Книга - Damaged: The Heartbreaking True Story of a Forgotten Child

Damaged: The Heartbreaking True Story of a Forgotten Child
Cathy Glass


The Sunday Times and New York Times Bestseller. Although Jodie is only eight years old, she is violent, aggressive, and has already been through numerous foster families. Her last hope is Cathy Glass…Cathy, an experienced foster carer, is pressured into taking Jodie as a new placement. Jodie's challenging behaviour has seen off five carers in four months but Cathy decides to take her on to protect her from being placed in an institution.Jodie arrives, and her first act is to soil herself, and then wipe it on her face, grinning wickedly. Jodie meets Cathy's teenage children, and greets them with a sharp kick to the shins. That night, Cathy finds Jodie covered in blood, having cut her own wrist, and smeared the blood over her face.As Jodie begins to trust Cathy her behaviour improves. Over time, with childish honesty, she reveals details of her abuse at the hands of her parents and others. It becomes clear that Jodie's parents were involved in a sickening paedophile ring, with neighbours and Social Services not seeing what should have been obvious signs.It’s clear that Josie needs psychiatric therapy, but instead Social Services take Jodie away from her, and place her in a residential unit. Although the paedophile ring is investigated and brought to justice, Jodie’s future is still up in the air. Cathy promises that she will stand by her no matter what – her love for the abandoned Jodie is unbreakable.















Copyright (#ulink_856a57ce-28ea-54b7-9260-e8c8fcfe45f4)


Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

HarperElement

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)

First published by HarperElement 2006

Copyright © Cathy Glass 2006

Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015 Cover images © Jessamyn Harris/Getty Images (child, posed by model); Shutterstock.com (background)

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

This book is a work of non-fiction based on the recollections of Cathy Glass. The names of people, places, dates and the detail of events have been changed to protect the privacy of others. The author has warranted to the publishers that, except in such minor respects not affecting the substantial accuracy of the work, the contents of this book are true.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins eBooks

HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication

Source ISBN: 9780007236343

Ebook Edition © JANUARY 2009 ISBN: 9780007279753

Version: 2016-08-17




Also by Cathy Glass (#ulink_6fbe0925-0206-5c11-9809-fad701b1f17c)


Damaged

Hidden

Cut

The Saddest Girl in the World

Happy Kids

The Girl in the Mirror

I Miss Mummy

Mummy Told Me Not to Tell

My Dad’s a Policeman (a Quick Reads novel)

Run, Mummy, Run

The Night the Angels Came

Happy Adults

A Baby’s Cry

Happy Mealtimes for Kids

Another Forgotten Child

Please Don’t Take My Baby

Will You Love Me?

About Writing and How to Publish

Daddy’s Little Princess

The Child Bride

Saving Danny

Girl Alone

The Silent Cry




Dedication (#ulink_40703d05-8642-593b-bfe2-955df870fe3c)


To my family for your continuing love, patience and understanding.




Contents


Cover (#ub9de739b-5e00-5fa5-b1e4-f29846d67d84)

Title Page (#ud0ec86df-6f40-55ec-9cf5-6b8c4934fba7)

Copyright (#ulink_8f503447-4457-547b-a4f1-82b35137da1d)

Also by Cathy Glass (#ulink_e247add7-4845-5e80-bcff-f7353b9a6d58)

Dedication (#ulink_7682869e-c611-5c64-9769-a6dcc43c3a0f)

Prologue (#ue96b0d9a-d70d-50bf-865e-3481aec054fe)

Chapter One: Emotional Blackmail (#ulink_3176d9ff-b6c9-5271-8dc5-22ae581fb705)

Chapter Two: The Road To Jodie (#ulink_0b81d672-fd53-5985-8ab7-aab85ef54368)

Chapter Three: The Arrival (#ulink_05b505ff-4b7a-5025-9ae5-a2192e4d9307)

Chapter Four: A New Little Sister (#ulink_2726dbb0-cd48-5daf-aaca-2d4abbfa5a98)

Chapter Five: Self-Harm (#ulink_9d9b13a9-66ef-5690-b8da-7bf50d428186)

Chapter Six: A Very Troubled Child (#ulink_a1d465ba-3cd9-5dbd-9cb5-771ab352faaa)

Chapter Seven: Contact (#ulink_41b6a083-56b6-50da-91bb-ed99881ed887)

