-packs – to different parts of the body. Jackson's real brainstorm, however, was creating a stone-like wafer out of Graham flour and water. He called his treat ‘Granula’ and would later go down in history as having made the first cold breakfast cereal.

Graham’s legacy to the world was what we today know as the humble Graham Cracker, all be it a sweetened and processed version of the one that was served during his lifetime at the many Graham hotels and boarding houses that sprang up and catered to his devoted followers. Although Graham's career had ended, his effects on sex and nutrition teachings still remained popular and the invention by Jackson of Granula was considered a major breakthrough in medical nutrition.

Of course, back then Granula was not considered a tasty treat and was not popular at first, but Jackson, like many eminent people of the day, had an ace up his sleeve. He had a ready-made market in the form of his patients at his sanitarium in Dansville, NY, where it was served on a daily basis to the residents.

It was this sanitarium that Sister Ellen White of the Seventh Day Adventists visited and asked Jackson to duplicate his Dansville establishment in Battle Creek, Michigan, the home and world headquarters of the Seventh Day Adventist movement. This facility would later become known as the Kellogg Sanitarium, or just ‘the Sans’, but the fact is the institute was to play a key role in not only revolutionizing the American breakfast but also the ideas behind health, nutrition, and sex.

When Sister White first opened the Sans she, too, was considered a health reformer. Inspired by Jackson and Graham, she too published a book on masturbation in 1864 called, An Appeal to Mothers: The Great Cause of the Physical, Mental and Moral Ruin of Many of the Children of Our Time. As we can see from the passage below, even though this text was written by a woman, women were still regarded as the weaker sex.

‘Females possess less vital force than the other sex, and are deprived very much of the bracing, invigorating air, by their indoors life. The results of self-abuse in them is seen in various diseases, such as catarrh, dropsy, headache, loss of memory and sight, great weakness in the back and loins, afflictions of the spine, the head often decays inwardly. Cancerous humor, which would lay dormant in the system their lifetime, is inflamed, and commences its eating, destructive work. The mind is often utterly ruined, and insanity takes place.’

Sister White, although intelligent, proved to be no leader and the Sans floundered for about ten years until a quirky young doctor named John Harvey Kellogg took over daily operations. Kellogg was another Graham disciple and advocate. He was also highly regarded within the Adventists for his hard-hitting medical journalism. Unlike Graham, he openly embraced medical science and was constantly experimenting with wholegrain foods. Two years into the job, he invented the first Battle Creek health treat, which consisted of a mixture of oatmeal and corn meal baked into biscuits and then ground into bits.

For some reason he decided to call his treat ‘Granula’, a strange decision when you consider that the only other cereal on the market was also called Granula. Once they finished suing him, Kellogg took the decision to rename his new product ‘Granola’. Granola wasn't the only delicacy that was served to the inmates of the Sans. Other specialties included caramel cereal coffee, Bulgarian yogurt and meat substitutes.

At one point in his career Kellogg concentrated his research solely on nuts. He wrote a paper entitled ‘Nuts May Save the Race’. During this period of his studies he is believed to have invented peanut butter as well as malted nuts. As strange as it may seem now, this bland diet helped turn around the fortunes of the once-failing Sans. Kellogg believed that most of the patients admitted to the Sans simply suffered from Americanitis and the remedy was simply a change in diet. The cure rate at the Sans was remarkably high simply because no one who was seriously ill was ever admitted. Kellogg never admitted any chronic masturbators to the Sans, either. This suited his purpose and like Graham he continued to preach the doom and gloom of such abhorrent practices.

For example, on the night of his honeymoon, Kellogg spent his time writing his most famous book, Plain Facts for Old and Young, a Warning on the Evils of Sex. This book featured an amazing collection of symptoms and cures for the curse known as ‘self-pollution’ as well as covering all important sexual ills of the time, but self- pollution was by far the biggest. In this book, he included the 39 signs that would indicate to an outsider that someone in fact masturbated. The fact that this list covers just about anyone who even vaguely looks human was no accident. For example:

Sleeplessness, love of solitude, bashfulness, unnatural boldness, confusion of ideas, capricious appetite, use of tobacco, and acne.

This was a clever ploy from his point of view. Just as Graham had done before him, it was extremely difficult for anyone to prove the theories wrong. Dr Kellogg was never wrong, his way was the only way and to prove a point, although he married he never consummated his marriage to Ells Eaton and they lived in separate apartments. This was supposed to prove that sexual relationships were not necessary to obtain good health.