Chapter Eight: Julie (#ulink_a5ac51a7-bf2c-5440-8555-ae7a3cb605d0)

Chapter Nine: Disclosure (#ulink_6943bd31-3dd5-5cbc-ad02-e2d425d80714)

Chapter Ten: Reporting (#ulink_595338fc-52db-589e-8c5d-063e3e2ef451)

Chapter Eleven: Cooking And Cleaning (#ulink_18ef12d2-b4ba-56a3-b474-92a64b107da8)

Chapter Twelve: Monsters (#ulink_03dcb1b2-5987-57e0-9c2c-83e06891bc25)

Chapter Thirteen: Integration (#ulink_20821328-4725-5e3a-babe-25fdffe73779)

Chapter Fourteen: The Park (#ulink_b9869ee1-7837-5f71-ae14-d6d2a45de488)

Chapter Fifteen: Past And Present (#ulink_b1c0c54f-39f9-5bce-836b-eee671f90233)

Chapter Sixteen: The Spider’s Web (#ulink_baa7e690-6ff3-5b06-8560-4cade2ce00ef)

Chapter Seventeen: Nosy Cow (#ulink_b37d4cc5-689d-55c3-a09f-898de25651e1)

Chapter Eighteen: Fire (#ulink_b20952c8-cf9b-51ce-975f-c0784c8838dc)

Chapter Nineteen: Special Little Girl (#ulink_b0dab314-354e-5069-b5c7-7a2878e2c641)

Chapter Twenty: Christmas (#ulink_f7de3eae-7d12-5697-b2cd-5d93b332f8d3)

Chapter Twenty-One: A New Year (#ulink_61a9f109-76c1-507a-a345-aa3e632170bb)

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Fox And The Owl (#ulink_cf0014f9-72b9-5c44-b41d-7c5b0c55119a)

Chapter Twenty-Three: Granddad (#ulink_ffd10c7b-a5f0-5f9c-92d9-5122957cb1a8)

Chapter Twenty-Four: Friends (#ulink_c1c40bf3-7598-5d62-bc02-ac1f0e11a52c)

Chapter Twenty-Five: Denial (#ulink_db60ecfc-8eba-5b6b-8be0-6d1a93a2df6a)

Chapter Twenty-Six: Links In The Chain (#ulink_9138aacf-fece-56f9-ad9e-7a6ffa0cd582)

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Silence (#ulink_7905b741-692d-5d10-a1fc-c4ce5233c0e7)

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Assessment (#ulink_6988c3d3-d376-56ea-a445-c2d00781dd94)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Therapy (#ulink_76d0a142-821e-5077-b410-c1f5ef3e8063)

Chapter Thirty: Green Grass And Brown Cows (#ulink_b8058bb3-3470-56c5-a97b-9df899d43f6a)

Chapter Thirty-One: High Oaks (#ulink_9919a85a-4c14-53a1-b20a-dd3a5b2f97f4)

Chapter Thirty-Two: Overnight Stay (#ulink_8e28cf37-fe24-5370-b106-8d0e16624317)

Chapter Thirty-Three: Goodbye (#ulink_a98429f1-ffbd-513f-a240-ea8f9f7ad6b7)

Chapter Thirty-Four: Progress (#ulink_4fcade4e-392e-5866-8d1d-2202645fc8f1)

Epilogue (#ulink_85e8009e-a9cb-5b07-8e84-d488df897a9a)

Suggested Topics for Reading-group Discussion (#u42a70fc6-a4d4-5fc7-8197-e12d3945fbd3)

Acknowledgements (#ulink_1491b5eb-4504-58d1-8312-1f274433e9f1)

Sample Chapter

Cathy Glass (#u88919bdb-144a-5226-b8e6-c3fbbf3ec400)

Moving Memoirs eNewsletter (#u9ed32a58-a275-5c0e-aafd-e6812cffa2b4)

About the Publisher




Prologue (#ulink_d2bcc1c7-1047-5e84-b731-02ad308374ce)


In Britain today, there are over 75,000 children in the care of their local authority. These are the lucky ones. Concealed behind this figure are countless others; defiled, abused and undiscovered by Social Services, often until it’s too late.

This book tells the true story of my relationship with one of these children, an eight-year-old girl called Jodie. I was her foster carer, and she was the most disturbed child I had ever looked after. I hope my story will provide an insight into the often hidden world of foster care and the Social Services.

Certain details, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the innocent.