It's quite likely, though, that the doctor was in some way dysfunctional (one book suggests he had mumps). After breakfast every morning, he had an orderly give him an enema. This may mean he had klismaphilia, an anomaly of sexual functioning traceable to childhood in which an enema substitutes for regular sexual intercourse. For the klismaphile, putting the penis in the vagina is experienced as hard, dangerous, and repulsive work.

Whatever the reasons for his beliefs, they had long-lasting effects on society and many of the myths that still surround masturbation can be directly attributed to his way of thinking. The Sans became more and more famous and Dr Kellogg himself became something of a demagogue. He began to concentrate less on his fundamental beliefs and more on scientific facts and theories.

A major step in this direction came when a patient showed him a little wheat mattress a friend had sent her to aid her digestive problems. Invented by Henry Perky from Denver, they were what we now know as Shredded Wheat. At this time Shredded Wheat was not thought of as a breakfast food. Originally it was a main course, a natural food that followed the true Grahamite tradition. As well as the original Shredded Wheat there was a whole host of recipes associated with this biscuit. These ranged from banana croquettes with Shredded Wheat to cheese and Shredded Wheat toast – the list was endless. Perky even founded a scientific institute devoted to training demonstrators on how to educate the ordinary housewife on its uses.

In the humble Shredded Wheat the good Dr Kellogg saw the potential for the first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal and went about creating his own. After much experimentation he came up with Granose, the first flaked wheat cereal. Once again the Sans featured heavily in the development of this little wonder flake. As Kellogg put his ideas into commercial production he met with some stiff opposition, not least from Perky himself, who wasn't about to let anyone rip off his invention and had taken no less than 47 patents out with regards to Shredded Wheat. The effect of the cereal wars was that Battle Creek exploded with cereal and health-food manufacturers and almost overnight the place became known as ‘cereal central’. Many more wars ensued in the battle for the cereal that would rid the world of all its ailments.

John Kellogg was finally forced to turn the ailing Kellogg’s company over to his brother, William, who although he had worked at the Sans with John, had little interest in curing the public of bad eating habits and masturbation but in making money. So was born the Kellogg’s brand as we now know it today, but its original founder left his legacy in the myths that still surround masturbation to this day.

Late 19th Century to early 20th Century

Remember, as far back as Ancient Egyptian times we saw the emergence of the medical but vague term ‘hysteria’. At the same time as Kellogg’s and Graham were busy producing cornflakes and crackers, the medical profession was busy curing women of what was thought to be the often life-threatening disease known as, you guessed it, ‘hysteria’. Just as in Ancient Egypt, this disease only afflicted the female sex and caused a myriad symptoms, running the gamut from anxiety, irritability, nervousness, feelings of heaviness in the lower abdomen, sleepiness, to name but a few. Of course nowadays we recognize ‘hysteria’ for what it actually is: horniness.

Back then, though, the cure for hysteria was a simple one. Doctors would manually masturbate their female patients to orgasm. Of course the end results were not called ‘orgasms’; instead they would be referred to as ‘paroxysms’. As you can imagine, this was, in many cases, a time-consuming cure, and often a temporary one. Can you imagine how tired these doctors’ hands must have been?

So, being as this was the start of the Industrial Revolution, nothing was, or at least seemed, impossible and in order to relieve their cramped hands, many doctors turned to mechanical methods to help their patients reach the desired state of paroxysm. Unfortunately these machines were often poorly constructed and caused injury to the patient, but, as is often the case, electricity came to the rescue. In 1880, more than a decade before the invention of the electric iron and vacuum cleaner, an enterprising English physician, Dr Joseph Mortimer Granville, patented the electromechanical vibrator.

The vibrator was an immediate hit with doctors and patients alike and at the turn of the century, as electricity became more widely available across American homes, the humble, if often scary by today's standards, electric vibrator became a staple in many homes. Of course, when you consider this was a time when women were still considered the ‘fairer sex’, the actual use for the vibrator had to be disguised. Many popular magazines of the time would sell them as ‘personal massagers’, although their actual use was not exactly a well-kept secret.

For a while electric vibrators were acceptable and commonplace in most American homes, but that would change with the advent of the silent movie. Silent movies were not just used to make Charlie Chaplin a superstar of his time, but also by some enterprising young men, who saw their potential to provide pornographic images. As the trade in pornography grew and images of what were considered loose, wanton women using the humble electric vibrator began to grow, the popularity of the Personal Massager became tarnished and over time vibrators all but disappeared from the American home. For now…

Late 20h Century

In spite of anti-masturbation zealots like Graham and Kellogg, masturbation was by all accounts still a popular, if secret, pastime. During the 1940s and ‘50s the interest in people's sexual habits began to grow, at least from a scientific and medical standpoint. The most famous of the early pioneers of American sexuality, who was not afraid to ask Americans about their sexual habits was Alfred Kinsey. His work in the ‘40s and ‘50s included studies that asked Americans what were then considered shocking questions, such as, did they masturbate to orgasm? These studies revealed that at the time 94 per cent of American men who were asked did masturbate to orgasm, while approximately 40 per cent of American women reported that they also masturbated. Kinsey's research was, at the time, groundbreaking and in many ways opened the doors to modern-day sexual research.

In the early 1970s there was a veritable explosion in the interest surrounding America's bedroom habits. By this time we had seen the sexual revolution, women had access to the Pill and the feminist movement was gaining momentum, all of which help contribute to that interest. For example: Shere Hite surveyed 1,000,000 American women and the results were then published in a report that was known as the Hite Report. This was a document consisting of 510 pages that detailed the masturbation habits of the respondents. Whenever I go back and read the Hite Report of 1976, I'm always struck by how little attitudes to masturbation have changed since that report was done. Many of the answers to the survey mirror questions and comments I get from Clitical visitors to this day. Many women back then reported a feeling of guilt, even when they physically enjoyed the act of masturbating, and any subsequent orgasm, but we will delve into that subject a little later. What Hite did discover was this: 82 per cent of those who responded to the survey reported masturbating, so women were doing it for themselves, albeit then often feeling guilty about it.

At the same time as Hite was moving and shaking the world of female sexuality, another prominent figure was also emerging. Betty Dodson, who is now often referred to as the 'mother of masturbation’.Dodson was busy at this time extolling the benefits of masturbation, and yet her teaching encompassed so much more. Dodson would actively encourage women to embrace their vulvas and to stop thinking of them as something dirty, instead realizing that they were as unique and beautiful as their owners. I can recall the first time I ever saw her now-famous collection of pictures that, as an artist, she had drawn. Each one depicted a real woman's vulva and highlighted beautifully that every one was different. Dobson was the first sex educator to actively promote the use of the vibrator when it came to masturbation.

During the ‘70s and ‘80s we began to see a slight change in attitudes toward masturbation in general. Whilst it was still not something that you could openly discuss with your parents, or even your friends, the shame and guilt that for so long had been a part of something that was a natural and healthy act of sexuality began to subside, at least a little.

This change in the ‘90s, when we once more saw something of a backlash against not just masturbation, but open sexuality in general, culminated in an incident that featured the then Surgeon General, Jocelyn Elders, who agreed that masturbation should be included in any meaningful sex education programs that were to be taught in either schools or colleges across the USA. A common misconception about that incident was that Dr Elders was condoning masturbation. She was, in fact, merely agreeing with the finding of the day as opposed to actually recommending or promoting masturbation. As a result of the media coverage of this event, President Clinton was left with little choice but to ask Dr Elders to step down from her post.

As is often the case when an incident such as the detailed one above occurs, there is a backlash. In this case that backlash took the form of one of the earlier female-friendly sex-toy stores in San Francisco, ‘Good Vibrations’, taking a stand. They declared that from May 1995 henceforth, May would be forever known as Masturbation Month and this is still the case at the time of writing. The masturbation movement was just getting underway, though, and when ‘Good Vibrations’, ‘Babeland’ and ‘Grand Opening’ teamed up in 1999, creating the very first national, Masturbation-a-Thon. The first of these events took place at San Francisco's campus theater and has, over the years, raised money for many sex-positive-based charities. In 2006, London held its first-ever live Masturbate-a-Thon, with Montreal, Canada, following suit in May 2013. All of these events have raised the profile of the much-maligned practice of masturbation and helped to shape modern-day attitudes toward masturbation.

Conclusion:

Whew, that was one journey! But as you can see from this brief and somewhat abbreviated history of masturbation, it is slowly becoming more acceptable, though there is a lot of work yet to be done before we can say it is acceptable to masturbate or, more importantly, to discuss the subject amongst our peers. It’s also possible to see where many of the myths that surround self-pleasure and I figured it might be a good time to look at some of the more popular and persuasive ones that still persist.