Chapter One Emotional Blackmail (#ulink_92bb6827-8b08-56bd-a16a-ac4dc5dbc902)


The phone rang. It was Jill, my link worker from the fostering agency.

‘Cathy, it’s not two carers, but five,’ she said. ‘Five, since coming into care four months ago.’

‘Good heavens.’ I was astonished. ‘And she’s only eight? That must have taken some doing. What’s she been up to?’

‘I’m not sure yet. But Social Services want a pre-placement meeting, to be certain she doesn’t have another move. Are you still interested?’

‘I don’t know enough not to be. When?’

‘Tomorrow at ten.’

‘All right, see you there. What’s her name?’

‘Jodie. Thanks, Cathy. If you can’t do it, no one can.’

I warmed to the flattery; it was nice to be appreciated after all this time. Jill and I had been working together now for four years and had established a good relationship. As a link worker for Homefinders Fostering Agency, Jill was the bridge between the foster carers and social workers dealing with a particular case. She coordinated the needs of the Social Services with the foster carers, and provided support and help as it was needed. An inexperienced foster carer often needed a lot of back-up and explanations of the system from their link worker. As Jill and I had been working together for some time, and I was an experienced foster carer, we were used to each other and got on well. If Jill thought I was up to the task, then I was sure she meant it.

But a pre-placement meeting? It had to be bad. Usually the children just arrived, with a brief introduction if they’d come from another carer, or with only the clothes they stood in if they’d come from home. I’d had plenty of experience of both, but none at all of a pre-placement meeting. Usually there was a meeting between everyone involved in the case as soon as the child had been placed in foster care, but I’d never been to one held beforehand.

It was my first inkling of how unusual this case was.



The following morning, we went about our normal, quiet routine of everyone getting up and dressed and having breakfast, and then the children made their way off to school. I had two children of my own, Adrian who was seventeen, and Paula, the youngest at thirteen. Lucy, who had joined the family as a foster placement two years ago, was fifteen and now a permanent member of our family, just like a daughter to me and a sister to Adrian and Paula. She was a success story: she had come to me hurt and angry and had, over time, learned to trust again, and eventually settled down to a normal existence where she had only the usual teenage angst to fret about, instead of the turmoil she had known as a child. I was proud of her, and she was testament to my belief that love, kindness, attention and firm boundaries are the basis of what any child needs to flourish.

As I saw the children off to school that morning, I felt a twinge of apprehension. The child I was going to learn about today would most certainly need all those things in abundance, and if I took her on I would have to be prepared to say goodbye to my relatively peaceful, steady routine for a while, until she learned to trust me and settled down, just as Lucy had. But that was the point of fostering – it wasn’t easy by any means, but the rewards were so enormous. Besides, I had fostered almost continuously for over twenty years now and wasn’t sure I could really remember what life before it had been like.

Once the children had left, I went upstairs and quickly changed from my joggers into a pair of smart navy trousers and a jumper, and headed for the Social Services offices. I’d been going there for years now, and the journey there was as familiar as the one to my own house. I also knew the drab grey décor, fluorescent lighting and air of busy activity and only-just-contained chaos very well indeed.



‘Cathy, hello.’

As I entered the reception area, Jill came forward to meet me. She’d been waiting for my arrival, and walked up to me with a welcoming smile.

‘Hi, Jill. How are you?’

‘Oh, fine, thanks. You’re looking well.’

‘Yes – life is good at the moment. The children are doing well, completely wrapped up in their lives and in their schools. Time for another challenge, I suppose.’ I smiled at her.

‘We’d better get along to this meeting. I think they’re ready for us.’ Jill led me along the corridor to the meeting room. As we entered the room, it was obvious at once that this was a big case: there were already about a dozen people sitting round the enormous oblong mahogany table. What did it mean? From what Jill had told me, I could tell that this was not a run-of-the-mill fostering situation – not many children get through five carers in four months – but then, no child was ever run-of-the-mill. They were always unique and their troubles distinctly their own. Removing a child from its parents was never going to be a humdrum, everyday event; it was always traumatic, emotional and difficult.

Nevertheless, something told me that this was far more complex than anything I’d yet encountered. I felt another stab of apprehension, like I had when Jill first told me about the case the day before, but I was also interested. What could this child be like, to warrant so much involvement from so many people?

Jill and I took the two vacant chairs at the far end, and I felt every eye was on me, assessing my suitability.

The chairman was Dave Mumby, the Social Services team leader, and he began the round of introductions. On his left was Sally, the ‘guardian ad litum’: she was appointed by the courts to represent Jodie’s interests. The lady next to her introduced herself as Nicola, Jodie’s home tutor.

Home tutor? Why isn’t the child in school? I wondered.

Next was Gary, Jodie’s current social worker. He explained that he was about to leave the case, and hand Jodie over to Eileen, who was sitting next to him. I looked at Eileen carefully – if I was going to take Jodie, then Eileen and I would have to work closely together. At first glance she was nondescript: a woman in her forties with an unruffled and calm air about her. So far, so good.

I wasn’t surprised that I was already witnessing a change of social worker. It happened all the time – it was the nature of the job that people had to move on – but it was unfortunate for the children and families involved, who were always having to learn new faces, build trust and forge fresh relationships with endless strangers. Although I knew it was something that couldn’t be altered and was just part of the system, with all its flaws, nonetheless I felt for Jodie. Changing social worker would mean yet more disruption for her, and I wondered how many social workers she’d been through already.

Next, Deirdre introduced herself. She was the agency link worker for Jodie’s current foster carers. Then it was my turn, and the eyes of everyone around the table turned to me.

I looked around the table, meeting the various gazes. ‘I’m Cathy Glass,’ I said, as clearly and confidently as I could. ‘I’m a foster carer from Homefinders Fostering Agency.’ There wasn’t much more I could add at this stage, when I knew so little about what was going on, so I passed on to Jill.

After Jill came someone from the accounts department, followed by a member of the local authority’s placement team. As they spoke, I looked over at Gary, Jodie’s current social worker. He was young, and could only have been in his mid-twenties. How successful had he been at forging a relationship with Jodie? I wondered. Perhaps Eileen, as a woman, would fare better at empathizing with the little girl, so the change of social worker might be for the better in this case. I hoped so.

Once the introductions were complete, Dave thanked us for coming, and gave a brief outline of what had been happening, or to use the correct terminology: the case history to date. I warmed to Dave immediately. He was gently spoken but forthright, and looked directly at me as he spoke. I made a mental note of the salient points: Jodie had been on the ‘at-risk’ register since birth, which meant that Social Services had been monitoring the family for eight years. Although there had been suspicions of emotional and physical abuse by Jodie’s parents, no steps had been taken to remove her or her younger brother Ben and sister Chelsea. Then, four months ago, Jodie had started a house fire by setting light to her pet dog – I shivered at this, struck by the peculiar cruelty of such an act – and that had been the catalyst for Social Services to take her and her siblings into care. Ben and Chelsea had both been placed with foster carers and were doing well. But Jodie exhibited ‘very challenging behaviour’. I heard Dave deliver this euphemism and raised my eyebrows. All foster carers knew what that really stood for. It meant ‘completely out of control’.

‘I think it would be useful,’ said Dave, looking at me, ‘for you to hear from her social worker now. Gary’s been on the case for two years. Feel free to ask any questions.’

Despite his youth, Gary was confident and methodical as he gave me an overview of Jodie and her family.

‘I’m afraid that the general picture isn’t good, as you’d expect. There’s severe disruption inside the family. Jodie’s mother is an intravenous drug user and her father is an alcoholic. In recent years, Jodie’s suffered a number of injuries while at home, including burns, scalds, cuts, bruises and a broken finger. All of these were recorded at hospital, and although it was suspected that some of the injuries were non-accidental, it was impossible to prove that this was the case.’

Gary went on with his tale of neglect and misery while I concentrated on absorbing the facts. It was an appalling case history but I’d heard similar stories many times before. Nevertheless, it never ceased to amaze and horrify me that people could treat their children with such cruelty and indifference, and I was already feeling for this poor little girl. How could any child grow and be normal in such circumstances, and with such parents as her role models?

Gary continued, ‘Jodie’s no longer in school because of the recent moves, which is why she’s been assigned a home tutor. She has learning difficulties and a statement of special needs.’

That was straightforward enough – I was used to looking after children with developmental delays and learning difficulties. I suspected that Gary was giving me the censored version of Jodie’s case history. In all my years of fostering, I’d never heard of a child going through five carers in four months. When he paused and looked at me, I seized my opportunity.