CHAPTER 3 (#ulink_c77a1e05-1967-5231-a713-0bc2bea7761c)

Masturbation Myths and Realities (#ulink_c77a1e05-1967-5231-a713-0bc2bea7761c)


According to Webster’s dictionary the definition of a myth is this:'a widely held but false belief or idea.' And, as we saw when we took our spin back in time, masturbation at various times has not just been considered as dangerous, but in some cases fatal. So if you think about it, it kind of makes sense that so many myths would have grown up around the practice. I'm pretty sure that you are familiar with many of these myths, but just in case, let's take a quick look at some of the more common ones.

You will go blind

You will grow hair on the palms of your hands

You will no longer be a virgin

It's dirty

It will stunt your growth.

Now consider this for a moment. If, according to the Hite Report, around 80 per cent of women choose to masturbate at some stage in their lives, the female species, as we know it, should consist of blind, hairy-palmed midgets. I think it's fair to say that I have just made my point that for the most part these myths are just that, myths, or stories told by parents to curtail their young offspring from engaging in a practice that they honestly believed would cause them real harm. These stories have persisted over generations and in many cases have taken on a life of their own.

While on the surface these myths often sound funny when applied to our modern-day lives, what they can do is lead to a great degree of guilt still being felt by a large percentage of the female population. It's also worth noting, as we discovered earlier, that the majority of these myths were directed at the guys and, to some degree, they still are. We have a tendency to forget that it has only been over the last hundred or so years that women have been seen as anywhere near equal to men and this is also true in the world of sex. Women and their sexual habits were just not as important as those of their male counterparts, and it's easy to see why much of the older sexuality texts were focused on the guys.

This is No Joke

These myths have now been swallowed, in the most part, by popular culture and, in fact, many have been turned into jokes. Masturbation has turned from something to be ashamed of to something to be ridiculed. For example: if you masturbate it's because you can't get a man. If you masturbate it's because you are ugly. If you masturbate it's because you are desperate.

These are forms of myths as well, but they are myths that have been disguised in the form of being humorous, or simply a joke, in most instances. We have even created an entire new set of words for not only masturbation itself, but most of the parts of our body that are thought of as sexual. As this book is about female masturbation, let's take a look at some of the terms that have been submitted by Clitical visitorsover the years to describe the act of masturbation.

The Top Terms for Female Masturbation

Battery testing, Beat the clit, Bop, Bruise the beaver, Buff the muff, Butter the biscuit, Churn the butter, Club the clam, Clit flicking, Clit pick, Deck the nun, Dial ‘o’ on the pink telephone, Diddle yourself, Dig your own hole, Double-click your mouse, Feed the beaver, Feel the love, Finger bang old Mary Rotten Crotch, Finger fuck, Finger the bottle, Finger the love hole, Finger yourself, Finger your pussy, Flick the bean, Flick the flab, Flip the clit, Flip your flossy, Frigging, Get lost in the deep end, Get your fingers wet, Go knuckle deep, Jill off, Jillin’, Juicin’ out, Knitting, Lip Curlin’, Make love juice, Mine the hole, Part the pink sea, Pat the bunny, Pat the little man in the canoe, Pedicure the camel toes, Perfume the fingers, Pet the kitty, Play piano, Play with the cat, Play the hairy banjo, Play with your remote control, Play with your yo-yo, Poke the flounder, Polish the pearl, Praise the kooter, Pump your puni, Punch Jerry Garcia in the face, Push the love button, Ride the two-finger cowboy, Rough the muff, Rub off, Rub it, Rub the button, Rub the elf, Rub the love lips, Rub the nub, Rub the pussy, Scratch the snatch, Sing in the shower, Slap the lips, Slippin’ the kitten, Snuff the muff, Spank the kitty, Squeeze Mary, Squeeze the bean, Stroke the kitty, Stroke the nub, Tease the tuna taco, Tender the meat curtains, Think pink, Tickle clitty, Tickle the twat, Touch type, Touchy touch, Two-finger salute.

The one thing I think that really sticks out as you read through these names, is that none of them portray female masturbation in a good light. Several could even be described as downright distasteful, and yet they exist. The worst part is that many of these terms are used by women as a way to avoid uttering the dreaded ‘M’ word and I personally think that's a shame. When we disguise something by using a different term, what we do is give it new meaning. While declaring to your friends that you are off to polish your pearl, or flick your bean, what you are actually saying is, ‘I masturbate, but I'm still too embarrassed to use the proper word, instead I prefer to dress it up in a neat, tidy package, or as an inside joke.’





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