‘It would be helpful if you could tell me the make-up of the families of the previous carers,’ I said, hoping to discover clues to explain why Jodie had gone through so many, so fast. ‘How many children did they have, and were they older or younger? Had the carers had experience with this type of child before?’

Gary coughed and looked a little shifty. ‘The previous placement breakdowns were purely circumstantial,’ he said. ‘One of the couples were first-time carers and Jodie should never have been placed with them – that was an error on our part and it’s no surprise that it didn’t work out.’

That was fair enough, but as he went through the other placements, he sounded unconvincing to my ears: the others had all been experienced professionals, and yet one couple had lasted only three days. Gary’s explanation that circumstances were to blame was clearly a damage limitation exercise for Jodie’s sake, so that I didn’t get frightened off.

Deirdre, who was the link worker representing Jodie’s present foster carers, felt obliged to speak up in their defence. After all, if Jodie was as harmless as Gary was making out, it didn’t exactly reflect very well on their ability to cope.

‘Jodie has delayed development,’ she said. ‘In most respects, she acts like a three-or four-year-old rather than an eight-year-old. She throws terrible tantrums and is consistently aggressive and uncooperative. Her behaviour is violent, abusive and destructive. Even though she’s only been with Hilary and Dave a short time, she’s already broken a number of objects, including a solid wooden door.’

I raised my eyebrows. Quite a feat for an eight-year-old. But Deirdre wasn’t finished yet, and she went on with her litany of Jodie’s faults and shortcomings. Jodie’s carers had described her as ‘cold, calculating, manipulative, very rude and totally unlikeable’. Harsh words to pin on a little girl.

Surely, I thought, someone could say something nice about her, even if it was only that she liked her food. Children in care tend to eat ravenously, because in the past many of them haven’t known when the next meal would arrive. But no, not so much as ‘she does like her chocolate’. It appeared that Jodie did not have a single endearing feature. Instead, there was just a list of transgressions, with a footnote that her present carers had found her physically frightening: Jodie was a big girl, and she had threatened them.

I looked at Jill and we exchanged glances. Threatened them? I thought to myself. But she’s only eight years old! How dangerous can she be? I began to feel as though I was on Jodie’s side. What must it be like, having everyone dislike you so vehemently? No wonder she wasn’t able to settle anywhere.

The next person to speak was Sally, the guardian ad litum, who briefly outlined the legal position: Jodie had been taken into the care of Social Services under what is known as an Interim Care Order; that meant she’d been removed from home against the parents’ wishes and was now in the temporary care of the local authority. Proceedings to decide Jodie’s future were now beginning; if the court judged that she was better off at home, and all the fears for her safety there were put to rest, then she would be returned to her parents’ care. If not, and the court still considered that she would be in danger if returned home, her care order would become a Full Care Order, and Jodie would be permanently removed from her parents, to long-term fostering, adoption, or – the least likely option – some kind of residential care home. This whole process is lengthy and complicated, and while it is supposed to take as little time as possible, it usually takes at least a year, sometimes longer, before the court comes to a final decision.

When Sally had finished, she was followed by the home tutor, Nicola, who explained that she’d been teaching Jodie for a month, using material that was working towards Key Stage One, which is designed for pre-school children. This might sound shocking but, in my experience, it was not unusual. I had, in the past, cared for children who couldn’t read or write long after their peers had mastered the three Rs. A difficult background and home life often seems to produce children who are unable to learn as quickly as those from a stable family.

Next, the finance representative confirmed that funding would be available to continue the tutoring until a school had been found. I glanced at the clock on the wall: nearly an hour had passed. Everyone had had their say, and Dave was looking hopefully at Jill.

‘If Cathy doesn’t take her,’ he said, ‘our only option will be a residential unit.’

This smacked of emotional blackmail, and Jill rose to my defence. ‘We’ll need to consider what’s been said. I’ll discuss it with Cathy and let you know tomorrow.’

‘We need to know today,’ said Deirdre bluntly. ‘She has to be moved by midday tomorrow. They’re adamant.’

There was silence around the table. We were all thinking the same thing: were these foster carers as unprofessional as they sounded? Or had Jodie somehow driven them to this level of desperation?

‘Even so,’ said Jill firmly, ‘we’ll need time to discuss it. While I haven’t heard anything that would make me advise Cathy against it – she’s very experienced – the decision must be hers.’ She looked sideways at me.

I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and a desperate desire to hear that I would be willing to take this little girl on. So far, I had heard from Gary that she was an innocent victim whose extraordinary record of getting through carers was nothing to do with her, and from Deirdre that she was a little devil incarnate, whose size, strength and sheer nastiness were completely out of proportion to her age. The truth, I felt, must lie somewhere in between. Even taking a balanced view, however, I could see that Jodie was a handful, to say the least.

I was unsure. Was I ready to take on a child with behavioural problems at this level? Could I – and more importantly, could my family – take on the kind of disruption it would surely involve? I couldn’t help quailing a little at the thought of embracing the sort of challenge I was sure this child would pose. But on the other hand, my formula of love, kindness and attention mixed with firmness had not let me down yet, and when all was said and done, Jodie was only a child; a little girl who had been given a terrible start in life and who deserved the chance to begin again and have a little of the happiness every child needed. Could I really let her face the alternative? Now that I’d heard her story, could I really walk away?

I knew at that moment that I couldn’t. I had to give her that chance. As soon as I’d walked into that room, I’d known in my heart that I would take Jodie. I wouldn’t be able to turn my back on her.

‘She’s too young to go into a residential unit,’ I said, meeting Dave’s look. ‘I’ll take her and give it my best shot.’

‘Are you sure?’ asked Jill, concerned.

I nodded, and there was an audible sigh of relief, particularly from the accounts lady. It costs upwards of £3,000 a week to keep a child in a residential unit, so getting me to take her for £250 a week was a good piece of business.

‘That’s wonderful, Cathy,’ said Dave, beaming. ‘Thank you. We all think very highly of you, as you know, and we’re delighted that you’re willing to take this one on.’

There was a murmur of agreement and a general feeling of a burden being lifted. The meeting was over. For now, the problem of Jodie was solved. Everyone stood up, gathered their things and prepared to get back to work, move on to other cases and think about other situations.

But for me, a few words and a snap decision had changed my life. For me, the problem of Jodie was only just beginning.




Chapter Two The Road to Jodie (#ulink_a71fd304-a5c5-59dd-81e0-3d8c6927b6b4)


I had started fostering twenty years before, before I had even had my own children. One day I was flicking through the paper when I saw one of those adverts – you might have seen them yourself. There was a black-and-white, fuzzy photograph of a child and a question along the lines of: Could you give little Bobby a home? For some reason it caught my eye, and once I’d seen it I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I don’t consider myself a sentimental person, but for some reason I couldn’t get the picture out of my mind. I talked about it with my husband; we knew we wanted a family of our own at some point, and I was looking forward to that, but in the meantime I knew that I could give a good home to child who needed it. I’d always felt a bond with children and had once had ambitions to teach.

‘We’ve got the room,’ I said, ‘and I know I would love working with children. Why don’t we at least find out a little bit more about it?’

So I picked up the phone, replied to the advertisement and before long we found ourselves on an induction course that introduced us to the world of foster care. Then, after we’d satisfied all the requirements and done the requisite training, we took in our first foster child, a troubled teenager in need of a stable home for a while. That was it. I was hooked.

Fostering, I discovered, is by no means easy. If a carer goes into it expecting to take in a little Orphan Annie, or an Anne of Green Gables, then he or she is in for a nasty shock. The sweet, mop-headed child who has had a little bad luck and only needs a bit of love and affection to thrive and blossom and spread happiness in the world doesn’t exist. Foster children don’t come into your home wide-eyed and smiling. They tend to be withdrawn because of what has happened to them and will often be distant, angry and hard to reach, which is hardly surprising. In worse cases, they can be verbally or even physically aggressive and violent. The only constant factor is that each one is different, and that they need attention and kindness to get through their unhappiness. It is never an easy ride.

The first year of fostering was by no means easy for me – and come to think of it, no year since has been what I would call ‘easy’ – but by the end of it I knew I wanted to continue. A foster carer will generally know almost at once if it is something they want to carry on doing or not, and certainly will by the end of that first year. I’d found something I had a talent for, and that was extremely rewarding and I wanted to carry on, even while I had my own children. I found that the difference I made to my foster children’s lives, even if it was a small one, stayed with me. It was not that I was the most selfless being since Mother Teresa, or that I was particularly saintly – I believe that we do these things for our own ends, and mine was the satisfaction I got from the whole process of making things better for children who needed help.

While my children were small I fostered teenagers, as it’s usually recommended that you take in children who are at a different stage to your own. As Adrian and Paula grew up, I began to take in younger ones, which meant that I never had to deal with the kind of serious drug problems that are endemic among a lot of teenagers these days – for which I am most grateful. My two grew up knowing nothing other than having foster children living with us, so it was something they accepted completely. Of course, when they were little, they were sometimes frustrated at having to share me with other children. Foster children, by definition, need a lot of time and attention and sometimes that felt never-ending to my two. After a day of pouring my energies into fostering, with its meetings and training, I would then have paperwork to see to, and that took its toll on the amount of time I had left over for my own family. But no matter how much they resented missing out on some of my time, they never took it out on the foster children who shared our home. Somehow, they seemed to understand that these children had come from difficult backgrounds, and that they had had a rough start. In their own way, my children were sympathetic and did their best to make life a bit easier for whichever troubled child was living with us. It’s something I’ve noticed in other children besides my own – there is often a lot more understanding and empathy there than we would expect.

Adrian and Paula have certainly had to put up with a lot over the years – particularly when my husband and I divorced – but they have never complained about all the troubled youngsters coming and going in their home. Over the years, we’ve experienced all types of children, most of whom have exhibited ‘challenging behaviour’. The majority of children who come to me have suffered from neglect of one sort or another, and funnily enough that is something I find relatively easy to understand. When parents have addictions to drink or drugs, or suffer from mental problems, they are obviously in no fit state to care for their children properly and look after their needs in a way they might be able to if they could overcome their problems. This kind of parenting is not purposefully cruel in the way that actual physical and sexual abuse is cruel – it is a sad side-effect of a different problem. The ideal outcome is that a child will be returned to its parents once the factors that caused the neglect, such as addiction, have been remedied.

A child who has suffered from neglect will have had a miserable time and can arrive in my house in a very troubled state. They can be full of brashness and bravado, which is usually a disguise for a complete lack of self-esteem. They can often be out-and-out naughty, as a result of having no boundaries or parental guidance at home, and as a way of seeking attention. Their anger and resentment can stem from the unpredictable nature of life at home, where nothing was ever certain – would Mum be too drunk to function today? Would Dad be spaced out or violent? – and where the borders between who was the adult and who was the child, and who was caring for whom, were often blurred. They may try to destroy things, or steal, or be manipulative and self-seeking. And, to be honest, when you know what some of them have had to put up with in their short lives, who can blame them?

The way that I’ve found is usually best with children from this kind of background is fairly simple: I provide stability and a positive environment in which good behaviour is rewarded with praise. Most children desire approval and want to be liked, and most are able to unlearn negative behaviour patterns and accept different ones when they realize how much better and easier life is with the new order. For many of them, a regular routine provides a blessed relief to the chaos and unpredictability of life at home, and they soon respond to a calm, positive environment where they know certain things will happen at certain times. Something as simple as knowing for sure when and where the next meal is coming from can provide an anchor for troubled children who’ve only ever known uncertainty and disappointment. Routine is safe; it is possible to get things right inside a routine – and getting things right is lovely when it means being praised, approved of and rewarded.

Of course, simple as it may sound, it is never easy and straightforward. And sometimes children come to me who’ve suffered much more severe levels of abuse, and who need much more professional help to get through their experiences. Many have learning difficulties and special needs. Some are removed from home too late, when they’re teenagers and have suffered so much that they are never able to get over what has happened; they’re not able to respond to a positive environment in the way a younger child might, and their futures look a lot bleaker.

Nevertheless, almost all my fostering experiences have been good ones, and the child has left our home in a better place than when they arrived.

As I drove home from the meeting at Social Services that day having agreed to take on Jodie, I knew that this child might be more of a handful than most, and wondered how best to tell the children about our new addition. They wouldn’t be best pleased. We’d had children before with ‘challenging behaviour’, so they knew what was in store. I thought of Lucy, who’d been with us for nearly two years, and was very well settled. I hoped Jodie’s disturbed outbursts wouldn’t set her back. Adrian, at seventeen, kept pretty much to himself, unless there was a crisis, or he couldn’t find his shirt in the morning. It was Paula I was most worried about. She was a sensitive, nervous child, and even though Jodie was five years younger than her, there was a risk she could be intimidated. Emotionally damaged children can wreak havoc in a family, even a well-integrated one. My children had always reacted well to the other children who had joined our family, even though we’d had a few rocky times, and I had no reason to think that this time would be any different.

I suspected the children wouldn’t be surprised by my news. It had been a few weeks since our last foster child had left, so it was time for a new challenge. I usually took a break of a couple of weeks between placements, to refresh myself mentally and physically, and give everyone time to regroup. I also needed to recover from the sadness of saying goodbye to someone I’d become close to; even when a child leaves on a high note, having made excellent progress and perhaps returning home to parents who are now able to provide a loving and caring environment, there is still a period when I mourn their going. It’s a mini-bereavement and something I have never got used to even though, a week or two later, I’d be revved up and ready to go again.

I decided to raise the subject of Jodie over dinner, which was where most of our discussions took place. Although I consider myself liberal, I do insist that the family eat together in the evenings and at weekends, as it’s the only part of the day when we’re all together.

For dinner that night I served shepherd’s pie, which was the children’s favourite. As they tucked in, I adjusted my voice to a light and relaxed tone.

‘You remember I mentioned I was going to a pre-placement meeting today?’ I said, aware they probably wouldn’t remember, because no one had been listening when I’d said it. ‘They told me all about a little girl who needs a home. Well, I’ve agreed to take her. She’s called Jodie and she’s eight.’

I glanced round the table for a reaction, but there was barely a flicker. They were busy eating. Even so, I knew they were listening.

‘I’m afraid she’s had a rough start and a lot of moves, so she’s very unsettled. She’s had a terrible home life and she’s already had some foster carers. Now they’re thinking of sending her to a residential unit if they can’t find someone to take her in, and you can imagine how horrible that would be for her. You know – a children’s home,’ I added, labouring the point.

Lucy and Paula looked up, and I smiled bravely.

‘Like me,’ said Lucy innocently. She had moved around a lot before she finally settled down with us, so she knew all about the disruption of moving.

‘No. Your moves were because of your relatives not being able to look after you. It had nothing to do with your behaviour.’ I paused, wondering if the discreet message had been picked up. It had.

‘What’s she done?’ Adrian growled, in his newly developed masculine voice.

‘Well, she has tantrums, and breaks things when she’s upset. But she’s still young, and I’m sure if we all pull together we’ll be able to turn her around.’

‘Is she seeing her mum?’ asked Paula, her eyes wide, imagining what for her would be the worst-case scenario: a child not seeing her mother.

‘Yes, and her dad. It will be supervised contact twice a week at the Social Services.’

‘When is she coming?’ asked Lucy.

‘Tomorrow morning.’

They all glanced at me and then at each other. Tomorrow there would be a new member of the family and, from the sounds of it, not an easy one either. I knew it must be unsettling.

‘Don’t worry,’ I reassured them. ‘I’m sure she’ll be fine.’ I realized I’d better be quick, as once dinner was over they’d vanish to their rooms, so I cut straight to the chase and reminded them of the ‘safer caring’ rules that were always in place when a new foster child arrived. ‘Now, remember, there are a lot of unknowns here, so you need to be careful for your own protection. If she wants you to play, it’s down here, not upstairs, and Adrian, don’t go into her room, even if she asks you to open a window. If there’s anything like that, call me or one of the girls. And remember, no physical-contact games like piggy back until we know more. And, obviously, don’t let her in your room, OK?’

‘Yes, Mum,’ he groaned, looking even more uncomfortably adolescent. He’d heard it all before, of course. There are standard codes of practice that apply in the homes of all foster carers, and my lot were well aware of how to behave. But Adrian could sometimes be too trusting for his own good.

‘And obviously, all of you,’ I said, addressing the three of them, ‘let me know if she confides anything about her past that gives you cause for concern. She’ll probably forge a relationship with you before she does with me.’

They all nodded. I decided that that was enough. They’d got the general picture, and they were pretty clued up. The children of foster carers tend to grow up quickly, as a result of the issues and challenges they’re exposed to. But not as quickly as the fostered children themselves, whose childhoods have often been sacrificed on the pyre of daily survival.

After dinner, as expected, the children disappeared to their rooms and the peace of another quiet evening descended on the house. It had gone off as well as I could have expected and I felt pleased with their maturity and acceptance of the situation.

‘So far so good,’ I thought, as I loaded the dishwasher. Then I settled down myself to watch the television with no idea when I’d next have the opportunity.





Конец ознакомительного фрагмента. Получить полную версию книги.


Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/cathy-glass/damaged-the-heartbreaking-true-story-of-a-forgotten-child/) на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.